Entertaining Angels (33 page)

He tried to read her expression, but a serious demeanor wasn’t giving him any clues. “We’re just wrapping things up now. If you give me a couple of minutes, I’ll be right back.”

“No problem. I’ll wait.” She tucked the rebellious strand of hair behind her ear, and while she offered him a smile, her lips weren’t fully cooperative.

Ramon took a few minutes to talk to the boys, telling them they’d be practicing again on Sunday afternoon and insisting they stay out of trouble, that the team needed each of them. Then he excused everyone but the Sanchez boys. Their terminally ill grandmother had taken a turn for the worse, so Carlitos and Luis were staying with Ramon this weekend.

“I need to talk to a friend,” he told them. “You can either wait for me in the dugout or sit in the car.”

“Can we listen to the radio?” Luis asked.

“Sure.” Ramon reached into the front pocket of his jeans, removed the keys to the Jeep, and tossed them to the older boy. “If you guys can keep from arguing over which station to listen to, I’ll take you to Burger Alley for a late lunch. And if not, you’re stuck with bologna sandwiches at the house.”

“We won’t fight.” The younger boy gazed at Shana, who waited at the fence. “Ooh, coach. Your friend is really hot. But she looks all mad.”

Ramon glanced at Shana, noting that her serious expression hadn’t faded in the least. He didn’t think she was angry, but something was clearly bothering her.

As the boys headed for the Jeep, Ramon returned to the fence, where Shana waited.

He offered her a smile, and she tried to return it, but something weighed heavily in her eyes. Worry? Stress? It was hard to tell.

Maybe she
was
mad.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“I, uh … broke my engagement.”

Ramon wanted to let out a whoop, but bit his tongue and held his reaction in check. “I’m sorry.”

“You are?”

No, he wasn’t. And he decided she deserved the truth. “I was just trying to be polite. I’m not sorry at all. For the record, I’ve never liked Brad and think you can do a whole lot better.”

She didn’t respond, so they continued to stand in silence.

“What caused the breakup?” he finally asked.

“I didn’t love him.”

He was really glad to hear that.

“I wanted to,” she added. “But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t force myself to have feelings that weren’t there.”

He knew what she meant. He’d never found another woman who’d been able to stir his heart like Shana had, but he was unwilling to make that admission.

They remained cocooned in silence, and he assumed she hadn’t yet gotten to the heart of the conversation she meant to have.

“I need to confess something,” she said.

“What’s that?”

He had no idea how long his question hung suspended in the air they breathed, but about the time he assumed she wasn’t going to respond at all, she did.

“When you and I dated in high school, I fell in love with you. So I know what real love is supposed to feel like.”

She’d had a weird way of showing her love to him. The
day she’d ended things between them had been the worst day of his life, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it.

“Our breakup wasn’t my idea,” she added. “My parents thought I was too young to be so serious about a guy.”

Ramon tried to guess where she might be going with this, as she studied her feet, her teeth biting down on her bottom lip.

He wanted to tell her to forget about it, that all of that was in the past. That it didn’t matter anymore. But how could he say that when right this minute it seemed to matter a whole lot?

Hoping to make things easier on her, he said, “I can understand your parents’ concern.”

“You can?”

“You were only fifteen.” Yet he’d always suspected that there’d been cultural and socioeconomic differences at play, too. “Were they upset about you dating any guy? Or was it just me?”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Mostly it was you.”

He wasn’t surprised, yet the truth still slammed into him, making him hurt all over again.

“My parents, especially my mom, pressured me to break up with you. And at the time, I was afraid to challenge her.”

“So you’re telling me that even though you loved me, you ended things between us because your mother told you to?” Ramon had a hard time understanding that kind of blind obedience.

“For almost as long as I can remember, I’ve done whatever they asked me to do. I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe because of their devotion to me during my illness. Maybe because I feared that if I didn’t dot each I or cross each T that the cancer would come back.” She inhaled deeply, as if the extra oxygen would infuse her with the strength to go on, then slowly let it out. “That doesn’t sound very noble, does it?”

He ought to be angry, offended by her parents’ prejudice and her obedience, but for some crazy reason, he wasn’t.
Instead, he didn’t want her to suffer about something she couldn’t go back and change.

“You were a kid,” he said. “Kids are supposed to obey their parents.”

“I know that, but I should have fought for you. For us.”

He wished she had.

“Deep inside, I’d hoped you would put up a fight and provide me with the strength to rebel.”

And he hadn’t. He’d just nodded when she’d told him she didn’t want to see him anymore and, in an effort to be macho and hide his tears, he’d walked away from her.

“For what it’s worth,” she said, “I’ve finally begun to stand my ground. My parents, or rather my mom, wasn’t happy about me breaking up with Brad, but I refused to back down.”

“I’m glad. I always thought you were a lot braver than you let on.”

Her lips parted, and her gaze snagged his. “You’re the second guy to tell me that in the past couple of days.”

He wanted to ask her who the first guy was, but he didn’t think it was any of his business.

“So that’s what you wanted to tell me?” he asked. “That you loved me back then?”

“There’s more.” She took another one of those fortifying breaths, and he wished he could do something to make this conversation easier for her. “After we broke up, I found out that I was pregnant.”

This time Ramon’s jaw dropped, his brow furrowed, and his stance stiffened. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

The tears that had been welling in her eyes overflowed. “Because I didn’t think you loved me. Because I didn’t want to burden you.”

He caught her face in his hands and caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. “I loved you, too, Shana. I hurt so bad when you ended things, but I never thought that I truly deserved a girl like you. So I let you go to make it easier on you and to save my pride.”

As the tears continued to stream down her cheeks, her lips quivered, and his heart broke all over again.

“What happened to the baby?” he asked. “Did you give it up?”

“I …” She closed her eyes. While standing statue still, she placed her hands against the railing, palms up. She remained like that for a moment, then opened her eyes and caught his gaze. “I had an abortion.”

The news knocked the wind and the words out of him.

“I’m sorry,” she said, as though understanding the myriad of emotions blurring in his heart and mind. Yet she couldn’t possibly understand, not when he didn’t.

He felt betrayed, hurt. And he felt cheated—not just out of a child, but out of the knowledge he’d deserved to know, the decision she’d made for both of them. He struggled not to be angry, not to blame her for keeping a secret like that.

She’d been a kid, he reminded himself. And he’d walked away without letting her know how badly it had hurt to lose her. How he would have done anything to keep seeing her if he’d thought they’d actually stood a chance.

“I’m so sorry, Ramon. Please forgive me. I really wanted the baby, but I was so afraid back then. I didn’t think I had anywhere to turn.”

“You had me.”

She bit down on her bottom lip so hard that he feared she would break the skin. “I didn’t know that.”

No, she hadn’t.

He raked a hand through his hair, trying to wrap his mind around what she’d done.

And why.

They should have faced that trial together, and the decision should have been made as a couple.

She placed her hands on the fence, her fingers gripping the chain link. “There’s wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t wish I could have gone back in time and done things differently, but I couldn’t.”

It was clear that she not only wanted his forgiveness, she needed it. And while he wanted to give it to her, it wasn’t that easy.

Of course, nothing about their relationship had ever been easy.

“Your parents probably wanted to string me up,” he said.

“They didn’t know. About any of it.”

“You went through that alone?”

“Not completely. One day, I went to the Rensfield estate looking for you, but Brad told me you weren’t home. I started crying, and he asked why it was so important for me to find you.”

“Did you tell him?”

“Yes, and then I fell apart. He held me while I cried and promised to take care of everything.”

“He suggested the abortion?”

She nodded. “He even paid for it out of his allowance so my parents wouldn’t find out. But instead of feeling better, I felt worse. It was only recently that I was able to forgive myself. And I came to you to ask you to forgive me. It seems like the right thing to do.”

That’s one of the things he didn’t like about Brad. The guy would mess up, then buy his way out of it. This time, he’d stepped in and offered Shana an easy way out. And she’d been desperate, vulnerable.

Now, as he saw the emotion welling in her eyes, she appeared vulnerable again. And just as alone.

It tore him up to see her that way. How could he blame her for a decision she’d made seven years ago, even if he should have had a say about it?

He wanted to slip his arms around her, to hold her close, but the chain link stood in the way, just as her parents and their cultural and economic differences always had. But fences didn’t have to be permanent.

Rather than taking the time to walk back to the dugout and open the gate, he hopped over the railing, wrapped his arms around her, and drew her close.

He’d meant to offer her compassion as well as forgiveness, but when he caught a whiff of her soft floral scent, when she fit into his arms in a way that no one else ever had, he brushed his lips across hers—softly, tenderly.

She kissed him back, and when common sense returned and he pulled away, her gaze locked on his. “Is it too late for us?”

Maybe. He refused to put himself in a position where he had to prove himself worthy of anyone’s love.

“A lot’s happened in the past seven years,” he explained. “For one thing, I’m going to be a foster parent to two boys. So that in itself would complicate our lives, especially if your parents—”

She placed her fingertips over his lips, silencing him with a gentle touch. “It’s not about my parents. It’s about us. And if those boys are a part of your life, then it’s about them, too.”

Something in her eyes told him that she was willing to fight this time around. That the risk he’d be taking might be worth it.

“Those boys are lucky to have you,” she added. “And I’d be lucky to have you, too. Is there any chance at all that we could start over?”

There might be some rough spots along the way, but he would try his best to forgive and forget.

He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “I was a fool to let you walk away once, Shana. But it won’t happen again.”

Craig slept better than he had since coming to Fairbrook, although he wasn’t sure why. Maybe because he was looking forward to a full and productive day that would wrap up tonight following the meeting he’d scheduled with the board of elders.

Ramon had called a practice this morning, and Craig had volunteered to help unless something came up, which it had. After Renee’s accident last night, Craig had decided to stop by the hospital before doing anything else.

He knew Ramon would understand.

Now there was a man who followed his heart and put his faith in action. Not only had Ramon given his time to help kids with two strikes against them already, but he’d also offered to take Luis and Carlitos into his home, which was a lot of responsibility for a single young man to assume.

Ramon, it seemed, had a calling, and he’d taken the ball and run with it. Craig wished he could say that he was doing what he was meant to do with his life—and doing it well. But he didn’t think he’d ever be the man his granddad was.

As Craig left the den and approached the kitchen, the rich aroma of coffee and the sound of water gurgling through the filter and into the carafe grew stronger.

“Good morning,” he said to Daniel, who stood before the cupboard, reaching for a mug.

Daniel glanced over his shoulder and smiled. “It
is
a good morning, isn’t it?”

As far as Craig was concerned, the jury was still out on that. But at least the storm had passed. “How did things go last night?”

“It was bit rough at first, but I think Cassie is resigned to the change my leaving the firm will make in our lives.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Daniel removed two mugs from the shelf and handed one to Craig. “You’ll never guess what we did last night.”

Craig didn’t have a clue. When he’d gotten home from the hospital, the house had been empty.

Fortunately, Daniel didn’t intend for Craig to actually guess. “Cassie, Shana, and I had dinner with a homeless man, if you can imagine that. What an interesting experience.”

“Was his name Jesse?”

Daniel reached for the carafe and filled his mug with coffee. “How did you know?”

“I met him, too.” Craig held out his cup, and watched Daniel fill it. “He’s unique, isn’t he?”

Daniel nodded. “He gave each of us something to think about.”

Jesse had given Craig a few things to consider, too. But instead of providing any solid answers, he usually left Craig with more questions to ponder. “He’s an ace at making a point in as few words as possible.”

“I know what you mean. Last night, after dinner, Cassie, Shana and I decided to volunteer at the soup kitchen on Sundays so that Joe and Dawn can have a day off.”