Envoy to Earth (33 page)

He'd tried it all, over and over
again.

She let a single tear run down
her cheek and looked away. It was sad, but he knew that this was probably going
to have to be the last time they met like this. Maybe at all. It was causing
her pain and her life had to be better without him. She had friends here, and a
husband. A real life. She didn't need a tiny and insignificant man mooning
after her.

The old term got him to smile. He
didn't try to explain, since she looked at him, baffled at first and then sad.

"I failed
you
,
Gerent. You were my responsibility, and I led you into a trap. You would have
never been there if it hadn't been for me trying to draw the Larval out. I used
you as bait, without even asking, and then let things get out of hand.
I
was in charge. I was the noble and that meant that you were my responsibility.
I let them... I..." She sobbed, and looked away, her voice going so low
that he very nearly couldn't hear her, even as she pulled closer to him.
"I was glad when they raped you. It meant that they weren't using me. One
less man that time."

She sobbed then, and Gerent held
her, which she returned, trying to say the words again, thinking he didn't hear
her the first time.

"Shush. I know that Patty.
It was the only thing I had that could help you." His words were very
soft, and then they didn't talk. She just cried for a long time, standing
there, in a utility closet. He looked around, a bit in wonder at the place.
Trying to distract himself. Brooms, mops, buckets with wheels on them so you
didn't have to carry the heavy water, and magic lights on the ceiling. It was
probably nicer than what the King of Noram had.

Actually, he knew that for a
fact, having been to his house before, more than once.

When she slowed in her crying,
Gerent tired to change the conversation, pointing upward at the green stone
light fixture.

"That looks like an emerald,
only,
vast
. I should take one of those back with me tonight and buy a
few
counties
."

She glanced up at it and then
took a rag from a pile of them on a shelf near the back. Without shame she blew
her nose, and used a dry corner of the old thing to wipe her eyes. Then she tossed
it into a basket. Hopefully to be cleaned, later.

"I hear you there. It's a
real
emerald. Made in one of Tiera's Makers. Have you used one yet? They're pretty
interesting. They make shopping easy enough. Just think about what you want and
for the most part you get it."

"Um... I have used one, when
I was on the Ranford? That was neat enough, though really we just turned stone
into toothbrushes. We used the waste from the crew to make the rock first, then
whatever we wanted. It was an extra step, but easier to store. I have one, but
I haven't needed it for anything yet. The new food unit went over well though,
at Tor's house? I was staying there, so I left them one of mine to play
with." Not that he'd get it back at any time, but that was fine, as long as
he had one with him to use on the ship.

They just chatted about things
for a while. How Harmony was coming along and what she missed from home, which
was mainly her family. He nodded at that one.

"That's something I can do,
if you want? Set up a time for them to visit? I should be back in a couple of
days. Maybe longer though. There are a few things to do before the schedule
settles down. Then I guess my main job will be running people back and forth?
Taking letters and all that? We should let people know when to have those ready
by." He started to leave, but was pulled back by his sleeve. Gently.

There were no words, but she
reached up and held him for a long time.

"I'm sorry. I wish things
could have been different. You're one of the best people that I've ever known.
Maybe the very best person ever." It wasn't the same as saying I love you
too, or even hinting at it, but he understood that, didn't he?

No matter what else ever passed
between them, or what happened in the future, she'd always remember him being
used in front of her like he had been. Feeling fear and happiness at the same
time, because it was him, not her. She didn't have to tell him how she felt
about that. He knew already. He felt the same way, if in reverse. She hated
herself for how she'd felt, and he hated himself for not doing more for her.
There was reciprocation there. He'd given, and she benefitted from it, as he'd
intended. Just not enough.

It was his part in the scene to
say something now, he knew. It would have been simpler, if he were angry with
her. If he could say something trite, even, because he didn't care. Or even
just let her off the hook? He doubted he was a good enough player to make that
seem real, but he had to try, didn't he? To save her pain any way he could.

Smiling he took her hand and
looked down into her lovely eyes. They glinted a bit, almost as if they were
standing in a field, under the bright sunlight.

"The important thing is for
you to just be happy, Patty. That's all I ever cared about for you. I'm fine.
For instance, Petra is pretty great, in case you haven't noticed? I never
thought that I'd even have a girlfriend in my life, much less a
wife
. I
went from being in a prison, which wasn't that much worse for me than where you
found me, to the
Moon
. I'm even a Prince here and have literally
everything I ever wanted. Good food, people that look up to me... Let's not
even start on
that
part! You can't imagine how big a thing that is for
me. Plus, I think I found my real parents." He hadn't mentioned that part,
since it didn't really matter. She suddenly stopped breathing, a questioning
look on her face.

"What? Who? How?"

He told the story quickly enough
for her to blink a lot and then go very silent. Finally she looked away and
started laughing a little bit. He didn't get the funny part, but that was good
with him. You didn't ask the audience
why
they laughed, you just tried
to figure out how to get it to happen enough more times that they'd spare a bit
of half rotten food for you.

She started breathing a bit hard and
finally just shook her head, not letting more chuckles come out.

"Oh... Well." She
stared at him and then counted on her fingers for a while. "
Well
...
If you're a Harris from that line, then you'd be my second cousin? That isn't
too
bad. We definitely don't want to have kids together, thanks to all the
crossings in the past, but otherwise it shouldn't be
too
huge of a deal.
I never... It hadn't occurred to me that you weren't a commoner, really. You
were small and had dark hair... The right skin for it." Then she looked up
at the ceiling and bowed, low.

"I'm sorry for all the
insults I gave you, not knowing the truth. Please forgive me?" She stood
up right away, which either meant she didn't really mean it, or more likely,
that she didn't think he was going to hold a grudge. He was crushed, of course,
but...

Did it really make a difference?
He loved her and she, for her own reasons, was never going to feel the same way
in return. He knew that, and had known it. Not why, but even having that bit of
information didn't fix things, did it? He didn't have some clever magic to
change her mind and wouldn't use it even if he had. That way always led to ruin
in all the old stories, didn't it? A plain girl would capture the handsome
young man with a love potion, or some kind of charm, and it led to horrible
things taking place. Often with the young man leaving with her worst rival.

Not that he had to worry about
that
.
Patty was already gone. He knew that, and even felt it, but couldn't let her go
yet. It wasn't
fair
. Nothing ever was, however. He'd learned that as a
child and in his entire life, nothing had ever shown him that things were
really any different that way. Even the life of a noble wasn't
fair
. It
was a world filled with threats, coercion and sometimes pain.

Just like the humble one that
he'd come from.

That he couldn't be with Patty
now because they turned out to be distant relatives, well, that wasn't something
that changed the outcome. She hadn't been suggesting that they run off together
or anything in the first place. She couldn't. Because when she looked at him,
it made her feel bad. He forced her to remember her darkest moments, and that,
not the rape, or his failing, was going to keep them apart.

So, yes, not good or reasonable,
but also nothing that was going to change. It hurt, but he'd live. He always
had before. Even when he hadn't wanted to.

"You know, it's fine. We can
be friends, and it will be enough." Only, in the end, he didn't think that
was true. Not that he wouldn't be fine with it, eventually, but that Patty
wasn't going to ever really like him again. She could force herself to go
through the motions, but more than that? He didn't know, and it left him
feeling horrible. Collapsed inside and as small and helpless as he ever had.

She held his hand, and didn't
pull away, but she wouldn't have, would she? Not after what he'd just said.

"Thank you. I... Don't want
to lose you, Gerent."

That sounded like she actually
meant it. He understood that as well. That feeling that everything you had was tied
in to a person that caused you fear and pain just to look at. The only thing he
could do was try to be worthy of what feelings she did have and never let the
negative ones have purchase due to anything he did.

Gerent let himself smile and look
away, as if he were shy and not fighting back tears. Then he dropped her hand
and tried to feel strong, inside. It didn't come, but trying never really hurt.

After a while, with him just
standing there, she pushed his shoulder a little bit. It wasn't enough to make
his automatic shield engage, but she followed it with a mock scowl.

"So, if you were handing out
planets and entire kingdoms earlier, how come you didn't save one for your
friend? Hmm? What's with that? Good enough for you to have forbidden cousin sex
with, but not get any of the good stuff?"

Not that they'd ever had that
close of a relationship. They probably never would, for all that she kept
hinting at it. It wasn't the kind of thing people said when they were serious
about wanting you. She was trying to make herself seem like she wanted it.
Which was, he bet, all about her. She wasn't fooling him, and didn't
need
to. So this was really all just about how she felt and what she thought should
be happening. It was... Actually kind of sweet of her. She didn't want him, but
was willing to do it anyway, even if they turned out to be too close
genetically?

He hadn't been raised like most
people, so the idea, while he knew it was wrong, didn't have the same sting, he
didn't think. She could have suggested that she was his sister and it wouldn't
have made any difference to him. Not like poor Tor and the Queen.

That had been one of the very
first things that Tor had told him when they met. Not even that he was Tor,
just that he'd been having sex with someone that had turned out to basically be
his daughter. Queen Constance. There was magic involved there, and a bit of
liberty taken with the idea that she was his child, naturally. Someone had used
Count Lairdgren's seed to make her, without him knowing about it. That was why
Queen Constance was older than Tor by about twenty years. Still, sort of his
kid, at the same time. It was even closer with Veronica. Of course, Gerent
could have sex with
her
and it would be fine. So at least there was
that. Either of those ladies, come to think about it.

He smiled about the idea, gave
his friend a pat on the arm that he didn't think she'd take the wrong way, and
then cleared his throat.

"Oh, well, you know, I'm
pulling you in to be my spymaster." He said it confidently, and then
winked when she looked at him like he'd gone insane. "That's what you call
it right? One of the big problems that the old ancients had was that they got
away with doing a lot of things in secret. I don't even think it was about
hiding there at the end, just them being too far away from the others. So it
will be your job to make sure that can't happen again."

Not that it was his job to even
suggest something like that, but if what Tim had hinted at was true, she was
probably as good a person for the job as anyone.

"Um... Wouldn't that take a
lot of training? I don't even know where I'd get it..." She was using her
phony voice. Pretending to be innocent. It wasn't bad, but he could tell the
difference, he realized.

His words didn't have that in it
at all.

"Sure, but if
you
can't figure that out, then we need someone else for the job, don't we? I
expect weekly reports." Then, as if it weren't a joke, he walked out,
leaving her standing inside, alone.

Then he shut the door on her. It
hurt to do that, but it
had
to be done.

For her sake.

The honest truth was that the
best he could give her was an absence of him. That didn't make the world any
better, and might not even let the woman he loved feel good about anything, but
it was all he had for her that didn't cause even more pain.

So he went out into the world
beyond that little door, shutting it on her in his heart. Alone.

Harmony was a fascinating place,
filled with bright colors and glowing things at every turn.
Everything
was nice. From the lights to the scent in the air, the color of the walls, and
the different styles that everyone wore as they walked along doing their
shopping. The only thing that they all had in common there was the bags they
carried. They all, for some reason, were brown. Made of heavy cloth, like
canvas, and have handles on the top that looked like they were ready to support
the weight of a man or woman in a pinch.

Even the kids that dashed along
had them, though he realized after a moment that they were all dressed the same
too. All in brown, matching the filled bags they carried. Coming out of a
single door down the hall. They rushed out, and even if it was later in the day
than he'd thought people would be doing such things, Gerent had to figure that
they were getting out of classes for the day.

Part of that idea came down to
the fact that the Baker kids, all of them that had been at the meeting, went
back to that door, carrying similar things themselves. He didn't check on them,
since it was clearly something expected.

There was no screaming or running
away at least. That was a good sign. Walking down the white, very grand, stone
hall, he decided to be a little daring and stick his head in a few places to
see what was there. They had shops, and if he tried he could even read the name
on a few things. There was an eatery named Marissa's, for instance, back toward
where he came from. He hadn't met her yet, but Gerent knew the Ancient clone Monroe,
who said that she was his sister, after a fashion. Both Marissa and Monroe had
been brought back through the ages, reborn and given the minds of the people
they once were, in order to act as the slave of Gray.

That lady, who looked identical
to Laurie, his adopted sister, after a fashion, hadn't been well near the end.
She was, more than anyone else, the person that had tried to kill them all and
destroy the Earth. It was her fault that he had to spend his time desperately
trying to make sure everyone lived, instead of just planting things in the
Wildlands and making it into a giant garden of exotic Afrak low water plants.

Not that Gerent was going to
waste time maligning the lady. She'd been insane, and that had hurt a lot of
people, but hating her now was just going to waste his energy. People did bad
things from time to time. It was important to stop them, if you could. That was
all. Then you cleaned up the mess, if it was possible, and went on. So that was
his job, for the time being. Cleaning up after her.

The first place he stuck his head
in was a likely enough looking establishment. It had a small, but fast moving,
line, inside the door, and seemed to be the colony's version of a general
store. There were lines and rows of goods, in a number and variety that Gerent
nearly boggled at. People just filled their bags, taking whatever they wanted,
and then left, without haggling or even doing more than waving at the
shopkeeper, who didn't seem to mind being robbed. He had a counter, and behind
it a ten foot long device that Gerent recognized, at least in theory. It was a
Maker. Like the one that Tiera had gifted him with. The blond man worked with
fair industry, watching what was removed from the shelves, and then making
replacements for them, doing small batches at once.

Ger watched for a bit, until the
man turned and bowed to him, his face looking like he wanted to sell him
something. So, normal for a Noram merchant, but it was a bit strange to see
here. Maybe the look said that he really wanted something else? Just to be
extra helpful?

Or to have sex with him?

As soon as the man started
speaking, Gerent had a sneaking suspicion that it was
that
one.

"Well, hello there! Are you
looking for work? I might have a position open, if you don't mind sharing a bed
with me later? Just an idea. If you already have your own... Well, come share
mine anyway?" The words were almost purred, and so heavy handed that he
smiled, thinking that, no matter the real intent, it had to be a joke.

Then he thought about it for a
moment and shook his head. If this man, who was shorter than he was, but
clearly tall enough to have some noble blood in his family history, had done
that in the Capital, he'd probably have been successful a good portion of the
time. With commoners, while they'd be scandalized, they wouldn't have wanted to
risk offending the man, and with nobles they would have at least played along,
for much the same reason. They had complicated rules about things like that. So
it was a good enough strategy, for Noram. People from other places probably
wouldn't take to it all that well, but, Gerent realized, the man hadn't been
going after the women, or even men, from Afrak or Tellerand that were in the
shop that way, only him. He was the tallest person around, and that clearly
meant a noble. From his own land too, which would mean he followed the same
rules, most of the time.

He could hear the accent of the
Capital in his voice, too. Rich and a bit stuffy sounding, lacking any slurred
words or mumbling at all.

"Not right now, as for a
job. Or bed warming duties. Later perhaps? I'm actually just looking around
before I head back to Earth." He bowed back, figuring that being polite
wouldn't hurt. After all the man had offered to have sex with him. That was
pretty polite. Especially since they didn't know each other, and for all that
it had been heavy handed, it wasn't said in a menacing fashion.

The man's face didn't even fall,
hearing the words.

"Really? That's impressive!
How are you getting back? I didn't think the next Space Fleet vessel was due to
dock for nearly two weeks. Is my sister here?"

Gerent tilted his head, working
things out a lot more easily than they would have come once. He hadn't really
noticed the effect before, but once Patty had pointed it out, it seemed clear.
Somewhere along the line, he'd gained intelligence. That was probably due to
what Tor had done, but it wasn't certain. Timon might have had a hand in it. He
was the one that did most of the pattern changing that way, and they'd
certainly been around each other a lot more than he had with Tor, as nice as
the man was to him.

"Is Sara your sister? I
don't think she's here. I have my own space craft." He smiled, and watched
the man carefully. "Gerent Lairdgren. Envoy." He felt like he should
stick out his hand, but managed not to. In this case it would have been the
wrong thing to do.

The blond man just shook his head
a little.

"That would explain it then!
I've heard about you. So, if you don't have time for fun, is there anything you
need? We have loads of goods and can even do first run designs if you want?
That can take longer, but it's always nice to know you have the option, since
it means that no one is ever really stuck without something for long."

He shook his head and winked,
trying to flirt back with the man a bit. He looked to be about eighteen, and
was cute. Not the type he would have picked on his own, being a bit more manly
than he liked, but pretending that he couldn't, or wouldn't have sex with him
was probably a bit too much. He'd learned far too often that you did what you
had to, in order to keep the peace and not be hurt. Not that this man intended
any harm to him, he didn't think.

"I'm actually good for the
time being. Just killing a bit of time. Going shop to shop before I call my
crew back in. Well, nice to meet you. Sorry, I didn't get your name." He
waited, hoping that was the right thing to say.

"Kurt, Kurt Debri. I run
this place, the Debri merchant hub for the Moon. Of course we don't actually
sell
anything, and this is the only shop so far, but when the other cities start to
open up, we plan to have new locations in each." He let his eyelids droop
a bit and ducked his head, just a little, looking up over his pale cream
colored sued outfit. "Nice to meet you, Gerent. Do come back, next time
you're in Harmony?"

He nodded back, and didn't
suggest that he either would or wouldn't. It wouldn't hurt to have the man as a
contact, but his schedule was uncertain, and he didn't want to make it seem
like he was promising things he didn't have the time to deliver on.

Luckily Kurt got back to work
then, a real customer, a small Tellerand woman that actually made eye contact
with him, dressed all in black, with a long skirt and head covering to protect
her hair. Not much skin showed, but what did was pale. Like Timon or Tiera was.

The next shop over was another
surprise, since it wasn't a
shop
at all, but a whore house. Right there
in the open, on the main strip of the city. When he looked in, smiling, he was
met by a decently familiar face. It took a few seconds for him to recall her
name, but she'd been at the meeting, since she was immortal. They'd met before,
and he'd
just
heard what she was called too. It was right there, on his
lips, refusing to come out of his mouth for some reason. After a bit he fairly
blurted it out.

"Sherri?" He said the
name as a question, hoping that was right. It would be rude for him not to
know, after having gotten her a space station to be in charge of.

"Gerent! Have you come for
sex? We have some very exotic and talented women here. Men too. This is the
slow time of the day, but things will be picking up soon, so it's a good time
to find someone that isn't busy. Here, let me call for-" She seemed
serious and also like she was in charge. She was in a lace dress, all in black
and red, like a madam, not a whore herself. She started to wave at someone in
the back, but he shook his head.

"Just looking, honestly. Is
everyone here preoccupied with sex then?" She looked baffled by that,
until he related the story about Kurt, from next door, which got her to make a
face.

"Oh...
him
." She
looked around and leaned in, a scent of musky perfume wafting from her. It was
Gerent's favorite, too. One that Patty had invented. It was a hobby of hers.
That this girl, who was far too young to be running a place like this in his
experience, had some was... Probably to be expected. Patty lived here and there
weren't that many people like them. So it made sense that they'd know each
other and even be friends.

She whispered a bit, trying to
keep her opinion just between them. "He... has troubles.
Real
ones.
No matter how often he has sex, he always wants more. It isn't normal, or
charming either. If it weren't for him being right next to us here, I think
he'd probably be getting into a lot of difficulties about now. As it is the
guard has to watch and make certain he isn't trying for underage boys and
girls, or the Afrak men. I'm not sure what to do about it, so mainly I've been
trying to ignore the problem. Still, most people here
aren't
that hung
up on sex, no. Less than back home, to be honest. The thing is, here, people
have us, this place. They know they can just come in and find someone, no
matter who they are, and it's free, so a lot of pressure is taken off that way.
It seems to reduce a lot of problems. Between this place and the shields, we
haven't had any rapes at all, for instance. Fewer fights or attacks as well."
She smiled as if it were a joke, and looked up at him with her green eyes. They
were pretty, and made up with heavy black lines around them for affect.

She gave him a charming little
hug as he walked to the door, after a bit more small talk.

The Prince of Noram had a wine
shop, which ran much like the general goods place, people just taking what they
needed. The guard station was interesting however, since the men and women
there were dressed all in light blue jumpsuits, like what Austran people wore,
and didn't have any weapons visible at all. In fact, when he popped his head
in, the lady behind the counter waved at him. It was a friendly thing, and she
wore a genuinely pleased look on her face.

"All right there? Do you
need help?" She smiled broadly, seeing that he wasn't bleeding, he
guessed, and he shook his head, making himself seem as friendly as he could.

"Nope. Just checking in.
Um... Gerent Lairdgren. I'm going to and from Earth, so if you have any letters
to go, just give them to me on the next trip? We can just have people drop
those
here
, until we get a message service together?" He was being
playful, since the lady, who seemed to be about fifty actually sparkled at him
a bit. Or not really, that being a thing that the magical clothing could allow
for, but her eyes danced and gleamed charmingly. Not much like a guard at all.
There were no stern looks, or patting of the weapon on her side, for instance.

Instead of barking at him that
she had a real job, or suggesting he take himself away, she nodded.

"Good plan that. We'll
spread the word. When do you think you'll be back? There are always people
looking for work here. Give me five days and I'll get you a whole crew for
it." She nodded at him as if trying to convince him that she, random guard
number one, as far as he was concerned, was the exact person to be in charge of
that sort of thing.

It was amazing luck, finding her
then, if that was the case. He'd half expected people to try and duck out of
it, to be honest. If you weren't going to be paid for the effort, then
delivering messages or sorting them for that purpose, probably wasn't that
rewarding.

"Sounds good. Five days
then? I'll just check back here to see what you have going?"

"Right then! This is fun.
I'm Sandy Millis. I work here three days a week, but I'll be here at about this
time in five days? Or, you can call me? The new handhelds aren't too bad."
She pulled hers out, to show what she meant. It was just ones like what he'd
been giving out, so he smiled.