Everything But (9 page)

She faced him again, two glasses in hand.  “No,
I’m
sorry.  I didn’t know.”  She faced the sink and filled the glasses with water.

“No problem.  I hadn’t told you.”

Ah, but she
had
followed him and his band and she
did
know he’d cleaned up…about three years ago.  She just hadn’t known alcohol was a problem too.  So she wasn’t going to drink either.  It would be insensitive to down a drink in front of him, and the only reason she’d even wanted it now was to take the edge off her nerves.  But maybe it was better this way.  She’d probably be able to control herself a little
better
if she was stone cold sober.  “Do you want ice?”

“Only if you’re having
some
.
  I don’t want you to go to any trouble ‘cause of me.”

Her mind tried to think of a snappy retort, to tell him he’d been nothing
but
trouble, but that wasn’t true. 
Not at all.
  Aside from making her struggle like hell with her emotions and hormones (something she was
not
going to tell him, retort or not), he hadn’t been any trouble, unlike
a lot of
other men she’d dated in the past.  Well, that wasn’t true.  Most men were easy until they moved into the boyfriend phase.
 
That’s
when they became a pain in the ass, and for all she knew, Riley would be no different.

Oh, please
, she heard a voice inside her say. 
This boy wouldn’t go that far anyway.
  Of
course
, he wouldn’t.  He wasn’t looking for anything permanent, and he was probably only fascinated by her because she was different from his usual conquests.
  He’d asked her lots of questions at dinner about teaching and about her education, and he’d seemed fascinated.  Again, though, she was sure it was because she wasn’t his usual flavor of female.

She hoped her thoughts weren’t showing on her face, and she was glad part of the time her head was obscured by the freezer door on her refrigerator.  She handed Riley one of the glasses and said, “We can sit in the living room, if you want.” 
Another stupid move.
  She should’ve invited him to sit at the kitchen table where she could make sure they were farther apart
and the table could have acted as a barrier between them
.
  But, of course, her desire
was
sabotaging her common sense.

So when they got to the living room, she said, “Go ahead and have a seat.  I’ve got to get these shoes off my feet.  Be right back.”  That would serve two purposes.  She’d be able to choose how far away she sat from him
when she got back,
and she could put on her stupid fuzzy mule slippers to take away the potentially sexy aura.  The slippers were black too so they wouldn’t be as noticeable, but at least they weren’t designed to look hot.  If it wouldn’t seem rude, she’d even change her clothes into some of the most unflattering things she owned, but she didn’t want to push it.

When she returned to the livin
g room, she considered sitting i
n the chair, but even though she wanted to cool things off, put a little distance between them, she didn’t want to come off like a bitch.  So she sat on the couch beside Riley, but she made sure there was plenty of space between their bodies.

He’d removed his jacket and was taking off his tie.  Erin noticed h
e’d already drunk half his glass.  “Nice shoes,” he
said,
a smile on his face.

She couldn’t help but grin.  “They’re a lot more comfortable.”

He nodded and
draped his tie on the arm of the couch on top of his jacket as she sat down.  Then he
took another drink of water
and
set the glass on the coffee table.  “Why are you clear over there?  I thought we were getting a little friendly earlier.”

She swallowed the water in her mouth. 
Shit
.  That was direct, no beating around the bush.  She wasn’t used to that.  But she couldn’t help but respect the hell out of it, even if it
was
the direct result of a guy like Riley used to getting what he wanted.  Erin looked in his eyes and said, “Yeah, we were, but I think that’s a bad idea.”  She placed her glass on the coffee table too but looked back at him.

Riley moved over
, not too close, but his knee touched hers.  “Oh, I don’t think that’s a bad idea at all.  You are…”  He didn’t finish his sentence, instead running his tongue over the edge of his top teeth, as though sizing her up for a meal.  His eyes were darker than usual, boiling over with desire, and it made Erin feel as though her heart had stopped.
  She swallowed and let the rest of the air escape from her lungs as he closed the gap between them and she felt helpless to stop him.

God,
yes
, she wanted him.  She wanted him desperately, but she knew it would be one of the most foolish things she could ever do in her entire life.  And she thought that, even as his lips touched hers and she let him in, her traitorous hands avidly wrapping themselves around his neck to resume their exploration from earlier.

The biggest problem was he was a really good kisser.  He moved his tongue just the right way and he tasted good.  He wasn’t sloppy and there wasn’t too much saliva involved.  Some guys couldn’t stir her libido with just one kiss, but Riley had managed to twice tonight already.  What the hell was she supposed to do?

She felt his hands back around her waist, holding her gently, but she could feel the strength in
them
.  He kissed her again and she could barely catch her breath.  Oh, yeah, she wanted him.  She wanted him badly.  And that was the main reason why she knew she shouldn’t go through with it.

Even while his tongue was titillating her nerves, her brain did a dance with the facts:  she’d only known him for a day, and that was way too soon; plus Riley had a tendency to be an ass, and, Erin suspected, he might even have a sociopathic streak in him—she didn’t know for certain, though, because she hadn’t spent enough time with him; he was a serial bad boy, and this she knew from the media; and, finally, he was going to be gone in a week.  So the only reason she should even decide to give in would be if she was okay with just a one-night fuck.  Already, though, she knew she liked Riley too much to do that.  Why and how had that happened?
  She had no idea.  Besides
that, she knew she’d feel guilty as hell if she just fucked a rock star.  She’d feel dirty and ashamed, and there was no way she was going to do that.

So when his lips moved to her neck, one of her most sensitive erogenous zones, probably directly connected to all her body’s nerves that tied directly to the act of lovemaking, she knew she had to put a stop to it.

She moved her hands to his chest and said, “No, Riley.”

He didn’t move away
but instead just asked, “What?”  The heat of his breath on her neck didn’t help.

“Stop.
  I…I can’t.”

He
did
move his head then, moving his face to in front of hers.  His nose touched hers and he looked directly in her eyes.  “Why?  What did I do wrong?”  A slight smile crossed his face.  “We were just getting to the good part.”

She inhaled a deep breath.  His eyes held her and she couldn’t look away.  That wouldn’t be a problem except that his eyes were seductive too.  Yeah, they were just getting to the good part, the biggest reason why they had to stop.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. 
Just…no.”
  She shook her head and found some deep inner resolve, something she hadn’t even known she had in her.  “And I shouldn’t have to explain it to you. 
Just…no means
no
.”

He blinked then, as though letting the words sink in.  Then she noticed his jaw move slightly.  She wasn’t sure if he wanted to say anything or if he was fighting against it.  His eyes narrowed and then his focus dropped from her eyes to her chin. 
God…why wouldn’t he
say
something?
  Finally, he nodded and pulled his hands
off
from her waist.  She took that as a signal to drop her hands from his chest…his chest that had felt rock solid and well-defined
underneath her slender fingers
.

And the look on his face, one of betrayal and pain, made her feel instantly guilty.

But no.
  She shouldn’t.  She should be able to tell him how she felt without his manipulating her, whether his feelings were genuine or not.  It was a woman’s right to say no, right?  And they weren’t even
going
hot and heavy yet, so it’s not like she was leaving him in a desperate state.

He nodded his head again and stood.  He grabbed his jacket and
tie
off the arm of the couch and said, “Well, then, bye.”  She wondered the last time he was told
no
, because it was almost like he didn’t know how to take it.  And she didn’t necessarily want him to
leave
, but she didn’t know how to stop him and she didn’t want to send mixed signals.  He walked toward the door and she stood but found herself mute.  “It was nice meeting you, Erin,” he said, opening and closing the door before she could even say goodbye herself.

Well,
that
was fucked up, and she didn’t quite know what to think of it, except to realize that now not only did she feel sexually frustrated but she felt guilty as hell, and she didn’t know if there was any way to fix the situation.

One thing was clear:  there would be no fixing it tonight.

Chapter Ten

RILEY WAS IN
the backyard of his parents’ house late Sunday morning.  It had been nothing short of a miracle dodging church with his mom and dad.  He didn’t feel like getting into the real reasons
with his parents
why he hadn’t wanted to go
, but he’d managed to convince them to stop pestering him when he told them about how
,
everywhere he’d gone in Winchester, he’d been not only approached but
even
detaine
d by mostly young girls (not to mention
other interested parties
)
.  “Coming home should feel like a vacation, not more of the same
bull…
oney
,” he’d protested,
avoiding a curse word that would
have made
his mother cringe and then
insist
he go to church
,
all while
she
piled his plate with homemade French toast, hash browns, and bacon.

So, while
his mom and dad
were at church, he was tossing a basketball in the hoop his dad had put back there
on the concrete patio, complete with a picnic table,
when his older brother had been in high school.  Riley had played sports
in school
but never basketball.  That was his brother’s thing, but he still liked shooting hoops once in a while anyway.

But while he threw the ball absentmindedly, his thoughts were on Erin and the
prior
evening’s activities.  It had seemed to be going so well, but then she grew cold all of a sudden.  Or at least that’s the way it had seemed.  How the hell had he misread her signals so badly? 
When he’d kissed her in the parking lot, he was pretty damned sure it had been as electric for her as it had been for him.  There was some spark there he’d ignited. 
Th
at’s what he’d thought
anyway
.  And then at her apartment too…he’d kissed her again, and it still felt magical and right, but then she’d called him off, just like a high school girl afraid of losing her virginity.

And
that
thought made him feel guilty.  He’d deflowered a couple of girls in high school, and they’d all wanted it, but one girl in particular had been the worst move he’d ever made in his life.  Her name was Katie Logan, and she’d been a nice enough girl.  He’d never really noticed her
before his senior year in high school
.  In fact, his best friend and former band mate
(Johnny,
now
known to the rest of the world as axe hero J. C. Gibson)
had loved the girl forever, but he’d never made a move…had felt like he wasn’t good enough for her.  Well, little Katie had her own crush on his buddy, but
Johnny had
kept inadvertently breaking her heart, and that’s when Riley decided to move in.  She willingly dated him and even willingly gave her virginity over to him.  But he’d always felt guilty about it and even let his best friend beat the shit out of him because of it.

Something he’d never admit to, though, was that he’d really cared about Katie. 
And w
hen he
realized
that
,
even after
having sex, she’d never love him like she loved Johnny, he decided maybe it was time to walk away
and protect his heart as best he could
.
  He even let her think he’d just used her, but she had no idea.
 
And
that hurt had stayed with him a long time.  He didn’t feel good enough, and why was that?  It certainly wasn’t for lack of trying.