Escaping Perfect (12 page)

There was so much tension at the table it would have made a tone if you'd plucked at it, just like one of Jasper's guitar strings.

“I'll be ready,” I told him.

Then I concentrated really hard on my coffee.

“All right.” He grinned and squeezed my shoulder. “See y'all later, then.”

As he backed off toward his car, Shelby jumped up from her seat across the table. “Actually, I'm supposed to be at work in half an hour. Can I catch a ride?”

“Sure thing, darlin'.” Jasper lifted his cowboy hat out of the back seat and settled it in over his ears, fanning his blond hair out behind them. My stomach twisted with jealousy as Shelby flounced off after him, casting a smirk over her shoulder at me as she went.

“That's fine! We'll clean up after you!” Britta shouted sarcastically.

Shelby answered with a finger-twiddling wave, and two seconds later they peeled out. At the speed bump Jasper lifted a long, tanned arm up in a good-bye gesture.

“I think I'm gonna go for a walk,” Fiona said, her voice flat.

When I looked up, she was glaring at me so hard that I flinched. Duncan's wrists rested at the edge of the table, his fingers curled into loose fists. When Fiona got up, Britta slid off the bench to follow. She had to jog to catch Fiona, who speed-walked away with her hands shoved under her arms.

“What was that about?” I asked.

Duncan didn't move. “Are you really going with him down to Nashville tonight?”

I swallowed a too-large gulp of coffee. Maybe it was time Duncan and I had it out about this. I knew Duncan was
maybe sort of crushing on me, and he was cute and sweet, but I liked Jasper. There was no more getting around it. And as long as I liked Jasper, there was no way I could have feelings for Duncan.

“Why do you hate him so much?” I asked. “Fiona clearly likes him.”

“Every person in this town with a bra likes him.”

Duncan got up and gathered a whole mess of paper plates into his arms, turning to dump them into the garbage can between our picnic table and the next. Out on the water a girl shrieked as she and her friends zipped by on water skis. Duncan turned to me, hands on his hips.

“My dislike for Jasper is a very long story,” he said, exhaling a loud breath.

“Well, you're my ride, so consider me a captive audience.” I set my coffee aside, curious, but also feeling a tiny bit disloyal over the fact that I was basically digging for dirt on Jasper. But it was hard hanging out with this new group of people who had all this backstory and not knowing what the hell was going on half the time.

“Fine.” He shook his head once, then sat down across from me. His gray T-shirt clung to him with wet patches here and there, and his brown hair stuck up on top, still damp from water-skiing.

“Shelby was my first love.”

I sat up straight. I didn't know what I'd been expecting, but it wasn't that.

“Go on.”

“We started going out in seventh grade and were together on and off all the way through tenth. That was when Jasper swooped in and asked her to the senior prom.” He looked up at me then, the hurt plain in his brown eyes. “He asked her to the senior prom—my girlfriend—right in front of me.”

“No,” I said.

“Yeah. And even better? She said yes.” Duncan scoffed and ran his hands over his face and through his hair. “But then she didn't even break up with me until the day of the prom.”

“Oh my God. Why didn't you break up with
her
?”

“Because I kept thinking it was a joke. That she'd, I don't know, wake up and realize how insane she was being. But she didn't. She called me the morning of the prom and said she'd made a decision. She wanted to be with Jasper. And that was it.”

“Oh, Duncan, I'm so sorry.”

But even though the story was horrible, it seemed like Shelby was the real villain, not Jasper. What he'd done was a little immature and stupid, but everyone was a little
immature and stupid in high school. And Shelby could have easily said no.

“It gets better,” Duncan warned me.

“What?”

“A whole year goes by. They walk around town acting like they're the lead couple in some romantic comedy. Like they're so in love. Like nothing could ever break them up. Meanwhile, he's cheating on her all over the place, making her look like a fool, and everyone knows it. People try to tell her, but she ignores them, tells them it's not true. But she's not stupid. I'm sure she knew what was going on. She just didn't want to let him go.”

“So what happened?” I asked.

“He finally met a girl who didn't like playing second fiddle to Shelby, so he dumped her,” Duncan said flatly. “Two days after Shelby's dad bailed on her family without so much as a note, he broke her heart. Via text.”

Okay. That was not cool.

“I swear she hasn't been the same since.”

“Duncan, I'm so . . . I don't know what to say.”

But even though the story was horrible, even though it painted Jasper in a pretty awful light, my brain was already making excuses. It was more than a year ago, at least. Maybe he'd matured since then. Maybe he knew he was wrong.

But did he? I'd seen the way he messed around with girls, with other guys' girls. And Shelby clearly still thought she had a shot with him. Did I really want to be with a guy who acted that way? Could a person like him change?

Duncan got up again, clearing away the cups and the plastic cutlery, jamming tops down on containers like he was mad at them. Then, suddenly, he paused, his fingers resting lightly on his hips. When he looked up at me, his expression was pained.

“Look, Lia, I know we haven't known each other very long, but I just don't want you to get hurt.”

My heart responded, touched.

“Why are you so sure I'm gonna get hurt?” I asked.

“Because Jasper . . . he has an MO,” Duncan said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You're not the first new girl in town that he immediately took an interest in.”

I swallowed hard. Suddenly the picnic bench felt a lot less comfortable. “What do you mean?”

“It's like it's a game to him,” Duncan said, stepping closer to the table. “I was pretty good friends with Jen, the one who left to sing backup? She told me all about it after she compared notes with a bunch of his other conquests. It's always the same. Like it's tactical or something.”

“Duncan,” I said shaking my head. “C'mon.”

“No! It's true!” Duncan's voice actually cracked, he was so adamant. “He starts with the flirtatious ‘I'm a totally hot musician' thing, and then, once he has you hooked, he shows you his vulnerable side or whatever. Has he done that with you?”

I blinked, the sun searing my face. “Well, yeah, but . . .” The other night in the garage wasn't a setup. I'd walked in on a fight. He couldn't have known that I'd be there. Right?

“Uh-huh. I thought so. And after that, he finds something to compliment you on. Something big. Not, like, your hair or whatever, but something personal about you. Makes you think he really
sees
you.”

Oh, God. My chest felt tight. The thing about me being so brave. Was that a line? Suddenly I started to really and truly sweat.

“And then he turns it around to make you think he really needs you. Like he can't live without you. And that's how he gets you in bed.”

“He hasn't gotten me in bed,” I snapped, standing up.

Duncan's face paled. “Sorry. I didn't mean
you
, per se. I meant girls. In general. He's done it to dozens of girls, Lia.”

He approached me slowly, pushing his hands into the pockets of the jeans he'd changed into before lunch.

“If I were you, I'd reconsider going to Nashville with him tonight,” he said, his chin tucked.

“Why?” My mouth was completely dry.

“Because I can totally see him using this to seal the deal,” he said apologetically. “You see him up there on that big stage, girls screaming for him like he's some superstar—they always have a small audience at these things to gauge reaction. He probably figures you'll be swooning so hard afterward he'll be able to do whatever he wants with you. That's why he didn't ask Shelby to go with him, which is what he'd do otherwise. He thinks he can score. Half the girls he's been with, he's been with after one of his gigs, trust me.”

He started to step around me, but paused before passing me by, his shoulder nearly grazing mine, like he wanted to be close to me but couldn't look me in the eye. He must have thought I was so stupid. The humiliation coursing through my veins threatened to incinerate me from the inside out.

“I'm sorry,” he said quietly. “I just thought you should know.”

Chapter Twelve

I had never felt so sick
in my life without actually throwing up. Every five seconds I changed my mind and was totally sure of my decision . . . until the next five minutes passed. I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, my stomach in knots and my heart not faring much better.

Was everything Duncan had said true? Was Jasper really using me? It seemed true. I mean, Duncan knew too much. He knew everything. How could he know the trajectory of my and Jasper's relationship unless this Jen girl had actually told him? Which meant that it really was a ploy.

I blew out a breath and turned over onto my right side, staring at the Johnny Cash curtain.

But then . . . Duncan did have a motivation for lying to me about Jasper. He liked me. That was pretty obvious.
Maybe he'd made the whole thing up—made an educated guess. Maybe he was just trying to undermine whatever it was Jasper and I had so he could swoop in and win my heart.

Stranger things had happened.

But what if he was right? I sat up straight, wanting to scream. I wanted more than anything to be with Jasper, but the Jasper I knew, not this calculating person Duncan had painted for me. If I went to Nashville with him tonight, was he going to break my heart? If he did what Duncan said he would do and tried to take me back to his place tonight, that's what would happen. My heart would completely shatter.

Brakes squealed outside the window, and I jumped up to look out. Jasper was just opening the door of his convertible, cowboy hat in place. In twenty-five seconds he'd be at my door.

It was go time. I had to make a decision, and I had to do it now. I didn't want fear to run my new life, but I also didn't want to look back on my first dating experience with a guy as something to be ashamed of, which is how I would feel if this all turned out to be some game. I didn't want to spend the next five or six hours wondering what he was thinking, whether he was playing me, whether he had been lying to me all along.

I needed more time to think, but there wasn't any.

A knock sounded at the door. My hands were clasped in front of me, sweat coating my palms. My heart pounded. I went to the door, still no clue what I was going to do.

I was just reaching for the doorknob when I heard him talking. He was on the phone. I leaned my ear as close to the crack between the door and the doorjamb as I could.

“No . . . I know. Next time, babe, I swear.”

My heart turned to stone.

“Of course! Yes, I'll call you as soon as I wake up tomorrow.” There was a pause. “You too. Good night.”

I held my breath to keep from crying. Who was he talking to? Shelby? Or some other random girl? Was he standing outside my door lining up his next conquest? Because he knew this particular mission was almost complete? Duncan was right. He was completely, totally right.

Jasper knocked again. I slapped my hand over my mouth and caught my breath through my nose. A couple of tears had escaped, so I quickly swiped them away with my fingertips and opened the door.

“Hey,” Jasper said uncertainly. “Are you okay?”

I opened the door a touch wider. “Actually, no. I'm sorry, but I can't go with you tonight.”

I was shocked at how steady my voice sounded. Jasper's face fell.

“Why? Are you sick?”

I probably looked ill after hours of flopping around in my bed, stressing out over him. That and the fact that this very conversation was making me squirm.

Tell him,
a little voice in my head shouted.
Tell him you overheard him.

But I couldn't.

“No, but I have to work,” I lied. “Hal called and one of the other waitresses can't make her shift.”

Jasper looked confused. Disappointed. “Can't they find someone else?”

So sorry you won't be having sex tonight. At least not with me.

“Apparently not,” I told him. “And besides, I need the money.”

“Lia, come on,” Jasper begged. “You can't bail on me now. I need you.”

There was that word: “need.” Just like Duncan had said. I couldn't take this anymore. I turned sideways and grabbed my backpack off the floor. “I really have to go,” I said, shoving past him.

“Wait,” he said.

“I can't.” I turned and rushed for the stairs.

“Lia, did I do something wrong?” he asked.

I stopped, my keys cutting into the flesh of my palm.
Suddenly I felt like a coward. I couldn't just run away and not explain. That wasn't me. At least, I didn't want it to be me.

“I just can't do this, Jasper,” I said. “I can't be another in your long line of random girls.”

His face went slack. “Lia, you're not—”

“I'm better than that,” I said firmly, cutting him off before he could say some practiced line to make me believe him. “I don't know what I was thinking. It's not like you were ever discreet about who you really are.”

Now his eyes darkened. I saw his jaw working as he took a step toward me. “And who am I?” he asked, irritated.

“You're the town slut, Jasper,” I said. “And I'm not gonna let you break my heart.”

With that I turned around and raced down the stairs. It wasn't until the cool evening air hit me in the face that I choked out a sob.

*  *  *

When I stepped into the diner on Tuesday morning, exhausted after a sleepless night of wondering if I'd done the right thing, the first person I saw was Fiona. She was smiling as she handed over a check to a couple of middle-aged women, but her eyes darkened when I walked by. Her posture went rigid.

“Fiona. We really need to talk,” I whispered.

“You can just bring that up to the register when you're done!” she said to her customers. “About what?” she asked me, all wide-eyed. “Is something wrong?”

I hesitated. What if I'd misread her yesterday? What if I'd imagined that she was mad at me and she was only in a bad mood or something? But no. I had to trust my gut. I couldn't be friends with someone if I was always wondering what they were thinking.

“It seems like there is. I mean, at the lake yesterday . . . were you avoiding me? Because it seemed like you were. And then Duncan said—”

“What?” she interrupted, wary. “What did Duncan tell you?”

“Nothing!” I said quickly. “I mean, nothing I didn't already know.”

Fiona crossed her arms over her chest and held herself tightly, looking like she wanted to disappear. This conversation was making her as uncomfortable as it was making me.

“And what do you think you know?” she asked, her gaze resting somewhere in the vicinity of my pinkie finger.

“That you like Jasper,” I whispered.

Fiona basically froze. The only part of her that was moving was one wayward hair that trembled in the direct line of the air-conditioning vent.

“And you also like Jasper,” she said eventually.

“I . . . don't really know how to respond to that right now,” I said honestly.

“Oh, come on! You were all over him yesterday!” Fiona exclaimed in a very un-Fiona-like way. The outburst drew curious glances from a pair of elderly men who were nursing their coffees at the counter.

“So you
are
mad at me!” I replied.

She turned her back to me, then quickly turned around again, her cheeks pink. “You know what? I was here first!”

The declaration clearly took some effort for her to make. My jaw dropped. Were we in first grade now?

“Actually, from what I understand, Shelby was ‘here first,'” I said, throwing in some air quotes.

Her lips went tight. “Fine, but I've liked Jasper forever,” she said, lowering her voice. “You can't just swoop in here and steal him away.”

“Well, you're in luck, because after last night I don't think he's going to want to have anything to do with me anymore. And that's if I even decide I want to have anything to do with him.”

Something seemed to hitch inside Fiona's eyes. Like a little hope springing to life. “What?”

“Lia Washington!”

Someone behind me said my name, and not in a nice
way. I turned around to find Ryan Fitzsimmons strolling over to me. He was wearing a plaid, short-sleeved button-down open over a white tank top and paused in front of me with his hands on his skinny hips. His eyes were narrowed as he looked me up and down.

“You, my friend, have one big mouth.”

My spirits sank. Clearly, he had spoken to Jasper.

“We'll talk about this later,” I said to Fiona.

“Ooookay.”

I grabbed Ryan's arm and pulled him toward the back of the restaurant, away from Fiona and the perked ears of the diners around us. My pulse thrummed quickly in my wrists as I tried to gear myself up to talk to him. What was with all the confrontation lately?

“What did he tell you?” I asked under my breath.

“Oh, only that you called him the town slut. To his face. I gotta tell you, Lia, you completely broke the boy's heart,” Ryan said, pressing his palms together. “He tanked that audition last night thanks to you.”

Now I felt like I had whiplash. I pressed my hand to my forehead to try to stop the dizzy sensation taking hold of my brain. Broke his heart? Tanked?

“No, he couldn't have,” I said. “He was totally ready for that.”

“Well, what do you expect when the girl who's supposed to come cheer you on tells you to step off two hours before the audition?” Ryan asked.

“I'm sorry, I don't understand.
I
couldn't have broken
his
heart,” I said, trying to maintain some scrap of dignity. “When he came to pick me up, he was standing outside calling someone ‘babe' on the phone and saying he'd call her first thing.”

Ryan rolled his eyes in a fed-up way. “Shelby. That girl has latched her talons in to him even tighter since you got to town,” Ryan said. “You know why? Because she's threatened. For the first time, he's showing more than a physical interest in someone else.”

I leaned back against the wall, next to an empty booth, barely resisting the urge to sink into the soft vinyl. I felt drained, suddenly. Any adrenaline I had left over from yesterday had been sucked right out of me.

“Well, if he doesn't want to be with her, why does he still call her ‘babe'?” I asked. “Why do they still go out on dates?”

“Because he knows he screwed up with her,” Ryan said, lifting his shoulders. “He feels bad.”

“She should really get over it,” I muttered.

“He should really stop leading her on,” Ryan said.

“So . . . he really does like me?” I asked, shooting a concerned glance at Fiona. She was busy making a milkshake,
the roar of the machine's engine drowning out everything we were saying. Hopefully.

“It's no joke, Lia. The dude is bumming. Hard.” Ryan shook his head.

I tilted my chin up to stare at the ceiling, my insides torn to shreds. Five minutes ago, at least I'd been able to talk myself into believing I'd done the right thing, blowing Jasper off. But now . . . now I had an awful suspicion that I'd screwed up the best thing I'd had going for me.

Permanently.

*  *  *

“What're you up to after this?” Fiona asked, turning to lean back against the counter. She glanced at the clock, a round white face surrounded by a glowing pink trim, and crossed her feet at the ankles. It was almost five p.m. Quittin' time, as I had come to fondly call it inside my mind. Although I wasn't so fond of this one, because I knew that all I was going to do when I left here was sit around and brood.

Fiona and I had been working together for almost eight hours, but since our conversation about Jasper, we hadn't spoken to each other much. Just the occasional “Can you refill the sugar?” or “Is that damn order up yet?”

“I don't know.” I pressed my chest forward, arching my back in an attempt to work out the kinks I'd acquired from
being on my feet all day. “All I can think about right now is a shower.”

Lie. All I could think about was Jasper.

From the corner of my eye, I saw my mother appear on the TV screen in the corner. The sound was muted, but the closed-captioning quickly spelled out what the voice-over was saying.
SENATOR MONTGOMERY MET WITH LOCAL LAW OFFICIALS TODAY, STILL CONCERNED OVER THE LACK OF INFORMATION COMING OUT OF THE DADE COUNTY POLICE DEPARTMENT IN REGARDS TO HER MISSING DAUGHTER.

“Can we change the channel?” I asked wearily, turning my back to it. I was so sick of my old life invading this one. If only I could somehow do away with all the TVs in town, this place would truly be nirvana.

“Sure. I hate the news too.”

Fiona grabbed the remote and changed it to ESPN. I was just trying to figure out a way to break our latest uncomfortable silence when Jasper's car pulled into one of the spaces out front. The windshield faced the diner, and he pulled up so close, I could see him clear as day. My heart began to pound. I could also see, as clear as day, the person getting out of the passenger seat. Shelby Tanaka.

“Oh, God,” I muttered.

“What?” Fiona turned around and followed Shelby with
her eyes as she sauntered toward the door in high heels, a pencil skirt, and an off-the-shoulder top. “Well. Both of us are gonna need a shower after
this
.”

“Hi, ladies!” Shelby stopped at the counter and placed a vintage box purse with rhinestone clasps up on the Formica. Her nails were lacquered red, and her hair was in a high ponytail. “Two sweet teas to go, please.”

“Coming right up.”

Fiona plucked a couple of paper cups from the dispenser. I stared out the window, trying to catch Jasper's eye, but he was wearing a pair of reflective sunglasses. His focus was trained straight ahead. I had no way of knowing if he was looking at me, or if he'd even seen me. My toes twitched to walk outside and talk to him, but I couldn't seem to make myself move. How could I apologize for what I'd said last night? And besides, he'd had twenty-four hours to come up with a response. Whatever
he
was going to say to
me
, I didn't want him to say it in front of Shelby.