Equilibrium (27 page)

Rupert sighed. “Ollie, Larry even confirmed their existence. You trust him, don’t you?”

“Yes, but he could be mistaken, couldn’t he?”

“Ollie, do you think
I’m
mistaken?”

“No, of course not. You don’t buy into this hogwash. Do you?”

“Ollie, Wanderers are as real as we are,” he said, gazing deeply into her eyes.

She closed them.

“Ollie?”

“Rup,” she said, opening them again. “I don’t get it.”

“I know you don’t, I know.” 

The phone startled them both.

“I’ll get it,” Rupert said, and grabbed the phone. “Ella’s school,” he whispered to Olivia, who sat up in attention. It was a short call. “It’s all fine,” Rupert assured Olivia, stroking her hair. “Calm down. The principal was just calling us with an update. Ella is doing well. She’s just gone to lunch and is sitting and chatting and eating. She wants to take the school bus home and I said it was okay.”

Olivia nodded. It was best to let Ella get back into her routine as quickly as possible. Poor little thing. What she must have been through. Thankfully, she seemed to have slept through most of it. She didn’t seem overly upset, but must be, even if she didn’t know it yet. It would probably hit her all of a sudden. Olivia hoped that when and if it did, she would be with her. She couldn’t even imagine what Arizona must have been through! She’d been back to Princeton, back at Dillard’s house. What a frightening thought. What had she told her father? Had she told him about the portal? Had she told him about their new life here? How had she coped being back there and the bigger question– why had she come back?

She must have dozed off because the next thing she knew, Rupert was shaking her gently.

“Ollie, wake up. The school bus is going to be here soon. We’d better go outside and wait for it.”

She nodded sleepily. She felt so heavy with sleep, it was a struggle getting up. They walked outside into the sunshine with Gertrude in tow and waited for the  school bus to come up the road. They didn’t have to wait long for the cheery-looking yellow bus. Ella came bounding to the bus steps as soon as it stopped. She was shouting.

“Mom! Can I have a play date with Sally and Jonas? Pleeeeease!”

Olivia laughed. She should have seen that coming and called Sally’s and Jonas’ parents. “Sure thing, but get off the bus. I’ll call their parents when we get inside.”

“Oh, can’t they come now? They’re on the bus, waiting!” Ella whined.

Rupert intervened. “Come on, honey. You know we have to call their parents first.”

Ella sighed and jumped down the steps into Rupert’s arm, waving frantically at Jonas, who was looking out the window making
call-me
signs at her. “You promise you’ll call them, Dad?”

He nodded and carried her in, laughing. Olivia was relieved to see that Ella was in fine form, possibly better than fine. They settled her in the kitchen with a snack before calling Sally’s mom.

“You’re sure you want a play date today, Ella?” Olivia checked before she made the call. “I thought you wanted to go shopping.”

“I do want to go shopping. Can we do some online shopping while we wait for them to get here, Mom? Pleeease?”

Olivia laughed and made the calls. “They’ll be here in about an hour.” They spent the hour on Ella’s favorite websites–Justice, Neiman’s, Nordstrom, and Toys-R-Us. Ella showed no hesitation when clicking on the
buy-now
tab, Olivia observed to her amusement. Several purchases later, the doorbell rang, and Jonas and Sally bounded through.

“Can they sleep over, Mom?” Ella begged.

“No, honey. It’s a school night. Maybe over the weekend.” Olivia suppressed her laughter at Ella’s tragic expression. After all that her little girl had been through in the last couple of days, the news that a sleepover was not happening elicited the strongest expression of disappointment. After making sure that Olivia was not going to change her mind, Ella disappeared up the stairs with her friends, leaving Olivia with some time to focus before Arizona came home.

“She should be home any minute,” Rupert said from the kitchen doorway. “She was meeting Ariele after school for a bit and then coming home for a chat with you. Cup of coffee while you wait?”

Olivia nodded gratefully. She was so very lucky to have him. So, Arizona was with Ariele at the moment. That made her slightly uncomfortable. Well, not with Ariele anymore, thought Olivia, as the door opened and Arizona walked in.

~

I’ve always been intimidated by Mom. It was no different this time, as I walked into the house. She always looks so perfect; I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in sweats, even when it would have been totally appropriate. She seems like a throwback from the fifties. I fleetingly wondered if she had transported herself over here from the fifties. Yikes. Thank goodness for the Starbucks mug in her hand, I was glad it wasn’t her dainty Hermès teacup. The solid Starbucks mug made her appear more human and contemporary. As for the daisy print shift dress and pumps, accessorized with a strand of pearls–well, that’s what made her unapproachable and slightly intimidating. Not so to Rupert, by the look of things. He came bounding up to her–like a happy Lab–and casually laid his arm across her shoulders as he looked down at me.

“Hey, Arizona. Fancy a coffee or maybe something cold?”

“Thanks, yes. Just some water would be great.”

He returned to the kitchen and I sauntered through to the library with Mom. While we waited for Rupert to come back with the water, I looked through the bookcases–so many books. Such a waste of trees. Maybe I should take up reading? Not. Rupert handed me a bottle of ice-cold water and disappeared again. I guess this was a mother-daughter talk. I waited for her to begin. But then changed my mind. Best to get the upper hand early.

“I saw Dad when I got back home.” I noticed her wincing when I mentioned Dad–good.

“I assumed you had. How is he?” she asked, seeming almost detached.

“He seemed okay,” I said. Not that I had seen much of him. But I guess that if he was going to Atlantic City, he must be
okay.

“Why did you do it, Mom?
Why
?” I asked, getting my main question out there.

“
Why
?” she mused.

We sat in silence for ages while she thought it through, or I hoped that’s what she was doing. She finally looked up and sighed.

“
Why
?”

“Yes, Mom.
Why
?”

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair and threw off her pumps and stared at her toes. “I was unhappy, Arizona. Very unhappy.”

So? Lots of people are unhappy. They don’t all build portals, do they? I shrugged at her.

“I was unhappy with your dad for many, many years.”

“So, why didn’t you just leave him? That’s what most normal people do,” I added.

“It’s complicated. Most relationships are. I had Ella and you to think about. I stayed, hoping to work things out, for your sakes. But I couldn’t–for so many reasons. The strongest being Rupert. Rupert is everything to me. I
had
to be with him.”

I wouldn’t have had the slightest bit of sympathy for this revelation a few weeks ago, before I had met Kellan. I could now sort of understand this need for her to be with her soul mate.

“Mom, why didn’t you just leave Dad and move in with Rupert? Ella and I would have coped.”

“Arizona, he was not from the same time or dimension as me. It just wasn’t as simple as you may think.”

I was totally astounded! Not from the same dimension? Now, here was another concept I would have dismissed as complete and utter gibberish a few weeks ago–the whole not-being-from-the-same-dimension thing.

“Wow! How on earth did you meet him? When?” I asked.

“I met him when I was pregnant with you. My marriage to your dad was already over by then. We pretty much lived completely separate lives. I met Rupert in a pub, in London. Our first encounter was brief, it just lasted half an hour or so, and most of that was spent listening to him play his guitar for my girlfriends. But, I
knew
. I knew
he
was the
one.
When he left the pub he asked me to come and find him–
two years ago
.”

“Why would he say something so strange! What does that even mean?”

“You know, I thought about it for a long time. Why was he being so cryptic? Why couldn’t he just have explained it all to me? He still hasn’t, you know. I don’t know or understand
how
he even knew to ask me that. When I asked him, much later, when I found him again, he asked me to be patient. He said that he would explain it all one day when the time was right.”

Wow, it was hard for me to get my head around that. He’d asked her to wait for an explanation all these years and she had just trusted him? Wow.

“I know you find that unbelievable,” she said. “I trust Rupert
completely
. I love him
completely
. He’ll tell me when the time is right.”

“So, Mom, Rupert asks you to find him in the past and you go right ahead and build a portal, a time machine?” I mocked. If Kellan asked me to do that, I’d have him committed.

“It wasn’t quite as straightforward as that. After Rupert left, I spent years trying to find him. I kept going back to that pub to see if he would appear. I even hired an investigator to track him down. I became completely obsessed with trying to find him. His parting six words played at the back of my mind constantly. I started going over them again and again wondering what he meant. I even wondered if they were the title to a play or a book. Anything. I came up with nothing at all. I fleetingly wondered if he had meant the words
literally
, as in really come and find me in the
past
. Of course, I dismissed that possibility and resigned myself to not finding him ever again.”

“So what changed?” I asked.

“The job at Ames opened up doors to possibilities that had previously been totally incomprehensible. Larry consulted me when he was setting up the collider program. I won’t bore you with the details. Let’s just say that his enthusiasm and contacts helped me open up my mind to the possibility of constructing a device that would allow us to traverse time and possibly find Rupert that way. I knew it was a long shot. I wasn’t even sure that Rupert had really meant the words literally. But, I had failed finding him, so I thought it was worth pursuing.”

“So, your sole purpose of building the portal was to find Rupert? That’s it?” I asked amazed.

“Yes, that was
my
sole purpose. I was lucky to join Ames at a time when Larry had just joined and he was interested in exploring similar objectives. I don’t mean finding Rupert,” she smiled, “but exploring these kinds of possibilities–traversing dimensions. Morena at the SETI was very supportive as well, especially when it came to finding funding.”

“And I guess you found Rupert?” I couldn’t help but sigh. What a sweet story.

 “Yes, I did. I found him exactly by doing what he had asked me to do. I went back to the pub where we had originally met, but two years before that meeting.”

“And he was there?”

“Yes,” she smiled.

“So, why didn’t you just bring him back through the portal and live happily ever after with you?”

“I tried, but I discovered that I was pregnant with Rupert’s child, so we had to come back here to have Harry.”

“Geez, is Harry my
real
bother? My half-brother? I thought he might have been Rupert’s or that you had adopted him,” I said flabbergasted.

“Yes, he is your real brother–your real older brother.”

She waited for me to absorb this, not that I could, not really. It was just too weird. I still couldn’t work it all out in my head. So, she went back to get Rupert, two years
before
I was born, since the original meeting had been when she was pregnant with me. She got herself pregnant–two years before she had me. And Harry was my big brother. If she’d brought him though, my big brother would have been younger than Ella and me. That would be beyond warped. She
had
to come back.

“Mom, how and when did
I
get here?”

“I brought you through when you were eight and Ella was just little,” she said.

“How can that be? I don’t understand,” I said, frustrated. “You’re saying that I’ve lived here with you and Rupert for almost nine years! How come I can’t remember anything? It doesn’t even make sense, Mom. I mean, I know that I’m Arizona
Stevens
. I just arrived here a few weeks ago! I’ve never known myself to be anything else. I don’t remember a life here. Not really, although I do feel a sense of belonging and I
know
certain stuff.”

She shook her head. “Believe me, Arizona, when I say that I’m totally bewildered by that as well. We’ve been living here, totally happy, for years. Then you suddenly proclaim that you are Arizona Stevens. You
recall
your life with Dillard and Princeton except you can’t–
you’ve
never lived
tha
t life.

My head felt like it was going to explode. “Then why do I remember it? In fact why do I
only,
or mostly only, remember that life? I can’t seem to remember anything about
this
life–my Darley life. Explain that.” I said, completely annoyed.

“Arizona, I really don’t know. I promise you, I’d tell you if I did. I’m trying to figure it out. We should try figuring this out together. We may come up with some answers.”

“How?” I asked, shrinking into myself.

“I think it may have something to do with Gertrude,” she said.

“Gertrude? She’s just a dog...” I mumbled.

“A few weeks ago, I went back through the portal to get her,” she started explaining. “It was after your cheer meet. Ella had been at voice lessons, and then we picked you up. Remember?”

I shook my head. No, because I had been at my SAT’s, not a cheer meet, but I didn’t say that out loud.

She looked puzzled, but, continued. “The cheer meet went on much longer than I expected, so I didn’t have time to drop you two off home before I went back to work. So, we drove to Ames after we picked up some burgers from MacDonalds. I left you and Ella in my office to get on with your homework while I went through the portal to retrieve Gertrude. You both were asleep on the couch in my office when I got back. So, Larry carried you to the car and we drove home.”