Eternal (5 page)

Oh, man. Poor guy.

“
Do not worry. There is no danger to—I mean, it is not something you can catch from me.”

“
I wasn't worried about that.”

He smiled, but still looked sad. I reached out and touched his hand, something I never would have done if I'd stopped to think about it. He froze, then his hand turned to clasp mine.

My heart started pounding. His eyes locked onto mine; I couldn't have looked away if I'd wanted to.

“
You are the only one who cares for me.”

“
That's not true…”

“
Len and Mad
ó
ran are friends. That is different.”

I blinked, confused. He took my other hand in his.

“
My kin are uncomfortable with my infirmity. I do not blame them, but I … used to be welcome among them, and now I am not.”

“
That's pretty unfair.”

“
They have good reason. I do not blame them.”

“
You can't help being sick.”

He smiled softly. “No. Nor can I help being lonely. I am used to being surrounded by family. Now I have no one.”

I looked down, feeling the blush crawl up my neck before I even asked. “You don't have a sweetheart?”

“
She has left. She could not bear to watch … my illness.”

I swallowed. “Well, maybe when you're better…”

He shook his head. “She will not return. We said our farewells.”

I tried really hard not to be glad about that.

Savhoran squeezed my hands and leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “Thank you for not being afraid.”

His hair was tickling my cheek, and he smelled wonderful. “I could never be afraid of you,” I said in a shaky whisper.

He laughed softly, his breath warm on my neck. A shiver of delight went through me. He put his cheek against mine.

Oh, man. Oh, yes.

I pulled my hands free and wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me back. We sat that way for a long time, just holding each other. It felt wonderful.

I heard a small sound and opened my eyes. Madera was standing in the front doorway, watching us.

“
Savhoran,” he said softly.

We separated, and while I blushed so hot I thought I'd perspire, Savhoran glanced at our host, then turned back to me. He squeezed my hands, dropped a kiss on my forehead, and left.

Damn. Damn, damn.

Through the glass walls I saw Madera lead him along the
portal
to his room. They went in and closed the door. Consultation, or maybe treatment. I wasn't invited.

Damn, damn, damn.

I sat there reliving the last few minutes for a while, then I got up and went looking for Len. She must have been helping Madera, because she wasn't in the kitchen or the living room or her room. I chickened out on searching the whole place.

Nothing else to do. I went to bed, and did some more reliving and some elaboration on the theme. I was used to fantasizing myself to sleep, but I usually didn't have this much fresh material to draw on. I didn't drift off until after the wedding.

I actually woke up early. Lying cozy in bed, I gradually remembered the previous night.

God!

I sat up. Thought about pulling on yesterday's clothes, but instead did the civilized thing and dressed in fresh everything and brushed my hair. Headed to the bathroom hoping I might run into Savhoran again, but no such luck. With teeth freshly scrubbed, I went to the kitchen which was again wreathed in tantalizing bread-baking smells, and warmth from the oven and the kiva fireplace.

The only one there was Madera. He smiled, offered me tea, and invited me to take over slicing up oranges. Hiding disappointment, I did as he asked while he went to collect some eggs.

Fresh eggs for breakfast. Seriously fresh. This guy was amazing.

Why had I ended up hugging Savhoran instead of Madera? Possibly because Madera had shown zero interest in me. He was friendly, yes, but he didn't need anything from me.

Savhoran, on the other hand, was lonely. He'd said it himself.

Damaged. He'd said that too. That ought to make me cautious, but I wasn't feeling cautious.

I stopped slicing and drifted into a daydream about the previous evening. Just imagining the feel of his arms around me gave me goosebumps.

The sound of footsteps out in the
portal
made me pick up the knife again. My heart was pounding even though I told myself it was probably Madera, or maybe Len.

“Amanda.”

Savhoran's voice. I closed my eyes and smiled, then turned.

“Morning,” I said, trying to keep it to a grin.

He came and stood beside me while I reached for the last orange. Just having him near made my arms tingle.

“I am sorry I had to leave last night.”

ME TOO!

“There's always tomorrow,” I said, trying to sound light.

“Or tonight.”

My hand slipped and the knife nicked my finger. “Shit! Oh, I'm sorry. I mean ‘Darn!'”

Savhoran stepped back, eyes wide as he stared at the blood welling on my finger. I bit back another curse.

Way to gross out your potential boyfriend, Man.

There were no paper towels on the counter, and I didn't want to bleed on one of Madera's nice napkins, so I brought my finger to my mouth.

“It's just a scratch.”

Savhoran was staring like I'd cut off my hand. A swallow moved his throat, then his gaze met mine.

And he ran.

I
followed him to the
portal
, sucking on my finger. I would have gone after him but Madera came in from the other direction with a small basket of eggs. Savhoran's door slammed.

Madera turned to me. “What happened?”

“I cut my finger and he freaked out.”

He looked like I'd told him his mother had died, then shoved the basket into my hand and went after Savhoran. I stood frozen, watching until he disappeared into Savhoran's room.

Great, just great. Let's see how else we can screw up, shall we?

I went back to the kitchen and stuck my finger under the faucet. I was still bleeding. Some people keep their knives really sharp, which is a hazard to those of us who don't.

My stomach was in knots. I looked at the oranges and nearly cried. I'd been hungry earlier, but now the thought of food made me sick.

Len came striding into the kitchen, band-aid in hand, smiling but with worried eyes. “Here, let's put this on it.”

I shut off the water and let her bandage my finger, wondering how she'd known I'd been clumsy enough to cut myself. Maybe
Mad
era told her. She dried my hand with a wad of tissues from her pocket, put the band-aid on me, then threw the tissues onto the fire.

“Sit down, I'll fix breakfast.”

I sat at the table and stared out the window in the direction of Savhoran's room. Len brought me a mug of tea from the pot that Madera had made earlier. She checked the oven, took out a loaf of bread and set it on the counter, and continued puttering. I stopped paying attention.

What had happened? It was just a little cut. Why had Savhoran reacted like that?

I had this horrible guilty feeling that I'd done something awful. I couldn't figure out why.

“I talked to Caeran,” Len said over her shoulder. “He's on his way up to pick us up, so after breakfast we'd better pack.”

I wanted to protest, but I couldn't figure out what to say. I was numb with disbelief.

This was surreal. Everything Len was doing was perfectly normal, expect I didn't understand why she was doing it.

She brought two plates of scrambled eggs to the table and set one in front of me, then brought over the bread on a bread board, cut off a heel, and buttered it.

“Come on, Man. Eat.”

I took a forkful of the eggs and managed to chew and swallow it. All in slow motion.

Madera came in and gave Len a long look, then poured himself some tea and joined us at the table. I watched him butter a slice of bread like nothing had happened.

“Where's Savhoran?”

Madera looked up at me. “He is resting.”

“What did I d-do?”

“You didn't do anything, Amanda. He is ill.”

“What, he can't stand the sight of blood?”

“No.” Madera's face was grim. “He can't.”

Oh, jeez.

“I'm sorry. It was an accident. Will you tell him I'm sorry?”

“He knows. This isn't your fault, Amanda.”

“Can I see him?”

“Not now.”

I sucked a ragged breath, determined not to cry. Madera put down his bread and took my hand, wrapping his palm around my cut finger. His hand was hot. It felt good. I closed my eyes, struggling to keep it together. After a while he let me go.

I opened my eyes and saw Madera eating his breakfast. I couldn't bear to eat any more but I held my mug in both hands and sipped at the tea. I felt like I'd committed a crime and been condemned for it.

Len and Madera ate in silence. Finally Len got up, put her plate in the sink and came back for mine.

“You finished?”

I nodded. She took my plate away, scraped the uneaten food into the trash, and rinsed the plate in the sink.

“OK, let's go pack.”

I wanted to ask what the hurry was—Caeran probably wouldn't arrive for hours—but I didn't trust myself to speak. We went around the
portal
to my room, passing Savhoran's door which was shut.

Len bullied me in to packing my bag, then went off to do hers. I wandered out into the
plazuela
and watched the birds squabbling in the fountain. Sat on the chair I'd been on last night, trying to make sense of it all.

My fault for getting infatuated with a wounded duck? Savhoran looked fine, but what did I know? He'd had trouble eating dinner. Apparently he was sicker than I'd thought.

Except he'd said he'd been injured. Wounded.

I leaned back in my chair, frustrated. I didn't have enough information. This must be where Len had picked up the habit of being cagey. Come to think of it, she hadn't done that before she met Caeran.

“
Amanda?”

I looked up at Madera, who was standing a few feet away. He had changed clothes, swapping his usual caftan for cotton pants and a loose cotton shirt. He had a pair of work gloves in his hand.

“
Are you still willing to help me in the garden?”

I stared at him for a minute. Gardening? I thought I was being sent home.

I sighed and got up. “Sure.”

He handed me the gloves and led me through the south side of the house, out into a huge, gorgeous garden. It was bigger than the whole back yard of the house I'd grown up in, laid out in a patchwork instead of rows; squares of different kinds of plants.

Madera held out a straw hat he'd picked up on the way through the house. I put it on and followed him between patches of leafy stuff, down to an area where nothing was growing. There were several small mounds of dirt, maybe a foot and a half across, in a square pattern. A tray of baby plants in pots sat nearby.

“
If you would dig places for these, like this…”

He took up a trowel and crouched by one of the mounds, carefully making a hole in its center. Then he handed the trowel to me and went to get one of the plants. I watched him set it in the hole and gently press dirt around it. He looked up at me and I nodded.

The sun was warm, baking the earth and raising the smell of summer. I bent to the work, thinking he was just humoring me, getting me out of the house so I wouldn't bother Savhoran. I bit my lip, determined to stay cool.

Madera went and got a hose that he used to water the plant he'd just put in the ground, then brought two more pots from the tray and went to work on the holes I had made. “Savhoran has been ill for some time,” he said as he eased another plant from its pot.

“
He said he was attacked.” My voice sounded accusing, which I hadn't intended.

Madera nodded. “His illness is a result of that attack.”

I swallowed and stabbed my trowel into the dirt. “Will he get better?”

He sat back on his heels and sighed, looking at the plant in front of him. “He will never be free of this illness. He will find ways to cope, but it will always be with him.”

Sounded like AIDS. My throat tightened up. I went back to digging.

It wasn't fair. I find a guy—a wonderful guy—who actually likes me, and now this. Not fair.

“
The illness is … rare,” Madera said. “It has not been studied.”

I moved to the next row, frowning. Something wasn't right. Things didn't add up, but I couldn't figure out how.

“
Some day there may be a cure, but for now, he must learn to live with it.”

“
How can I help?”

Madera stopped working and looked at me. “Truthfully, the best thing you can do for him right now is leave.”

But he
liked
me! He said he was lonely!

“
Why?” I said in a choked voice.

“
The disease has just become active. I cannot really explain it to you, but he needs to be away from people just now.”

I went back to digging, blinking back tears. “Can I come back?”

“
I don't know, Amanda. I wish I had better answers for you. It will take a little while.”

Dammit, dammit, dammit! Not fair!

“
I think that is deep enough.”

I looked at the hole I had made, twice as deep as the others. Shit.