Evanescent (10 page)

“My stuff,” I said, feeling the desperation of clinging to my former.

“The clothes Sam and Sage managed to salvage for you?”

“And Mom’s box.”

“The box comes, the clothes stay.”

“What?” I was appalled. “I will not stay in these clothes!” I shrieked.

“Clothes. Hand them over.” He put his palm out.

Opening the bag, I felt so angry I could tear it. I pulled everything out except the wooden box, and my toothbrush.

“Is that all?”

“Fine, take it all!” I smashed the toothbrush into his palm.

Troy
chuckled. “You about done?”

Troy
then exchanged my bag with his, placing the wooden box inside.

“Yes. No – I don’t know. Let’s just go okay, this place is strange. It’s killing me to be here while my sister is comatose in the next room.” I looked down. “I feel like I hate it.”

“I know.” He pulled me in under his arm, and handed Dave the last of my belongings. I couldn’t help it and caught myself staring at the pull of his muscles in his arm as he stretched it out, and then brought it in to rub my other shoulder.

“Get rid of that, will you?” He nodded to Dave.

“Why?” I questioned as we headed out the door.

“If the Council allowed them to keep something, there is a reason.”

“But they stole it,” I whined.

“Trust me, if they have it, it’s because the Keepers wanted them to.”

The door glided shut behind us. I felt an exhilarating beat to my chest at the thought of being alone with Troy; it was almost too much to control. Troy led us through the back of the compound’s garden. I expected something elaborate like the interior of the general’s place, but there were overgrown purple roses, a bush gone totally wild creeping with fine, blue blossoms all the way over one corner of the house. A few lights from the compound shone into the edge of the thick forest, melting with the early morning rays. I touched bark as we headed in, feeling the rough texture, taking in the rusty earthiness. When I held on to Troy, I could not only feel him, I could feel everything. The wind, the bark, the feel of his hand in mine, the warmth of the slight sun, and the coolness of the shadows. I smelled the tang of pine, an oaky wholesomeness to the silver barks. The same blue flower twirled around mossy tree stumps. Emerald green and silver shimmer of the oval silverwood leaves fluttered in a subtle breeze. Dust particles floated in the lilac glittering rays that stole through thick branches, creating the feeling of serenity as we started to run, dodging trees and jumping over uprooted ash-gray, tree stumps. For a while, the forest noises were all I heard.

As we slowed down behind a huge tree, Troy whispered, “You said you remembered something.”

“Hmm?” I questioned, coming out of my daze.

I wiggled my toes, my feet really felt filthy inside the oversized boots, sand grating against the sweaty, leather innersoles.

“It’s nothing,” I replied.

“You sure?”

I nodded.

“And I suppose what happened earlier, was also nothing?” he asked softly.

“I promise, I have no idea what brought it on, or why.”

He looked to me and knew I was lying. I didn’t want to have to tell him about my disease, how it was affecting and corrupting my mind, my emotions a tool to its foul wills. He wouldn’t want me like that – ever.

“Why do your healing abilities not work around me?” I shot back.

He just looked at me, shocked I had figured it out.

Still holding my hand, he led me through a small, beaten path that cut into a bushy area; the forest giving way to a row of dormitories, which I assumed were the military students’ quarters. A long solid wall about 8 feet high ran parallel with the one-story buildings. On the other side of the wall, separated by a row of jacaranda trees that by now had fully bloomed into a purple haze, was the Glass Tower. Our Keepers’ headquarters. The sun’s rays lit the glass tower to a solid, golden glow peeking over treetops and towering over everything else in that sector. I looked away as we headed into Jaguar territory, not wanting to feel the betrayal. Their dormitory looked much the same as the girls’ school, except it was more covered with trees and walls. I started feeling a tad on edge all of a sudden at the thought of being alone with him; there was a matter of me telling him something… but once again, my memories were not coming to me as quickly as they should have. He stopped as we headed around the bricked wall. With my hand still in his, he pulled me to stand before him at the door. Bunker One stared at me from the gray, metal door. His hand lingered on the small of my back, his touch welcoming, warm, and my skin tingled to life where his hand rested between the cloak and my thin dress. The pins and needles sensation zinged over my arms and legs, begging for life. The silver panel slid open with a low swoosh. He cleared his throat as we headed in, and I understood why they called it a bunker as I forged ahead. Just beyond the door were stairs and another door leading downward.

“Ava,” he called, his voice echoed and bounced off dark walls, the sound of it like a solid sustenance to my soul.

He pulled me back, giving me a solid glare. “I need to know what is going on with you.” His eyes hazel pools of pleading concern.

“Why is that, Troy?” I asked all-knowing, suddenly remembering the fury that had sparked my tempered flame. He was hiding something from me. His eyes narrowed on me. “How much did you overhear? I didn’t mean for you hear that.” His jaw pulled tight.

I drew in a long breath. “Do I really have to say it?” I mocked him with his own words. He kept his emblazed stare on me.

My arms stiffened against my chest, biting down on clenched teeth, pushing the bag and Mom’s box into my skin, wanting to feel things on my own.

“Do you think I like being like this? So pathetic, so whiney and weak!” I tried to throw him from the conversation.

“You are not weak, but whiney?”

I smacked his arm. He pretended to be hurt by rubbing at it, dimples deepening, his smile full in his lustrous eyes.

“Stop that. I am still mad at you,” I said, trying not to grin.

“Stop what?” he asked, looking at me innocently.

“Stop smiling, just stop being so damn cheery all the time, like everything is fine.”

“But it is fine, you just don’t see it.” He tilted my chin to his, and my stomach threatened to explode in a fluttering frenzy.

“No, I don’t.” I gazed up, staring at the skylight above us, tree branches hung overhead.

“Yeah, sorry for being such a big baby.” I half smiled.

He took my hand, and I turned to face him. My heart quivered a bittersweet pain as he gazed down at me. “Just promise me you’ll never lose this.” He placed his other hand on my chest. My heart sped up and for a second it drowned out our voices, its thumping was all I got.

“I’ll do my best.” I smiled. “I know you have things to tell me, so when you are ready to tell me, whatever it is you need to tell me – I am here – always.”

Gently, he closed his eyes, as if to take in my words and let them linger for a while.

“I am going to hold you to that.” He smiled brightly.

His arms pulled me in close to his neck, where I took in every feel and smell that belonged to him, my lips just inches away from the soft, smooth, golden skin above his collarbone.

“Come, I need to get some things from my room.”

I looked up as he kept me close to his chest, my hands resting on his very muscular pecs. I smiled seductively. “Your room?”

He in turn smiled, and pulled my hand to follow him to the door a few steps down. After his biometrics were scanned, the door slid open. The thought of being in Troy’s room left me feeling strange, and two kinds of feelings hit me at once; I was eager and frightened. There was the unmistakable horrid, trapped feeling again, the pull inside me, a dark twist of thoughts telling me it was wrong to tell him. To tell him about how I had gained my dark abilities by trading my virginity for it, with the man he despised more than anything. I felt the ice clamp down on my courage. Down another set of stairs and we were in his room. I became a coward once more.
What if he hated me? That would be my undoing
.

We stood in his tiny square room. Gray, stone walls closed us in, overpowering the distance between us. We were all alone. Standing behind me, his chest touched my back, and I felt the electricity erupt throughout my entire body as his arm came around my waist, the other undoing the clasp on the cloak. I caught my breath, staring at our slight reflections before me. We kept our eyes on each other in the glossy surface of the glass wall. His hand trailed down my arm and adrenalin shot through my body, overpowering everything in its wake. My heart stuck in my throat; I had suddenly found a moment of clarity with him so close. I bit down, clenching my teeth. I knew I could not keep the secret of my lost virginity from Troy anymore. I was terrified. I couldn’t expect him to understand, because there was nothing to understand. I was an idiot who had been tricked by power and greed, by selfish reason, by taking an easy way out to fix a horrible situation.

“Hey, you okay?” His hand rested over my collarbone, and then trailed slightly upward around the base of my throat. Was he was feeling my pulse? I hoped he would take its quickening as nervousness for being alone with him. His other hand stroked my hair and pulled the ends over my shoulder. I spun, suddenly on guard. With my one shoulder totally exposed, he leaned in to kiss it. A spark ignited inside – one I was in danger from by losing myself, utterly, to it. He could have done anything to me right there and then.

“If it was my time to go, I would die happy in this moment,” he said.

“Me, too,” I whispered.

“Why don’t you take a quick shower while I get the last of my things.” A kiss on my forehead released me, his absence a cold shiver inside my bones. I turned as he grabbed a khaki bag and started stuffing it with things scattered around the way-too-immaculate room. I had to tell him about my virginity. He needed to know it was the worst thing I had ever done, and I’d wanted to be his first so badly. I droned the thought into my mind, not wanting my instinct for self-preservation to rob me of my confession and courage.

I kept my eyes to the ground, swallowed a huge lump, letting the tight pull coil inside my gut. “I need to tell you something,” I started to say.

My heart raced and my breathing felt forced. But when I looked up, he had already walked away and was heading around a corner. I followed him, my hand trailing along the wall, testing how close I needed to be to him to feel sensation again. I followed Troy into what I assumed was his bedroom, had one last look down the passage and saw that there were four doors, whereas our apartment only housed two rooms. My eyes fell back to the perfectly neat room with only one bed and a metal cupboard. Our room was much larger and classier, with carpets and big windows. It made me wonder why. I leaned around the corner into the small bathroom. The room was so neat it shocked me. I stood staring at bare walls where there should have been something to indicate he was a normal teenage boy. I shook my head; he was no normal teenage boy, none of us were. I silently snickered to myself as Troy fiddled with a panel in the wall. I glanced over at his tidy desk. A few pieces of what looked like computer chips, some metal gears and bronze gadgets, lay scattered on a metal tray under the white glow of a very sleek looking lamp. I wanted to sit down on his bed, but my clothes were filthy. I scowled over the white dress that had replaced my black, gravity suit, and wondered about the dress itself. Perhaps my suit and gear had reminded Enoch of what I had become, and the dress of what I used to be to him – a pathetic love slave. I was startled by Troy clearing his throat next to me. I jumped, almost knocking the tray off the table with my hand. He laughed softly.

“Here.” My heart aflutter at his touch when he handed me a towel.

He nodded toward the bathroom. “I had to make a few adjustments to ensure the scanner does not register our biometrics before we take a shower,” he said, trying very hard not to look too deeply into my eyes. “I already deleted our entry into the compound; we have a few more minutes before the system picks up any irregularities, so don’t be too long.”

I turned, snatched the towel and draped it over my forearm. I slumped knowing I was a coward for not telling him what he deserved to know.

“So… you overheard everything?” he asked softly.

I stopped for a brief second, and then started walking toward the bathroom. “I’m not sure what I heard, Troy,” I tried to keep my voice from breaking with the same force at discovering he might, or might not be lying to me. My humanity would have liked to believe the latter. I entered the bathroom and the door slid closed behind me. I turned the lock.
Click.
I stared at the door, at my dirty hands, looked into the monitor pointed right at me; some kind of film protected the camera lens. I don’t remember why I knew to look for it but I automatically did, and I guess prior memories of my former were there, drawn by my instinct to remember important threats.

Water sprayed over me, the lasers prohibited from scanning my biometrics, the smell of hot water, the sound of the spray on my head, but despite all of this taking place – I felt nothing of its physical pleasures. I stayed in the shower for what seemed like hours before it shut down. I stood wet and dripping over the gray, glossy floor, ogling the dirty dress all bundled up in the corner. Wrapping the towel around my body, I quickly plucked the dress from the floor and threw it down the incinerator shoot; it left my hands with such speed, one would have thought the dress had burned me. A feeling of dread washed over me. My last connection to Enoch severed. I swore, scolding myself, telling myself that I needed to be less emotional. I should probably have kept that dress for any forensic evidence, for clues, any signs, because I had a strong feeling once again that Enoch had altered my existence. The thought bit into me. I was certain of it. I kept staring at the flames through the dark glass, watched the dress turn to ashes, heard the fan come on and blow the ashes away. My hands found my knotted hair and I started working out the knots with my fingers, when I saw something strange on the back of my neck in the reflection of the window. At first I thought it to be crusted mud, or that I had indeed hurt myself catching alight like that. It was dark and huge, so I turned and pulled my hair further away. A soft knock at the bathroom door brought me back. I wiped tears from my eyes, which was strange as I had no idea I could even cry, or why I was crying.