Evenfall (65 page)

He was suddenly reminded of the night he'd killed Boyd's attacker, how the knowledge of ripping the man apart had haunted him even though it was deeply deserved. It was so strange how some things affected him while others barely niggled at his conscience at all.

"Well, I'm sure you don't want to hear about my troubles," McCall said softly. "I just wish you would tell me why. Why this has been done to me. Am I that much of a threat? Is it—" He hesitated and raked a hand through his hair. "Is it because I've shown support for anti-American factions?"

"I'd say donating millions of dollars towards Janus is a tad more than 'showing support'," Sin said idly, not giving away the fact that this entire situation was making his stomach twist uncomfortably. He was supposed to wait until the job was complete and McCall was terminated, but he really just wanted to leave.

"Ah." McCall nodded and poured himself another drink. "I see. So that's what it boils down to. The American government never ceases to amaze me." His voice still held the resigned note although it now had an edge.

"Well, technically you are a traitor to the nation that's allowed you to prosper and become a millionaire. You are aware that Janus purchases weapons to kill Americans with the money you donate to them? That they perform terrorist acts?"

McCall smiled at him. It was patronizing. Infuriating. "Trying to justify yourself to me?"

Sin suddenly felt a keen sense of dιjΰ vu and his skin crawled as he realized who he sounded like. When he realized that he really was tryin
g to justify his actions. He got up abruptly, standing stiffly with his hands balled into fists as he gave McCall a dark look. "Just accept the consequences. You knew it was a risk. Nothing more needs to be said."

"Then why do you keep responding to me?"

Maybe this was good; if the man made him angry enough he wouldn't feel this ridiculous sense of guilt anymore or this idiotic responsibility for a man he barely knew. There was another stretch of silence and Sin retreated to a dark corner of the room.

He thought about the last time he'd felt like this on a mission; thought about the screams of his target's children when her head had exploded into a mass of brains and blood. Sin stared at McCall silently, willing the man to keel over so the thing could be done with and he could leave this place and burn the ordeal out of his mind.

"Since I'm going to die soon anyway, why don't you talk to me? Your secrets will be safe and we'll have something to do other than sit here in boredom," McCall said calmly after a few moments.

Sin scowled. "What in the hell is the point?"

McCall shrugged and tapped his fingers against his desk. "Why does there need to be a point? I'm merely curious. Does it disturb you that I don't fear death?"

There was a stretch of silence as Sin debated ignoring the question. He had no idea what this was supposed to prove or why McCall even wanted to sit here chatting with his murderer, but the man was a study in all things unexpected it seemed. There was a part of Sin that wondered if suicide would have been McCall's fate even if the Agency hadn't come calling. No one, no matter how prepared they were, accepted death this easily when it was being handed down by someone else.

"It doesn't disturb me but it surprises me," Sin said finally.

McCall poured himself another drink, letting his gaze stray out the large window that sat behind him. "All living things die at some point, the war should have been evidence enough of that for anyone. I lost three younger brothers and twin daughters in the bombings in Houston. It seems fitting that my life should be lost in just as pointless a way as theirs were. A parent should never outlive a child."

Sin said nothing but he crossed the room and sat down in the chair again, folding his arms over his chest. If the man wanted to talk, he could talk. It seemed to bring him some kind of bizarre comfort. Maybe it had something to do with having been a minister in the past.

"Do you have children?"

"No." Sin hoped he never would. He didn't want to create something like him.

"How old are you?"

"I was born circa 1991."

McCall gazed at him curiously, leaning forward ever so slightly. "How did such a young person get involved in this despicable business?"

Sin hesitated for a moment but then replied, "You could say my father recruited me."

"That's disgusting." The anger in McCall's voice was obvious and it was genuine. His lips thinned into a white line and his slender hands gripped the chair tightly. "How could a parent put his child into such a position?" He shook his head, eyes closing briefly. "I don't understand humanity." He looked at Sin again, pale blue eyes piercing as though he could see directly into his soul.

"How old were you?"

"What difference does it make? I don't need your pity. I don't make excuses for myself. If you knew me better, you wouldn't feel sorry for me. If you knew the things I've done, you wouldn't have that look on your face." Sin looked away, unable to meet the man's steady gaze any longer. There was something nagging at him now, a memory scraping at him and trying to push itself to the forefront. "My birth was nothing but--"

For some reason at that moment a memory erupted to the surface like the moon appearing from behind a group of clouds. A faint haunting voice and the tat-tat-tat of gunfire echoed in his ears, making him falter. Uncertain and confused, Sin abruptly stopped. The sounds were accompanied by an image assaulting him. It was his reoccurring nightmare, but in flashes like a memory. Blood being streaked on grass, slack fingers, blank green eyes and thin fingers clawing at dark earth.

"Your birth was an act of God and inevitably, that is what my death is," McCall said softly.

Sin shook his head, trying to clear the memories, trying to shut the voice away when he stared at McCall. "What?"

McCall took in his expression and the sudden lack of composure. "I said your birth was an act of God; do not listen to anything anyone else tells you. Everyone is put on this Earth for a reason. Everyone has a purpose." He tilted his head and looked at Sin thoughtfully. "I don't think this is your purpose, but maybe it's mine."

Sin squinted at McCall, confusion still clouding his brain as he tried to ignore the voice and the mental image that kept reappearing in his mind. "What does that mean?"

"Maybe my purpose in life was to be killed by you. Maybe my purpose is for you to experience this moment." McCall looked pensive as he nodded to himself as if confirming some thought. "Tell me; did you kill those men they're saying I had murdered? Those men that I idiotically allowed myself to become associated with?"

"Yes." Sin closed his eyes briefly. He had no idea why this was happening now of all times. He licked his lips, shifting nervously in the chair, hands clenching and unclenching in his agitation. He tried to focus on pushing the memories away, if that was even what they were.

"I thought so." McCall nodded again. "Tell me, how long has violence played such a large part of your life? I've known children that were abused all of their lives and they became shattered, dark things, reacting to everything with violence because that's all they know. They always reminded me of alley cats, so skittish and untrusting, always ready to fight." He gave Sin a sidelong look. "More importantly, when's the last time you felt love?"

The question was so startling that it distracted Sin enough that he was jolted out of the turmoil in his mind. "What? I don't know. Never." Sin shook his head again and focused on McCall. "What does it matter?"

McCall raised an eyebrow. "You'll never know anything else but violence until you've felt love. When I was young, I was very angry. My parents were drug addicts and we were always needy. I hated the world for a long time but then I met my wife and everything changed. I changed. When someone believes in you, it's miraculous how you suddenly start to believe in yourself, how you suddenly want to become the person that they see. If it wasn't for her, I'd have never had the drive to do the things I did to get where I am today."

Just as soon as the memory receded, Sin's mind was overtaken by something else. The words made him think about the person he'd been trying so hard to push out of his mind.
Now instead of seeing a strange, long forgotten death scene, he saw Boyd's smile and the way it lit up his face. Instead of seeing bloody fingers curling up defensively as green eyes that were so like his own stared at an unseen attacker, he saw Boyd's pale, slim fingers curling around the remote right before he threw it at Sin, telling Sin he didn't want to hurt him. Instead of a field of grass and streaks of blood shining under a huge moon, he remembered Boyd gazing at him with an amused smile and a softened expression.

He didn't know if these memories were any better or any more comforting but he didn't even care at that point. He was just thankful that the flashbacks weren't there anymore. That he wasn't seeing his father in that state anymore. That he didn't have to figure out what the hell that memory had even been or where it'd come from.

There was a question Sin wanted to ask but he knew he shouldn't. He knew that this was just what McCall did-- at-risk youth counseling, even though Sin was long past being a youth. But McCall seemed to want to pick his brain anyway. He seemed to want to understand what made Sin tick and in the process, his words were ringing true and making Sin want to say more than he knew he should.

"What about if someone seems to care for you as a friend?" The last word wound up coming out sarcastically and it made the entire question seem laced with bitterness.

"Sometimes the love of a friend is the purest kind. Unless you're rich and very generous, the love of a friend is usually unconditional and more genuine than anything else in the world."

For some reason the simple statement, so laced with unacknowledged truths that Sin didn't want to deal with, was the last straw. He couldn't sit there anymore playing therapy. He couldn't sit there getting schooled on how to feel and having it actually make sense in his mind. Not when the man who was schooling him was turning ashen; only moments away from death. So Sin stood up, hands once again balling into fists as he stared down at McCall.

Sin felt the slow burn of shame. The guilt that ate away at him during the entire mission was growing in intensity and he knew that he had to get away.

He hadn't known people could be like this-- He hadn't known men like McCall actually existed. He didn't understand why it was possible that someone he'd just met, someone he'd just killed, could evoke such feelings in him. Most of all he didn't understand how this man could know him so well. How he could say things that seemed so right. How he could explain six months
'
worth of confusion in two sentences.

He couldn't stand to sit there anymore and watch as McCall looked at him with pity. So he damned his orders and left without another word.

Chapter 20

It was February 11 when Carhart called Sin and informed him that he was to meet Boyd at a motel in Toronto on the thirteenth. There was a small group there being run by an alleged core member of Janus named Alexis Denis; she was gaining support easily and expanding membership. It seemed as though they were now trying to set up a base in Canada. They were to negotiate with the woman, try to turn her to their side and if that was not possible, to attempt to bring her back alive for
Intel
gathering.

It was right on the tail end of his McCall mission and his mood had not improved. It had actually gotten worse as he watched the fallout unravel on the news, as McCall was demonized even further by the media even after his supposed suicide. It was one of those times where Sin knew that it would be better if he could just be left alone. He wanted to take his anger and frustration out on someone. Having a mission with Boyd was a terrible idea, and he knew it from the start. Not only was he still determined to just sever the connection that they'd previously had in an attempt to wipe the slate clean of all of his confusing feelings, but somehow the thing with McCall had made his irritation toward Boyd worsen.

It had started on the plane ride over to Canada. It had given Sin an unfortunate amount of time to ruminate on things. He hated the Agency, he hated having to do their dirty work, and at the moment he felt even more disgusted with Boyd for jumping to do anything to get their work done. Because of this, he wasn't prepared to face his partner especially when they hadn't even seen each other in nearly a month.

Sin got to the motel a few minutes early, stepping in and locking the door behind him.

Boyd was crouched over a table, a panel laid out in front of him while he made notes on a pad at his side. At the sound of the door opening he looked up, his eyes catching on Sin's face. There were some dark circles under Boyd's eyes and he looked a little more pale than Sin remembered. For a second he looked strangely almost hopeful which quickly shifted to disappointed and then wary. That was gone the second Boyd flicked his eyes back down to the panel and his expression turned blank.

"Hello," Boyd said, flipping to a different screen on the panel with a swish of his fingertips.

"What are we doing?" Sin asked automatically, dumping his pack on the floor unceremoniously.

"Search and retrieve," Boyd replied without inflection. He didn't look up from the panel as he spoke. "I did some recon yesterday. The compound is monitored by microphones triggered to react to suspicious sounds. Cameras follow the motion. There are also live guards. More of it can be explained on site, but the compound is an old tourist attraction. There are four buildings, one story each, and I'm not positive but I think I have an idea of which one she may be in."

He reached into a bag next to him and slid a box across the table in Sin's direction, finally looking up at his partner again. "I picked up GPS wristwatches at the Artillery to aid us."

"And what's that supposed to do?"

"We can track each other." He pulled off the wristwatch he was already wearing and demonstrated to Sin as he explained. "She's likely to be in the northern or western building. If we split up, we can each silently search for her and whoever finds her first can alert the other. If you press the button, the other person has a very limited ability to track you through GPS. A light will flash red, and turn green as they get closer. The lines that will appear on the screen represent grid points on the maps and a compass is built in if you press the button twice in quick succession to change screens. If you hit it three times, a fake digital watch screen appears so the watch will not seem suspicious if anyone investigates you."

He put the watch back on. "I thought this would be the easiest way to stay in contact while remaining radio silent. They seem to be monitoring radio waves and I don't know what channels we otherwise would be able to use without being overheard."

"Why don't we just plan to meet at whatever point at a certain time and bypass all of this?" Sin asked impatiently, checking his weapons.

"It's not that difficult to use these," Boyd said with a shrug. "And we want to get in and out. If we set a certain time, we run the risk of not finding her before that or having to wait and possibly getting caught. This way we know immediately when she's found. There's an emergency signal built in, too. So we could plan to meet at a designated point off the compound once she's found and we've both found a point of egress, but if anything happens before then we could activate the emergency alert to call for backup from the other."

"Or we could just go in together and find her before bringing her in. At least then we know what's going on with the other if there's radio silence, unless you want me to text you every time something crops up."

"We could but we can cut the time in half and run less of a risk of being seen if we split up," Boyd responded. His tone was largely still neutral but it was starting to grow tight. "The buildings are large and don't seem like they have many easily accessible hiding places within so if we're together we may raise an alarm. I was thinking we would only alert the other in the event of needing backup or having found Alexis."

Sin made a face, shaking his head. "It just seems like over-complicating the whole matter. Besides, you said you pinpointed her possible location."

Boyd sighed explosively and shoved the panel away. "I said it was possible, not that I knew for sure. I have it narrowed down to two of the buildings with the likelihood higher in one. I spent two days trying to think of the best way to deal with this situation based on the compound layout, technology, guards and number of hostiles, and you haven't looked at a single blueprint yet. Can you just not challenge my every idea for once?"

"Why don't you listen for once?" Sin replied sarcastically, flicking Boyd a once over before scoffing. "But I forgot, you don't have to. You know it all. And that's worked out so well for you lately, hasn't it?"

Boyd's eyes narrowed and his back stiffened. His voice was cold when he spoke. "When you show up and tell me I'm wrong and you know better without knowing anything about the terrain, layout, or situation, it makes me a little less likely to scrap everything to accommodate your delicate sensibilities."

"What the fuck were you rambling on about, if that wasn't telling me the situation and layout?" Sin demanded, turning to face Boyd again. All shreds of patience were blown and his face twisted into a scowl. "I think I got the picture-- you want to run around with no form of communication just because you're afraid you might get seen, rather than go in together and simplify the matter. And for someone who doesn't even have basic knowledge about the organization you work for, it's pretty hilarious that you have balls to be on a high horse talking down to me about how to run a mission."

Boyd slammed his hands on the table and stood up, his expression turning cold with anger. "You know what, Sin? I get it. I'm a terrible fucking agent, everyone's a better agent than me, everyone knows better and I should just fucking disappear. My plans never work and I shouldn't base anything on the successful missions I've had in the past because clearly I don't know what I'm doing. I can't ever be right because you've been at this so much longer than me. Everyone has. Is that what you want to say to me?"

Sin scoffed, unmoved by the outburst. "I said what I wanted to say to you. But if you want to be a dramatic little bitch about it, go right ahead. It wouldn't be the first time."

Boyd grit his teeth and his eyebrows lowered into a glare. His chest moved a little more quickly than usual and his fingers curled against the table, his eyes bright with anger as they centered on Sin. "Fuck you," he ground out.

"No thanks, sweetheart. That brief moment of insanity has passed."
Boyd's lips parted, his eyes narrowing before he abruptly turned his back on Sin. His back was stiff and his movements were sharp as he threw the panel and other items into an open duffel bag. He zipped the bag with a jerk of his hand and threw the handle over his shoulder. He didn't say anything to Sin but his expression had hardened, his jaw set and eyes narrowed into slits. He walked out of the room.

The ride to the location was spent in silence. The tension grew stronger as they sat there, forced into close quarters where they couldn't ignore the other. Boyd drove, his fingers digging into the steering wheel and expression thunderous.

When they got there, the car rocked when Boyd hit the brakes harder than necessary. He put the car in park and unbuckled his seat belt in the same movement. His jaw was set in a hard line and Sin barely got a glance at his face before Boyd grabbed the duffel bag out of the back seat and slammed the
driver’s
side door shut when he got out. He strode across the clearing in the forest without speaking.

When Sin followed, he took out one of his guns and looked around. He had no idea which plan they were following and by this point, he'd stopped caring. He started to turn to Boyd to see what he intended but realized that Boyd had started moving away.

He walked straight toward the perimeter, dropping the bag down into one hand and suddenly throwing it violently to the side. The whirring of cameras followed the bag's movement when it crashed into a tree and Boyd walked straight into the open without bothering to protect himself at all. He kept his hand at his side, but in the failing light of the day the glint could be seen off a gun he held. And Sin realized why the bag had been open; Boyd had armed himself.

"Oh, what the
fuck
," Sin muttered and stared at Boyd incredulously before following him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded, irritation heightening. First Boyd had treated him like a moron and now he wasn't even following his own plan. He felt fed up with Boyd and had a strong desire to leave him there.

Boyd looked over at Sin, reckless anger burning in his glare. "I'm making you happy," he said darkly. A flurry of snow drifted from the sky, twirling around him as he turned cold eyes back to the building.
Alerted by the cameras, six people came out only to be confronted by the two intruders striding toward the front door. They looked startled but it didn't take them long to fall back into a formation, guns aimed at them.

"Stop immediately or we'll shoot!" one of the men yelled as a warning.

Boyd looked at the man sidelong but did not stop. "I'm here to negotiate," he told them loudly, and shot the man in the head without even bothering to wait for a reply.

The alarm Sin suddenly felt completely outweighed his annoyance but before he could even comprehend the fact that Boyd had just killed someone in cold blood, he was on autopilot. Five men were pointing guns at Boyd and that's all that really mattered to him at the moment. Especially considering the fact that Boyd was striding towards them recklessly, either not caring or not noticing that he was three seconds away from being pumped full of bullets.

In the brief second it took for the men to wrench their stupefied gazes from their fallen comrade and focus on Boyd once again, Sin was reacting automatically. Twin Rugers appeared in his hands between one blink and the next, and he took out the other five before they had a chance to fire a single shot.

The main door to the compound had shut behind the men when they ran out and as no one else appeared yet to attack them it was assumed they must have heard the gunshots and were preparing themselves inside. There could have been someone on the other side of the door with a gun aimed right at him but Boyd did not even stop to check.

He simply kicked the door open and strode into the front hallway, barely bothering to dodge a bullet that skimmed past his arm. He put only minimal effort into dodging anything aimed at him. It was solely the initial confusion of the moment and the fact no one had the chance yet to properly get to their stations that he was not overcome by a barrage of bullets immediately.

"Boyd, what the fuck are you doing?" Sin shouted as he ran after him. He burst into the compound and was nearly hit by two bullets as confused shouting echoed around him. Avoiding the fire was typically easy for him, but it became more difficult when he was also trying to keep Boyd from getting himself killed.

Boyd headed down the hall ahead of him but Sin was apparently seen as the larger threat at the moment because the hostiles immediately focused on him. They aimed their guns at him, yelling orders to each other and requesting backup. Sin's eyes flicked around quickly, taking into account the position of hostiles in the room. He ended up dismissing the threat, ducking out of the way of the gunfire and sprinting after Boyd again. He sheathed one gun and tried to grab Boyd but his hand missed by centimeters when Boyd moved to the side and the bullet he avoided nearly got Sin in the face.

Sin threw himself away quickly with a curse, but while Boyd kept walking ahead of him the men in the room finally got their act together to fire at them more accurately. He stopped trying to talk sense into Boyd and went fully into mission mode. Sin whipped out his second Ruger and turned his back to the wall, quickly eliminating one-third of the people in his perimeter with single shots to their heads. He had to keep moving to keep from being an easy target himself.

Ahead of him he saw Boyd stumble and the shadow of a hostile aiming a gun. Alternating between killing the people trying to kill Boyd and protecting himself from the fire behind them, Sin was caught at a standstill briefly. It took only seconds to kill the remaining people in the main room, but that was enough time for Boyd to get far enough ahead of him that Sin almost couldn't cover him anymore. Reloading his guns with spare magazines in the space of a second, Sin ran after Boyd again. They were almost immediately caught by another rush of hostiles who flooded into the next room.