Ever: The Ever Trilogy, Book One (Volume 1) (8 page)

Once we were settled into the rickety old seat, he scooted a bit closer to me so the sides of our legs were touching. My heart rate picked up speed. He rested his left hand on my leg, palm up, and looked at me with those gorgeous blue eyes, both expectant and playful. I looked back and forth from his hand to his face, and placed my hand in his. He wove his fingers through mine, and at the touch of him, the excited feeling shot through me again. I smiled what I’m sure was a too big and too ridiculous, toothy grin, but I couldn’t help it. I swear I could almost
feel
my skin vibrating. I was amazed that he couldn’t hear my heart thumping away in my chest. It was practically
all
I could hear.

We sat quietly as the Ferris wheel slowly began its ascent. Between last night’s date at the beach and all the talking through dinner, I was pretty sure he had learned just about
everything
there was to know about me. Except my biggest secret, of course.

The silence was welcomed because I didn’t know if I could talk even if I wanted to with the crazy feelings running through me. I still hadn’t gotten much out of him—or anything at all, really—but I planned to turn the tables and grill
him
on our next date. The excitement of that thought set my heart pounding even more. A third date
. Yes, I want that very badly.

The sun was gone from the horizon, but I could make out most of the coastline’s twinkling lights, so since we were delayed for the time being as people boarded the ride below us, I took the chance to point out a few landmarks along the coast.

He
took the chance to lean in toward me.

I was mid-sentence, pointing something out to him, when I froze, realizing what he was doing. I inhaled a quick breath as my heart rate increased once again.
Holy shit.

He leaned over and lightly brushed his thumb against my lips, sending tingles through my entire face. His other hand still held my hand between us, and I hoped it wasn’t sweating profusely.

My mouth was open—both from the shock of his touch and the fact that I had been talking just seconds ago—and I quickly shut it, swallowing loudly, and hoping that he couldn’t tell how nervous I was. Or how incredibly
excited
I was by the prospect of my very first kiss.

Oh god. What if I’m bad?

My heart raced in anticipation and fear, and the butterflies in my stomach moved from light fluttering to somersaults and back flips. My entire body seemed filled with sensations totally foreign to me. Feelings and worries I’d never experienced.

He licked his lips, leaned in further, and kissed me. He was a bit hesitant at first, kissing me slowly and gently, making sure he wasn’t overstepping any boundaries.

I closed my eyes and leaned in to him, my lips parting just a bit, mimicking his, and following his lead. It felt both strange and exciting to kiss him, our tongues slightly touching, and his lips moving around mine. He kissed me delicately and each change in the movement of his lips sent intense shivers down my spine. Warmth built deep in my belly, and I feared I might laugh from the nervous excitement of it all.

After a moment that was far too short, the Ferris wheel began its descent, and Toby pulled away to look at me with those velvety blue-black eyes. I couldn’t help the smile that pulled fiercely at my lips.

He smiled, and this time I was
sure
he could hear my heart beating. How could he not? I sure could. It thumped away rapidly in my ears, deafening in its excitement. It was a feeling I hoped would never go away.

Frankie’s face popped into my mind again, and the moment was ruined. He’d never be my first kiss. I shook my head, trying to push my thoughts of Frankie far, far away. Toby, catching the slight movement and seemingly feeling uncertain, looked at me with a question in his eyes. His smile faltered ever so slightly, and I silently cursed Frankie for making me feel that way and for his terrible timing, popping into my head so unwarranted.

”Was that okay?”

“Oh, yes,
definitely
okay!
More
than okay!”
Whoa. Slow down, girl.
I was rambling again, my awkwardness back with a vengeance. I reached up and smoothed my hair, trying to gain some composure as I felt my trademark red cheeks make their unwanted entrance.

He smiled mischievously at me, then pressed one last, long kiss to my lips. Squeezing my hand, he leaned back in the seat as the Ferris wheel shook its way around and around. We sat in silence for the rest of the ride, and I couldn’t even look over at him without blushing. I knew I must have had the most ridiculous grin on my face, probably bordering on maniacal, but I was well past the point of hiding it, and well past the point of caring.

I’d been waiting around for Frankie my entire life. I’d never dated anyone before his death, and I hadn’t dated anyone since. Loving Frankie had been the only thing that mattered for as long as I could remember. Safe, comfortable, and almost normal for me. I couldn’t see past it, and I didn’t want to.

But now.

This
moment.
This
kiss.

Perfection.

My first kiss was something I knew I’d never forget—that’s a given. But somehow I couldn’t imagine anyone’s first kiss being like what I’d just shared with Toby. A kiss a girl waited for her whole life. I just knew it. I was determined to bask in it, and I was determined to get over whatever impossible feelings I’d been holding onto for Frankie. Loving Frankie was holding me back. I’d just never really known it.

As the Ferris wheel reached the top again, Toby kissed me once more. This time, his hands held my face and all feeling in my body seemed to rush up to meet his fingertips, to focus in on the places where his skin connected with mine.

As I relaxed into the kiss, I realized something bittersweet. No matter what, Frankie would never be able to kiss me like that.

He will never be able to make me feel like this.

W
hen we pulled up and parked in front of our houses, my mom and dad were standing outside with their arms crossed. Waiting. Seething.
Shit.
Well, truthfully, looking at them a bit longer I could see that my mom was seething, but my poor dad just looked uncomfortable, like he was only standing there because she’d
made
him wait with her. He transferred his weight from foot to foot as if he was as nervous as I suddenly was.

”Shoot. What time is it?”

We looked at the clock on the dashboard in unison. It was only just after nine. I couldn’t figure out why they were so angry. My curfew was ten on weeknights, and we’d really never set a curfew for weekends or Holidays since I never stayed out too late anyway, when I even bothered leaving the house. Either way, coming home after nine shouldn’t have been a problem.

Toby got out of the car first and walked over to open my door. Even under the scrutiny of my parents’ seemingly disapproving eyes, he remembered his manners.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Van Ruysdael. Is everything all—?”

“Eleanor Victoria. Please, come inside. Good Night, Toby.”

Oh no. That just happened.
The first name I’d hated as long as I’d been able to pronounce it. Thanks to my mother, I would no longer be keeping
that
part of my life a secret from Toby.
Eleanor.
I looked at Toby with my eyes wide, mortified that he now knew the truth, but he wasn’t focusing on that part. I could tell he was just as confused as I was about my parents’ anger.

He mouthed “I’m sorry” as he watched me turn and walk up the driveway to my awaiting parents.

Once inside the house, I heard a car door shut, and the engine start up as Toby drove away. I was only able to briefly ponder why he wasn’t just going inside his own house next door before my mom started in on me.

“Do you
know
how
old
he is, Ever?”

Oh.
Well that hadn’t taken long.

“Mom, wait … .”

“That boy is twenty-two years old! Twenty
-two
, Ever
! You
are seventeen!
Seventeen
!” Her voice was going up in pitch with each word flying out of her mouth. My dad slightly cringed each time.

“Mom, seriously, wait. I know I’m seventeen, but I’m also a
senior
in high school, and I’m leaving for college soon! How old do you think the boys will be in the fall, Mom? When I’m away … at
college
?”

“But … .”

My mom’s open mouth slammed shut as the truth of my words sank in. I had a point, and she knew it. Seventeen or not, we had been discussing college for a while, and my parents were
supposed
to be prepared. I’d be leaving in the fall, and Jessie and I were going to be roommates. My parents had been okay with that idea. Or at least I’d thought they were. Somehow, they must have never even considered I’d be dating college-aged boys sometime in the near future.

Judging by the widening of my mom’s eyes as she pondered this concept, I knew I was right—it had never even occurred to her. She looked up helplessly at my dad, who in turn looked to me for help.

Good grief.

“Mom. Dad. Seriously. He’s twenty-two, not forty-two. I’m not a baby, and you have raised me well. I’m smart, okay? I’m not going to run off and have sex with the first guy who picks me up in a fast car, so relax!”

My mom’s face paled just a tad at the mention of sex, but Dad seemed to see that I was right. He put his arm around Mom and looked at me with pride.

“Honey, you’re right. You
are
a smart girl, and we
have
raised you well. There’s absolutely no reason we shouldn’t trust you.” He gave my mom a squeeze, eliciting a little squeak from her. “You are mature beyond your years, Ev, and we know you will make the right choices for your life … don’t we, Annabelle?”

My mom kind of nodded her head and smiled a confused grin. Another uncomfortable squeak escaped her lips, which I took as her way of conceding.

“Great. So that’s settled. I’m going to go to my room now, okay?” I kissed them both on the cheek, told them I loved them, then wished them a good night. I grabbed a cold Cactus Cooler from the kitchen on the way to my room.

As I replayed the conversation in my head, I realized something that hadn’t occurred to me before. To my parents, who had never tried to talk me out of it, my love for Frankie was
safe
. They’d never had to worry about me kissing boys or experimenting with sex. I’d never had my heart broken or come home crying after a particularly bad break up. I could see how they would find comfort in my loving a boy I couldn’t possibly ever have. They were okay with my futureless feelings for Frankie because those feelings protected me.

I think it’s why I was okay with those feelings as well. Loving Frankie was safe.

Huh.

I sat down, logged into Gmail, and found an excited email from Jessie. The subject line read “OMG EVER!” and I could almost hear the exclamation in Jessie’s voice as I read it. She started off by chastising me for not calling her after my date yesterday or even today.

Shoot.
I hadn’t meant to forget, I’d just … not remembered. It was kind of like my issues with time. I wasn’t really great with time
or
remembering things. Jessie knew me well, so after the quick reprimand, she began the interrogation about last night’s date with Toby. I could just picture her face all lit up with curiosity as she wrote the email, the image made me smile. I was super excited to tell her about Toby. I began typing a response and then changed my mind. This kind of girl talk deserved a phone call. I took a sip of my soda and reached for the phone.

“That stuff will rot your teeth, Doll.”

I just about flew out of my chair.

“Shit!
Frankie!
What are you doing in here?”

Frankie raised his eyebrows and put a finger to his lips in an effort to quiet me. He was right of course; this would be a bad scene if my parents caught wind of it.

Geez, luckily I hadn’t been changing or something! I was somewhat irritated that he thought he could just waltz on into my room whenever he felt like it now, but I hadn’t closed the door, so I guessed it was my own fault.

I remembered what was on my computer screen and suddenly felt insanely guilty about my two dates with Toby. The last thing I wanted Frankie to see was what I’d started to write in response to Jessie before I’d thought better of it and reached for the phone. I quickly sat back down and tried to square my shoulders so they would block my computer screen.

“What are you doing in here, Frankie? Mom will have a
cow
!”

He just smiled at me conspiratorially, and I rolled my eyes at him, turning back around to click out of my Gmail account.

Unsure of what to say to him, I asked the first question that came to mind. “Where have you been, anyway?”

“Well whaddya know, Dollface … I was about to ask you the same question.”