Eternal (7 page)
Authors: London Saint James
Cayden’s stressed voice filled my ear. “Winter,
what’s going on? Why are you breathless?”
“It’s okay. Jayden and I are jogging.”
“Oh,” Cayden said then there was a long pause.
“Did you see the paper this morning?”
“
“I am so sorry.”
“Cayden, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I
replied.
“You sound different. Are you sure you’re doing
okay?”
“Yes, I am fine.”
“Listen, I can’t talk long but I need to fly out
to
GQ
. You and
“That may not be the best idea.”
“What do you mean?”
“The press is working hard to drag you into
things, and I don’t like it. I need to do what I can to keep you out of the
spotlight of my life now it would seem.”
Cayden chuckled. “Winter, stop,” he said. “You
know I am not going to go anywhere without you. We will be careful. You and
with me, so no arguments. And please stop pouting.”
I smiled. I had to. I was actually pouting, and
he knew it. “I love you, babe.”
“I was beginning to wonder if you had changed
your mind about loving me,” he replied then laughed his low musical laugh. “I
love you, too. Be safe, baby. I will talk with you tonight.”
I placed my phone back into my pocket and looked
up at Jayden quite seriously. “Jayden, if I ask you something will you be
honest with me?”
“Of course,” he said as we continued our jog
back toward the estate.
“How long have you worked for Cayden?”
“Three years now. Why?”
“So do you feel you know him well?” I asked.
“Yes, very well.”
“Cayden worries about my safety. Do you know
what it is he worries so much about? I mean the photographers are quite
horrible, but his worry seems to go deeper than the pesky paparazzi.”
“He is afraid someone will threaten you or hurt
you.”
“When you say someone, who do you mean?”
“No one in particular but Cayden does have a
fear for your safety if the press would link you and him. Some of the more
fanatical fans might threaten you.”
“And in the time you have known him, has anyone
ever tried to harm him or threaten him?”
“All movie stars have some strange people
lurking around, but no one has actively tried to harm him,” Jayden replied.
“And there have been no threats to harm him?”
“Nothing
of much consequence.” Jayden took off his sunglasses and stared at me. “Why are
you asking? Have you heard something I need to know?”
“No. It’s just something I am worried about,” I
confessed.
“Winter, try not to worry. Cayden is well
guarded, and he is much more careful about things than you are.” Jayden paused.
“I am sorry. That was not very nice of me.”
“No, Jayden, you are right. What I did was
stupid. I am sorry. I can promise you it will never happen again. And never
worry about being honest with me. I appreciate honesty no matter what.”
Jayden actually smiled. I needed to make a note
of this occasion, so I glanced at the date and time on my watch. It was March
twenty-first at 10:23 in the morning.
After a long hot shower along with a fresh
change of comfortable clothes, I sat at my laptop and completed the script. As
I had suspected, it was only a few hours of work to complete it. I sat quietly
staring at the bright light of the computer screen for, I don’t know how long,
speculating on what I was going to do.
Even with the knowledge the script was done,
there was no celebration on my part. In fact, I felt empty instead of happy.
The script gave me an excuse for being here, for staying, but now what did I
have? It wasn’t as if I could tell the world I’m here, because my love is here.
I could not truly explain being here other than to be
point this whole house of cards I’d built would come crashing down around me, I
knew it.
I supposed I could continue with my latest
project, but I stared at the shiny thin computer. I frowned. It wasn’t actually
my own laptop; all of my work was home in
Zander. I thought about home. I knew the press had disclosed where I lived. I
pondered the idea of moving, leaving
I seriously contemplated, wondering if I should make arrangements to move. How
strange it was even to think about moving, but I had to consider it.
I decided to call Zander. I let him know I was
done with the script. He was thrilled to hear it and told me he would be over
to see the final draft. I apologized to him at length for my behavior yesterday
and, as usual, gained his apology for everything being so crazy. Strangely,
Zander felt the need to apologize to me. I assured him it was not necessary and
laid the entire debacle at my feet where it needed to be.
I told Zander about my hesitation to leave on
Thursday, not sure going to
be a good idea. Zander assured me he would be going as well and not to worry.
We could play the whole thing off as a business meeting while Cayden was
completing his prior obligations. The interviews were part of the press junket
for Cayden’s movie,
Memories of a Dream
,
and it would seem the
GQ
photo shoot
would be with his other co-star and on-screen brother, Jackson Simms.
Promotional photographs for their current movie that I finished writing.
I confessed to Zander I knew about the problems
in the past with threats made to Cheryl Lynn then proceeded to tell him how I
was more than concerned for Cayden’s safety if it were to come out about us. I
still had my original concerns for Cayden’s image along with what the studio
would think, but this recent concern far outweighed any of my other distress.
Zander must have heard the fear in my voice. He tried desperately to assure me
Cayden would be fine, telling me no one had ever tried to harm Cayden.
I acknowledged the need to make some hard
decisions. I knew if I had to, I may need to hurt myself and Cayden in order to
keep him safe. Telling Zander, “I cannot lose Cayden in that way. I could not
live through another loss.”
“Winter, you simply can’t live in fear and allow
the past to rule your future,” Zander replied.
“Zander, to even think of someone hurting
Cayden, especially over me, because of me….” I hesitated. There were no words
to explain. “I would rather live through the pain of leaving him, than someone
physically hurting him. I know what it is like to live without him, but if I
left I would at least know he existed even if my existence without him would be
a faint echo again.”
Zander became very quiet while I spoke my fears,
my thoughts as well as my confessions. He said to me he understood my pain,
understood my fears, and only I could make the final decision as to what would
be best. He added he knew Cayden and I loved each other.
“Winter, this conversation will stay between us.
It will go no further,” Zander promised.
“Zander,” I said quietly. “If it would come to
that, if I would have to leave him. Would you promise me to do whatever you
could for Cayden? Would you find a way to help him, keep him from doing
anything stupid?”
“I promise I would try, Winter, but you must
know better than anyone what it would do to him if you left.”
“Yes,” I whispered. I knew what it would do to
both of us.
Zander ended with, “I will do what I can to help
you and to help Cayden no matter which way you decide.”
No matter which way I decide,
rang out within my head like a broken record.
Chapter Four
The Perfect Storm
Jayden and I went jogging, a lot. And each time
he would question me as to what I was so worried about. I lied, trying hard to
push myself and my body further with each run. I fell into an old habit, trying
to out run the pain and finding as I already knew, there was no way to out it. The
thought of someone hurting Cayden plagued me. The idea of leaving him haunted
me as if our separation from each other was inevitable, but it was,
it has
always been inevitable. Forever does not exist.
Wednesday evening had arrived, and I was
standing on the balcony of my bedroom when it started to rain. I lifted my chin
to the heavens, toward the dark night sky, and the cold drops hit my face,
cheeks, lips, and hair. It didn’t take long before I was soaking wet. The ivory
long sleeve shirt I wore was plastered to me, and my jeans were beginning to
soak through, but I didn’t care. All I could think about was Cayden.
How could I ever live without him?
“Winter!”
In the distance of my mind, I heard Cayden’s
voice calling out to me.
“What are you doing?” he asked. “Winter. It’s
too cold. You are going to get sick.” Cayden’s arms encased me. He pulled me
from the rain, into the warmth of the bedroom. He let loose of me and almost
sprinted into the bathroom. I saw him pull one of the large fluffy white towels
from the cabinet. He turned with a sense of urgency, and immediately came back
to me. “What are you thinking?” Once he reached me, he unbuttoned my shirt,
peeled it from my wet skin, and threw the soaked garment to the floor. Cayden
whipped the towel out. It made a
snapping
sound before he wrapped the
dry warm towel around me. “Winter, baby?”
Cayden stared at me. The expression upon his
face, one of pain. He rubbed my arms with his hands as if the friction would
warm the coldness I felt in my heart. It hit me. I wasn’t speaking.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Love, what were you doing standing in the cold
rain?” He glanced down at my feet. “And you don’t have on any shoes.”
“I don’t know. I was just thinking. I guess I
stopped paying attention.”
“Take those wet jeans off, too,” he instructed
before he headed back into the bathroom for another towel.
I shed the jeans and left them in a wet lump in
the middle of the floor.
“I love you,” I said when he came back.
He threw a new towel over my hair and started to
rub it dry. “I love you, too. Tell me what is wrong?”
I placed my face to his chest, burying away my
pain and taking in the scent of him. “Nothing is wrong.”
“Winter, tell me,” he pressed.
“Nothing, it’s nothing. I go a little crazy when
you’re gone, but you are home now. We are together. That’s all that matters.”
“I have missed you,” he said. Cayden’s arms
circled my waist and he picked me up from the floor. My feet dangled. “Do you
know how much I hate to be away from you?”
“I know how much I hate being away from you.”
The towels fell to the carpet when I draped my
arms around his strong neck and my legs around his perfectly tight waist,
hooking my ankles behind his back. Cayden laughed his low musical laugh and
brushed his nose into my hair. “I love how your hair smells. It’s like flowers
and fruit, peaches.”
“I have missed you so much, Cayden.” I kissed
him. It was a long time before I released him from my kiss.
Cayden’s eyes, silver-gray, flashed. “I think
maybe you did miss me. But never bet it is as much as I have missed you,” he
assured with his brilliant bright white smile.
I shivered. Whether from his eyes, words or
touch I do not know, but probably from the combination of all of them.
“Cayden, make love to me.”
“You’re still cold,” he said. “Come on.” He
carried me into the bathroom.
“I don’t care how cold I am. Please, make love
to me.”
Cayden put me down. My bare feet felt the cool
tiles beneath them. Cayden walked over to the stereo. He pulled back the glass
wall panel and turned it on. He bent down, took off his black Adidas, and
stripped off his socks. He placed them inside his shoes. With an underhanded
toss, he threw the shoes out the bathroom door. They made a dull
thud
on
the carpet in the other room when they landed.
There I stood. In the middle of the bathroom in
my bra and panties, my hair tangled and wet, goose bumps covering my skin,
mascara running down my cheeks, and probably looking pathetic, but I could not
keep my eyes from Cayden. He turned on the steam and hot water in the shower.
Placed his hands under the stream of water that was shooting down from
overhead. He turned around, smiled tenderly, and closed the glass doors. The
water hit the glass of the shower and mixed into the sound of the rain that
pelted the roof. Everything melted into the music that played, becoming a symphony
of rain.