Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) (29 page)

God,
he didn’t need to be here for this.

“Do
what?” Curtis asked, leaning back in his chair and crossing one ankle over the
opposite knee.

“Jimmy.
Why’d you let him antagonize you?”

“I
didn’t let that bastard do anything, Ethan,” Curtis answered roughly. “Let me
let you in on a little secret. I’m just as human as you are. Things get to me. I
let Jimmy get to me long before he did what he did last night.”

Beau
watched the exchange between father and son, reading between the lines. Even if
Curtis didn’t admit it, he knew what happened to Ethan – what Jimmy had done.
How could he not? He was Ethan’s father. Coyote Ridge was a small town and
surely Curtis and Lorrie would’ve been worried about one of their kids if they
disappeared off the grid for longer than a day. Ethan had to know that, right?

“Thanks.”

Beau’s
head snapped in Ethan’s direction. Had he just thanked his father for beating
on Jimmy Reardon? Of course, thanks were probably in order because the man
wasn’t going to stop until he realized exactly what his actions had caused. Not
that this would slow him down any.

Curtis
nodded his head, effectively ending the conversation in that subtle way he did
that left anyone who knew him wanting to open up and tell him their deepest,
darkest secrets. Curtis never pushed, never questioned, never made you feel
weak. But he damn sure made sure you knew he was there if you needed him.

Beau
envied Ethan in that regard. Curtis was exactly the opposite of his own father.
He just hoped Ethan didn’t take that for granted because from what he’d learned
in his life, that relationship between father and son was rare.

♂♂

Ethan
could only assume Beau understood his need to be alone because he didn’t even
have to request it when he found himself being dropped off at his house a short
while ago. Beau had kissed him briefly in the truck, waited until he made it in
the house and then disappeared down the driveway.

And
Ethan had waited all of three minutes before he snatched up his truck keys and
headed to Sawyer’s. Noticing the car in the driveway, Ethan had parked
haphazardly behind it and now was standing on his brother’s front porch,
waiting for him to answer the door.

It
didn’t take long.

As
soon as the door opened wide, Ethan stormed in, shoving Sawyer hard enough to
send him back a couple of steps.

“What
the fuck!” Sawyer growled, the fury on his face mirroring what had been boiling
in Ethan’s stomach for the last half hour. Ever since he realized that Sawyer
had ratted him out to his parents all those years ago.

“How
fucking could you?” Ethan yelled, the hurt and anger morphing into an
overwhelming concoction that wasn’t looking good for his brother.

“How
could I what?” Sawyer hollered, slamming the front door when Ethan cleared it.

“You
told them!”

Sawyer
stood stone still near the door, staring at Ethan with what looked like remorse
in his eyes.

“I
had no choice,” he said after a few tense moments. “You could’ve died.”

“You
promised. No one was supposed to know.”

“Ethan,”
Sawyer started then stopped, thrusting his hands through his perfectly styled
hair before turning and stalking off.

“What?”

Sawyer
made it all the way to the kitchen before he stopped and turned back to face
him. Ethan waited impatiently for his brother to continue.

“Do
you even remember how bad you were hurt? Greyson wanted you to go to the
hospital. Since you refused, I had to settle for trying to stop your fucking
head from bleeding. You had a concussion, remember? I wasn’t allowed to let you
go to sleep for hours. On top of that, your fucking nose was broken, and your
face was so swollen you couldn’t open your eyes. That doesn’t include the
damage done to your ribs. I never would’ve been able to forgive myself if
something happened to you.”

Ethan
listened, his brother’s recollection driving all of the memories forward. The
pain had been excruciating. Even to this day, there were remnants of the agony
in his bones. He wasn’t sure he would ever fully heal from it.

“So
you told Mom and Dad?”

“That
night, I called Dad. Not only was I enraged, I was fucking
scared
.”

To
hear Sawyer say that was the equivalent of stomping all over Ethan’s heart.
Never in his life had he heard Sawyer say that he was scared of anything. Yet
he had put Sawyer in a position that no one should’ve had to be in. And though
it pissed him off that he felt betrayed, Ethan suddenly felt ashamed of
himself.

Turning
and walking away, it was Ethan’s turn to shove his hands through his hair.

Why
did everything seem to be changing?
Fuck.

Ethan
leaned over, gripping his hair tightly in his fists as he fought the emotional
overload that swamped him. He was in pain. Physical. Emotional. No matter how
he looked at it, Ethan’s world was changing, what he thought he never wanted
before, he now knew he did. His fears were still choking him, pulling him up
short, but he felt himself moving closer and closer to the light. And it scared
the fuck out of him. He wouldn’t survive the pain again.

Sawyer’s
hand came down on his back in a reassuring manner, but his brother didn’t say a
word. He just stood there while Ethan did his damnedest not to fall apart. When
he managed to catch his breath, he stood tall and turned to face Sawyer.

Sucking
in a breath, he fully intended to thank his brother for saving his life, but
that’s not what came out of his mouth.

“I
hate him!” Ethan roared, nearly at the top of his lungs. “I fucking hate him.
He stole so much from me. He ruined my life. He ruined Gavin’s life.”

And
just like that, Sawyer grabbed Ethan and pulled him close, his arms closing
around him in a tight hold that had Ethan’s world nearly crashing in on him. He
didn’t want to cry. He hadn’t cried since the day he found Gavin. He swore he
would never get to that point again. He pushed everything away, fought the urge
to care for anyone and yet, look at him. He was a fucking mess.

Pulling
away from Sawyer, he ran a hand over his face roughly. “I’m sorry I put you in
that position.”

“You
didn’t put me in any position,” Sawyer argued, a hint of disappointment in his
voice. “E, I’m fucking thankful every single day that you called me. I don’t
know why you chose me, but I thank God that I was able to get to you. That’s
all that matters.”

“I
should’ve been stronger, should’ve been able to fight Jimmy off. Should’ve been
able to save Gavin.” The last statement came out without his permission and
Ethan abruptly turned, heading for the door.

He
had to get out of there. Needed air. Needed…
fucking hell
. He needed
Beau. He just wanted to fall into Beau’s arms and be held for the rest of his
natural life. It was the only time he felt safe, protected.

“Ethan,”
Sawyer said gruffly, making him stop midstride.

He
didn’t turn to face his brother. He couldn’t.

“No
one could’ve saved Gavin. What he went through was probably hell on earth. If
his brother was even half as brutal with him as he had been with you, Gavin had
been looking for an escape. Unfortunately, the path he chose was beyond your
control.”

Turning
abruptly, he threw his arms up in the air in a signal of defeat. “How? How
could he do that? He took his own life! And he took mine right along with him.”

Ethan
couldn’t believe the words were coming out of his mouth. He’d kept it inside
for all these years, and suddenly he was smothering his brother with all kinds
of questions that he knew he couldn’t possibly answer.

“I
don’t know, E. I wish I could make it all better for you, but that isn’t an
option. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to talk to someone.
You need to reach out to someone who can help you get the answers that you
need. But I’m not talking about me, or Mom and Dad, or even Beau. A
professional, E.”

Was
Sawyer actually saying he needed professional help? Ethan wanted to be
exasperated, but his heart actually began to settle. Was there seriously
someone who understood what he was going through?

Sawyer
moved closer. “Look at me, E.”

Ethan
met Sawyer’s intent gaze.

“Nothing
will bring Gavin back. Nothing. Hold up,” Sawyer said when Ethan lifted his
hand, preparing for a response. “Listen to me.”

Ethan
nodded. It wasn’t like he had much of a choice.

“We
can’t bring Gavin back, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do something. Jimmy has
gone unpunished all these years. If he did that to you, I hate to think what
else he might’ve done. I won’t be the one to punish him, although God knows I
want to. But that doesn’t mean I will sit quietly and watch. Mom and Dad taught
us to stand up for what we believe in. It’s time we stand up, E.”

Ethan’s
back straightened.

“Karma
is a vindictive bitch. Jimmy will get his. And I assure you, it won’t be from
me. One day, he’ll meet his match, and he won’t win. Until that day comes, we
have to stand up for what is right, protect those who need it and hiding who
you are isn’t going to help.”

“I’m
not…”
Fuck.
Ethan couldn’t even finish the sentence.

He
was
hiding. He’d been hiding from everyone, including himself, for nine
long years. “What if Jimmy goes after the people I care about?”

Sawyer
didn’t answer the question right away, just stared back at him for long seconds.
Ethan wanted an answer, needed someone to reassure him that his family wouldn’t
be put through hell; that they wouldn’t have to endure the wrath of those who
felt Ethan was an abomination. And he wanted someone to guarantee him that Beau
would never be hurt.

Before
he could pelt more questions at Sawyer, there was a knock at the door.

Shit.
And now he had interrupted Sawyer’s night.

“I
gotta go,” Ethan said abruptly, turning toward the door. Pulling it open, Ethan
nearly ran face first into Beau.

The
sudden sight of him had all of the emotion bubbling up again, making it painful
to swallow.

“Hey,”
Beau said, taking Ethan’s arm gently, keeping him on his feet.

“I
need to go home,” he told Beau absently. Without thinking about it, Ethan let
Beau lead him down the front steps and toward his truck.

“I’ll
drive,” Ethan said when Beau tried to steer him toward his truck. “I’ll be fine
to get to the house.”

Beau
nodded, but Ethan made a beeline for his truck immediately, not waiting for
Beau to do or say anything more.

If
he was lucky, maybe he’d manage to reason with himself before he got there.
Because if not, he was about to do something he’d never done before.

And
he wasn’t sure what Beau was going to say when he told him that he loved him.

♂♂

Standing
in Sawyer’s front yard, Beau watched Ethan’s taillights fade in the darkness.
He had been sitting outside in his truck for the last twenty minutes, waiting
for Ethan to come back out.

After
he dropped Ethan off at his house, Beau had known instantly that he was up to
something when he let Beau leave with a simple kiss and nothing more. Ethan had
been mentally off in another world at that point, he was sure.

You
didn’t have to be a genius to know that the conversation that they witnessed
that afternoon had drawn numerous questions. Beau knew Ethan wanted to ask
Sawyer some, but more importantly, he knew Ethan intended to call Sawyer out.
Curtis’ knowledge of the events from back then was a dead giveaway that someone
had talked. According to the story Ethan had told him, the only person who
would’ve had anything to tell was Sawyer. Well, Greyson would’ve known, but
Beau couldn’t see him saying something. That’s not the way Greyson seemed to
work.

With
no desire to go home and worry, Beau had driven to the Walker Demolition shop
and parked. Giving him some time, he had waited before driving to Sawyer’s
place not far from Ethan’s. Just as he suspected, Ethan’s truck was parked
behind Sawyer’s expensive car in the driveway.

For
whatever reason, Beau had forced himself out of the truck and to the door when
he would’ve preferred to sit outside and wait longer, give Ethan and Sawyer
time to chat. He hadn’t. Something had spurred him to go to the door. Based on
the way Ethan looked when he flung the door open, Beau knew what had pulled
him. It was that emotional connection he had with the man and he had somehow
known that Ethan was hurting.

Turning
back toward Sawyer’s house, Beau moved up onto the porch when he saw Sawyer
standing there. Sawyer gave him a curt nod as he leaned slightly forward, hands
resting on the door jamb above his head as he stared back at Beau.

“You
got him?” Sawyer asked directly.

“Yeah,
I do.”

“I
take it you know what happened?”

“He
told me.”

Sawyer
stared at him intently for a moment, and Beau knew he had something else to
add, so he waited.

“He
needs to talk to someone. A professional who can help him deal with what
happened to Gavin.”

Beau’s
eyebrow shot up toward his hairline. He wasn’t sure why Sawyer was telling him
this.

“He’s
scared, Beau. And it kills me that I don’t know how to help him. But I told him
as much. It may never heal him fully, but he needs to talk to someone.”

Beau
nodded his head in agreement. It was logical, something Beau had thought a time
or two. Convincing Ethan to seek professional help probably wasn’t going to be
easy, but he knew if Sawyer had managed to conquer the subject with Ethan, he
should too.

 “Thank
you,” Beau found himself saying.

“For
what?”

For
saving his life. For being the reason Ethan was there today.
Beau
didn’t speak the words out loud, he simply said, “Just… thank you.” Beau didn’t
elaborate more before he turned and headed back down the steps.

Within
minutes, he was parked in Ethan’s driveway and not long after, he was taking
the front two steps in one single stride. He didn’t knock on the door before
letting himself in.

He
found Ethan standing on the back porch, staring out at the pool and he didn’t
pause until he was standing there with him. No words were spoken as he moved up
behind him and wrapped him in the circle of his arms.