Everybody Knows (12 page)

I was actually relieved when it was time to leave for the airport, but of course, the boys couldn’t come with us. Ellie and I were leaving in a cab, and I was only given five minutes alone with Jason while Ellie and Drew said their own private goodbye.

As Jason enveloped me in his arms, I let out a huge sigh. “This was the worst day ever.”

He placed a kiss on the top of my head. “I know. I’m sorry.”

I looked up at him. “This wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, but I feel bad that everything you’d planned for the next few weeks has been ruined. I really wanted to keep exploring new places with you. You’ve made touring fun again and it won’t be the same without you.”

Closing my eyes, I leaned into him, holding him tightly. He was right. Everything I’d planned had been taken away from me. However, looking at it from another angle, I’d gotten a chance with the one person I never thought I would, so maybe two weeks apart wasn’t such a bad trade off. Okay, I wouldn’t be with Jason but when he got back, we’d give things a try. I wasn’t crazy enough to put all my hopes on this insane relationship, but all I’d ever wanted was a chance. And I’d got it.

“Will you call me as soon as you get to New York?”

Jason nodded. “Of course. I’ll call whenever I can. And I’ll see you in fourteen days.”

“That sounds like the longest time ever.”

“I know. But you should keep busy. Find things to do, hang out with friends. The time will fly and then I’ll be home. Well, in the UK.”

“I can’t wait, Jase. But we’ll still have to be careful. You know that, right?”

“I know. But when we get home, then we can start to work things out. It can’t come soon enough.”

Again, I looked up at him. I loved how his green eyes gazed into mine. The faint smile on his lips as he looked at me, the gorgeousness of his chiselled jaw. The sexy rock star the world knew was the sweetest guy. And he was holding me, and telling me he couldn’t wait to see me again.

I didn’t want to leave him.

“Cheer up, Luce. When I get home, we’ll have loads of time together. At least four weeks to do whatever normal couples do.”

I chuckled. I figured Jason had about as much of a clue about what “normal couples” did as me. He’d only briefly dated people for as long as I’d known him, and I was definitely not an expert either. If nothing else came of this, we’d have fun figuring it out.

I looked up at him. “Cheeky selfie before I leave?”

“For sure.”

I took my phone from my jacket pocket and moved in front of Jason so he had his arms wrapped around me from behind. We smiled for the camera and I snapped us.

“Send me a copy of that?” Jason said.

“I will.”

I turned in his arms, and he smiled again, little more sadly this time. “See you soon, Luce.”

All I could manage was a nod, and when he leaned down to press his lips to mine, I felt tears spring to my eyes. Instead of letting them fall, I focused on the moment we were in. The moment I knew I’d cling to for the next two weeks, until we could do this again.

“Lucy, it’s time to go.”

Ellie’s voice was soft, and for a moment I thought maybe she’d softened too, but when I turned to her, there was still disappointment on her face and my moment of hope died in an instant. I faced Jason again for one more kiss then picked up my bag.

“I’ll call you as soon as I get to New York,” Jason promised.

I smiled, still unable to manage words, then followed Ellie off the bus.

Chapter 11 – From Zero To Horny

“Luce, are you planning to ignore me forever?”

Ellie and I sat in the departure lounge surrounded by people, all of whom were either reading newspapers, faffing with their hand luggage, or talking to each other. I was in no mood for doing any of those things, so I sat beside Ellie in silence, both of us looking straight ahead as if we could hurry up the plane through the power of thought. We hadn’t really spoken in over twenty-four hours. Not since Jason and I told everyone our decision. It wasn’t just me; everyone on the bus was too uncomfortable to interact much.

“I know you think I’m being overprotective, but you must be able to see why after what happened yesterday.”

I shook my head. “None of the things that were written about me in the paper were as hurtful as the way you and Drew reacted.”
Including the fact that my virginity was splashed all over the news for the world to read about.

“We were trying to save you from that!”

“It would have happened anyway, Ellie! It might have taken a bit longer, but it still would have happened. And if it
had
taken longer, at least we would have known whether there was anything worth everyone making such a big deal out of.”

That was my biggest problem with everything that had happened. Maybe, after all this, Jason and I wouldn’t have a hope in hell of sustaining a relationship anyway, but the chance to find out in a quiet, sensible way had been snatched away from us. The fact that Ellie couldn’t see that was a big part of why I was so angry with her. I truly thought she’d understand.

“Isn’t that what you and Drew wanted?” I asked, quietly. “When you first got together, you at least had a little time before your relationship was outed. Jason and I weren’t careful enough, but we only want what you and Drew wanted. Time.”

“I get that. And I understand you’re trying to do the smart thing by taking it slow, but life with Jason is anything but slow. I know he’s changed a lot but he isn’t going to suddenly settle down and live a boring, normal life.”

Who
was
this woman beside me? This judgemental, assuming witch who wouldn’t hear anything I was saying. Was this how she was with Jason? Smothering, unrelentless? Knowing her concern came from a good place didn’t make it any better. It was like she’d forgotten everything she knew about me, and about Jason, because she was trying to protect me from something I’d already thought about.

“Ellie, I can’t talk to you about this until you start listening. You want to know how long I’ll ignore you? It’ll be until you decide you want to hear what I have to say.”

Tears burned my eyes for the millionth time because all I really wanted was for my big sister to hold me in her arms and tell me everything would be okay, just like she did when I was younger. When she used to listen to me. 

“I’m trying, Luce. And I really do know how you feel.”

I nodded. “That’s what makes this worse.”

That conversation cemented our silence for the rest of the journey home. A few hours on a plane followed by another few hours on a train seemed to stretch on forever. I spent some of the time sleeping, and a lot more scribbling things down in my journal while occasionally checking the internet to see if any other rumours or ridiculous news stories about Jason and me had popped up. Luckily, it was still the same old crap, and I didn’t have anything new to worry about.

At least, until I got home. Ellie didn’t come with me, she went straight to her own flat, leaving me to receive a pretty frosty welcome from my parents. They both hugged me, asked how I was and if I needed anything to eat, but there was an atmosphere. I’d sort of hoped they would have mellowed a little, maybe warmed to the idea of me and Jason, but that obviously wasn’t the case. Disappointment and concern was heavy in their eyes. It was as if they’d bought into the press bullshit about how Jason might have taken advantage of me or something, when they should have known better. Or maybe that wasn’t their problem. Perhaps it was just me being with Jason at all that did it. Either way, I didn’t want to hang around to ask. After grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I went up to my room and stayed there until the next morning.

**

I awoke to find I’d made the news again. Photos of Ellie and me leaving Prague airport graced the entertainment pages and led to another flood of tweets to my Twitter account – all of which I ignored because I didn’t want to know what was being said. While I knew there were people who would support me, I didn’t want the hurt or drama of those who only wanted to cause trouble. Early that morning, Derek had released a statement that politely told the world that my relationship with Jason was none of anyone’s business, and that it would not be discussed any further. He’d also blasted the accusations that Jason had somehow “groomed” me, making it clear that any relationship we had was new, and absolutely above board. We knew we wouldn’t change the opinions of people who had already made up their minds, but the rumours had to be cleared up somehow.

Aside from a quick breakfast and a mug of coffee, I pretty much confined myself to my bedroom; the only place I felt comfortable in my own home. All I needed was a mini fridge and microwave and I’d never have to go downstairs again.

“Lucy?”

Dad’s stern voice through the crack in my door made me look up from my book. I knew I couldn’t hide from them forever, but I had nothing to say. Not yet. Maybe not for a while.

But Dad was Dad, and I knew that tone. That was his “no nonsense” tone, and even Ellie at her advanced age couldn’t ignore it. I placed my book on the bed beside me. “Come in.”

As Dad entered the room I shuffled over so he could sit down. I studied him as he sank down beside me. The frown lines around his eyes let me know this conversation was going to suck, and I drew in a deep breath, readying myself to defend my feelings – again. This was why I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Because I was already sick of having to explain something that people do every day. They meet someone, they like them, they date them. Obviously Jason wasn’t your average boyfriend, but Ellie didn’t have to go through this much questioning.

“Your mum and I would like to talk to you,” Dad said. “I know you don’t want to. I know you’ve been through a lot over the last few days. But you’re our daughter, and we need to know what’s going on.”

“Dad. You know what’s going on. I haven’t left you out of anything. I’ve told you everything.”

“Then why do we still feel as if we’re in the dark?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been through every angle of this with everyone I’m close to, so I don’t know what you could be missing.”

I wasn’t trying to be difficult; I genuinely didn’t understand what they felt they didn’t know when I’d been open about it all. I hadn’t lied, or hidden anything, even though I’d wanted to tell them to stop interfering and let me be.

“We’d like to know what your plans are,” Dad said.

“My plans?” I looked up at him, shaking my head. “I don’t understand.”

“Your plans when Jason gets back.” Still confused, I continued to stare at him. I thought I’d been clear – there were no plans. The plan was to take things a day at a time. “University, Lucy. Are you dropping out?”

I shuffled farther away from him then raised my hands in a defensive gesture. “Where would you get an idea like that?”

“It’s a perfectly reasonable question. You’ve surprised us a lot already this summer. We’d like to limit any more shocks.”

The part of me that had remained in control the whole time I’d been questioned by everyone I loved exploded into a thousand pieces at his question. He wanted to treat me like a kid? How else was I supposed to react?

“Are you kidding me? I… I can’t-”

He’d actually rendered me speechless. How could he have thought that, and how could he still be talking to me like I was five years old?

“Dad, I have no intention of dropping out of university. I never had any intention of that.”

“So what will happen when Jason goes out on the road again? And when he’s out doing… whatever he does? How will that work with you in Sheffield?”

Well, this was a new level of insane. I’d told my parents Jason and I were taking things slowly, and Dad was asking me how the relationship was going to work? The relationship nobody wanted me to have. I felt like I was living in some kind of parallel universe where the people who used to listen had suddenly developed a hearing problem, and nothing I said was reaching their ears or their brains.

“We’re not married, Dad. I don’t know anything yet. I don’t know if Jason and I will even work as a couple when we’re in the real world. I’m not planning to throw away my future for something I don’t understand yet. I can’t believe you think I’m that stupid.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you kissed someone you like a lot, and it’s confused you.”

“I’m not the one who’s confused.”  I stood up and walked over to my window, staring out onto the street I’d grown up on. The street I played on with my friends. The street where I’d lived my whole life, where I’d developed feelings for the guy I wanted to be with more than anything. And I hated it. I wanted to be anywhere but there because all it did was remind me that while I was there, living under that roof, I’d always be a child.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I love you, but I need some space right now.”

Without another word, I sped out of my room, down the stairs and out of the front door. I had no idea where I was going, I just needed some distance from my family home.

“Lucy!”

I halted at the end of my drive at yet another voice calling my name. I turned slightly to the right and saw Mr Brooks in his doorway. He smiled kindly at me. “Lucy, please could I talk to you for a minute? I won’t keep you for long.”

Mr Brooks – Michael - was a lovely man. Quiet, but kind. He looked a hell of a lot more understanding than my own father, and I smiled back at him. “Sure.”

I walked the rest of the way down my path then turned onto his. Michael ushered me inside and closed the door behind him. The familiar scent of the Brooks household made me smile. It smelled like old man aftershave, but also a little woodsy, homely. I’d never worked out what caused the wood smell, but the whole effect was comforting. More so than my own house.

Michael led me through to his living room and we sat down together on his sofa. I glanced around the room, smiling to myself at the photos on the walls. There never used to be many signs of Mrs Brooks, but after Jason’s overdose, some things had been discussed, and Jason and Drew’s mum was no longer a topic that was brushed aside. There was a stunning photo of her with her boys on the mantelpiece above the fireplace, and every time I saw it, I felt the love radiating from their smiles and their eyes.

“How are you?” Michael asked, bringing my focus back to him.

I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I don’t seem to know anything at the moment, and it’s really horrible.”

Michael nodded. “It’s hard to be dragged into the spotlight, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Especially when it’s something that has been blown out of all proportion.”

“I spoke to Jason last night. I asked him to tell me what’s been going on. He’s very fond of you, Lucy.”

“I know. I feel the same.”

Michael smiled a little sadly, and I felt that ripple of dread again because I was sure he was about to echo everyone else.
He’s too old for you. You’re too young to be attached to someone like Jason. You’ll get hurt.
“I know you do. You know, my boys haven’t had a lot of luck with the press. In fact, when it comes to women and the press, they’ve had a very hard time. But Drew
has
been lucky with Ellie. She’s a good girl, and she’s good for Drew.”

Since Ellie wasn’t my favourite person at that moment, all I could do was nod. I agreed with him – Ellie and Drew
were
perfect for each other, but both of them had been a part of the pain I was in. I wasn’t ready to speak too favourably about them yet.

“I’ve seen you and Ellie as you’ve grown up, and I’m very proud of the women you’ve grown into, just as I know your parents are – mostly – proud of my boys. Jason’s been through a lot, and I understand why your mum and dad have been worried about you. Anyone would be in their position.”

“I understand too, but I wish they’d try to understand how I feel. I wish they’d understand that I haven’t just thrown myself into something I haven’t thought about. I’ve thought about nothing else.”

“I think they know but you’re their little girl. I love my son, but Jason isn’t the most obvious choice for a suitable boyfriend.”

“We haven’t really got as far as putting labels on anything yet. We like each other. We’d like to spend more time together, and we’d like to see where things go. We can’t possibly be any more sensible than that. We’re not rushing into anything. We just want to see what happens.”

I sighed, and then, out of nowhere, tears started to fall. I wasn’t even sure what prompted them, but suddenly they streamed down my face and my insides began to ache. They ached for how lonely I’d become, and how I was missing out on the summer I’d dreamed of. Even if I might have been on the verge of something better, it felt like all my plans had been destroyed, and there was nobody I could turn to.