Evanescent (35 page)

“We need to find her!” Rion turned, taking my cloak from my bunk to place on my shoulders.

I pushed it aside. “I don’t need that here.” I stared at the dark, blood stain tainting its shimmering, gray material. Every time I looked at the cloak from now on, Troy’s blood would always be there, a symbol of our failure.

“What is she up to now?” David grabbed his weapons harness from the table. “Damn! I was so hungry,” he mumbled.

“What’s going on?” Robert asked again.

“The clone, you idiot, she’s not here, or do you see something we don’t?” David said, fastening the harness to his cargo pants.

“Oh,” Robert finally said.

David and Tatos started for the tent’s entrance.

“Wait!” Anaya ordered. “I did not feel any ill intentions from her earlier, I think I know where she went, we just need to let her be for a while.”

“What?” David turned back.

Anaya nodded to him.

“Am I going to regret this later?” He stared at her.

She shook her head, smiling, placing a soft peck on his cheek. His blush was instant, and I almost felt uncomfortable at his embarrassment.

“Anaya is right,” I agreed, taking Rion’s hand which still lingered on the hilt of his blade. His eyes searched mine. I moved his dark hair over his shoulder. “What could she possibly get up to here?”

“Hello!” Robert called to us. “We can’t trust her! Look at what happened the last time? She almost killed us, threatened our entire scheme.”

“Do what you must,” Tatos said. “I won’t trust that thing.” He turned to leave.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Listen, we need to give her some sense of trust, even if you fake it, she needs it, don’t forget she is a copy of Ava, and the same basic rules apply – she needs to evolve.”

“I am done with that crap!” Robert took off, placing the journals in Anaya’s hands. “Tatos wait up!” he yelled, sliding a short blade into one of his many pockets. It clambered against the other metal objects he had stashed in there.

“Anaya?” David turned for confirmation from her.

“Let us wait for Kronan.”

He nodded.

Dave stalked back in. Rion tucked my hair behind my ear, gifting me his trust and consideration.

“Come, Bongi, we need to eat soon,” Rion said to him, and leaned over to kiss my forehead.

At the mention of food, my stomach rumbled.

“Say no more!” Dave’s smile beamed. The three of them left.

When the tent was empty, except for the slow patter of water dripping from the tent’s edges, it was deadly quiet with a chill running through before the flap closed again.

“I never welcomed the silence as much as now,” I said, falling back onto the bunk, and with my arms stretched over my head, I drew in a huge breath.

“Maya?” Anaya’s voice floated toward me. “What is it, I know you’ve had something on your mind since…”

I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands. “It’s Mom.”

Anaya’s warm scent engulfed me as she sat down on the bunk beside me, the mattress dipping with her weight. I let it linger for a while, she was the closest thing to Mom right now.

“My sister would be proud,” she said, laying her hand on my cheek.

I met her eyes. “It’s not that, I know that.”

“You miss her.”

I sighed.

“It’s not your fault you…”

I cut her off before she could finish explaining with, “It’s not that.” I sat up taking her hand and placing it in my lap. “If she’s not dead like the clone said, then where is she?” I glanced down at our hands on my lap. From all the exposure to the sun, my skin tone was almost the same golden brown as hers. “I don’t know how, but when you lifted the dead spell, there was something that washed away with it, like a memory, something important about Mom.” My eyes met hers again. I held back tears. “You have to tell me you feel it too, and when I went back there, I felt her presence lingering in that fortress.”

“Maya.” Anaya stopped my anxious rumbling. “Did you not wonder how you were able to do the things you are able to do all of a sudden? Or, how I am able to draw on spells more powerful than even Kronan can handle?”

I swallowed. “Her?” I wanted to cry, okay, so I did spill tears.

“She’s with us, around us, in us.”

“So she sacrificed again for us, for this damn prophecy,” I said, twirling the diamond pendant around my neck, then fiddled with the bracelets on my wrist; remembering that the clone had the companion gauntlets. “If the clone finds out, she will harness Mom’s power through...”

“Don’t think like that,” she said, lifting my chin so our eyes met. Her warm eyes comforted mine, her kindness reminded me of Mom in so many ways.

“I failed both Ava and Mom.”

“No honey,” she consoled, wiping her tears. “You are very brave, strong and smart. If anything, you should heed Arriana’s words. Everything happens for a reason.”

“I am tired, so, so tired,” I sobbed into her chest.

Anaya held me to her as my sniffles escaped, cries and concerns coming out in moans and loud weeps as I released the restraints of the emotions I had held back since my father’s death.

“She will come back to us.” Anaya stroked my hair.

“Why did she leave us?”

I sat back, wiping tears. I narrowed my eyes on hers. “You knew. You knew this was going to happen?”

Her silence was all I needed. I felt mad, hurt, disappointed, rejected. I searched her eyes. Could she be so caught up as a Truth Seeker of the prophecy that she didn’t care what happened to any of us? How could she let the prophecy rule over all else? I was starting to see things from Ava’s point of view. I started to hate the prophecy. I would not believe we all merely existed because of it, that we were tied to it, ruled by it. It’s taken from us, twisted our realities, but I wouldn’t let it break us. My thoughts lingered, suspended – moments passed. I tried really hard to push down the hate and anger I was feeling toward Anaya. Her hand reached for mine. I pushed it off, stood from the bed.

“I dislike you very much right now. Never touch, or speak to me ever again!” I shrieked.

“Maya, you don’t understand.”

“I am done! With you, with Kronan, with this dammed prophecy. You say events just roll inside of your head, that the prophecy speaks to each individual Truth Seeker and you just follow blindly along?” I pulled the beads from under my shirt and tore them from my neck. They bled to the floor in droplets of turquoise and pearl. I stomped some of them into the canvas, forcing the material into the soggy ground. “I am not Minoan,” I said with some satisfaction. I didn’t want to take the words back. I meant them at the time, and they lingered and clawed at my heart.

“I made a promise,” she began.

I stood trembling. “You let her die!” I spat.

It threatens to take you,

transforming your thoughts and motives.

You start to question your own sanity.

Never fear, for it binds you.

This, too, will come to pass,

There is a lesson for you here.

It’s not the blizzard you survived,

it’s the way you tasted each snow flake.

Don’t slip away,

there is only up from here.

Always remember; you make who you are.

In this life, it is all about design. The body’s perfect design. The mind’s extraordinary design. Destiny’s design. The color of your blood, the design of it, and the loss of it. But the one design that threatens to break, tear down, and ruin the very fabric of all life is the Shadowing disease, and how it is designed to take, pull and twist everything you own, all your feelings, your thoughts and turn it all against you. To take you, and to take over you. It will become all, that is its purpose. For a while we had thought it to be a thing, a person, or even an evil ancestral spirit coming back to avenge its fall from power. The Shadow is all of those things. It’s like gravity, it turns you, twists, and takes all of you toward it. It’s the push and pull, it chokes, claws and splinters all that is good and pure. It requires one thing to survive – guilt. It will take anything from you; sorrow, regret, pain, panic, fear and your grief, and turn it into rage. It grows like a dark, bellowing smoke; stifling, consuming, and acts on the one thing it was meant to do – survive at all and any cost. There is a story of how it came about, where it all started. The murder of a brother. The first brother of human kind. Banished by his God to live all eternity in the wallowing and guilt of his unforgivable sin, on a place called Earth. Tormented with blame and regret, and sorrow turned to anger. Seeking redemption in all the wrong places, he struck a deal with a fallen immortal. The fallen could not lift the curse of immortality, but it could take away his memories and the feelings which tortured him. So, the fallen exchanged his memories with a disease that came from his very own torment. The fallen wanted revenge. He believed his kind superior, and humans did not deserve what they were given. He would prove this. He would prove that humans were unworthy, disgusting, and lustful creatures. First, he wanted to take the one thing he desired; Earth. Caine, the bearer of the curse as he was once named, was tricked with the Shadowing disease that would affect every single blood relative until the end of time. And like Caine, each blood relative would commit an unforgivable evil act – kill, and after a mortal death that very evil act would raise him or her from the grave, become an eternal Shadow and seek out others to turn – to rule over all. It was successful in the year known to humans on Earth as 2030, when all the pure humans died out. The original carriers known once as the Brotherhood, Illuminatus, were a cover for what lay behind it all. The Shadow. Illuminatus seeks the perfect evolution of man, but it is said that one still remains; a star that holds the secrets to the Elite Circle of Souls destined to purify all life. She holds the knowledge that could ignite the two souls who hold the key to the most powerful weapon ever created – the only weapon against the Shadowing disease; the White Devine. Should the wrong two souls ignite, it will all come down like gravity swinging an entire planet out of orbit and suck the living into a black hole, taking all in existence as we know it along with it. I was desperate to get to Legentium, because he could tell us who she is; this star that holds the answers. She was the last of her kind, and we were the first. Legentium could read my soul, purify my blood, and if I was a copy of Ava, I could possibly be ignited with Troy and do what was expected of us. Yet, I was afraid for all the wrong reasons, afraid that by the time they saved my prime, Ava, it might be too late. Illuminatus was now exposed, they had nothing to hide, and they had Ava and all that came with her. Her soul and blood DNA held all the answers to the ultimate race, but also to the one thing that could stop them.

I left them arguing and bickering, we had more desperate troubles ahead. While Enoch was asunder, I had two days to get it done before he awoke and reawakened his will through our tied blood disease. My prime was not dead. I could feel her, like a thin thread holding our lifelines together, because every so often her conscience tugged on mine. Our minds often weaved together to create one solid blanket of memories. Soon, it would become difficult for us to tell each other apart. The only way I could tell I was the clone was my lack of physical sensation. But it was my lack of compassion and guilt that should have told me. My boots sank into clingy, red mud as I made my way through the maze of tents and huts. The sun was starting to push through gray clouds and burn off the hazy fog covering the entire village in stark, morbid loss. The mud became thicker the further I left the village behind. The effect of the shielded dome was wearing off, which could only mean Kronan was getting weaker. All these things, a blatant reminder that we were running out of time. I had to find Troy, I needed to stay close to him in order to keep the Shadowing disease at bay. It started feeling very much like
the Change
Ava had once gone through a few months ago; bones that ached for conversion, veins burned to evolve, and a flickering mind. The very air I breathed started to burn my lungs, tightening its intentions over my chest. The next evolution of
us
was Troy, and to be ignited with him. I had to be strong for this thing that had fallen upon us all. There was no choice. The longer we took, the stronger the Shadow became, transcending all, and linking Ava and me to all who had been affected by the disease. Exposing the one thing that could unfold it all – Troy. I stepped carefully over fallen debris, bent over branches and flattened grass patches so as not to slip in the smooth sludge. As water and mud puddled over my boots, a memory came to me, well, not my memory really. We all know what happens when either of us relives a memory – we truly do
relive
it…

With a slow screech of metal, the guards closed the gate behind us, the air vibrated and silence fell, a soft pitter-patter of rain echoed throughout my bones. I turned back, staring at the huge iron gates, the winged pattern of our military badge spread from one wall to the other; I was no longer welcome in Vista, regarded as an outcast. A stranger. A crazy
Changed
one. Sam stood staring through the metal spokes on the gray, iron gates of disapproval, and as the wind picked up some of her inflamed hair it brushed and streaked it across the dark, gray sky – like fire against ice. I waved, water darkening the soft material of the gloves Maya had given me, the golden pattern almost fading with each drop. I loved the rain so much, but everything seemed out of place because of it.
I will never be happy; our Keepers have made sure of that.
All because I was not meant to know what feelings were. I kept my eyes on the soaked forest floor. I wanted to feel like this forever – forever gray, forever numb, forever sad. The more negative thoughts I had the worse I felt, and the worse I felt, the more I welcomed the pain and anger that harbored inside me. It was the only part of me I could control.

I slipped out of her memory. “Sam,” I said to myself with a heavy sigh.

While in that memory, I picked something up, something Ava had never noticed before. When the wind had lifted her fiery locks up into the sky, I’d seen a tattoo on her neck. Automatically, I raised my arm, running my fingers over the etched mark cupping the top of my spine, but it was useless. I still could not feel my skin. My chest started to ache with a feeling I had known as anxiety. The longer I lived Ava’s life, the more I was becoming her. It was wrong. I didn’t have much time before my mind totally fell to the dark, or I would exist solely as Ava. I pushed my palms into my eyes, stars shot across my vision. How did we not see this? All this time, Sam – they had got to her first! So where was the real Sam, had she ever really existed? Or, was everything in my, Ava’s life, a set up? I hastened my pace, feet splashing up mud all over my ripped denims. I stopped at the edge of what was once a small downhill leading to the river’s edge, the hill now the edge of a larger river. My eyes scanned the devastated landscape, a few trees creaked and moaned before they came down as the banks started to fall and give way to the force of turbulent waters. I stepped back hastily. I thought I’d find Troy there. I was pretty sure I felt him close by, heard his heartbeat come from that direction.

“Troy!” I called out. I smelled him.

“You’re following me!”

I swung around suddenly, staring into big, hazel eyes, regret and disappointment etched in his glare, and I was lost for a moment in that echo of despair.

“You aren’t giving up are you?” I stepped closer, my skin tingling at the proximity.

“What do you want from me? Haven’t you done enough?” His smooth voice burrowed into my chest.

I felt it pinch, but said, “I’m sorry.”

“For what exactly?” He crossed his arms over his chest, soft eyes studying mine.

“All of it.” I swallowed. “For lying to you when I suspected…”

“That you were not her, that you were a spy?” His dark glare penetrated mine.

“That’s not fair.”

His mouth twisted in a knowing smile. “You are lecturing me on what is fair?” he asked, eyebrows cocking a mocking glare.

“I need you,” I finally said. I couldn’t wait, there was no time for mind games, time was running out for us all. We had killed the Shadow army, but now we understood that the disease is born through the darkness of death, so that meant we had indeed brought the army to its true form.

His arms fell to his sides, his face softened. Taking a deep breath, he moved in to close the gap between us. My body heated up as his hand glided over my arm. My skin felt his touch spreading all over my body. My stomach twisted in a beautiful pain. As much as I needed that moment, I did not own it, it was not for me. The sooner this was over, the quicker I could find my own life. I was suddenly questioning my goals, my needs.

“When I look at you, I see her; I won’t lie about it. You’re an exact copy in every physical aspect. Your lips...” He ran his thumb over my mouth. I quivered inside as his finger brushed over my smooth skin. “Your eyes,” he continued, his other hand rising up to cup my cheek in his palm, thumb rubbing at the smooth skin beneath my eye where a scar should have been. I leaned into his palm. I couldn’t help it, my body ached for it. I drew a deep breath. The bliss was evanescent as his face darkened into a hollow sorrow.

“But then I
see
who you really are.” His tone grew serious, anger tinted his gaze a darker shade. “You are his creation. Perhaps I should hate you for that. In my head, I see you and him together.” His grip on my shoulder became increasingly tight.

“And then I remember, it was Ava who slept with him,” he ground out, teeth gritted together. I took the pressure he exerted on my arms and as much as it hurt, the hurt in his glare was way worse. Lucky for Ava, it was me bearing the cross now, because I knew she would surely die as her intensified emotions could not hold the pain that moment did. He was cut, we had both hurt him pretty badly, neither of us having a good start with Troy. But, what she had done was completely unforgivable. It has – it would weaken her. On the other hand, there was me, I was stronger than her. I deserved him, she did not!

I pushed him off fiercely. “Don’t do that. When you get angry, I feel it.”

He just stared at me, like I was talking to a wall.

“Should I care what you want? I wonder? It’s always about you, isn’t it?”

I felt the rock drop to my stomach, fire spread inside of its wake.

“So now I can’t even be myself around you or her, is that it? I think you were pushing it, the anger I mean, you wanted to see if you could get to me.” I stared down at my boots layered with thick mud, leaves and grass covering the soft leather around the ankles.

“I wish that was me, but I am not a pusher. And, even if I could, I wouldn’t want to.”

I smiled, looking up. “You hadn’t noticed? You can around me, you can, you healed in front of me in that stairwell.”

“I don’t know what you are playing at, but I will never choose you over her,” he said, looking directly at me. “I don’t care what she has, or has not done. The worst thing that she could ever do to me is leave me. Nothing will ever precede that. Do you get it?”