Everything I Do: a Robin Hood romance (Rosa Fitzwalter Book 1) (38 page)

“Of course not,” she replied. “Besides, do you really think you could have stopped him, if he’d made up his mind already?”

“I have only known one person to be able to bend this man to their will, little sister,” Julian said. “And that person is you. Come, I’ll take you to your room.”

Once in her room, however, sleep eluded her.

Dawn was beginning to color the sky a soft damask hue, and Rosa stepped out on the terrace, suffocating inside.

All of the guests, or most of them, were inside, sleeping or finishing off the wine, and she felt no need to wake her brother, as she knew that the place was crawling with Sir Gavin’s guards and the light was becoming stronger by the moment.

Right before the man grabbed her, she was thinking that at least she was safer now than she had been the last time she was attacked, and it had been then right under Julian’s nose. Then everything went black as someone struck her from behind, right there, in the middle of the guards and Sir Gavin’s last guests.

This time the man -he was only one- didn’t speak.

He didn’t blindfold her, although as soon as she regained consciousness he choked her until she almost passed out again, for fear that she would scream. As he dragged her behind the bushes, she saw two of Sir Gavin’s guards lying in a pool of their own blood, arrows sticking out of their throats.

With a move quick like a flash of light, Rosa removed a small sharp blade from the front of her bodice, which she had taken to wear on her person at all times. She knew it was useless, but her hands were already clutching it out of habit. At least this way she might gain a few precious minutes until someone could discover her. She brought the blade quickly and expertly to his throat.

He didn’t even falter in his hurried run as he was dragging her across the parterres. Out of the bushes to her right an arrow shot immediately, lodging in her shoulder and paralyzing her hand, which dropped the knife immediately. Without missing a step the man removed the arrow from her shoulder brutally, and the pain must have caused her to lose consciousness for a moment, for the next thing she knew he was pushing her against a tree, her wound screaming in protest, blood splattering her dress.

She kicked at the man as hard as she could, weak as she was from the pain and the blood loss, and she dreaded the moment when he would bind her hands and feet, like they had done the last time.

He didn’t though.

He tied her to the hard, bare trunk of the tree, completely unconcerned that someone would see them, probably because he had gotten rid of any guard that might pass that way.

Then he turned to face her.

That’s when she saw him, and knew what he was, and what he was going to do to her before he killed her. In spite of her panicked state of mind, in that split second before he tore her clothes, she suddenly could see her father’s plan with perfect clarity: he’d assure that Robin Hood had to avenge not only her death, but also her honor.

She screamed an unearthly, white scream with no noise that tore at her lungs and ripped her heart in a thousand pieces. But it was impossible for anyone to hear.

This isn’t really happening to me
, she tried to think.
It’s a nightmare
. But then the man smiled wickedly, baring his teeth with malice, as he thrust his face closer and forced his mouth on hers, choking her.
Robin. Oh no. Robin, my own sweet Robin
, was her last thought. 

…

It was Robin that found her, as though by her thoughts alone she’d summoned him to her aid. It wasn’t long after the man had tied her to the tree. It was, however, long enough.

And this is how it happened.

Robin had been battling with himself all the way from Sir Gavin’s castle. He shouldn’t have asked her to marry him, not in that fashion.

No, he should have stuck with it, he should have insisted on an answer. His horse’s mighty hooves slapped the hard ground in a rapid, soothing rhythm and yet he could find no solace in it.

It
was
unfair to her, that much he was sure of. Well, no more unfair than living in a stranger’s home, with no friends of her own and facing who knows what perils.

Still there would be far more dangers in the forest for her, especially if she was to live with him there for good. Only yesterday he had nearly gotten killed by a poisoned arrow that he’d managed to duck just in time.

But he would watch her like an eagle.

Even if that left him with time for nothing else. Not that she would allow that, of course.

He fought with himself; he turned the matter over and over in his thoughts, at war with his emotions, and still he couldn’t make up his mind. Ultimately, he found he had to go back to her.

Damn the night that had all but passed and would no longer cover him with darkness. Damn the danger and the imaginary men who were lurking in every shadow. He was a man in love and was made crazy with it, and what’s more he knew it and didn’t care. He was doing this and that was that.

He happened upon them by pure chance, although all his instincts were on fire as soon as he rode through the gates and he saw no guards on the grounds.

First he saw the figure of a man in the distance, leaning next to a sturdy tree, struggling with someone who was most probably lying on the ground before him. He couldn’t discern that that someone was Rosa, but still he urged his horse into a gallop. Then the man lifted startled eyes in his direction and wiped his lips.

Immediately the wretch got up and ran away into the darkness just as Robin stopped his horse abruptly, his heart in his mouth, and flung himself from the saddle even before his horse had stopped moving, for in a split second he’d caught a glimpse of Rosa’s white little face.

Later, he had no recollection of how he got from his horse to where she was lying, tied to the tree. No recollection of how he fell on both knees and tried to cover her nakedness, touching her swollen, bleeding lips helplessly. He then must have examined her to find where all the blood on her dress had come from, all in the haze of the terror that gripped him.

He remembered commanding himself to act, to neither think nor imagine what might have happened to her. And then, because his brain wouldn’t obey him, he buried his head in his hands and weeped in wet, uncontrollable sobs that choked him.

He cried as he untied her. He cried as he rubbed the sore spots on her wrists that were scraped raw from her struggles to free herself. He cried as he took her in his arms and checked to see that she was breathing. He cried as he took off his cloak and wrapped her in it, for her own dress was torn and didn’t cover her.

And he cried as he carried her up the stairs to the castle and screamed at Julian and Sir Gavin to wake up.

Julian just stood there, gawking in shock, seeing nothing.

Sir Gavin ordered a clean, warm bed to be prepared immediately in his own rooms, and closed the door behind Robin and the small, prone figure on the bed, as he went himself to call the healer.

Robin had woken her up and wrapped her in warm covers by the time Julian recovered the use of his brain. Julian dressed her wound as well as he could, although the arrow had not gone as deep as they had feared at first and the bleeding had already stopped.

Rosa blinked unseeing eyes and whispered something undecipherable before blacking out again.

Robin leaned over her.

“What did you say, my Rosa?” he croaked.

Julian turned to him.

“Robin, you’re still here? It’s dawn, you should be gone,” he said, trying to collect his wits. Then he saw Rosa stirring and reached out his hand to take hers.

“Don’t -touch her!” Robin shouted. “How did this happen?” he continued, turning in anger to look at him. “I trusted you,” he pointed to Julian, his eyes shining with fury and accusation, “I told you I trusted you with her life…”

“You can kill me tomorrow, chief,” Julian said, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible, “if I have not obliged you myself, that is, but right now you have to go.”

Robin ignored him and knelt beside the bed, taking her fingers in his hands.

“I was in time, I think,” he whispered. “Although I suppose she still will remember everything up to…”

Rosa turned and woke again.

“Oh,” Robin breathed, in horror, as soon as he saw the fresh blood on her shoulder. He pressed his palm to the wound.

“Ju,” Rosa said, speaking through bruised lips. “I want Julian.” Her breath came labored.

“I’m not leaving you with her,” Robin spat at Julian, without taking his eyes off Rosa. “You have done enough already. Go.”

“I will stay with her, chief,” Julian replied, as he stroked her long tresses on the pillow. Then he stepped in front of Robin and tore his sister’s dress further down in order to clean the wound. “I am here,” he said softly to Rosa. “Chief,
you
should go,” he repeated, without turning to look at him. His tone was respectful, but firm. Robin’s head snapped up in surprise.

“What did you say?” he asked, incredulous.

Not one of his men had ever dared defy his direct orders, which, although given rarely and in urgent circumstances, were always to be obeyed.

“I’m not leaving her, chief,” Julian repeated calmly. “Besides, it is you who are in danger and more so every second that you linger.”

Robin watched him for a moment as he worked deftly, tenderly, with his blacksmith’s hands. Rosa leaned against his arm, her eyes drifting closed.

“Ju, he didn’t ruin me, I swear,” she whispered in another fit of lucidity. “I dreamt of Robin, I think…” she was interrupted by a fierce cough, for her throat was fragile with bruises both outward and internal after the man had tried to strangle her into submission. “The knife you gave me, I tried…” she started saying, but she couldn’t catch her breath.

Robin leapt to his feet and lifted her gently, cradling her neck carefully, trying to ease her pain. He felt his heart breaking within him with her every word, and he knew that he was crying again, but he didn’t care.

“Hush, little one,” Julian told her in a strangled voice and motioned to Robin to step away from her bed.

Robin stared at him, shocked, a monster of jealousy rising within him. And then a revelation hit him, and he almost stumbled from the shock.

“Good God,” he said tenderly, looking from Rosa to Julian and then back to her, as though he couldn’t believe it. “You are Julian’s red-headed lost little sister.”

She opened her eyes at this moment and saw him with clarity. One of her sudden smiles lit up her face and he felt like a king. His own eyes stung with tears, his arms aching to lift her to his chest.

“How could I have been so stupid?” he murmured. “My sweet girl, you have the same brow as that scoundrel of mine. Your eyes have the same shape. And I had thought he was seeking to serve me well all this time he remained here. And I had thought
I
was his chief. It seems I was mistaken, and this small hand now holds his fate in its little hollow.” He stopped and cleared his throat, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. He lifted a finger and ran it along her forehead. “How fortunate he is to have found you. To have in you his family.”

He gently let go of her hand.

“How infinitely more fortunate than any other man on green England,” he said.

Julian looked at him and smiled a tight, cryptic smile that was more of a grimace. “I’ve bound the wound,” he said simply. “Now go, the Sheriff’s man could wake up any minute.”

“How…” Robin began but he had to stop and clear his throat. He got up and turned at the door to address Julian in a low voice. “How came you to care so for her?” he asked finally, and his voice sounded strange to his own ears.

“There is nothing to envy here, chief.” Julian answered him as though he had read his thoughts. “Her heart is more yours now than it will ever be mine.”

Robin would have scoffed if he had had the energy for it. Now he sank, cross-legged to the floor, his back sliding down the door frame.

He lifted his gaze and looked Julian straight in the eye.

“Do you think we… do you think she can overcome this?”

Julian averted his eyes and swallowed hard. “I can’t think of that right now,” he said quietly.

The next moment Robin was leaping up from his spot on the floor, his brow furrowed in concern. “She’s fainted again,” he said and clenched his hand by his side so that he wouldn’t run to her and crush her to his chest.

Julian eased her back on the pillows. “She breathes easy,” he replied. “The healers will ascertain what damage has been done.”

“But… but she was fine, she even said…” Robin sputtered, white with fear.

“Chief,” Julian said for the hundredth time. “Go.”

“How do I leave her?” Robin burst out, his voice wrenched from his throat in torture. “You know why I came back? I wanted to tell her… and now…How do I get on my horse? How do I even climb down the stairs? How…”

His voice was beginning to sound a bit hysterical by now.

Julian tore his eyes away from his sister’s pale face and looked at him squarely.

“Put one foot in front of the other,” he said.

Robin did just that.

But at the threshold he paused once more, for one final look at her.

“Do me a favor,” he told Julian.

“He won’t live to see the night,” Julian replied immediately, for there was no need for his chief to order him to find her attacker.

Robin Hood had been in time, the healer confirmed. She redressed the wound and brought them a poultice to fight the fever with. She instructed Julian and the maids to have her up and walking as soon as the fever abated, which was in two days. The wound was rather shallow and the infection hadn’t set in so Rosa got up out of her bed for a few moments every day to walk in the gardens with her brother and Sir Gavin.

She was silent and thoughtful, and they both knew she needed time to forget.

Robin felt trapped inside the green forest, mad with fear and anger and unable to ride out to see her. He spent his days roaming the forest energetically, sparring with his men and relieving obese abbots of stolen goods, but the humor was gone from his eyes, and his fierceness whenever he held the sword scared even his friends.

Sir Gavin rode often to his camp to tell him news of Rosa, but after five days had passed and still the man who’d attacked her hadn’t been found, Robin threatened to come and kill him himself.

“I cannot remain sane for much longer, you know,” he said. “I’m here and do nothing while she suffers…”

“She asked of me, personally, as well as her brother,” Sir Gavin explained, “not to kill the man, even if we found him. ‘I won’t have you become like them’, those were her exact words.”

“He’ll be long gone, if he has a lick of brains,” Robin pursed his lips in distaste, hating to even think of the man. “I’ll ride with you in the morn.”

Sir Gavin winced.

“Perhaps next week,” he replied.

“I give you one more day,” Robin said determinedly, “and then I’ll be there, whether she wants me or not. You’ve one day to… to prepare her.”

“Is it possible, good Robin,” Sir Gavin mocked the way Robin’s men addressed him, setting his teeth on edge, “that you suspect me of being untruthful when I’ve traveled all this distance to bring you news of your lady love?”

Robin shook his head and let out a frustrated sigh. No, he didn’t doubt Sir Gavin’s sincerity. The man had proven himself to be his ally in word and in deed, and he knew he had gained a powerful friend in him, for which he was grateful.

Suddenly he laughed a dry, wild laugh, cursing himself for thinking he had been ready to wed her before. Now she wouldn’t even see him. She was too fragile still, Sir Gavin had said. Robin knew what that meant.

He had let her down.

Again.

And she wouldn’t trust any of them enough to say step foot in his forest again.

Rosa’s reasons for refusing to see him were, of course, quite different than what his guilt-ridden conscience taught him to fear. She didn’t know, however, that her hesitation was putting Robin in even graver danger than he already was.

She didn’t know that she had only one more day until he exposed himself to everyone in the castle. Truth be told, she preferred not to think of him altogether, not until her nightmares of the man grabbing her subsided a little.

So Julian and Sir Gavin watched helplessly as the final day that Robin had given them drew to a close and prayed that at least he would have the sense to wait until nighttime to ride out.

Robin, of course, proved them wrong.

Julian had only just escorted Rosa to the dining hall and they were sitting down to break their fast, when the front doors of the Hall burst open and a tall, slender silhouette appeared in their narrow opening against the morning sunshine.

“My lady Rosa,” Robin’s voice echoed in the halls, “I wish to speak with you.”

Sir Gavin leapt to his feet, as his few remaining guests began flooding in the hall from the staircase, curious to see the stranger who had upset the castle with his cries.

Julian ran to Robin.

“Discretion, man,” he whispered through clenched teeth.

But already Rosa was walking towards the door.

“I am here,” she said simply, and although she was a bit pale, her face looked calm and collected. She reached Robin and preceded him outside, without allowing him to take her arm.

She walked on, hoping he was following her to the gardens, away from curious eyes.

“Who was that savage man?” she heard the shrill voice of a lady ask in the background, and then the distance drowned out Sir Gavin’s rushed apologies.

Rosa heard quick footsteps behind her and in a minute Robin was standing before her.

It had been so long since she had seen him in the sunlight and now he just stood there, his hair wild and long, his eyes shining like black stars, his lips pressed together as though to keep in the words; his long and graceful body was dressed all in dark, muddied peasant’s clothes, so unlike his usual forest-green garb. He took her breath away.

Robin took her elbow to steady her, with a sigh, and there was a bitterness and a hardness in his gaze that disturbed her. Without taking his eyes off her face, he led her to a stone bench to sit down and catch her breath.

Then he simply stood next to her, silent, his head bent, and waited.

Rosa tried to calm her breathing, wondering how she would even begin talking to him, while the minutes passed idly by. No one seemed to have followed them, and they were still in utter silence, disturbed only by a few chirping birds.

Rosa thought suddenly that he must have ridden all through the black night to reach the castle so early in the morning.

A muscle jumped in Robin’s jaw, but still he waited silently. Rosa knew what he was waiting for. There was no point now to berate him for his folly in coming to find her in broad daylight.

“I cannot tell you what you wish to hear,” she said at last. “I wish I were braver,” she added softly.

At that he lifted his midnight eyes to hers.

“I can’t imagine how you could be,” he said simply.

She made as if to get up and leave, but he was sitting next to her in a second, staying her with a hand on her shoulder.

“What is this?” he asked abruptly. “You turn away from me?”

She couldn’t face him, but his hand was like steel on her shoulder and wouldn’t let her move. He got up, stood in front of her.

“Talk to me,” he pleaded more gently, his voice coming from a suddenly dry throat. “I’m listening.”

She swallowed with difficulty.

“How can you even look at me?” she whispered.

“What- look at you?” he stumbled in surprise, falling to his knees in front of her. “Look at me, this is me you’re talking to, your Robin.”

“I can’t,” she said. “Please don’t make me.”

“I’ll die before I make you do something against your will!” He almost shouted it with vehemence. 

“Please,” she sighed, heartbroken at the sound of tears in his voice. “Please, do not be distressed on my account.”

Then he heard a soft sinking sound and he rushed to his feet just in time to catch her as she fell, crouching on the ground, crying as though her heart was breaking; crying all the tears she had kept inside.

“Shhh,” he whispered tenderly, “hush my girl, I am not worth your tears.” He stroked her back as it was racked by sobs. “We’ll get through this as we got through everything else. You’ll see. My brave little warrior.”

She tried to speak, but her breath was spent with crying and her words came out in gasps. As soon as he understood what she was saying, however, Robin felt his heart break in a million pieces.
How much more horrible it would feel to die?
he wondered absent-mindedly.

“My lips cannot remember your kisses anymore,” was what she said. “All they can remember is that…”

She didn’t continue, but it was just as well, for Robin couldn’t bear it anymore. He reached for her, gasping in silent, dry sobs himself as well, and pulled her into his arms. She resisted at first, but he was stronger and insistent and finally she let him hold her.

Then, with a deep sigh like that of a man deprived of air for hours, his lips found hers.

He felt her faltering in his arms, but he held her more firmly, and even before she realized what was happening, she was kissing him back, through her tears.

He pressed his lips against hers, teasing and caressing her, and then his mouth was on her neck, on her shoulder, on her palm, then again, with more passion than before he took her lips until he couldn’t tell which was his own breath and which was hers. They collapsed against each other and he held her until she could breathe again.

“There,” he panted, as soon as he could speak. “Was that sufficient? You will remember
this
from now on?” He laughed softly against her cheek. She smelled of clean air and sunshine.

She didn’t answer him at once, only rested her head against his throat and tried to regain her breath.

“Please” he begged, after a moment of delicious silence, bending his head low so that his pleading eyes could see directly into hers. He shut them briefly. “How else can I ask you, how can I beg you to tell me… did you recognize the man who attacked you at all?”

She winced at his words.

“Forgive me,” he murmured, but she was already pushing him away and getting up.

He was on his knees in front of her.

“I can’t stand it,” he said, in a whisper.

“Is that what you came for only?” she asked, exasperated. “Is revenge the only reason you…?”

“No!” he shouted, leaping to his feet, “No! You can’t think that, you know my heart.”

“Then why can’t you leave it alone?” she was out of breath, shouting as well, all the desperation that had driven them apart half a year ago coming to the surface again. “We may never be able to find, and
kill
the man who attacked me. But I’m safe now, isn’t that all that matters?”

“I cannot,” he began, trying to calm his own voice, “please, I cannot stop thinking about how I found you… what if he’s he in the castle right now? I am out of my mind with worry.  This… inaction is driving me demented.”

“I truly don’t know who he is,” she replied. “I suppose now I will have to leave this place…”