Everlost (28 page)

Xirene blew out a nervous sigh. “How were you to know?”

“That’s not me.” She drew her arms into her body. “The promise messed with my head and—”

“I wasn’t any better toward you.” Xirene stopped scrubbing once she reached Tatiana’s waist, and dropped the sponge into the bowl with a splash.

Tatiana’s eyes slipped shut. Though she could understand Xirene’s position, never being allowed to show her love for anyone and honored to garner a promise from the Prince, she was still angry at the horrible things Xirene had said, and did behind her back. What she didn’t understand was if they were promised, why was she so surprised to see Tatiana in her promising gown the night they’d met. Hadn’t she known what Azor had planned? Even with having a honey on the side, he’d pursued Tatiana—right up until the ceremony. Did she steal his kiss?

After Xirene rinsed her off and placed a fluffy towel over her shoulders, Tatiana turned to search her eyes. “Is it true? Did Azor only kiss me out of revenge and plan to murder me?”

Xirene’s gaze darted fearfully to her stomach. She held onto her unborn merling, as if for dear life. “I don’t know when his plans changed,” she stated simply. “All I know is I can’t be the queen.”

Tatiana pulled away, drying herself off and wrapping up in a robe. “And because you love him, you’re okay with that?”

“No.” She swallowed, her voice hoarse. “You may think I’m running a brothel at the compound, but I’m not. I wasn’t one of
those
servants who swam around topless to please every guard who’d look. Azor pursued me and for the most part, I resisted his charms. Well, I tried to. And once we were together and found I was sterile, I became his lover, secretly of course. Considering my station, I graciously accepted.

“But Azor still wasn’t happy. All he talked about was being king and having an heir, something I didn’t think my body was capable of providing. So I knew another woman would come eventually… But when I discovered I was expecting, he was overjoyed and…”—she looked down and touched her lips—“kissed me. After that, I believed I would be his, that he’d chosen me. But he followed through with the ceremony anyway… and though he swore nothing would change, I knew my position.”

Tatiana recalled the conversation outside her door, his promise to her that nothing had changed, that he had a plan. She sighed. “Azor should have just chosen you to be his princess, regardless of your
position
.”

Fire lit Xirene’s eyes. She swiveled around, pulling up her dress. “How? Do you see the royal mark on my hip?” she snarled. “He barely touches you and it shows right away, ‘cause you’re perfect and I’m… I’m a servant.”

Tatiana sucked in a gasp, cupping her hand to her mouth, shocked at her abrupt response. Why didn’t she have the mark? “There has to be an explanation.”

Xirene laughed scornfully. “Yeah, right. I should have known you’d say that.” A tear slipped down Xirene’s cheek. “The fact is I don’t deserve him and I should have never allowed… ”

Tatiana looked into her dark sorrowful eyes, at the pleading hidden within them. “I don’t think the mark should matter.”

Xirene kept a stiff upper lip. “I don’t make the rules and now
you’re
to be my merling’s mother.”

“I don’t like this anymore than you do.” Tatiana’s stomach burned.

Xirene stumbled over to the chair, clutching her belly, and took a seat. “Azor is not entirely to blame. He made a horrible decision in a time of battle and now he wishes to make things right. We all make sacrifices for the betterment of the kingdom. If you pretend, you’ll still get the man you want, and the title, and your freedom.”

“I am far from free, Xirene,” she said with a glower, gesturing to the bars on her door.

“But you’re about to be.” She circled her hand in the air. “As queen you’ll have whatever you want at your fingertips. Power. Love from your people. Respect of the king.”

“But Azor loves you.”

“And yet he still kissed you.” Xirene laughed. “Don’t you see? The truth is I embarrass him, and this is the only way he can truly have what he wants. A beautiful queen by his side, a lover in his bed, and a child to spoil.”

Tatiana lowered her head, grieved. Xirene believed she was the root of Azor’s unhappiness. That if she looked like Tatiana, Azor would finally truly love her. But Tatiana knew that even with the crown, Azor wouldn’t be happy. Something else would consume him later.

Xirene grimaced. “But that doesn’t matter anymore. I must trust you, now. Trust you’ll treat my merling as your own, My Queen.” She dipped into a curtsy.

“No.” She pulled on Xirene’s arm, wishing for a way to knock sense into Azor and have Xirene take her rightful place as Azor’s chosen. “You should be queen.”

Her eyes dropped. “Right. A queen with a gimpy fin and no royal mark.”

“There’s no law that says Azor can’t choose you. Your worth isn’t based on a mark, or a birth defect. Maybe we could fake it. Tattoo you with a fleur-de-lis. Technically,
you
are the princess and about to give birth to a royal heir. It is I who should be bowing to you and giving you a sponge bath.” Tatiana fell to one knee.

“No. Stop.” Xirene tugged on her arm. “Please. I don’t want anyone to know and it’s too late. The kingdom will just think me a harlot, now. I just want my son or daughter to be taken care of. Not live an orphan’s life.”

Tatiana closed her eyes, feeling the weight of everything, of her lot in life, of the people’s prejudice. She was right. The people would never accept the relationship now that he’d kissed Tatiana. Azor had allowed his thirst for revenge to get in the way of his happiness, of love, of peace. Tatiana outstretched her hand to Xirene, clasping her hand around her fingers. They were at each other’s mercies, now.

“I have no idea how we’re going to pull this off, but I’ll adopt your child as my own,” Tatiana whispered.

Xirene’s shoulders sagged. She nodded with tear-filled eyes, kissing the back of her hand. “Thank you, Princess.”

They embraced and the strife between them melted away. “Of course.”

“I’ll try to find out where Azor is holding Jacob, but in the meantime… I made you a belly.”

Tatiana sighed, her heart rocking at the mention of Jacob’s name. She remained focused on the iridescent blob in Xirene’s hands, marveling at how smooth and natural the outside felt.

“Here, let’s try it on.” Xirene motioned she turn and fastened the stomach to her waist.

She kneaded at the spongy material in awe. “What is this?”

“I’d rather not tell you, but I thought it would be easier to wear than that stinging thing he brought you.”

She smiled, but on the inside wanted to scream. How was she to pull this off now? With Jacob, Xirene and the baby, and the rebels. There were no easy answers

34

: : :

Submission

Jacob barely had the strength to flip his tail again, torturing himself with yet another spray of miniscule droplets of water on his parched scales. He leaned over and licked the wet wall, dying of thirst.

“Azor!” he bellowed.

At the silence, he slumped against the chains, helpless. Was this how things would end? He recalled the day when he first laid eyes on Tatiana, through the door leading to the coronation room. So beautiful in her white promising gown, decorated head-to-fin in jewels, blonde hair shining. But she swayed like seaweed, half-lidded on King Phaleon’s arm. Anger had sped through him once he figured they’d drugged her. Their attempts to make her compliant had been an abomination, such cruelty.

From what he’d heard about her from Jack during the mission, he couldn’t help but fall for her. Her spunk, her fire, her zest for life and an attitude to go with it. Jack had feared the entire time he was away that in his absence his daughter would lose her choice. She abhorred Azor. And though Jacob knew Jack wouldn’t allow his famous land-walking twins to be promised this way, waiting for his signal had been torture. He’d gripped his trident, his hood over his head, muscles poised, ready.

He thought he’d be the hero that day. Save her. But in the tumult, Jacob watched in horror, as Azor stole what wasn’t his to take.

But now, knowing she’d broken free of Azor, he knew what he’d dreamt of all the days he’d heard Jack’s stories. What he desired most: her free will. That she’d choose him. Want him above all. To rise above and fight the chemicals warring within her body. To be stronger than the kiss.

But now? To be rewarded like this? He’d helped the girl of his dreams free herself from her promise, then die? Allowing Azor to still win? How was that fair? How was that right?

Then he thought of his mother, a beta-mer and a Christian, who never prayed to Poseidon like the rest of the mer. Instead of placing hope on Poseidon, God of the Sea, she said her God had a plan, to trust in Him, to choose to do the right thing and let Him do the rest. Jacob only placated her beliefs, thinking her cross and prayers useless. He believed in a god, yes, but he didn’t think that her God really cared; too far away to actually see the gritty details of all the people on the planet; too busy to be bothered. And who would want to beg help from Him? Jacob didn’t need God anyway. He created his own fate, he could choose to do what was right on his own, he was a good person, he’d always landed upright… until now. He didn’t deserve this. He’d sacrificed everything to protect the woman he loved, to bring healing and justice to his people, only to be abandoned and left to die.

“Why, God?” he called out through cracked lips. “What did I do?”

In exhaustion, his eyes rolled back into his head. He cursed God’s plan and his mother’s stupid hope. But even when Jax was led away to Bone Island for an unknown crime, she still had faith. And Jax had lived. Why would his brother, who’d only indulged his selfish desires his entire life get to live, and Jacob, faithful and loyal, be punished?

Deep down, in his heart he felt a tug. To let go. To let Him work.

“But I can’t,” he said softly, his soul still fighting. “I want to live.”

Jacob sighed. Chained to the wall, he didn’t have a choice. Time would take his life. He had to trust. If it was his time, there was nothing he could do about it. And if not, he’d need to wait.

Tatiana was no longer his charge. Someone else needed to protect her.

“I give her to you, then,” he whispered. “Protect and keep her. May your justice be done.”

And for the first time, peace filled his broken soul and understanding of what his mother was so passionate about suddenly made sense.

35

: : :

Pillow

Tatiana sat on the chair for what seemed like forever, dressed in a cream colored, full-length gown, hair pinned to perfection in beads and jewels. If it weren’t for the bulbous stomach protruding across her lap and the pungent smell of fish that soured her nose, she might have looked forward to the part she’d play at the palace.

But in all honestly, all she cared about was seeing Jacob. He’d be her guard again. He’d be by her side every step of the way. Then she could prove to him how strong she really was. She just had to control her excitement and not make it to painfully obvious she’d developed feelings for him. Then, she wished for Nicole. Sweet Nicole who’d lived such a short and tortured life.

At another whiff, she guessed Xirene had used fish innards to make the skin of the rounded appendage. Something from the shark? She tried not to guess further.

“Tatiana?” Prince Azor said before he appeared in the doorway.

She bounced up, looking over his shoulder. “Where’s Jacob?”

Azor’s eyebrows squished together. “What?”

“You promised I could have Jacob as my bodyguard. Where is he?”

Azor forced out a laugh. “Not before the celebration, Love. No, I’m afraid you’re mistaken.”

She leveled her gaze, incensed. “You promised if I acted pregnant, you’d free Jacob.”

He grabbed her arm, his voice lowering. “Do you take me for a fool? I have to ensure you’ll cooperate fully and only then will I return Jacob to you. Besides, he’s not ready to take up his old position yet.”

“What—?” Tatiana sucked in a tortured breath. “Why?”

“Don’t you remember? He’s still healing from the rebel attack, but I assure you, since you’ve been good…”—Azor took her hand and patted it—“he’s enjoying his stay like you have. Food and adequate sleep is all a merman needs to recover. After the coronation, he’ll be good as new.”

“Coronation?”

“Oh… I have spoiled the surprise.” Azor pressed his lips into a smirk. “Wouldn’t it be something if my father gave me the crown for my eighteenth birthday?”

“But, how? You don’t have a child yet.”

He caressed her fake belly. “I will soon enough, and I think he’s finally seeing reason, considering his health. It’s sad his days are truly numbered, but no one wants Mother to lead the kingdom when I’m perfectly able.”

“But—”

“Coralade.” Azor snapped his fingers. “Come.”

Coralade bounced into the room, her curly brunette hair fanned over her shoulders, and stopped abruptly. Her eyes widened when she took in Tatiana’s form.

“Assure the Princess that Jacob is just fine and that in his stead Chauncey will make a perfectly fine guard.”

“I’ll say,” Coralade purred.

“What?” Tatiana backed up, bumping into the chair behind her, toppling it over.

Azor clasped onto her arm before she went down, preventing her fall.

“Can’t have my princess injuring herself.” He righted her, then leaned in, whispering. “Coralade knows nothing. See to it that it stays that way or the deal is off.”

Tatiana brushed her hands down her dress, now keenly aware Azor had no intention of fulfilling their deal. She knew the King wasn’t on his deathbed as Azor had implied, and after the merling was born and he was crowned king, why would he need to keep her around? Xirene met all his needs, physically and otherwise. She was expendable and knew too much.

Tatiana glowered, trapped. “And if Chauncey so much as looks at me inappropriately, I’ll out you to the kingdom, got it?”

Azor yanked his head back, stiffening his stance. “Chauncey?”