Escaping Heartbreak (12 page)

“That’s it baby, come for me.”

“Oh God,” I shook and I think I might have screamed, but I had never felt anything like that in my life. I was shaking. Was it always like this with everyone?

It took me a minute to fully function. My body was not used to such mind blowing orgasms. I didn’t even know there was such a thing. “You don’t know what that did to me. That was so hot Saw. I want to be buried so deep inside you. You are mine now. Do you hear me? I don’t want anyone seeing you like this but me.” His words were so deep and hard. They were permanent and a bit scary, but somehow they were exactly what I wanted to hear. When I thought I wanted to go slow, it was because of fear. Now that I knew what it was like to be in that place, that happy place, I didn’t want anything but this; him.

“I am going inside to get your brother and then I am following you guys home. I don’t want you out of my sight, and I sure as hell don’t want to be here.”

“Okay.” I buttoned my pants and slid into the driver’s seat. “Travis,” I stopped him.

“You remember when I said that I wanted to take it slow?”

“Yeah,” he replied.

“Please don’t break my heart.” I paused. “Again,” I said lightly.

“I won’t do that to you again Sawyer. Ever again,” he stressed. “I promise.” I thought that he was about to say I love you, but the words didn’t come. I wasn’t ready for that yet. The “L” word is an effing son-of-a-bitch. I wasn’t ready to say it yet. Something bad
would happen. Even if my heart felt that way. I wasn’t saying it. I may never be able too.

TWENTY

Travis

I stood outside of the entrance of the bar, trying to get myself back together. The way her body reacted to mine was un-fucking believable. I loved that girl. And not because she was the first person to straddle me in a vehicle either. Although that was the hottest damn thing, I had ever seen. I think that I’d always known that I loved her, and now that she was back in my life I knew that I couldn’t lose her. I had to tell her everything. She knew about Waylon and me, but she didn’t know the whole truth, and I was scared to death to tell her. What if she freaked out and ran? My mother was psychotic and she put Waylon through some crazy shit. I being the coward that I am, let her get away with it. She ran off and promised that she would get better and leave us alone. But that hadn’t lasted and she was trying to come back. All of the secrets that I tried so hard to hide would surely blow up in my face.

“Dane man, come on. Your sister is ready to go.” I tugged his shoulder away so that he would see me and not just the chick he was wrapped around on the dance floor.

“Go ahead, I’m staying here. She can take me home.” He pointed to the girl he was dancing with. She finally looked up at me and I almost choked.

“Brenna,” She smiled at me with a shit-eating grin.
             

“You guys know each other?” Dane slurred, already obliterated.

“Yeah, what the hell are you doing?” I pulled her close to me.

She jerked her arm away. “I’m having fun. I’m a big girl Travis.” She glared at me.

“Fine,” I turned to Dane. “This fucking girl is like my sister. Don’t be yourself. Be good to her. I mean it.” I poked Dane hard in the chest.

“You know I could say the same thing about you.” His eyes narrowed on mine. He was serious. Drunk or not, he cared about his sister.

“I get the message. Loud and clear.” I punched his fist and left him standing there on the dance floor with Brenna. I knew that he wouldn’t hurt her physically, but he could be persuasive. And she was supposed to have a boyfriend. All I could do was shake my head. The less I knew, the better off I was.

I opened the passenger side door and found Sawyer with her head down and it rested against the steering wheel. My stomach tightened. “Is everything okay?” I slid into the seat next to her.

“It’s eerily perfect. Does that make sense?” She peeked at me through her long lashes. I didn’t respond. “I feel like, for the first time in a long time, I am doing what’s right for me. You know?”

“Actually, I do.” I reached across the seat of the truck and found her hand. “Dane is staying here. He is with a friend of mine. He’ll be fine. Do you want to go to my place for a while?” The question wasn’t a loaded one, but her eyes grew large as if it were. “I have ice cream.” I smiled big, hoping to tempt her with an
offer of food or the grin on my face. Whatever it took to have her a little longer.

“Is Waylon home?”

“No he’s at his friend Andy’s for the night.” I explained.

“Okay, I’ll follow you there.”

I gave her a sweet kiss goodbye.

###

Once we made it
home, I told her to go find somewhere to sit and relax while I went to work in the kitchen. I fixed one giant bowl of ice cream with two spoons. I walked outside to find her and the two of us sat on the back porch swing and ate every last drop.

“Could I ask you a question?” I took the bowl and spoons from her and sat them down on the porch.

“Yeah,” she replied.

“Do you someday hope to have a family of your own?”

“Whoa, Lawson. You’re getting deep on me.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You do remember that I said slow, right?”

I couldn’t help laughing at her. What I was trying to convey to her was that I was a package deal. Waylon would always be in my life and I hoped that didn’t scare her. “I know,” I shrugged, sure of what I would say next, “but the two of us will end up together. I know it. I just don’t know how you really feel about Waylon?” I looked to her for the answers. This was the uncertainty, wasn’t it? Yes, we belonged together. I was
sure of that. But did that picture include Waylon for her?

“That’s what you’re worried about?” She scooted up next to me, and curled herself into my side. “You have no idea how much I adore Waylon. He’s an amazing kid, and I know that he’s your life.” She looked up into my eyes. “It doesn’t bother me. At all.”

I hugged her even tighter. Once she knew that I’d been fighting with my Mom forever over Waylon, she may change her mind. If I had the money, I’d take her to court today and end this, but we’re barely making it. I didn’t want her worrying about me or Waylon. That would be the last thing that she needed.

As the evening went on, I knew that she’d eventually have to leave. I tried
talking so much that she’d never find a free moment to mention how tired she’d become. I didn’t want her to leave my arms or my sight.

“Stay with me.” The words came barreling
out before my brain could stop them. She must have thought I was a caveman. I heard a small snicker escape her. “Not for sex. I just want to sleep next to you. I’m not ready for you to leave.”

“Okay, but I haven’t ever spent the night with a guy before. I may snore.” She confessed.

“You won’t scare me that easily.” I stood up from the swing and reached out for her hands.

“What if I tell you that sometimes I wake screaming with nightmares?” She still hadn’t given me her hands and she was looking at me with a worried look in her deep brown eyes.

“Then I’d say that I’m glad you’ll be here with me then. I’ll be right here with you all night. I’ll protect you. Come on.” I nodded my head toward the door.

She bit her
lip and relented. She gave me her hands and I guided her inside, locking the door behind us. I led her up the stairs and into my bedroom. It was the first time I had actually had a girl in there. I never brought them home. I always ended up at their place. I liked it better that way because of Waylon. She walked around the small room, taking in all the details. She stopped at my dresser when she spotted the one thing that I’d hoped she would. She pulled the frame off of the dresser and studied it. When she looked back at me, I could see the realization in her eyes. The picture was of me and her at her parent’s lake house. They had hosted a little bash around mid-summer of her last year here. They created a dance floor and had some paper lanterns. People brought food and drinks and it seemed like the whole town had shown up. About mid-way through the party, the D.J announced that it was boy’s choice, meaning we had to be the one to ask a girl to dance. I knew that none of the other boys would pick her because she was weird, but she was the only one I felt comfortable with. At the time, I couldn’t dance and we were friends, at least behind closed doors, so I waited until everyone else had a partner and then I rolled my eyes just before I asked her to dance. My mother snapped a photo of us as we moved side to side, just before the dance ended. Her head rested on my chest, and mine rested on her head. I guess when you’re dancing you get caught up in the moment or at least we had. This all happened before the incident of our first kiss, but that day was when I realized that I liked her. She made me feel at ease, and I liked being with her. Even if I pretended in front of everyone else that I didn’t.

That picture had been on my dresser ever since. I honestly never expected to see her again.

“I can’t believe you have this.” She used the edge of her shirt to wipe off the dust.

“It’s been on top my dresser since the day you left. I wasn’t lying to you when I told you that I had feelings for you. I really did. I just didn’t know how real they were until you were gone. Truthfully, I never thought that I’d see you again.” I took the picture from her hands and put it back where it belonged. “I’m glad you’re back Sawyer.” I kissed the tip of her nose, as she gently closed her eyes.

“Me too.”

I handed her a t-shirt from the drawer to sleep in. “Is this okay?” I asked.

“It’s fine.” She took the shirt from my hands.

“The bathroom is down the hall to the right.”

“I remember.” She said as she walked out the door. I couldn’t believe that she was here and about to spend the night in my bed. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve her in my bed, but I’d take it. I took off everything but my boxers and climbed in my bed. I heard her bare feet tapping lightly against the old wood floor. I left the light on beside the bed just in case she needed it. Seeing her standing there in nothing, but my shirt was the hottest thing ever. And a hard-on was the last damn thing I needed. I pulled the covers back so that she could crawl in.

“Thanks for asking me to stay.” She kissed my lips gently, before tucking her backside into my front.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” I wrapped my big arm around her tiny waist and with one swift movement I had her body flush against mine. She released a light sigh, before drifting off to sleep almost immediately. She was the only girl that I’d ever want to snuggle with. “Goodnight baby.” I whispered in her ear. I wanted to say “I love you,” But I didn’t. Not the best time to scare her to death. She’d have probably run out of the house screaming. I would get my chance to tell her. Soon.

TWENTY ONE

Sawyer

I woke up early from the best night of sleep I had ever had. No nightmares. No waking up a half dozen times. I slept through the entire night peacefully. It was Saturday, and I had planned on going to see Uncle Jake. I knew it was time to get moving, but I didn’t want to wake up Travis. He looked so serene lying there, still deep in sleep.

I lifted his heavy arm off of my stomach and eased myself out of the bed. I’d just leave him a note and let him know he could call me later. I dressed
quickly and tiptoed quietly out of the bedroom. On the end table next to the couch was a pad of paper and a pen. I jotted down a little note thanking him for keeping me so close. I promised that I’d text him later.

After a pit stop at the house for a shower, I was back on the road and headed to see Uncle Jake. I figured while I was back in town I could stop and see Wren. I hadn’t talked to her since our last phone conversation and I was worried that she may still be mad at me. I didn’t want my brother standing in the middle of our friendship. I needed her to know how much I loved her. She was always more than just my friend, she was my sister.

I dialed her number.

“Hello,” she answered after only the second ring. That was a first.

“Hey Wren baby! Guess where I am?”

“In bed next to some hot guy, wait no that would never be you,” she joked. And I knew had my B.F.F back.

“On the contrary,” I replied.

“What?
Whose bed are you in? I need details.”

“
Well, I am not currently in the bed with him.” I hedged, knowing it was completely killing her.

She sighed into the phone. “Don’t tease me.”

“I was in the bed with him last night, and I woke up with him this morning.” I retorted.

“
Ahhhh!” The screeching sound was piercing. “You little hooker.” She cheered.

“Seriously, we need to talk.” I butted in, as she continued to yell. “I have a lot I need to talk to you about.”

“I’m listening.”

“Not right now, I want to see you. I am just about to pull into Uncle Jake’s can you come over later? We can hang out.”

“Eeeep,” she squealed again.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Later Gator,” I said and hung up the phone. I couldn’t listen to her yap into my ear anymore.

Putting my truck in park, I jumped out. I couldn’t wait to see Uncle Jake. There was a red Toyota parked in my usual spot. It had a Pennsylvania license plate on the back, but I didn’t recognize it. The door was locked so I used my key to let myself in.

“Uncle Jake, I’m home.” I set my bag and keys on the table next to the couch. The T.V. and the lights in the living room were both off. “Uncle Jake,” I yelled again. He should’ve been out of bed by now.

“Sawyer, hey, what are you doing here?” Jake stood in the kitchen wearing nothing but a towel. There was a surprised look on his face, and the half smile he wore looked extremely uncomfortable. His hair was dripping wet like he just stepped out of the shower and he bounced around like he didn’t know which way to go.

I was about to answer, when I heard another voice come from the hallway. “Jake, where’d you go?” The woman stepped into the kitchen also wearing nothing but a towel.

Oh shit. I could feel my cheeks heat up. No wonder he was surprised. After embarrassingly staring at the blonde naked chick in the towel way longer than necessary, I was diverted my eyes in a rush. “I’m so sorry. I should have called. I didn’t realize you’d have company.” I looked at Jake and then back to the floor. My hands were fidgeting. I’d never been so embarrassed.

Just as I turned to leave he stopped me.
Finally, he’d found his voice. He must have been just as embarrassed. “Sawyer wait, don’t leave. I’m sorry Pickle, I didn’t realize that you’d be here this morning.”

I bit my lip. “I
know. I should’ve called.”

“Stop it. This is your house too. Let us get dressed, and try this again. I really want you to meet
Dani. She has to go to work so we can spend the whole day together.”

“Okay,” I smiled still uncomfortable, but if he
was trying to move past the giant boulder of awkward in the room, so could I.

He patted my shoulder. “I’ll be right back. Oh hey Saw,” he leaned in close and whispered. “Can we keep this between you, me, and
Dani?” He asked.

“You mean don’t tell Dane,” I snickered. He nodded. “My lips are sealed.”

He kissed my cheek and rushed off to get dressed.

###

Jake stood at the door and waved goodbye to Dani. She seemed nice. I didn’t get to spend too much time with her. It was sort of just a hi nice to meet you, and bye. She left in a rush. I couldn’t say I blamed her.

“Well Pickle, I owe you one.” He smacked me upside the head with a
throw pillow from the couch. I doubled over in laughter. I had never seen Uncle Jake with a woman, especially not one that was naked in my kitchen. It was funny shit, once we could laugh about it. “So what’s been going on?” His face was kind of hard and serious. “Tell me about this Travis kid.”

I rolled my eyes and tucked my feet under me on the couch. “I see Dane has already called.”

“He was only worried.” Jake propped his feet up on the coffee table. “He said that you two seemed to be getting along nice.”

Jake and I never talked much about relationships. I never really had any to talk about. This time was different I had so much to tell him.

“Travis has been really great.” I started.

“Go on,” he smiled.

“This was the boy I used to have the biggest crush on when I was a kid. He was the one who stole my heart.” I looked at my fingers. “Even after all of these years. The feelings are still there. He has helped me so much, and he doesn’t even know it. He was there to calm me down when I had a meltdown over my parents.” I looked up at Jake, making sure he understood what I was about to say. “He also got me to swim again.” I kicked my feet out and rested them on Jake’s leg.

“Wow, that’s amazing. I never thought that you’d ever swim again. I mean, I’d hoped you would.” He smiled as he reached over and squeezed my hand. “I figured moving to the lake would help. This guy must be special, then?” There was a questioning look in his eyes.

I only nodded.

“So what’s the problem?” He asked.

“What makes you think there’s a problem?” My voice was chipper, but he saw right through it.

He narrowed his eyes, and I kicked his leg with my foot.

“Fine, I’m scared. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Suddenly I got defensive. “I can’t love him Uncle Jake. You know I don’t let new people in here,” I pointed to my chest. “Because I am afraid I will lose them.”

“Listen sweetie.” He tapped my foot. “It’s too late. You and I both know that you already love him. It’s written all over your face. You have to let yourself believe that nothing bad will happen. If you don’t let go of that feeling, I am afraid you won’t ever find happiness. You had your parents for sixteen years. I know it’s not a lot, but you loved them your whole life. If your theory
were right then that would mean they would have died the moment that you knew that you loved them, right? You’re trying to give yourself an excuse not to love someone, and excuses are for the weak. You are not weak. Look at it this way.” He smirked knowing he was about to win. “This isn’t a new love. You’ve loved him since you were kids.”

He was right. “Dammit, how’d you get so smart?” I smiled at him.

“Hell if I know.” We both laughed.

“Another thing,” he said. “It will be hard to completely heal from you parent’s death, but it may not be so bad with whatever his name is by your side.” He grumbled.

“You know his name.” I stated matter-of-factly.

“I know,” he swatted at me playfully. “I’m just messing with you. I’m glad to see you like this.”

“Like what?” I questioned. “Vulnerable, and girlie.”

“No,” he chuckled. “Living and happy.”

“Thanks, Uncle Jake.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he pushed my legs to the side and stood up from the couch. “Come on, I found something you might want.”

I jumped up like somebody yelled ice cream. “Oooo what is it?”

He placed his arm around my
shoulder and led us down the hall. “I sure have missed you.”

“Let me guess. You have dirty laundry.” I said poking him in the rib.

“I do have dirty laundry, but I really did miss you.” He confessed. I laid my head on his shoulder.

We walked into the garage and Uncle Jake handed me an old leather bound book that had all sorts of papers sticking out of it.

“It was your mother’s,” he handed me the book. “I only opened the first page and it had her name in it. I figured this was something you might want. I’m sure that if she saved it, then it was important.”

I shook my head. I couldn’t find the right words. I remembered seeing my mom carrying this old thing around a lot. I never knew what was in it. I hugged it close to my chest. Touching her things was becoming a lot easier for me than before.

“How about I order us a pizza, and we watch movies?” Jake asked.

“I get to choose
the movie,” I followed him back inside, playfully pointing a finger at him. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed Uncle Jake. It was nice to be home for a bit, even if a part of me was still back at the lake house, thinking of Travis.

“Fine.” He muttered. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I was sure that he was rolling them. I knew that he was afraid that I’d pick out a girly movie.

“Oh and Wren wants to come over. Do you mind?”

“I’ll get another pizza.” He responded, knowing how big that girl’s appetite could be.

“You’re the best Uncle Jake.” I kissed his cheek.

I tucked the book away and pulled out my phone to text Wren. I had two missed texts from Travis flashing there for me to read. I quickly texted Wren and then opened his texts.

Travis: I miss you in my bed already.

Travis: Can we do it again soon?

I felt the butterflies going crazy. Even
though, it had only been a short period of time, I had fallen for this boy all over again. I guess I’ve never really un-fell for him before. The intensity of my feelings scared me, but when something is right, its right.

Me: I miss your bed too. I’m spending time with my Uncle Jake and Wren today. I won’t be back in town until tomorrow.

Travis: Hope you have a good time. But, you didn’t answer my question.

I knew that I hadn’t. My face filled with heat and he wasn’t even here to see it.

Me: Maybe…

Travis: And there is still hope.

I could practically see him pumping his fist in victory.

Me: LOL

Travis: Have fun. I’ll see you when you get back. If you get bored, you can text me later.

Me: Okay. See you soon.

The smile on my face felt permanent, and truthfully I couldn’t wait to be back in his bed. But the less he knew, the better.

It was going to be hard to concentrate on
a movie. Especially with thoughts of him racing through my mind. I couldn’t wait to tell Wren. Once she knew the details, she’d never shut up about it. Poor Uncle Jake.
He’d be better off watching the movie by himself.
I smiled at the thought.