Everlasting (Night Watchmen, #1) (30 page)

There’s so much pain in his voice, so much innocence lost… I connect to it. I knew what it felt like to have parents gone all the time, serving a purpose higher than ourselves. I knew what it felt like to stare out the window and stay up late into the night, waiting for them to come home. And I knew what it was like to have them ripped away from me because of who we are.

“I’m really sorry about him,” I say mournfully, knowing deep down that words will never be enough to cure the pain of losing a parent. I think back to what Gavin had said about him, about how his mother had left them after their father died, and stealing away Jaxen’s faith in people with her. He’s scarred…just like the rest of us. And he’s searching for a cure…just like the rest of us.

Gently, he takes my hand and caresses it with his thumb, sending tremors of warmth and pleasure across my skin. “Yeah, me too,” he says sadly. “I was 13 when he died because of the curse.”

Shards of pain scrape at the back of my throat. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to ask how, but I feel like I should bear this weight with him. I’m fumbling, stumbling, falling right alongside of him as I hold tight to his hand.

“He was just…gone one day,” he continues, his hand squeezing mine, like he needs it to keep himself steady, like it can protect him from the Demons that still haunt him. “I don’t think I’ve ever come to terms with it. I don’t
want to, because that means I’ll have to let him go. I just…he was who I wanted to be when I grew up. He was my…” His head falls. “It’s just not fair.”

I pull him into a hug, and he releases a breath that sounds like it had been pent up inside of him for a very long time, like he has just confessed something he has clutched onto for far too long. I know it wasn’t easy for him to share that. I find myself actually proud that he did, that he allowed himself to be open, but even more so, I’m flattered that he chose me to be the one he let in.

My heart does a cartwheel at the thought, leaving me slightly loopy. It’s the kind of feeling I think someone feels when they’re falling for someone, or at least on the edges of it.

“Gavin took care of me after that,” he says, his head resting against the top of mine. I can hardly breathe, he’s so close. My hands clench against his jacket. I don’t know where I should put them. I want to roam his back, feel the lines and curves, but I can’t.

“…and my mom...she went a little nuts. He was her Hunter. She lost everything when she lost him. She thought it would be her. To realize he never loved her...” He’s on the verge of falling apart. It’s obvious from the tremble in his words.

A small sigh escapes my lips. I don’t even think, I just pull him closer, holding him tight…holding him together.

We stay like that for awhile, just holding onto one another. I’ve never felt this close to anyone before, not even Katie. I’ve never felt so connected, so understood.

“Thanks for being…being a good friend. Mind if I umm...grab some water? Maybe wash up a little?” I nod. When he steps out of my hug, my soul wants to scream to bring him back. He wears that look again on his face, the one that says he took it too far…he teetered too close to the edge of what he wants.

This throws me into a flurry of confusion. Hot, cold, hot, cold…When will it ever end? He’s like the tide, and I’m like the moon, pushing and pulling…wanting but never being able to commit. I can’t think straight. All I can think about is how he felt against me and how much I want this awkward dance of denial to end, how much I want to just say what’s on my mind, without thinking first and without repercussion.

He walks away from me and into the bathroom, but he doesn’t shut the door. With his back to me, he kicks his shoes off, and then takes his shirt off, tossing it on the marbled sink.

The world spins off its axis. Lust and desire and need threaten to swallow me whole. He’s a vision of perfection. Solid, full muscles curve around his body. Lines of strength and planes of tanned skin stretch along his back, just waiting for my fingers to discover and chart. His pants hang on the edge of his defined hips, stopped only by the swell of his backside.

My mouth almost falls open. My heart almost beats its last beat. My nervous mouth almost stays shut. Almost.

“Did you know that, according to psychologists, it only takes between 90 seconds and four minutes to decide if you have feelings for someone or not?” My hand shoots up to my mouth the moment the sentence is spoken. It has been forever since I spoke a fact, since I felt this awkward in a moment.

I’m flustered. His presence alone hinders my ability to think straight. I drag my hand down my face, cursing the heat building behind my cheeks, and peek at him through the open space of my fingers.

Jaxen stops messing with the towel by the sink and turns just enough to face me. “I’d have to say I can prove them wrong.”

My heart leaps up my throat and into my mouth, binding my tongue. Is he trying to say he doesn’t have feelings for me? Is he trying to say he does? Should I say something? Did I read the signs wrong? I do have a tendency to do that. Just like that one time with this one kid in second grade who accidentally left me a valentines card when…

“Faye?” His voice smoothes over me yet scorches like the fiery burn of whiskey.

I steel myself. No more games. “What does that mean?” I ask boldly.

His shoulders tense the moment I ask. Seconds tick by, and each one that does I make a wish on.
Tell me the truth. Tell me the truth. Please, please tell me. Please open up to me.
I guess I was due for a wish to come true.

He sighs, and I know by the sound that he doesn’t want to say whatever it is he is about to say, but he does anyway. “The statistic was wrong because it didn’t take more than a second for me to realize my feelings. I knew I’d have it bad for you the moment I saw you. I knew you’d be my undoing.”

My blood is electric, waking every nerve ending in my body.
He just told me he liked me. He really just said that.
I’m too shocked to speak, too afraid that this moment is only a dream. I debate whether or not I want to look up at him, because I know the moment I do, all bets will be off. I don’t have to debate for long because he finishes what I cannot.

“But no matter how much this feels right, no matter how much I want this, I can’t risk it. It wouldn’t be fair and it’s dangerous for reasons that you don’t understand. I think it’s best if we just shut it off. Our emotions, I mean. I think we should keep them off when we are around each other. We can’t give in to our weaknesses. We can’t give in to our wants. We have to be strong.”

I look up at him, and I can see in his eyes that he wants me to disagree. He wants me to be the stronger one. He wants…me.

I’m a fiery comet, and he’s the earth, and I’m aimed straight for him.

In two strides, I back him up against the wall, my hand hovering over his rapidly beating heart. “You’ve got it all wrong, Jaxen. Being strong doesn’t mean you have to be fearless and unfeeling. Being strong is choosing to feel it all, to accept the fear and the hurt and the pain that comes with truly being alive so you can learn from it. Being strong is never giving up.”

His eyes are wide and brimming with sorrow and recognition. I take a brave, deep breath and step dangerously close to him. My heart is racing, and my mind spinning with the need to kiss him, to erase the pain from his eyes, to show him strength.

“Don’t hide from your heart, Jaxen,” I say softly. My hands tremble against his chest as I look up into his deep green eyes. I can’t tell whose heart is beating faster anymore. “Don’t deny yourself this. Don’t deny what you feel.”

He opens his mouth, and then shuts it twice before he actually lets out whatever it is he’s thinking. When he does finally speak, it’s like an avalanche of truth rushing out of him.

“I…I can’t stop what’s happening between us. I can’t stop the way my heart skips when I see you.” He pauses, and his words, his voice, his smell, all of it is controlling me like a snake charmer. “This has never happened to me before, Faye. What I feel for you…how much I want you…I’ve tried so hard to make it stop, but nothing I’ve tried has worked. I only agreed to go with Mack to give us space…but the space became too much. And when I heard you’d been attacked…” He stops there, his eyes moving past mine and on into my soul to where the very essence of my heart lies.

“Jaxen, you don’t have to…”

“I do,” he says, his face moving closer to mine. The movement steals my ability to breathe. I forget everything, how to think, how to move. Everything around me disappears under the warmth of his gaze. “I do, because I don’t think I want to spend another moment lying to myself…lying to you. I’ve done enough lying in this life to completely forget who I am and what I wanted for my life. I’ve lived behind the fear of death for so long that I forgot what it felt like to be alive. But when I’m with you…” He grabs my hand, shocking my heart back to life. “When I’m with you…”

He sucks in a breath, and then lifts me up, spinning us to plant me against the wall. His lips crush against mine, devouring me, taking what we’ve both waited for so long to take. My hands find his hair, and his lips find my neck, kissing all the way down to my collarbone and back up. Color rushes from my heart, pouring life back into my soul and into him.

Sparks ignite under my skin where his fingers trail and devour. His lips are soft and warm, and his breath is hot and sweet, and I can’t get enough of him. I can’t find an end. His tongue finds mine, and a hand grips the fabric along my waist, his fingers half on my stomach, burning me to the core. He kisses me harder, more desperately, taking everything I’m offering, taking everything he needs.

Time means nothing inside his arms. Thoughts have no weight. We are two bodies, two souls, connected in pain and love, connected in need. I’m barely hanging by a thread of sanity when he finally pulls back. His body trembles against mine, and his hands shake along my skin. We breathe in sync, warm air coming and going in rapid torrents.

“Faye,” he says, the word sounding more like a plea than my name.

“Don’t,” I beg. I don’t want his words to kill this moment. I don’t want his mind to take from him what he deserves. “Don’t make me another one that couldn’t get through. Just don’t.”

He sets me back down, resting his forehead against mine. I’m shocked I can even stand with how weak my knees feel. I guess that’s what beds are made for. My cheeks light up at the thought, and I catch myself smiling as we still try to catch our breath.

“Do you realize what this means for you? What the outcome will be?” he asks, panic hiding well behind the growing calm of his voice.

My hand is over his thudding heart, beating strong and true. I barely nod against him, feeling heat behind my eyes. I won’t speak the words. I won’t think the thoughts. I won’t give in to his death being an inevitability, not when we have only just found each other.

He presses his lips against my forehead, and with much force, pulls himself back. “I
need to catch my breath. I need…I need to talk to Jezi, to explain this to her. She deserves to be told, face-to-face.”

My heart cripples at the mention. This will tear her up. I hate feeling conflicted. I nod, not trusting myself to speak, and stare out into the room as he disappears out the door. I have to find a way to make this right, to break this curse. If I can’t save my parents, the least I can do is save him.

S
hortly after Jaxen leaves, I
find myself in the weapons room. There’s so much emotion pent up inside of me, so much that needs to be released. It’s the only feasible place for me. I unlock the cabinet and take out three daggers. I want to feel close to my father. I want to feel something other than this pent up energy that can’t seem to find an outlet.

I make my way to the center of the mat and shut my eyes. I let my senses do all the work for me. The targets are so clear to me, even with my eyes shut. I aim, and one by one, release the daggers. When I open my eyes, they’ve all hit their mark. I make my way over to them and retrieve them, then jog back to the center of the mat for another round.

The hair on my arms raises. A prickly feeling of dark power pokes its way down the back of my neck. Something or someone is drawing close, the same feeling I felt the night Gavin and I were attacked. I’m a beacon for all things evil; a radar that will surely go off should something try me.

Cold, stealthy fingers brush against my hand as a large figure steps out of the shadows. The moment they touch me, everything around me fades. Like scenes from a flip book, I see it all- I see what happened to him. I can’t stop the horrid images from
entering my mind. I see Demons dragging a young man through a dusty underground tunnel, being locked in a dark cell for days with nothing to eat, slowly decaying into something inhuman from being so close to Hell...something he himself would have hunted and killed. There’s a machine he was strapped into, with electricity striking the top and entering his body, deforming and stealing his humanity.

And then, all of sudden, I’m shoved into Gavin’s strong arms as Jaxen jumps in front of me and growls out, “Don’t touch her like that, Weldon.” He crouches down, his power sparking along his arms wildly. Gavin holds me firmly against him with one arm, his other held out with a glowing flux.

But I can’t focus on anything except the man who stands in front of us. His arms are held up in innocence, but his cunning smile deceives the gesture. So this is Weldon, the man who saved me.

He looks much younger than his twin, Mack, and much more handsome than I had expected. He’s a little taller than Jaxen and packed full of perfectly toned muscle beneath a tight white v-neck. Dark golden hair sweeps across a clean-shaven face. What unsettles me is his blazing honey-golden eyes. They seem unreal, almost like liquid. Though he’s smiling, his golden gaze is cold and full of fury.

“Sorry,” he says with a mirthless smirk. There’s something in his smile that unnerves me- so much sadness and pain that I can’t begin to understand. It’s the same smile Jaxen’s worn so often since I’ve met him. No wonder they’re friends.

His eyes slide over me lazily, assessing me. When he has his fill, he shifts his gaze back up to mine. He tucks his hands into a pair of dark gray pants that hug his sculpted thighs. He wears the ‘I don’t give a shit’ air better than anyone I have ever met. Katie would die.

Gavin lets me go, huffing as he tucks his blade away.

Jaxen stands straight and grins, opening his arms to Weldon. Weldon walks into them and they hug, slapping each other on the back. “What’s up, man?” Jaxen asks, still smiling. I think he’s setting a record for the amount of smiles he’s used just in the past minute or so. I wonder how his talk went with Jezi. If he talked to Jezi. Memories of his lips on mine dance through my mind, warming my skin.

“Not much. You?” Weldon asks, stepping back onto the mat.

I keep my eyes trained on Weldon as he and Jaxen exchange welcomes. There’s something morose about him, like death has followed him...like he’s never truly escaped the Underground. He doesn’t smell like any Hunter I’ve ever encountered before. He smells almost…

“What is he?” I whisper to Gavin while Weldon and Jaxen catch up.

“He’s half-Demon, half-Hunter,” he answers before walking away from me.

Weldon’s golden eyes fall back onto me from over Jaxen’s shoulder. His gaze pierces through me, and I feel his eyes skim over my soul. He sees more than the average person. He understands more. He looks back at Jaxen and smiles once more before walking past him.

I want to back away when I realize he’s walking toward me, but my better half, the half that hogs all the courage, adheres me in place.

“So, Faye Middleton, you’re the Everlasting, then? You’re a lot smaller and more…” he eyes me up and down again, and then finishes, “well, a lot more girlish than I’d imagined the supposed legendary Everlasting would be.” A wide grin follows his words, his mellifluous eyes flashing daring humor.

His words are loaded sparks falling into the brush of my patience. I’m bound to ignite. I meet his grin halfway, though mine is filled with sarcasm. “I guess your imagination is a little on the gender-bashing side then, because here I stand in the flesh. and yes, I’m very girlish and quite capable of kicking ass,” I say, my pity quickly turning into annoyance.

I refuse to let him get to me. I can tell that’s his intention. He’s one of those guys.

He
purses his lips, his grin perking up the left side of his mouth. “Just like you were capable the night I saved you.”

“Are you mocking me?” I ask, taking a bold step toward him.

His taunting grin reaches all the way to his eyes. “Not at all.” He turns to Jaxen. “So what’s the deal? I was asked to come here, but was told you would explain the deets.”

“She’s been sworn in as a Watchman. We’ll be receiving the info on where they’re assigning us soon. I guess they wanted you to meet her since you’re her partner from here on out. Don’t mess it up,” Jaxen says.

A serious air comes over Weldon, his smile vanishing. “Is that what my brother told you?” The way he poses the question suggests that he knows something more, something that prickles uneasily in my stomach.

“Why?” I ask, my heart beginning to pound. He smirks like he knows this. “Is there something you know?”

He looks over at Gavin, and then over at Jaxen, clearing his throat. “Gossip in the Underground spreads faster than two old men in a barbershop, and even quicker on the streets. I thought the rumors of the Darkyn Coven rebuilding were a joke when they first surfaced, but when the rumors continued, I couldn’t ignore them. Darkyn Rebels aren’t the only ones who’ve been sent after her. Demons have been too.”

“By who?” Jaxen asks. The tension in his shoulders reflects the tightness in my chest.

“You’re not going to like this,” he says, his expression somber. “Bael.”

“Get out,” Gavin says, but even when he laughs, I can tell he’s unsettled.

“Who’s Bael?” I ask.

“A Demon that runs the Underground,” Weldon says. “Which leads me to wonder why they’re so dead-set on capturing you? And now you’re being tossed out to the wolves? The Priesthood knows. I know they know, because my brother knows.” He walks a circle around me, his finger in the air, “So I think these lovely questions need to be dumped on my not-so-favorite twin. I can guarantee he’s hiding information from you.”

“I don’t think he can speak freely,” I say, thinking of the book he gave me. “I think he wants to tell me something, but he can’t come out and say it.”

Weldon seems to ponder this, his fingers brushing over his chin. “Maybe…” he says, walking past Jaxen and over to Gavin. “Maybe he can’t. He is, after all, an Elder. Maybe he’s spelled to keep certain information from those under his stature in the Coven.
Maybe that’s why he pushed so hard to have me assigned to your side. He knows I have no issues gossiping.”

“No shit,” Gavin says, sharpening his flux. “So get to the goodies already.”

Weldon’s grin turns devilish. “Hmm…well, if I know my brother, then he’s probably working on a way to relay whatever he knows. He’s always been good at that. We used to speak in code when we were little. When he still…” he drifted off, his eyes wandering to the floor.

“He gave me a book,” I say. “It’s about Whiskey Hallow.”

“The place where the Great Battle of the Covens took place?” Weldon asks, scratching his head. I nod. “There has to be something behind it then. He never does anything without reason.”

“I’ve only read about half and haven’t found anything of use, nothing that I didn’t already know from my parents,” I say. My nails dig into the flesh of my palms to distract me from the pain of the wound in my heart being ripped open. Speaking of them, thinking of them, it’s not easy, not when they’re trapped.

“I’m sure whatever it is, we’re about to find out,” Weldon says. “Being forced to take the oath years before your time, and then assigned me as your partner? That’s no coincidence. My brother knows what he’s doing. It’s only a matter of time until the rest of us are brought in on his secret.”

I don’t like the warning in his voice. I don’t like that there’s a truth revolving around me I can’t catch. Weldon grins again, but this time it’s a little shaky.

“Do you know how to get to the Underground?” I ask.

He winces, and then looks at me. “Sure. Make a deal with a Demon. That’s the easiest way. I don’t think you could handle the other way.”

“What way is that?” I ask, holding my breath.

He’s about to answer me when Gavin’s phone goes off. He pulls it out of his pocket. “
Yo.”

Jaxen shakes his head, hiding his smile.

“Really? Already?”

I can tell by the tone of his voice that whatever it is, it isn’t good.

Gavin hangs up his phone and looks up at us. “We hunt tonight. There’s a nest over in Brooklyn they need handled.”

“They have plenty of Watchmen there,” Jaxen says, scratching his head. “Why the hell?”

“Brooklyn? That’s Demon central. Something’s up,” Weldon says.

“We can’t go,” Jaxen says. “Not if they’re walking her into a trap.” He moves closer to me, shielding me from an invisible force he won’t be able to beat.

I grab onto his arm, and slowly, he looks at me. “The oath,” I say, reminding him. It’s contractual. Forever binding. I have to do what they want or I’ll be summoned against my will to Ethryeal City and sentenced to God knows what.

He looks away from me, cursing under his breath. “I don’t like this. Not one bit. It doesn’t feel right.”

“Does it ever, brother?” Gavin says sadly. He takes one of my daggers and aims it at the dummy. He exhales, and then throws, the dagger landing a direct hit to the heart. He tosses a look at us over his shoulder. “For the good of the Coven, right?”

Jaxen pulls his phone out of his pocket, looks at it, and then looks at me. His eyes go soft. “I have to go.”

He has to meet with Jezi. I can read it in the openness of his green eyes. He takes a step for me, like he wants to kiss me, but then stops. A hint of a smile passes over his lips, and I know everything will be okay. I know he’ll be okay. When he leaves, I turn back to Weldon and Gavin, ready to learn more about who I’m to be partnered with.

“Ready to show me those ass-kicking skills,…partner?” Weldon asks, dropping down into a playful stance. In this light, with the easiness of his smile, he doesn’t seem so scary. Or so evil.

I smile at him, and then lunge.

When I get back to
my room after an hour of scrapping and talking with Weldon, Jaxen’s standing in the hallway with his shoulder leaning against  the wall. His dark brown hair looks like his fingers haven’t stopped raking through it since he left me to speak to Jezi.

I swallow my heart in my throat and stop in front of him, eyes on my boots. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

We stand there like that, the air between us charged with wanton electricity. I stretch my fingers at my side, trying to relieve some of the ache in them. They want to devour his skin and his hair.

I clear my throat and unlock the door to my room. “Want to come in?”

He nods and opens my door. I can’t read him. His expression is dark, dangerous, and undecipherable. He’s a whirlwind of emotions looking for a victim. He drops down onto my bed, and his hands return to his hair where they continue to tug.

I want so bad to hold him, to take away his hurt, but I shuck my jacket off and lay it on the chair at my desk instead. My back is to him as I try to compose myself. Breathe.