Everything is Changed (9 page)

alex

Since changing schools, I've discovered I quite like science class. Maybe it's because Jake's not around to make me feel like it's his thing. I especially like prac, when we get to do dissection or experiments. But today Mr Taylor is banging on and on about some theoretical construct or other and I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about. Actually, I don't even care what he's talking about.

Tone slips me a note and I try and read it without getting busted.

Sk8?

It's all he ever wants to do. Hang out in a skate park. It's as boring as his obsession with talking to every girl he sees, but what choice do I have? If I want to hang out with these guys, I have to be a joiner. Sometimes I wish I'd stayed at my old school, and that it was still like it used to be when Jake and I had each other's backs, and I could do drama and art and escape my dad's big plans for me. And maybe if I hadn't left, Jake wouldn't have become so stuck on what happened with the man, and he could have been the science star he was always going to be, and we could have finished high school together. Tone nudges me and I shake off the thought.

4 a bit.

I slide the note back and he nods like the answer wasn't ever going to be any different. I just want to jump on the train and go and see Ellie, but the pressure is on now to hang out with the kids I'm at school with all week. My … friends. And they sort of are, but we're not the same. Not really. Not beyond the blazers and the shorts and the tracksuits in our school colours. Not that they see it. But I do.

The bell cuts Mr Taylor off mid-sentence and nobody waits for him to finish. We're all scraping our books into our bags, and grabbing our friends to head out into a Friday afternoon. Tone and Charlie crowd around me as we hurry out into the corridor, like they're worried if they don't, I'll disappear.

‘I'm coming to your party,' yells the school captain, Jack, as we bang out through the front doors and into the summer sunshine.

‘Awesome,' Charlie yells back.

‘Are there any chicks coming?' says Tone, jumping off the final three stairs and into the yard.

‘I don't know. Tell your sister to come, Tone. Bring her friends,' Charlie says.

‘She hasn't got any!'

Laughing, Charlie pulls his skateboard out of his bag and drops it on the ground.

‘You're going to get busted,' I say, noticing the principal walking towards us.

Charlie always tries to skate at school and he always gets busted.

‘Hand it over,' the principal says, blocking Charlie's way.

‘Oh, come on,' starts Charlie, like it's going to make any difference.

‘Pick it up Monday,' the principal says as he tucks it under his arm and walks towards the gates.

Charlie laughs and calls after him. ‘You can use it, sir. I've got another one. Just don't blame me if you break your leg!'

‘One?' says Tone. ‘You've got about ten.'

‘Fourteen actually,' says Charlie, earning a punch in the arm from Tone.

We walk out of the gates and into another afternoon. Mum doesn't care when I come home. For some reason she thinks I'm in better company now so she never expects me to text her or tell her where I am. As if Tone and Charlie uphold perfect values. They just live in really big houses and have more skateboards than any kid could ever need.

‘Sevsies?' says Charlie, like we ever go anywhere other than 7-Eleven after school. It's the place everyone hangs out. They eye each other off. Flirt. Hook up. And, in the case of Tone at least, steal a few chocolate bars just because they can.

‘Yeah, but then I've got to go. I've got a date,' I say.

Tone gives me a look. ‘Lame. It's Friday. We skate Friday.'

‘I can't. I'm seeing Ellie,' I say, hating how trapped I feel between the old and the new, and wishing I could just give myself over to whatever my life is now.

‘You can go later. But now we skate,' says Tone. I'm not sure why I let him tell me what to do.

I follow Tone and Charlie into the crowd of uniforms pouring out of our school. He's right. It's Friday. I can see Ellie later. I go to text her, but before I can, Tone grabs my arm and pulls me across the road, cars tooting wildly.

He laughs as Charlie runs to keep up with us.

‘I almost got hit,' says Charlie.

‘But you didn't,' yells Tone as he drops his skateboard on the ground and takes off.

I keep walking, my skateboard in my bag. We aren't supposed to skate in our uniforms and I haven't been at the school long enough to ignore the rules.

‘I'll have to duck home and grab another board,' says Charlie. ‘I'll meet you at the park.'

‘Righto.'

By the time I walk up to the doors of 7-Eleven, Tone's sitting on the step sucking on a huge multi-coloured Slurpee. He hands me one.

‘Thanks,' I say.

‘Your shout next time,' he says, like he just bought me the world. Jake and I would never have bothered about who had money. He hardly ever did but it was no big deal. And a Slurpee only costs about a dollar.

I check the ground is clean and I sit down on the step next to him. Tone's scanning faces. I can see he has no interest in me because he's trying to work out who else is around. So I concentrate on the Slurpee that tastes like rainbow Lifesavers.

‘Brain freeze,' snaps Tone as he punches his head, making me laugh. It's the sort of thing Jake would have done once upon a time.

‘Hey, Tony,' says a girl. Nobody calls Tone that. It's like she's addressing a different person.

‘Cath. How's it going?' says Tone, looking up at her.

I try and read his expression but it's the same as it always is. Slightly amused, slightly distant and slightly judgemental.

‘Good. See you at the beach this weekend?'

Tone shrugs. ‘Dunno yet. Waiting for the olds to decide what they're doing.'

She rolls her eyes knowingly.

‘Well, hopefully,' she says as she walks past us and into the shop.

‘Catherine Elliot,' says Tone quietly to me. He always says people's surnames like it should mean something to me, like then I'll know who they are. But I know nobody. He sighs because I haven't responded. ‘Her dad and my dad are old mates,' he explains, like it makes a difference.

I keep sucking the Slurpee. I've given up trying to remember the names of the girls Tone knows.

‘Hey, where's Charlie?'

‘Gone home to get a board.'

Tone laughs. ‘Course. Idiot.'

He stands up and bins his Slurpee cup.

‘Ready?'

‘Um, yeah.'

Even though I haven't finished my Slurpee, I toss the cup in the bin and grab my bag. It's heavier than my old schoolbag was. I seem to carry my life back and forth every day. This time I drop the skateboard down on the footpath and follow Tone as he cruises down the busy street. We dodge kids walking in the other direction, weaving in and out. People say hello to Tone as we pass, but nobody bothers with me.

The skate park is between school and home, just before the junction. It's a rubbish park, full of BMXers who end up in fights with the skaters most nights. Charlie reckons it's sinking because it was built on an old tip site or something but I have no idea if he's just stirring me. The skate parks Jake and I used to go to were heaps better, but Tone and Charlie wouldn't travel in that direction for anything. And Tone isn't actually much of a skater. He just likes the scene.

It's also right on a main road, so it feels like a really public park where people walking past can just look in and see you. If I'm on my board and trying to do tricks, then I want some privacy. I want to feel like I've entered a world that's not about anyone else. I don't want most of Camberwell to be able to see me sprawled out on the ground with a broken wrist if I happen to come off.

We skate in and Tone throws his schoolbag under one of the trees. There is a little mountain of bags already there and everybody knows not to go near them.

‘I'm going to look for Charlie,' says Tone, leaving me.

‘Okay.'

My phone beeps.

Where r u?

Ellie. I can't believe I forgot to text her.

Stuck at school. Be an hour.

More lies. When will I stop?

School now? What a nerd.

I smile at her message and contemplate leaving. They probably wouldn't even notice if I bailed now. I look around for them. The park's busy already with kids skating and talking and mucking around. I see Tone casually leaning against one of the concrete walls, chatting to some girl. Charlie's probably skating, battling for his bit of concrete, but I can't see him anywhere. Walking up, I hear the girl laugh and it sounds a little like Ellie.

‘Zander,' shouts Tone as he sees me. The girl turns too and I see her face. It's nothing like Ellie's. She has long hair with a white ribbon tying it up, like most of the girls at her school. Even my little sister has swapped her messy plaits for a single perfect ponytail.

‘This is Maddie,' says Tone, winking as the girl looks in my direction.

I try and smile but it's not a very good effort.

‘Hi,' I say, trying to be polite.

Tone laughs. ‘Zander's shy, aren't you?'

I give him a look that even he should understand, but he just grins at me because nothing fazes him. He's untouchable.

‘Hi,' says Maddie, smiling.

‘Hi,' I say again. I look out at the ramps, trying to find Charlie on his board. ‘Did you find Charlie?' I say, wanting to be away from this awkward conversation as soon as I can.

‘Nah, because I found Maddie first,' says Tone. Maddie giggles and Tone smirks, making me want to escape.

‘I'm going to go look.' I drop my board onto the ground and give them both a little smile so it doesn't feel like I'm dissing them. Tone loves introducing me to girls. I'm not sure if it's because he thinks it's funny to see how I'll react or because he genuinely wants me to hook up with someone new. But he doesn't seem to do it to Charlie or any of the guys at school. He reserves it all for me.

The hardest part of the park is full of try-hard skaters who are showing off but can't actually skate properly so I head to the second bowl. It's still pretty busy but I drop in and start to skate. At least here nobody who knows me from before can find me here. No Jake. No past. No future.

Charlie cuts in in front of me and I watch as he skates down the stairs and onto the flat. He's the best skater I've ever hung around with. He's more like Jake than me. He takes risks and tries new tricks and actually spends time skating when he comes to a park, unlike Tone who just wants to pick up. I roll to a stop as Charlie speeds up and executes the perfect tre flip.

‘Yeeew,' I yell in a loud, high-pitched voice. He laughs and gives me a wave.

‘You're up, Alex!'

‘Nah, I'll pass. Thanks.'

Charlie's tried to teach me how to do it, because he reckons my way of combining a kickflip and a 360-degree pop shove-it is not the way to go. And maybe he's right because every time I've done it that way, the board's flipped up and hit me in the shins. Or I've managed to flip the board and then landed one foot on the back and fallen. Charlie's as determined as Jake used to be about learning something new, but I'm kind of happy to just stay at the level I'm at. It sounds pathetic, I know, but as much as I love skating, I really don't love injuries. Before last year I used to take more risks, and there was a time when both my shins were bright blue with bruises, but now I'm fine just pulling off a few ollies or a kickflip.

I turn to skate back to where Tone is, but as I do I see Maddie sitting on his knee and his hand wrapped around her and somewhere up under her school uniform, and they're pashing. I don't know how he does it but he does. Every time. And he probably won't even see her again after today, but that's just what he's like. And the more I watch them, her blonde hair falling down like a veil hiding their faces, the more I want nothing to do with this place, or these people.

I skate out towards the road, wondering if Tone will even care that I've left. Probably not. He'll just rib me about it later.

There's a tram pulling up as I reach Riversdale Road and I kick the back of my skateboard, grabbing it in one hand and running down the hill. Luckily the peak-hour traffic is so bad the tram is sort of wedged between one SUV and another and I make it easily to the stop in time.

It's packed with workers heading home, so I jam myself into the middle and lean against the concertina bit that bends and winds behind me. There's a kid across from me, leaning against the opposite side. He's wearing my school's uniform and I recognise his face but I don't know his name. He nods at me and I nod back. I'm glad he's got earbuds in so we don't have to make awkward chat.

I take out my phone and see three messages from Ellie wondering where I am. She'd be furious if she knew I'd blown her off to skate with Tone. She doesn't like him at all. I start to message her another excuse and then my phone beeps. It's Tone.

Where u?

It takes me a minute to think of what to say. If I tell him I'm on the tram, he's going to know I'm going to Ellie's.

Family emergency.

That sort of covers everything even if it's not true.

I know I'm lying to everyone, but that's what happens when you put a man in a coma and then he dies. You become two people, split down the middle between before and now. And the now is not such a good place to be.

Coming. Stupid teacher made us stay back.

I hit send and feel sick. I don't want to lie to Ellie. I know what she'd do if she found out. She's already funny with me because she thinks I'm ditching Jake because he doesn't fit into my new world. I can't explain that's not true so I have to let her think I've changed and she's pretty critical of that.