Euphoria (16 page)

Which Way Your Heart Will Go ~ Mason Jennings

MASON

If I thought the first night in my apartment was hard, the second night damn near killed me. After closing up the bar, Andi and I didn’t get home until nearly three o’clock in the morning. After a nice hot shower, I crawled into bed hoping to fall fast asleep, but despite my body being completely exhausted, my brain refused to stop. I couldn’t stop thinking about Scarlett and everything that had transpired over the evening. I was moving back to Austin, she was moving to California, and we were both moving forward with our lives, searching for our euphoria, just without each other.

The last month with her had really been bittersweet. I had gotten to know her on such a personal level during her visits, and I loved her even more than I once did. That was why letting her go this time was so hard. I knew that she would always be there for me if I ever needed anything and that she would support me in everything, but I also knew that that with her moving away, the distance between us would lead to us not talking as much and seeing each other even less.

Groaning, I rolled over for what seemed like the thousandth time that night, still unable to find dream land. A soft knock at the door startled me. Knowing it had to be Andi, and hoping nothing was wrong, I called out, “Come on in.”

The door slowly opened and she tiptoed in, looking adorable in her footed pajamas. She really was like a big kid. “I can’t sleep, and I heard you in here, so I thought maybe we could keep each other company.”

Smiling, I scooted over and patted the bed. “Jump in, kiddo. What’s on your mind? Why can’t you sleep?”

She quickly climbed up on the bed and sat cross-legged, looking at me. Shrugging her shoulders, she looked down at her leg and began picking invisible fuzz off of it. “I dunno. I’ve had insomnia since before I can remember. I get in my own head too much. What about you? Why are you awake?”

“Same. I’m too much in my head tonight, or this morning I guess I should say,” as I looked at the alarm clock that read five thirty.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” she asked.

I chuckled. “You can ask, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll answer.”

“What’s the deal between you and Scarlett? I mean I know I just met y’all and all but it all seems kinda bizarre. She picked us up on Saturday and I thought y’all were like best friends or something, but then I noticed she got a little weird when we were here at the apartment. And then tonight… I don’t even know where to start. She shows up with another guy, the two of y’all disappear out back for a while, you both go separate ways when you come back in, she sings, you sing, you look at her and tell her you’re letting her go, you break her heart, and then she leaves with other guy.” I looked at her in astonishment. How in the world did she pick up on all of that? “Did I miss anything? I think that just about summed it up,” she grinned, proud of herself. “Oh wait, and you both obviously know some really hot guy, cause I saw you talking to him and he sat next to her at the table.

“Well, Miss Smarty Pants, I guess you don’t need me to answer since you’ve got it all figured out,” I retorted, flipping her hair playfully.

“No, I know what happened, now I want to know why it happened.”

“Ugh...” I grumbled. “Okay, short story. Scarlett and I used to be together, we lived here together for a while. We had a huge misunderstanding and broke up; however, once we realized it was just a misunderstanding, it was too late. Words had been said, things had been done… it was just too much. But while I was in rehab, she started coming to visit, just as a good friend, and we’ve actually gotten even closer. She told me tonight she and her boyfriend, Ash, are moving to California in a few months.”

“But aren’t you moving away soon too?”

“Yes, but I’ll still come visit here. It’s only a couple hours driving, and seeing her a little was better than nothing. Now she’s gonna be on the other side of the country…”

“Ah, I see,” she said as she leaned over to give me a quick hug. “So you still love her?”

“There will never be a day that I don’t,” I admitted.

“Then why’d you let her go? Why not fight for her?”

“I felt like it was the right thing to do. As much as it’s not what I really want to do, I know it’s time to move on.

“I’ve never been in love, so I have no idea what that feels like, but I’m sure it sucks ass.”

Laughing hard at her choice of words, I agreed. “Yes, it pretty much sucks ass.

“What? I think it’s a great description,” she huffed. “Now tell me about your cute friend.”

“Who? The guy you kept making googoo eyes at tonight” I teased, happy to divert the conversation elsewhere.

She slapped my shoulder, but was laughing as well. “I did not make googoo eyes at him. I was just admiring his overall hotness. Now what’s his name and why didn’t you introduce me?

“His name is Max and I didn’t introduce you because I had a weird feeling that y’all already knew each other. I thought that was the reason for the eyes.”

“Shut up about the eyes!” she yelled, her face was pink from the blush that had crept up her neck. “Tell me more about him!”

I couldn’t help but crack up at her attempt to deny the faces she was making at him all night. When I finally stopped laughing, I told her a little bit about Max… all I could without bringing up Evie. She also made me promise to introduce her the next time he was there, which I agreed to do. Even after what had happened with Scarlett, if there was any guy that I would’ve picked for Andi to hang out with, it would be Max, and it appeared that in a few short months, they would be the only ones still in town. I felt I could trust him to watch over her when I was gone, even if he still wasn’t ready for any type of romantic relationship.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The next several weeks flew by quickly. Part of me was eager to get back to Austin ~ to my friends there and to making music; I couldn’t wait to get Jobu’s Rum up and going again. I had so much music that I had written while I was gone, and I couldn’t wait to hear it all put together. However, there was a part of me that was a little sad about leaving. Andi had proven to be a great roommate, but an even better friend. She truly was like a little sister to me. I had only had one night since being out of rehab that I was really tempted to drink, and she sat and talked me through it for hours. She didn’t leave my side until I was asleep in my bed.

I had introduced her to Max as promised just days after our first conversation about him. I knew that she was crushing on him hard, but she played it cool when she was around him. I knew he had really taken a liking to her too, but it was hard for him. I had asked him to keep an eye on her and the apartment while I was gone, and he was more than eager to comply. She was still reluctant to talk about her family much, but I didn’t press the issue. I knew that she would when she was good and ready. In addition, I wasn’t sure she knew about the Evie situation either. I didn’t say a word about it; that was Max’s story to tell when he felt it was necessary. I realized I wasn’t the only one that noticed their flirting when one night up at Empty’s, I overheard Mina tell Max, “Just fuck her already, y’all are making me throw up in my mouth with that sweet shit.” I laughed to myself because not only did I agree, but Mina always had such an eloquent way with words.

Scarlett became a regular up at the bar again ever since she started singing with the band. Ash would come with her on the weekends, but during the week she would always come with Max. We still continued to text occasionally, and the times she was there without Ash we would sit and talk about everything, much like we did during her center visits. When he was with her, she never ignored me or anything like that, but I understood why he wouldn’t be cool with her just coming over to hang out with me. Shit, I wouldn’t want her talking to me at all if I was him, but that was just the possessive asshole in me, I guessed. I did try to be mindful and not overtly flirt with her or make her uncomfortable in any way. I was quickly learning that respect was a two way street; I needed to give to receive, and there was a way to respect yourself without being selfish.

I also continued to see Heather twice a week during the six weeks after my release. She was an incredible therapist, and I was a bit worried about what I was going to do without her. I tried many times to talk her into setting up a practice in Austin; I begged, pleaded, and even used bribery tactics. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t budge. I did schedule a monthly appointment to drive in and see her, just to keep her up to speed with everything that was going on, and well, because I just liked her.

One day when I was leaving her office, I thought to myself, “I am great friends with three absolutely gorgeous women, and I’m not having sex with any of them.” As a matter of fact, I wasn’t having sex at all! It had been close to four months since I had been with anyone, and even though my hand was getting pretty damn tired of taking care of business, I didn’t have much desire. I wasn’t attracted to the idea of a quick fuck in the back of the bar like I used to do regularly, I didn’t feel comfortable bringing home some strange girl to the apartment with Andi there, and since I knew I wasn’t staying, I wasn’t interested in looking for anyone to date regularly. Wow, what a three-sixty my life had taken in the matter of just a year.

Before I knew it, it was the first weekend of April and it was time for me to go. Marcus and I had a nice talk prior to my leaving where he wished me the best and promised to make it up for one of my shows in Austin. Andi refused to let me get emotional as I hugged her tightly and told her that I promised to be back soon. She told me not to worry about her or the apartment and kissed me on the cheek as I left. Just before getting on my bike to make the three hour journey westward, I sent Scarlett two text message.

ME: Wise men say only fools rush in…I’d be your fool over and over again. Never regret.

ME: Don’t stop until you find your euphoria, Angel.

I didn’t wait to see if she would respond; I stuck my phone in my jacket pocket and took off down the road.

SCARLETT

I was having brunch with Ash and his mom when the goodbye texts from Mase came through on my phone. It took everything in me to not start crying, but I didn’t. I just put my phone back in my purse and forced myself to focus on the conversation we were having. I knew Robin still wasn’t completely over me up and leaving the Christmas dinner, even though Ash had assured me that she loved me and understood why I had done it. I would reply to him later.

I still couldn’t believe it was already April. Ash and I were set and ready to move over Memorial Day weekend the following month. The closer that it got, the more I excited I became. Not only had I had never lived in another state before, but Ash and I would officially be living together. Even though we spent many nights together already, we were still pretty strict in our weekday schedules at our own places so that we could focus on school and work. I had begun performing with 32 Leaves on a regular basis twice a week as well, so it gave me time to practice with them on our off days.

After the night Mase had told me that he was letting me go, Ash and I had yet another serious conversation about my relationship with him. I was honest as I could be about my feelings. I told him that I loved Mason, and would always have a special place in my heart, but he was my past and Ash was my future. Mase and I would continue to be friends; I had told him that I would be there for him if he ever needed me, but I would never do anything to jeopardize my relationship with Ash, and he knew that. Part of me thought that Ash just agreed with it because he knew that we would be going our separate ways soon enough and he wouldn’t have to worry about me seeing him anymore. Either way, I valued the last couple of months that I had with Mason before he moved. When we didn’t cloud our relationship with sex and the stress of outside forces, we were great friends. I was incredibly proud of him for taking control of his life and getting back on track. Heather was a huge reason for that, and I was so thankful that she had come in his life when she did. Honestly, there was a tiny sliver of worry in me about him regressing when he moved back to Austin, but I held strong to my faith in him.

When we got back in the car after leaving Robin’s condo, Ash grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I know and it’s okay,” he said compassionately.

I turned to look at him and smiled. Sometimes it was creepy how in tune he was with my feelings. “You always know and I’ll be okay.”

“He’s right, ya know? You really are an angel.”

“Oh, hush,” I retorted. “I’m far from that.”

“You saved me from the path of misery that I was on. Before I met you, I just did a lot of things to make me feel good so that I didn’t have to deal with the demons inside of me. It’s the same thing with him. We both want to be better people for you.”

I reached up and cupped his face with my hands, staring intently into his beautiful blue eyes. “I want you both to be better people for yourselves. Evie should’ve taught us all that we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. If I was no longer here, I want to know that you would both continue to be the best people that you can. That’s what I’m striving for now ~ to be the best me I can be. And when that happens, then everything else will fall in place.” I leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. “I love you, Ash Walker, and I can’t wait to be the best us for the rest of our lives.”

His smile warmed my heart as he kissed me on the forehead before starting the car and heading home.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Come Away With Me ~ Norah Jones

Unbroken ~ Demi Lovato

ASH

Moving day was finally upon us. Excited couldn’t even begin to express how I felt when I woke up that morning. Thrilled… overjoyed… exhilarated… those didn’t do it justice either. I got out of bed almost an hour before the alarm clock ever went off; I just couldn’t lie there any longer. I had said my goodbyes to Jess and Meg the night before which had been both a cry fest and full of laughs. I was really going to miss those girls; they had been my roommates for over four years and I loved them like my sisters. They were going to continue to live in my house and pay the rent to my mom. My room was going to remain empty so when we did come back to visit, we had a place to stay.