Envious (18 page)

“I can’t wait to get started.” She checked her rearview mirror before pulling out of the parking space and easing into traffic. “I have to admit, I’m a little nervous about my final exam though.”

He hated the thought of not seeing her after work, but he should at least offer to let her focus on her upcoming exam. “Hey, if you need to study tonight, I’ll understand. We can get together another time.”

She frowned before shooting him a glance. “You’re trying to ditch me already?”

“Hell no.” He chuckled and brushed his lips across her knuckles. “I was trying to be an understanding boyfriend.” Her face drained of color, and he wished he could retract the presumptuous remark. Just because they’d spent one incredible night together didn’t mean she was ready to define their relationship.

“Is that how you see yourself… as my boyfriend?”

“That depends,” he said, deciding there was no sense trying to backtrack. When he wanted something, he went after it, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted something or someone as much as he wanted Katie. “Is that what you want?”

“I’m crazy about you,” she said with a tentative smile.

“But…?”

“I just want to take things slow. Is that okay?”

Chris had no right to push her so soon after her separation from Lee. They were still trying to figure out how to co-parent, and he knew how difficult that could be. “No problem, take all the time you need.” When his cell phone rang, he glanced at the call display before hitting ignore. His office could wait a few more minutes.

“Are you sure about that? Guys like you aren’t used to waiting around for a girl.”

“I’ve never met anyone worth waiting for until now.” He smiled at her. “These feelings didn’t just hit me overnight. You need to know that. Lee’s my best friend and I’d never betray him, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t curse him a time or two for having you.”

“You’re so sweet,” she said, smiling. “You always make me feel so…”

“What?”

“Special. Beautiful. Capable. Important. Take your pick.”

“How about all of the above? You are you know, all of those things and more.” She returned her attention to the road, but her grip on the steering wheel tightened, letting him know she was wrestling with her thoughts. “Something bothering you?”

“It’s just not easy to think of myself that way.” She sighed. “I’ve made so many mistakes. I spent a lot of years being angry with myself for messing up not only my life, but Cassidy’s too. When you describe me that way, I wonder whether you’re just seeing what you want to see.”

“I’m seeing what you can’t see.” He wished he could force her to look in a mirror and see beneath the surface. She was so much more than her past. Why couldn’t he help her to realize that? “We all make mistakes, hon. Sometimes we hurt ourselves; other times the people we love suffer because of something stupid we did. We’re all guilty of it. Not just you.”

“I know,” she said, running a hand through her hair when it fell forward. “I know I have to let go of the past. It’s just not easy.”

Chris knew how close Katie and her sister were. Cassidy had obviously forgiven Katie. He just wished she could be as kind to herself. “I know it’s not easy, but you have to try.” He decided to try another approach. “Let me ask you something. Have you been able to forgive your mother for what happened when you were a kid? Based on what you told me last night, she kind of checked out on you and Cassidy.”

“Of course I’ve forgiven her.” She paused, choosing her next words carefully. “There was a time when I never thought we could have the kind of relationship we have today, but I’m so glad we got past what happened when I was a kid. All I ever wanted was a mom to love and accept me. Now I have one.”

“It sounds to me like the only thing Cassidy ever wanted was a healthy, happy sister. Now you’ve given her that. Shouldn’t that be enough to make up for the past?”

Katie remained silent for a few minutes. “I guess I never thought about how much it meant to Cassidy to see me get clean. We weren’t even talking when I made the decision to go into rehab. By the time I came back into her life, she and Drake were getting back together. I think she was hesitant about trusting me again, with good reason. If I were in her position, I don’t know that I could have forgiven as easily.”

“It doesn’t sound like forgiveness came easily for either one of you. But you got there, and that’s all that matters, right?”

“I guess so.”

“Is there anything Hannah could do that would make you stop loving her?”

Katie laughed until she realized he was serious. “Of course not! How can you even ask me that?”

“Cassidy took on kind of a maternal role in your life because your mother wasn’t there for you. She was the one who hunted you down when you hit the streets. She was the one who tried to get you into rehab and put a roof over your head.”

Katie looked wary. “And?”

“And she did all of that because she loved you unconditionally.”

“I guess you’re right,” Katie said after a brief pause. “I’ve never likened Cassidy’s love for me to my love for Hannah, but given our relationship, I guess it kind of was like that. She took care of me until I was ready to take care of myself.”

Chris hoped that she was ready to forgive herself, but she had to reach that conclusion on her own. He opted to change the subject to give her a little breathing room. “Hey, I was thinking, why don’t we have Drake and Cassidy over to my place for dinner tomorrow night? Bianca’s going to be there. I’m sure all our girls would have a blast playing together.”

“That sounds like fun,” Katie said, smiling. “I’ll call Cassidy later and ask if they’re available.”

“Maybe your mom would like to come too?”

“Sure, I can ask her.”

Chris had met Katie’s mother plenty of times, but he didn’t know if their genial relationship would change since he was dating her daughter. If he had to fight any opposition from her family, he’d rather know right away so he could devise a game plan. No matter what, he wouldn’t let anything or anyone ruin them.

***

Chris had had to bail on their plans the previous night because of a crisis at work, so Katie was counting down the hours until their family dinner. She was anxious to welcome him into the fold as her boyfriend, instead of just one of Lee’s friends. She didn’t know how Drake and the rest of the family would respond though. Cassidy and her mother had been supportive when she shared the news that they were
seeing
each other, but she didn’t know if they would think she was getting in too deep.

She passed time by taking Hannah to the park, and she spotted Chris’s next-door neighbor, Lucy, with her little girl. Lucy had been single as long as Katie had known her. She seemed content to share a house with her mother, who cared for her little girl while Lucy worked as a telephone operator. Lucy waved when she spotted Katie. Hannah made a beeline for the swings, where Lucy’s daughter was giggling and pumping her legs for all she was worth.

“Hi, Lucy.” Katie claimed the spot on the bench beside her and sipped from her Styrofoam cup of coffee. “How’s it going?”

Lucy shrugged, appearing uncharacteristically melancholy. “It’s going.”

After a brief silence, Katie asked, “Is something bothering you?”

Lucy’s big brown eyes were fixed on her daughter. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? I heard Lee moved out.”

Katie would never have described Lucy as one of her closest friends, but she wasn’t used to such a frosty reception and couldn’t figure out what she had done to warrant it. She wasn’t trying to keep Lee’s departure a secret though. That would have been virtually impossible in their close-knit neighborhood. “He did.”

“I guess I don’t have to ask why.”

Katie was so taken aback by the disdain in Lucy’s voice that she had to take a moment to collect herself. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I saw Chris leaving your house the other night.”

Chris had snuck out sometime before dawn because he didn’t want Hannah to wake up and find him there. Katie wasn’t embarrassed for their neighbors to know they were seeing each other, even if some of them questioned the timing and propriety of their relationship. She was trying to take a page from Chris’s book and let go of other people’s judgements. “I see.”

“I was working the three to three shift.” Lucy crossed and uncrossed her long legs. “He kind of startled me when I heard footsteps behind me. I’m usually the only one out in our neighborhood at that time of night.”

Katie knew Lucy was just stalling before she lowered the boom. By that time the next day, the whole neighborhood would know they were sleeping together. Her only concern was how the gossip might affect their business. The local mothers were often cliquey.

“I asked him if he was coming from your place.” She reached for a bottled water from her reusable shopping bag and took a long sip. “He said he was.” Katie was torn between cursing Chris for not thinking of an excuse and admiring him for being honest. Lucy glared at Katie. “I asked him if you two were a couple now. He said he hoped so.”

A little flutter in Katie’s belly eased her embarrassment. Chris was willing to go to the mat to defend what they were building. She had to be willing to do the same. “He’s a great guy. I’m lucky to have him in my life.”

“You have no idea,” Lucy muttered, crossing her arms.

“Excuse me?” Katie could understand her neighbors being judgemental, but she couldn’t make sense of Lucy’s hostility.

“I thought Chris and I were getting somewhere, then you had to come along and ruin everything.”

Katie was too stunned to respond.
Lucy and Chris?
Was that even possible, or was Lucy just deluding herself? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“We were seeing each other.” She looked around to make sure they were alone. “In fact, we were sleeping together.”

Katie felt as if someone knocked the air out of her. “I had no idea.” She had no reason to believe Lucy was lying. It would be too easy to disprove her claim by asking Chris.

“Yeah, well now you do.”

“I didn’t mean to…” Katie had no idea what to say or how to respond. Chris obviously wasn’t serious about Lucy. If he were, she would have known about their relationship, but that didn’t discount their intimacy or the fact that her neighbor felt she had a claim on the man. “I’m sorry you’re so upset. That was never my intent.”

“I know.” She sighed as she crossed her arms. “I’m not blaming you. I know you didn’t set out to seduce him or anything.” Lucy looked at her out of the corner of her eye. “Did you?”

“Of course not!” Women threw themselves at Chris all the time. The last thing she wanted was to join
that
club. She thought they had something special, but if he couldn’t be honest with her, she had to wonder if she was deluding herself about a future with him. She couldn’t afford to get her heart broken, not with a daughter depending on her to keep it together.

“Sorry, I just…” Lucy closed her eyes, struggling to find the right words. “I’ve had feelings for Chris for a while. Ever since Courtney left. We’d always been friends, but when she left, I could tell he was wrecked. He needed a friend, and I was there for him.”

Thinking about Chris turning to another woman for comfort hurt, but Katie wasn’t naïve enough to believe he’d been celibate since his divorce. Still, if he’d been seeing a mutual acquaintance, he could have at least told her so she wouldn’t have been blind-sided.

“He said he wasn’t ready for another relationship, but I thought we were getting somewhere. We were spending more time together, and like I said…” She shifted, looking uncomfortable. “We were intimate. I assumed he was ready to take our relationship to the next level. Then I see him leaving your place, and now I don’t know what to think.”

Lucy wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what to think. “I guess there’s only one way for either one of us to find out what the hell’s going on—ask the man himself.”

Chris could tell something was bothering Katie. She’d arrived late and had barely said more than a few words to him. At first he thought she wanted to keep a low profile because of Hannah, but he sensed there may be more to it than that. She was radiating hostility, and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what he’d done to warrant it.

“Mommy, can I please spend the night with nana?” Hannah asked, folding her little hands. “Please, please, please.”

Liz laughed and winked at her daughter across the table. “I don’t mind, honey. Besides, it’ll give you some time to study.”

Katie looked hesitant. “Fine, if you’re sure. Do you need to pick up a few things from my place?”

“No, that’s okay,” Liz said. “I still have some of her things from her last visit.”

“Yay!” Hannah said, high-fiving her little cousin, who was seated beside her.

Chris ruffled Bianca’s hair and pulled her into his lap. He sensed she felt a little envious that she wouldn’t be part of their sleep-over. Bianca and Hannah were close, but their slight age difference meant that Hannah was often the leader and Bianca was left trying to get her attention. Bianca rubbed her eyes and turned into her daddy’s chest. He glanced at his watch. It was getting close to her bedtime, and he knew Courtney was strict about keeping her on a schedule.

“I can clean up,” Katie said, as though reading his thoughts. “Why don’t you take Bianca upstairs?”

“Are you sure?” He hoped that meant she was softening toward him. The only thing he could think of that might have angered her was that he’d had to bail on their plans last night. He’d thought of tapping on her door when he pulled into his driveway, but her lights were out, so he decided to let her rest.

“Sure, we’ll help,” Cassidy said as she and her mother got to their feet.

“You guys are my guests.” Chris stood as Bianca wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. “I feel bad sticking you with the clean-up.”

Cassidy laughed. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll let you clean up the next time you come to our house for dinner.”