Ever the Same (21 page)

“I do. I like sammiches and toast and garlic bread and—”

“I like garlic breads too!” Randi’s squeal filled the cab.

“With spasketti?”

“Spaghetti,” Audie said.

“Uh-huh. Meatballs too. Spaspettis and meatballs!”

How were two kids twelve times as loud? Dixon laid his head back against the seat rest, letting their chatter roll off.

Audie touched his leg. “You okay?”

“I’m better than I’ve been in a week.” And that was the truth.

“Oh good. I love to see you smile, Dixon.”

“Yesterday was… well, you know. Today will be better.” It had to be.

“It will. We’ll eat, maybe take the kids on a drive.”

“I’d like that. Very much.” Yes, please.

“Cool. Grainger was wanting to go out over the bridge, maybe shop for some new swim trunks.”

“Yeah? Have you grown, Grainger?”

“I have! My ones from last year don’t hardly cover my heinie no more.”

“Oh man. Swim trunks ahoy.” Adorable.

“Daddy, can I get something too?” Randi asked.

“Oops,” Audie murmured. “Sorry.”

“No worries. I bet there’s a swimsuit somewhere for you.”

“Yay!”

The kids went a little nuts after that, but that meant they quieted down at the diner.

The place was busy enough that they didn’t get too much attention, and the kids occupied themselves with their crayons and place mats.

Audie touched his leg with the toe of one boot. “So, you okay? Really?”

“No. I mean, shit man, they pounced on me. I felt attacked.”

“That sucks.”

“I deserved a little warning. I mean, I’m a burden, but….” He had money, damn it, and he was trying. He just didn’t know how.

“You’re not a burden.” Audie sounded as if he was grinding his teeth. “They need to watch that shit.”

“I don’t know how to start figuring out what to do.”

“Well, what is it you want to do? I reckon that has to matter most.”

“I want….” What did he want? “I want my life back. I want my daughter to have a good life with me. I want….” He dropped his voice. “I want you, Audie.”

Audie drew in a breath. Dixon heard it, and it made him smile. That was a good thing, that little inhalation.

“I want you too.”

“I want pancakes,” Grainger hooted. He knew Grainger had just heard part of their conversation. The want part.

“I want french toast!” he countered.

“I want grits and sausage and a biscuit!” Another nation was heard from.

“I want a bite of everything,” Audie said, and they all cracked up.

They ordered a massive amount of food, coffee for them, juice for the kiddos. Dixon let himself relax and listen to the ebb and flow of conversations around him.

He had his fingers wrapped around his coffee cup, holding on, the warmth seeping into his hands. This was the good stuff, the stuff he wasn’t about to give up on because his mom thought he needed to cope better.

Randi was holding forth about her visit in Houston, and every so often she’d clank her spoon against something glass. A plate, he thought. It sounded heavier than a drinking glass, and they tended to give kids the plastic ones in this place. Must be a sugar container, then? He couldn’t imagine Audie letting her whack his coffee cup. “They have a room for me and everything, but I wanted to come home.”

“Yeah? I bet. Did you miss me and Grainger so bad?” Audie teased.

“Sarge, mostly.” He could almost see her eyes twinkle. She was such a smart kid.

“Ah, well, he looks for you all the time.”

“Oh. Oh, does he? Can I come over soon? Please, Mr. Audie?”

“Randi…,” Dixon warned.

“It’s okay, Dix. A girl and her horse need to be together.” Audie chuckled. “How about Thursday?”

“Yes, sir. Please. Thank you. I’ll bring apples and sugar cubes and carrots.”

“Only a little of each, though, huh? Unless you want to share with Skamp and Layla and all.”

“Oh, I will so much share. I will. Grainger, have you learned any new songs on the guitar?”

And off they went, jabbering like the best of friends.

“Do you remember when they hated each other?” he asked.

“Yep. I keep hoping they’ll stay friends.” Audie sounded amused as hell.

“It’ll come and go.”

“It will.” Audie touched him again, this time his hand. “Coffee at twelve. Water at two.”

“Thank you.” He moved carefully, found his water. It was the little victories. The clock thing had finally begun to make sense about a month ago, his muscle memory telling his hand where to go.

“You’re getting damn good at that, Dix.”

“Thanks. I’ve been practicing.” The praise shouldn’t make him so damned happy, but no one else ever offered any. Audie was like sunshine.

A featherlight touch brushed his thigh, the caress making his muscles jerk. Audie chuckled, and he knew he’d been a little obvious.

“Did you pinch Daddy, Mr. Audie?”

“I did. Making sure he’s paying attention, huh?”

“Oh, Daddy Ron said Daddy was like a bunny.”

Oh Jesus.

Audie choked audibly. “No kidding?”

“Uh-huh. Bunnies hop around a lot and aren’t very… uh… pay attention-y.”

“Well, there you go. Someone has to make sure he’s following.”

Dixon swore he could feel Audie staring, grinning at him.

The food came then, and everyone went quiet. Randi was the one to quietly point out where everything sat on his plate, and Dixon realized he hadn’t ordered a breakfast sandwich. Real food. Go him.

He cut his toast with his fork, only missing a few times, fork scraping on the plate. No one seemed to notice, though, and he heard Audie cutting up food for the kids.

“How’s your food, Daddy?”

“Good. I love french toast.”

“It has all the icky eggs,” she said.

“Eggs are good. Yummy. I love eggs.” He had to tease; Randi hated them.

“Ewwww.”

Grainger made this amazing snorting sound, and he had a feeling something had just made its way through the kid’s nose.

“Grainger!” Randi started hooting, the sound wild.

“Hey! We’re inside, you heathens.” Audie could sound stern when he wanted.

“Yes, sir.”

“Yes, Mr. Audie. I’m sorry.”

Dixon hid a grin in his coffee. Lord. The forks started clanking on plates, telling him everyone had gone back to eating.

He managed to eat his food, and Randi nudged him. “You missed a bacon.”

“Did I?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Here,” Audie said, and the crispy bacon nudged his lips. He opened instinctively, the bite just about perfect, the tiniest hint of syrup on the meat.

“Daddy fed you.” Grainger sounded a little shocked.

“He did.” He didn’t know what else to say.

“Is that a problem, kiddo?” Audie didn’t sound too worried.

“I… I don’t guess so.”

Randi snorted. “Boyfriends can feed each other if they’re grown up and everyone wants to.”

Audie made a strangled noise, an almost laugh. Dixon chuckled, and Grainger gagged dramatically. “No boyfriends. Or girlfriends either.”

“We’re not grown-ups, Grainger.” So practical, his girl.

“Good.” Grainger made a that’s that sort of noise. “Can I have more juice?”

“If I can have more coffee,” Audie answered, still laughing under his breath. “If ‘everyone wants to’? Where did she get that?”

Dixon nodded. “No means no, man.”

“Ah. Good lessons.”

“Yeah. We wanted her to get it. That her body belongs to her. Nobody else.”

Audie touched his hand. “You’re a good dad.”

“I try.” Ron had been a great dad, but he’d been there during the days, the teething, the colic.

“You do. I love that about you.”

Love.

Audie just said it, right there in front of the kids, like it was the easiest thing ever.

He sat there like an idiot, not knowing what to say.

Finally he just smiled, nodded, and reached for his coffee cup. That seemed to be exactly the thing to do. Just be there with Audie, eating breakfast.

Like a family.

Chapter 15

The kids
were splashing. A lot. The shallow water felt good on his feet, and Audie just hoped no one ran into a catfish.

Windsurf Bay park was still quiet this early on a Sunday, and there was a playground for when the kids got tired of playing in the water.

That meant he got to park his ass in a lawn chair with Dix and just be. They had a cooler, snacks, all that. He liked it.

Dixon was turning his water bottle over and over in his hand, the motion smooth, rhythmic. Someone was thinking too hard for such a pretty day, but Audie wasn’t gonna tell him to cut it out. Dix had a lot to worry on.

“You want to talk about it?” Audie asked.

“I just don’t know what to do. I keep trying to come up with a plan, and I’m empty.”

“What kind of a plan?”

“I don’t want to lose Randi. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know how to do all the things I’m supposed to without help.”

“Okay.” Audie paused, weighing his words. “I want to help.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I’m a bad bet. I know that.”

“Well, you’re my bad bet, and I want to hang on.”

“I know there’s a school for the blind in Austin on 45th, but that’s in Austin.”

“There’s not anything in Dallas?” Audie figured Dallas had to be big enough to have something, right?

“I don’t know. Dallas is huge, though. I guess…. Okay, I have to admit, I’ve been scared to start. It’s been more than a year since I lost my sight, but I just…. God, Audie, I’ve been frozen.”

“Well, I’m not Mr. Technology, but we can do some stuff online.” There was that voice software for Dix, right?

“Yeah. I need to get a laptop. Ron was good at that stuff, but I had a working knowledge of e-mails and Facebook. Music software.”

“Well, okay. So we get you a computer, get some of that software that helps you. Hell, you got your phone all but doing backflips.”

Dixon pinked, grinned. “I do, huh? I should have gone back home to get Ron’s laptop, but…. We haven’t gone back once.”

Audie wavered, not sure what to say, but then he just plowed on. “Uh, would it be weird if I drove you down to get some stuff? I mean, is the house rented out or something?”

“No. No, it’s empty. We could go. I remember the code for the security system. Do… do you think they’re right? Do you think I should give her up?”

“Absolutely not.” He’d fought so hard for Grainger, not because his momma had wanted him, but because a lot of folks thought a single, teenaged man shouldn’t be raising a baby. He couldn’t imagine letting someone take his kid.

“They have money and their sight, but… I’m her daddy.”

“She needs you.” Audie would never stop saying it because it was true.

“And I need her.”

“Yep. So giving her up? Not an option.” Audie glanced around, then reached over to take Dixon’s hand.

“No. Not an option. Neither is staying permanently at my folks.”

“Well, no.” Audie chewed his lip. No way could Dix come stay at the ranch, though. Not with his mom and all. She sure didn’t approve.

“Maybe I should get an apartment in town.”

“I guess we need to see what’s what with the State and all. What they can help with.” They had to start somewhere.

“Yeah. Yeah, I have money. I mean, I’m not rich, but I have enough to live on. Ron was good about that.”

“Oh, honey, I ain’t worried about that. We can figure it.”

“Well, I don’t want you to think that I can’t contribute. I want to be a real person.”

“You totally are.” God, that had to suck, feeling like a ghost. He would find shit for Dix to get involved in, damn it.

“When I’m with you, I feel that way. With you and Randi and Grainger.”

“Good.”

“Daddy! Daddy, look, I can stand on one foot.” Grainger made like a stork.

“I can do a cartwheel in the water!” Randi answered.

“Uh-uh.”

“Can too!” She did a damn fine impersonation of a cartwheel, and Grainger gasped.

“Teach me?”

“Sure. You just do this.” And she cartwheeled again.

“That’s a lot of splashing.” Dixon was smiling, though.

“’Kay. My turn.” Grainger crashed into the water.

“No. No. I’ll help you. Try again.”

The kids really went to town, splashing like mad. They were gonna nap today, for sure.

“They sound like they’re having fun.”

“They are. Randi is good at the gymnastics.”

“Yeah? She went to a class for little bitty girls in Austin, at her daycare.”

“Ah. Well, she can teach Grainger a few things.”

“Right. Good.” Dixon pinched the bridge of his nose, hard.

“You okay?” Maybe the sun was too hot.

“I’m scared. I’m fucking scared of everything, and I’m tired of it. I keep thinking, I’ll do this or I’ll do that, and then all the reasons that I can’t start leaking in.”

“Well, we need to sit together and brainstorm. I’m okay at can-do.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we do. We need some time to.”

Audie nodded. “Well, Randi wants to come ride. We’ll put the kids in front of a movie and talk turkey after.”

“That works for me. Grainger needs a guitar lesson. We’ve been slacking.”