Escaping Heartbreak (2 page)

“What about it?”

“I want to move into it, by myself.” I said, shifting the peas up a bit. They were sliding down his face.

“Do you think that’s a good idea? You’ve never been by yourself.”

“I know that. I will be twenty-one in two weeks and I need to get out and start living my life. I am only asking because the lake house is yours too. I don’t want you being mad at me if I move in there. I want you to tell me that it’s okay.”

“You’re serious aren’t you?” There was a questioning look in those dark blue eyes. The way he cocked his head to the side was like he was trying to read my thoughts.

“Well yeah, why do you think I am asking?”

“It just seems weird, that’s all.” He moved my hand down and the peas with it. “Things have been the same for so long that it will be weird coming home and not having you here.”

“I know it will, but you’ll get used to it. We have to change. We’re both getting older and we can’t keep things like this forever. I want to have a life of my own. You can come visit me at the lake. I’ll be closer to your school than I am now.”

“Good point. So, I guess you’ll need my help moving.”

“For sure, do you think you can help next weeknd?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess.” Don’t think I didn’t notice the way he rolled his eyes.
              “That means no hangovers, Stuart Dane Evans.” I practically growled at him. I am in no way, shape, or form, babysitting that boy on moving day. I do it enough already.

“You know I hate when you call me that.”

“I know, that’s why I do it. You know I mean business.” He just shook his head and smiled. I wrapped my arms around him for another hug. Gosh, I’ve missed him. I was about to ask him about school when the ever expecting knock sounded on the back door. This was record time for Wren. She must have already had her makeup on.

“Hey guys, are you all having a party without me?” She came right in
. We have been walking in unannounced to each other’s homes for years now. I wouldn’t expect anything different.

“I would ask you what you’re doing here, but I’m pretty sure I know,” I winked at her.

“Oh shit, what happened to your eye Dane?” She hurried over to him completely oblivious to me sitting there.

“Well hello to you too Wren baby,” I smacked her on the arm. She rolled her eyes at me.

“Nothing,” he said in his normal bitchy tone.

“It’s not nothing, it’s serious. It’s almost swollen shut. Let me help you.” When she reached over to touch
him, he swatted her hand and backed away.

“I told you that I’m fine. I don’t need your help.”

“Quit being so stubborn,” she said and tried to reach for him again.

“LISTEN!” He yelled in her face. I saw her flinch. “I don’t want you
helping me. I don’t even fucking like you. When are you gonna get that through your thick skull, and stop annoying me.”

“Dane!” I shouted as he turned around and stomped off. The tears were already flowing down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry Wren. I don’t know what his
problem is.” I wrapped my arms around her. She stood there crying her eyes out. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

“I’ve got to go,” she said through her strangled cry.

“Wait Wren,” I yelled after her as she ran out the door. “Just great,” I sighed, watching her run off towards her house.

“What’s all the commotion about?” Uncle Jake yawned.

“Dane’s home,” I said shaking my head. That was all the explanation he needed.

TWO

Sawyer

I didn’t speak to Dane the rest of the night. I wanted to. I wanted to scream in his face and tell him what a piece of crap he was for treating my best friend that way, but I didn’t. He would have gotten the wrath had he left his bedroom door unlocked. I thought about yelling through the door, but figured Uncle Jake would kill me. He couldn’t stay in there forever. Wren had done nothing but love that boy unconditionally since the first time she laid eyes on him. When he finally wakes up, it will take every ounce of energy I have not to feed him his balls for breakfast.

I tried
calling Wren several times, but she wouldn’t pick up. She finally texted me and said she’d be over soon. I didn’t need her to make good on her promise to help me pack. I just wanted to make sure that she was okay. She wouldn’t answer my calls though. I texted her back and told her to stay home. If I were her, I wouldn’t want to be here and see his sorry butt. She replied and told me to shut the hell up. That was the girl I knew and loved.

I had spent most of the morning going through my clothes and getting rid of what didn’t fit. It was
pointless really, but I was doing whatever I could to avoid cleaning under the bed. Every single memory of my parents was under there and I felt my throat beginning to tighten just thinking about it. It was the main reason that I wanted Wren to help, but I thought I’d just have her put it all in boxes and I’d go through it another time. I wasn’t ready. I might never be ready.

“You know you’re gorgeous. Quit looking for flaws.” Wren said as she walked over and stood next to me in front of the floor length mirror. She was just as short as me, and ten times more beautiful. I felt plain. My long brown hair hung down nearly to the middle of my back, but it was flat and dull and matched my muddy brown eyes perfectly. If it weren’t for the size of my ass, I’d wonder why boys looked at me at all. Wren has always had the boys looking at her. All of them, except the one she wanted. Her looks alone had them coming for miles. Her long dark red wavy hair and big boobs, hell I don’t even have to be
a guy to know she’s hot. My brother is such a dickwad.

“You want to talk about it?” I
asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror.

“Not right now, it just makes me more upset. I’m here to help you or just look pretty while you do all the work.”

“Thank you Your Highness, I wouldn’t want you to break a nail.” She just shrugged. I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. The girl was oblivious. She could make lemonade out of lemons any day.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I was hoping you’d box up the stuff under my bed.” I quickly moved away where she couldn’t see my facial expressions. When you have been friends as long as the two of us, you learn to read each other like a book.

“You know eventually you are going to have to go through it, right?” I cringed inside at her words.

“Yep,” I replied, but didn’t give her time to continue. “Heads up,” I tossed the cardboard box at her head. “You better get to work.”

She
narrowed her eyes at me for a brief moment before she got to work. I turned up my Ipod and we got down to business. It turned out Wren was pretty efficient when Taylor Swift music was playing. The two of us danced and carried on. We were having a great time. It didn’t feel like work at all.

“I can’t believe we freaking pulled it off. We packed up everything. Do you know how much stuff was in this room?”

“Oh I know, and I have the sweat between my tits to prove it.” She pulled down her shirt and flashed her chest in my face.
Nice.
I laughed.

“Nice visual,” I shook my head. “Let’s go downstairs and get something to eat. I’m starving and it’s already 1:00.”

“I could eat a horse.” She announced.

“Well, I’m certainly glad we are not in the horse business.”

“Shut up, let’s go.” She put her hands on my shoulder as if to climb on my back.

“Oh hell no, you can walk your happy ass the same way I can.” I winked at her and bounced down the stairs. I heard her grumbling all the way down.

When we walked into the kitchen, Dane was sitting at the bar eating cereal. Of course, he would just now be getting up.

Wren turned directly around and faced me without walking another step into the kitchen. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed. I knew exactly what she meant. She was ready to leave and I couldn’t blame her.

“You wanna come by after you get out of class tomorrow?” I asked. Wren was actually doing something with herself, not like me. She took a whole year off after high school, but her parents quickly nipped that in the butt. Now she’s taking courses at the local community college. Her parents agreed to pay her way and told her that she wouldn’t have to work, as long as she attended school. She was at least making more progress than me. With her school schedule and my work schedule, we have to just make time for each other, and we always do.

“How about pizza and a movie?” she asked.

“You know I’m down.” I said and she only half smiled. We hugged and said our goodbyes. I watched as she took a deep breath before walking past my brother. That was the first time ever that I have seen her be in the same room with him and not talk to him. It was pretty brutal. I felt so bad for her.

“What’s her problem?” he asked. As if he didn’t know.

“You’re the fucking problem, you big, stupid, asshole.” I punched the hell out of his arm. “I can’t believe you treated her like that. She likes you so much, you don’t have to treat her like that. You’re so inconsiderate and you need to get a grip. You’ll never do better than her. Ugh,” I rolled my eyes. The sight of him was irritating the hell out of me.

“You can’t be serious. She’s just a kid; an annoying kid.”

“You’ve been saying that for years. She’s twenty one years old. She’s not a fucking kid. Quit treating her like she is. One of these days, Dane,” I pointed my finger at him. “You are going to wish you had someone that loves you as much as that girl does.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” He crossed his hands over his chest and lounged back further in his chair. “I don’t give a shit. I don’t care if I ever find love. I’m not looking for it.”

“Sometimes you don’t have to be looking for it; it just smacks you in the face.” I said. He didn’t reply, he just rolled his eyes. He knew I was right, and he was wrong. That’s the way it always was. One day he’d get that through his thick skull and he’d quit trying to argue with me.

After about five minutes of silence he finally spoke, but not about Wren. “I’m leaving in about an hour to go back to school.”

“You’re not even staying for supper? Jake won’t even be home until after six.”

“I know. I plan on calling him to say goodbye. He won’t care.” He stood up and put his dirty bowl in the sink.

“Okay, well are you still coming home Saturday morning to help me move?” I asked.

“I’ll be here.” He walked over and put his arm around me. We never stayed mad at each other long.

“So will Wren,” I looked up at him. “Please be nice.”

“Fine,” he kissed my cheek. “I’m going to take a shower before I leave.”

“Good you need one.”

“
Haha,” he sing-songed just before he pushed me.

“You better watch out,” I yelled after him as he ran up the stairs. I didn’t know when that boy would ever grow up.

THREE

Sawyer

I finished out my week at the Printing Shack, just like I promised. After three years, I was really going to miss those guys. Tomorrow was moving day and I felt anxious like I don’t know if I was making the right decision. I was mostly worried about Jake. Afraid that he’d starve to death in his dirty underwear. We’ve went back and forth all week about me staying, but it always ended with me moving out. He should have been an attorney, not a package handler/carrier. He was way too smart to be delivering packages for a living. He also worked part-time at the video store, but I think he just did that so he could rent all the NBA games he wanted for free. He was still a big kid at heart. All the more reason for me to stay home.

“Would you get your ass in gear, Pickle?” He pushed me up the stairs. “No more procrastinating. Put on your big girl pants.” I turned around and stared at him from the stairs. I was giving a whole new meaning to the stink eye. “Seriously, they’re too short.” He pointed to my shorts. He elbowed me as he took the steps around me, and cackled all the way up the stairs. Even at twenty he still thought he could make me change my clothes. It didn’t work when I was thirteen and it wouldn’t work now.

I stormed into the room behind him.

“Good God Pickle! Do you think you have enough stuff?”

“What? It’s not that much?” I batted my lashes.

He rolled his eyes. “We better get started.”

“You guys were supposed to have this done before I got here.” Wren said from the doorway.

“Wrong,” Jake ruffled her hair. “Now that you’re here, I can go back to bed. I think
you girls got this.”

“Both of you need to shut your faces, and get to work. I’ll be the supervisor.” I proclaimed.

“Oh hell no,” Wren said. They both started walking out the door.

“Just kidding. I’m kidding. Get back here.”

“Fine,” Wren said. “But you’re buying lunch.” She pointed at me.

“
Oohh Wren, I like your style.” Uncle Jake was siding with her, and the two of them shared high fives, like a couple of hooligans.

I was defeated. “Lunch is on me.” Uncle Jake kissed my
cheek and picked up a box. Could I just say that the banter and the kiss were not helping me leave? It was making me want to stay even more. I knew I was only going to be an hour and forty five minutes away, but damn it I’d miss him.

I turned up the stereo and blasted Bruno Mars for everyone to get pumped up. The music was so loud that I didn’t even hear Dane come into the room. I honestly didn’t expect him to show up, and without a hangover. I tried to pretend that the tension in the room wasn’t thick enough to cut. Jake was singing along with Bruno, and pretty badly I might add. He had no clue what was going on. Dane walked over to Wren, and I could see her posture stiffen.
Please don’t be stupid Dane.
He mouthed the word sorry, and took the box she had in her hand. She half smiled and all was right with the world. I was worried there for a moment. One glance at her with his sad puppy dog eyes and he was back in her good graces. I swear the girl was too soft. I’d have to at least punch him in the gut one good time before I forgave him. Her infatuation with him was too far gone. The wedding bells in her ears and the stars in her eyes make the decisions for her, silly girl.

After about two hours and a lunch
break, we were finished. Wren had to leave for an exam, but promised she would drive to the lake house tonight and keep me company on my first night there. She knew I was a little scared and nervous, but never asked. I loved how she just knew. Dane agreed to go with me to help unload my truck. Actually Uncle Jake persuaded him with a twenty. Fine by me. I couldn’t lift that shit by myself.

“I’m
gonna miss you, Pickle.”

“You know you can’t say stuff like that. I won’t want to leave.” The tears in my eyes threatened to spill over.

“I’m not gonna miss you at all. In fact, I think I may paint my room black, add some black lights and start doing drugs. You know the heavy shit.” He joked, but I could still hear the sadness in his voice

“Shut up,” I tried to push his shoulder but he caught my elbow and pulled me into his chest. I buried my face in his shirt and let the tears fall. I was always
the tough one, not the crier. These were the first tears I’ve shed since my parent’s death. “I don’t think I can do this.” I suddenly felt like a lost, scared, little girl. It was life changing to go out on your own, and now that it was actually time for me to leave, I wasn’t sure I was ready.

“Yes you can. You have to.” I looked up at him.
His eyes were red with tears. “You’ve got to do this. You can’t take care of me forever.”

A part of me wanted to, but he was right. “I know.”

“Time to go, Pickle.” I kissed him once more before getting in my truck to leave. I waved bye and was on my way.

It was a good thing I knew where I was going. Dane was supposed to lead the way, but instead left me in the dust.

“Where the hell are you?” I yelled into my cell as I was getting off the exit. Fifteen more minutes and I’d arrive at my destination said the annoying lady on my GPS. I like having her on for backup, except she doesn’t know how to keep her trap shut.

“Stop yelling in my ear. I had to stop at the store and get gas. I won’t be far behind you.”

“Behind me? You freaking left me in your dusty trail.” I heard him snicker.

Okay,” he said. “I won’t be long.” The line went dead.

I knew it. I freaking knew it. I already had half the boxes unloaded and his dumbass still wasn’t here, figures. I fixed a glass of ice water and finally let myself relax a minute. The place wasn’t in as bad of shape as I thought it would be. The dust was thick and the windows clouded, but nothing a good spring cleaning wouldn’t fix. As a kid, this place seemed like a castle. Don’t get me wrong the place was huge, it just seemed different now coming back as an adult. The two story cabin had four bedrooms, two and one half baths and a deck on the back that led all the way to the lake. If you sat on the end of the dock, you could let your feet dangle into the water. It was truly the most serene place in the world. Why was it that I felt so claustrophobic in such a wide open space? The feeling of being alone scared the shit out of me, but the feeling of loving someone scared me more. I’m a cluster-fuck.

As I walked down the hall and saw the pictures of my childhood, the memories of my parents fled in. I knew from experience that I had to keep busy to keep the memories away. Being alone made it harder. The house was so quiet that the only thing I heard were my thoughts, and I didn’t like it one damn bit. My subconscious knew that the memories would be here, I just thought I could deal with it. Boy was I wrong. Seeing the photos on the wall made my chest tighten. I pulled the
photo off the wall and stared deep into my mother’s eyes, willing her to come alive. I grabbed my chest and took several deep breaths. I swore I could hear my mother’s laughter and it hurt. It hurts so damn bad. Who was I kidding? There was no way I could do this on my own. I couldn’t do this. I had to go back home. With my feet planted firmly on the floor, I slid down the wall and took a seat right there in the hall.
Breathe!
I put my head between my knees, and tried to pull myself together.

“Saw, Saw where
are you?” Dane was called my name. “What’s wrong?” He found me on the floor in the hallway.

I looked up at him my eyes glossed over with unshed tears, and the family photo lay next to me. I slid it across the floor in his direction. He bent down and picked up the photo, blowing off the dust. I put my head back between my knees. I felt him take the spot next to me on the floor and he leaned his head over on my shoulder.

“It hurts like hell don’t it?” He said. His voice gruff from unshed tears. I just nodded. Words would have failed me, had I tried to speak.

We sat there in the silence for a while, before I finally spoke. “All this time I thought I was doing good Dane. It was all a lie.”

“What are you talking about? You are the strongest fucking person I know. If it weren’t for you, then I don’t know where I’d be. Just look what you’ve done for Uncle Jake. We both know that you’re the one who took care of him not the other way around.”

“I know, but I’ll be here all alone. With no one here to take care of, all I’ll have is time to think. Dane, I never really took the time to grieve. All I have ever done
is blocked out the memories. The moment I feel them creeping in I can’t breathe. There is no way I can do this by myself.” How could he understand? I folded my hands together tightly, as I tried to fight away the feelings.

“I think you’re wrong. You are strong no matter what you think. You have to deal with this sooner or later. It’s not good to keep that all in.”

“I know. I feel like I might panic though. Who will be here to take care of me?” I looked up at him.

“I get what you are saying, but this is a total adventure. You’re scared now, but that feeling will pass. If you want, I’ll spend the weekend with you. By
Monday, you should be good to go. Besides, there are plenty of things to keep you busy. This place is dirty.”

I wrapped myself around him. “Thanks Dane. I can’t stand you sometimes, but I love you all the time.”

“I love you too,” he hugged me back. “Most of the time.” We both laughed.

He was right. I had
to figure this out. I couldn’t be scared. The memories would always be there no matter what. I just wish I knew how to move past it, especially since I’m the one responsible for their death.