Equation for Love (16 page)

and Liam resisted the desire to wrap his arms around

Skye and soothe him. "I love you."
Oh, shit.
Liamhadn't expected that. He'd known, maybe, on

some level, but... He shook his head, hand closing around Skye's wrist and turning to lead himthrough the club toward the hall leading to a handful of private rooms. He hadn't reserved one, but he didn't care. He'd deal with the consequences of commandeering one later. Right now, he needed Skye alone.

Skye didn't seem nearly as keen on the idea, though, dragging his feet a little. "Liam...Liam, I know I'mnot supposed to, but..."

Liam shook his head again. "Not here, just...wait." He could not have this conversationinthe middle ofLas Vegas's premiere BDSM club. He peered into one open doorway, breathed a sigh of relief to find it empty and pulled Skye inside, shuttingthe door behind them.

Skye rubbed his hands on his jeans, as if they were sweaty. They probably were. He looked scared as hell. Liamhated that look and wanted to wipe it fromSkye's face, but the only way to do it was to give himthings he wanted but weren't good for him. Namely, Liam himself.

Liamtook a deep breath. "Skye. I'mvery flattered, but--"
"Don't!"
Liamblinked, startled at the adamant snap inSkye's tone. "Don't what?"
Skye's eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me you're flattered in some condescending tone, as if it's very sweet the pathetic virgin fell in love with you, but you're just too detached and uninterested to ever feel the same." Skye straightened, chin lifting. "Because that's a

lie."Liam didn't want to argue, but this had to stop.

Neither of them had signed on for this. "You're sure? Skye, I'mnot saying I don't care about you. I do. But I don't..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "What happened to me beingthe teacher, Skye?"

Skye waved a hand at him. "See? You can't even say it! I knew it. Maybe you don't love me yet, maybe you do, but that's not the point, Liam! You feel something. You feel what I feel and it's real and it's not your job or my lessons or whether or not anyone's good for anybody else. It just
is.
" He raked a hand through his hair, making it stick up the way Liam thought was adorable and Skye hated so much.

Liam's heart pounded and he shook his head. "No. This is impossible and it's ridiculous, Skye. You're going to get exactly what you paid for and that's it. My heart doesn't come as an added bonus, professor, sorry to

say."Skye reared back as if he'd been struck, and Liam

immediately regretted his harsh words. Before he could take them back, though, Skye had shifted into full-on firecracker mode. Before he even said a word, Liam felt like he was the one who'd been hit. Because when Skye glared at him, with fire in his dark eyes and determination written all over him, Liam got a good look at what he was giving up--passion, heart, bravery. Aman who would fight for himtooth and nailand damn the consequences.

It broke his heart he had to give that away. The selfish part of him railed at him, demanding he not let Skye go. He could keep him, he could hold onto him and theycould find a wayfor this to work.

"What are you going to do, Skye?" he snapped, chest tight. "Sit at home every night while I'm out 'working'? Does your devotiongo that far, huh? Waiting up for me to come home with a stranger's scent on me?" He shook his head, taking a step back. "This is not how I do things, Skye. I'm not ashamed of what I do. It doesn't make me feeldirty, but that's how it'd feel and what it'd become if you decide to martyr yourself just because you're afraid no one else will make you feelthis way."

Skye wasn't backing down, though, and he advanced on Liamby one step. "I'mnot stupid, Liam. I know that physically, sure, probably any number of guys could give me orgasms like you do. Touch me like you do. Fulfill the desires I didn't even know I had like you do. But for God's fucking sake, what on earth makes you think I put so much damned importance on the physical anyway?" He gave Liam's chest a hard shove. "And I don't care what youdo. "

"Now. Now when it suits you and benefits you. What about three months fromnow whenyou're sick to death of going to bed alone because I had a client? Whenyou're sittinginthe doctor's office gettingretested wondering if I was safe enough, did enough to protect myself and you? What then? Is it going to be so easy to accept then?"He knew the answer, evenifSkye didn't.

Skye hesitated, as he appeared to think about Liam's questions. "I don't know. I don't know, Liam, but I'mwilling to try. I'mwilling to risk it because you're worthit to me. The wayyoumake me feel, in
here
"--he thumped his chest--"is worth it to me." He let out a heavy breath, his breath turning shaky as the emotion seemed to rear up and suffocate him. Liam knew the feeling. "I don't want to belong to anyone else, Liam. I want to belong to you. I don't...I don't want to let you go, please."

Liam closed his eyes, Skye's plea hitting him like a freight train. He hadn't expected it to be this hard to tell himno. He opened his eyes, determined not to crumble under the onslaught of Skye's frightened, pleading gaze. "You have to. And so do I." Even if it was the hardest thinghe'd ever done. And it was.

Skye shook his head. "You don't mean it. I don't believe you."
"You don't have to believe it for it to still be true, Skye." Liamturned to walk away, having to focus hard to put one foot in front of the other. Just as he reached the door, Skye called out.
"It goes bothways,"he choked out, and Liamcould hear the emotion, even if he couldn't bring himself to look back. "Just because you don't say you love me doesn't make it not true."Skye let out a harsh sounding laugh, the sound void of any real amusement. "I guess this
is
my last lesson--a broken heart. You're very thorough, Liam."
There had been a lot of times in the last three years when people or circumstances had tried to make Liam feel like he was half an inch tall, but no one had ever succeeded in making himfeel as small as Skye did right

then.The fact he'd only done his job was cold comfort

 

when it meant he'd hurt the one person in the world who probablydeserved it least.
Chapter 14

He didn't smell like Skye. He didn't taste like Skye. Liamkissed himand, instead ofeager innocence, he got experienced knowledge. Once upon a time, that'd done it for him. Once upon a time, Liamloved his job, loved what he did and how he did it.

And thenthere was Skye.
He closed his eyes and tried to block thoughts of the other man out, focusing on his client and his skilled mouth. But five seconds later, he was remembering the natural talent Skye had, the way he watched and learned and calculated every move like it was a scientific formula for pleasure. Liam bit back a curse and urged his client over onto all fours. He wasn't going to think about Skye.
Except Skye was there, taunting him, reminding him how
real
everything felt when they were together, how it had never once, not even the first night, felt like a job. The funny part was, Liam often forgot he was working when he was with a client, especially a regular. But now...now he couldn't think of anything except that. And it was killingthe pleasure he usuallygot.
"Is everything all right, Liam?" Confused, slightly annoyed blue eyes peered back at him and all Liam could see were distressed brown eyes pleading with him to not leave. He squeezed his own eyes shut and shook his head.
"Yes...no. No." No, nothing was all right. Not a single, solitary thing was all right. And it was all Skye's fault. He opened his eyes and gave his companion a weak smile. "Give me a minute."
Liam didn't wait for a response, sliding out of the bed and a few seconds later shuttingthe bathroomdoor behind him.
What was wrong with him? He'd never had this kind of problem before. Liam glanced down at his decidedly uninterested cock, then met his own gaze in the mirror. "You're so screwed,"he whispered.
And not because he couldn't get it up for a regular client he normally enjoyed more than most. No, Liam was screwed because it'd been a week and he'd done nothing but try not to think about Skye and failed. Even his boat, normally a haven when he wanted to be alone and brood, held memories of Skye and the night on the water they'd spent laughingand sharingfood and stories like...like friends, like a couple. Like lovers.
But you're not lovers. You never were.
Liam glanced at the bathroom door, sensing the growing irritation ofthe man on the other side. Ifit were Skye out there, there'd be no irritation; it'd be concern. He could almost see Skye's face, those heavy brows knit, dark eyes full of distress. Skye was different and had beenfromthe beginning.
"Are you coming out?"came the impatient call from the other side ofthe door.
It was that moment, when a ball of dread formed in the pit of his stomach at the thought of going back out there to tryand perform, Liamcame to the realizationa) Skye had ruined him. For his job and for other men. And b) Liamdidn't like his job anymore.
What was it he'd told Skye that time? He wasn't some two-dollar streetwalker down on Fremont Street with a pimp threatening to beat himup if he didn't make enough money. He could say no if he wanted. Liam blinked at his ownreflection. Thenwhydidn't he?
Why, indeed?
Liam yanked open the bathroom door and strode out wearing a grin and nothing else. "I have to leave. I'll call the agency and make sure they refund your deposit." He grabbed his clothes, heart racing as he yanked them on, ignoring the protests coming from the bed. He had to call Skye. No, over the phone wasn't the wayto do anything. No. Inperson, definitely.
Then he slowed down, mind whirling. He couldn't just stormover there without a plan. He needed a plan. Skye would respond to that, being such a logical type. Liam's chest tightened with a swell of emotion he, for once, didn't try to push away. God, he loved Skye. Letting that feeling loose inside him, Liam was a little astounded by the overwhelming presence of the emotion. Love. How the hell had he breathed without

it?He couldn't stop grinning as he snatched his phone

off the nightstand and dropped a quick, chaste kiss on his former client's lips. "Goodbye."It was a goodbye to everything, really. Liam had to admit he was a little bit scared as he rushed out of the room and jogged down the hallto jab at the elevator buttons.

He was jumping off a cliff and all he could do was hope Skye would jump with him. But first, he needed a parachute. And he knew just where to find one.

* * * *

Skye sighed as he pulled into his garage and shut off the car. It was a sweltering hot day and he was exhausted from lack of sleep and all he wanted was to take a cool shower and curl up in bed. Maybe today he'd actuallybe able to fallasleep.

He reached over to grab the grocery bags off the front seat and climbed out of the car. He turned and nearlyjumped out ofhis skinwitha shouted curse when suddenly there stood Liama few feet away at the open garage door.

Skye's heart tripped and, for a long moment, he couldn't even speak. He could only stare. Then he remembered and stiffened, restraining the almost overwhelmingurge to runright into his arms. Liamdidn't want himthere; he'd made that veryclear.

"What are youdoinghere, Liam?"
Liamtook a step forward. "Apologizing." Skye's heart began to race even faster, but he

stomped down on the hope trying to surge up. "You don't have to apologize. I understand. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

"No."
Skye frowned. "No?"
Liam shook his head, moving closer again. Skye

could smellhimnow, and it made his head spin with the dizzying need to go to him, to bury his face in Liam's neck and be held. Oh God, he missed Liam holding him. But Skye didn't move, didn't evenblink.

"You don't understand. But I want you to. Can...please, myown, canI come in?"
Skye's knees threatened to buckle.
My own.
Except he wasn't, not anymore, maybe never had been. His eyes burned and it took hima second to squash the overwhelmingemotion. "No."
Hurt flashed across Liam's face, and Skye's heart wrenched, while at the same time it infuriated him. How dare Liam be hurt? He was the one who'd walked awaywithout lookingback.
He's here, though. That's looking back, isn't it?
Stupid, needy heart. No more risks for you, he thought.
"Allright. I deserve that."
Skye set the grocery bags on the trunk of his car with a thunk, eyes narrowing. "You deserve more than that, the way you just walked out--more than once, I might add."
Liamwinced a little, then nodded. "I know. I asked youto trust me and thenbroke that trust. I know."
"Why are you here? I don't think I need any more lessons, Liam." Did he want to restart their arrangement? Skye quailed inwardly at the idea. He couldn't do it now, not anymore. He couldn't go back to pretending not to love Liam and know it was just business for the other man.
Liamgave hima small smile, nothing like the broad, genuine, infectious smiles Skye had grown to crave from him. "I don't know, maybe you do. Maybe I do, too. Want to be myteacher, Skye?"
Skye let out a rough laugh, devoid of humor. "Oh sure, I'll teach you how to be needy and naïve and stupid. How to fall in love with men you can't have...how about that?"
Liamshook his head. "I alreadyknow how to do all that, Skye. I was an idiot when I walked--no,
ran
-
awayfromyou. Allthe times I did. I'ma needybastard right now, standing here praying you'll give me another chance. And as for the last..." Liam let out a shaky laughofhis own. "I've beenthere for a while now."
Skye felt like allthe oxygen had been sucked out of his lungs as he tried to process what Liam was saying. He... Well, no, he couldn't mean what Skye thought, and Skye's mind whirled, tryingto find another plausible explanation. Finally, after several silent, breathless moments, Skye met Liam's eyes. "What are you talking about?"
Liam's smile grew a little, and he took yet another step, now close enough to touch if either of themdared to reachout and do so. Neither did.
"I'm talking about forgiving me for hurting you, Skye. I'm talking about me making amends somehow. I'm talking about falling head over ass in love with you whenit was maybe the dumbest idea I ever had."
Oh God.
He was serious. Skye swallowed hard. "What about...you said it was impossible. That you didn't want to be withme and still..."
"Escort. And I still don't want that. Not because it's some unspeakable secret or because I'm ashamed. I learned a few things, Skye, and one of them is you've ruined me for other men."He smiled and then did reach out to touchhim.
The contact of Liam's hand curled at his waist, tinglingthroughSkye.
"All I can think about is you. All I want is you." He tugged Skye closer, and Skye's heart raced even faster.
Oh my.
"Sayyouforgive me, Skye. Sayyou're stillmine."
It was déjà vu. Skye shivered and looked up at him, trembling at the hope and desire and, yeah, love in Liam's hazel-greeneyes. "You've said that before."
Liam's face fell. "I know."
"You said I shouldn't just forgive. You said if a guy ever stood me up again, and if I decided he was worth a second chance, I should make sure he makes it up to me in a big way for being such a jerk." Skye's eyes stung with unshed tears and he shoved Liam's shoulder. "God damn it, Liam, you were such a jerk. I said I loved you and you just...threw it back in my face." He refused to cry; that was so fuckingchildish.
"I know. Tell me how to make it up to you. Tell me what you want, what you need, and I swear to God, Skye, it's yours."
Skye shook his head, glaring at the buttons on Liam's shirt, unable to meet his eyes. "I don't want that. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to