Evolution (32 page)

We're given dry clothes, and food, and drink. 
Everything any of us could need right now.  We're checked over for
wounds.  Someone cleans my hands and knees, and puts a cold rag on my
shoulder.  A warm blanket around my back.  Whatever we've lost, it
doesn't matter.  We'll go home soon.  Everything will make sense in
time, they promise.  Only, I get the feeling they’re almost as lost as we
are.

Jonas plays along with all of this, but I can tell he
doesn't trust them.  I'm not sure why he doesn't, because they seem to love
us.  But I see the way he's watching behind each smile.  He doesn't
offer much information.  Just banter.  Goes with the flow, rather
than asking questions.  He keeps me close to his side.  I keep hoping
for an explanation— for somebody to sit down and tell me what’s going on. 
But our hosts are too full of merriment to be of any use.

"I can't believe it's you.  I can't believe it's
really you," gushes an ogre of a man for probably the fiftieth time,
shaking his head, grinning from ear to ear.  His eyes are fixed on Jonas
in adoration.  It makes my brain hurt, trying to figure out what all of
this is about.  They're passing around a bottle of something, and I'm
thinking I could use a little of it about now.  I look again for Apollon
and Jack, and find they are still sitting against one wall.  Some of the
teens have them surrounded and are chattering at them incessantly.  Jack
is listening, but Apollon looks like he's somewhere else entirely.

It hits me that there's too much noise and not enough
answers.  I feel caught up.  I just want one person who can tell me
the things I've been wanting to know.  I glance at Jonas next to me. 
He's telling a joke and his audience is rapt with attention.  They hardly
notice me slipping away.

I walk through the crowd, looking for someone on their
own.  Someone who I can have a conversation with.  But everyone is
chattering.  Laughing. They really are swept up in this moment. 
Everyone.  Except the person who is missing.

The door is ajar.  I slip through, to the stairs that
go up.  They twist around as they go, the spiral getting narrower and
narrower toward the top.  I step up into a tiny room with four open
doorways.  Outside them is a balcony that wraps all the way around. 
Standing sideways at the railing is the person I'm looking for.

He looks back at me, and does not seem surprised.  His
face is blank.  "Hello," he says quietly.

I walk out onto the balcony and look over the railing. 
We're at the very top of the tower.  I can see the city falling away, the
fires reflecting in the river.  Even more beyond.  For a moment, the
view has me speechless.  Another glimpse of how vast the world is. 
Finally, I look at him.  "Hi.  Sorry.  I didn't catch your
name?"

A smile tugs briefly at the corners of his mouth and
disappears.  "Spec."  He's hiding sadness.

"Spec," I say.  "That's
right."  That's what the woman said to the boy.  I want to ask
more right away, but the questions do not come out as easily as I had
planned.  For the first time, I begin to understand that the things I have
lost have also been lost to someone else.  I search his face, not sure if
I should ask anything at all.

He sighs suddenly and turns toward the city, leaning his
forearms on the railing.  "I should have known."  His eyes
flick sideways to me, and there is something in them, now.  Something that
sees through me.  "Sentries," he says.  "Changing the
world.  You knew how to motivate everyone.  How to get it done. 
Of course you did."  His eyes fall on the buildings again, on the
flicker of lamplight and bonfire.  "But it was never about
that."  His voice has gone soft now.  I have to strain to hear
him.  "…You could have told me."

My face contorts with puzzlement.  I want to ask what
he means, but I'm already off balance.  He has the high ground here. 
He knows what we're talking about.

He glances at me again, and I can see him stop and realize
that I'm lost.  Something in his countenance softens. 
"Jason," he explains.  There's a paradox of patience and
impatience in his voice.  "He was my best friend.  I loved him
too.  You could have told me that this was all about bringing him
back."

For a few seconds, I can't breathe.  My throat feels
thick.  I swallow.  Then my eyelids are fluttering as I force myself
to process, to try to understand.  To form words. 
"J-Jason?"  My voice is trembling, filled with
uncertainty.  Is this all about Jonas?  Is everything I have been
through because of him?

Discomfort passes over Spec's face, like he's bothered by my
unease.  His fingers twitch, but stay on the railing.  "It took
us three years, Lil," he says, "to make your crazy plan work. 
Do you have any idea how hard it was to watch you sacrifice yourself? 
Maybe..." He looks down thoughtfully.  "Maybe I would have
understood.  Maybe it would have been easier."  His eyebrows go
up and he shakes his head at me, "Because, you know, as it was, I really
wasn't sure it wasn't just your way out."

I take a deep breath and place my hands over my face,
closing my eyes.  A million thoughts are swirling inside me, trying to get
free.  Going after Jason.  Sacrificing myself. 
Sentries....  Spec must understand the storm of processing that's going on
inside me, because he remains quiet.  Finally, still muffled behind my
hands, I manage, "So I... sacrificed myself to the Sentries.  Like
what?  Just walked up and kicked one?"  I lower my hands to peek
at him.

He laughs.  There's something familiar about his face
when he laughs.  Something nice. "Something like that," he
says.  "The plan required that you get close.  Really
close.  We knew it would end in erasure.  And of course, you damned
well wouldn't let anyone else do it—which makes sense now, by the way.  So
there had to be a contingency.  We had to get you back."

I pause for a moment.  "The towers.  Is there
someone at every single tower, everywhere?"

He nods.

"And you somehow made me want to get to them."

He shakes his head, now.  "I don't understand why
it took so long.  You should have been compelled to go to the nearest
tower... at least within a few days, Coder thought."

"I was in an Outpost," I blurt out.

His eyes widen.  "Not... really?  You were
dropped there?"

I nod.

A breath escapes him, face turning away.  Now
he's
processing.

I give him a minute, then ask, "Who's Coder?"

A wry grin curls onto his face.  "The genius
behind your madness."

I throw a crooked grin back at him.  "Great,"
I say.  "Just exactly what I need."

He tosses his head, his eyes darting skyward and back. 
"Clearly not.”  But he's suddenly all seriousness.  "It's
not the end," he says, meeting my eyes.  "It's just the
beginning."

I don't miss the weight in his words.  The sense of
danger.  There is a pause while that sinks in, then I ask, "What
happens now?"

He considers, though I suspect he already knows the
answer.  What he’s thinking about is how to explain it to me. 
Finally, he leans his back against the railing, which makes me nervous to say
the least, and says, "You might have been chasing after Jason.  But
I'm guessing you did what you said you were going to do, too."

"...That being...?  Something about Sentries,
right?"

"Something about Sentries," he repeats, studying
me.

Part of me still feels Jonas' caution, but I think it’s
residual and fading fast.  The part that is me, now, standing on this
balcony with Spec, wants to trust him.  I cross my arms, raise one
eyebrow.  "Let's just say there have been some very interesting
things happening with Sentries, lately."

A smile lights his face and those pale, pale eyes. 
"Well then," he says, pushing himself away from the railing, "I
suppose the next thing to do is get you home to Coder, so he can harvest that
information."  He pokes me in the skull with one finger as he moves
past me.  I turn my face and watch him disappear down the stairs.  My
mind, my emotions, are racing.

Too many thoughts.  Too many questions.  Sentries
and danger and
home.
  My erasure—my loss of
everything
—was
to bring Jonas back.  How is that even possible?  It doesn’t make
sense—going after him.  What are the odds, in all the world, that I would
be dropped anywhere near him?  Unless….  Unless I somehow used the
Sentries to track him.  Found a way to make them drop me where he was last
seen by one.  They’re always scanning us.  Of course they would know
where he was.  It seems a little farfetched, but it makes a lot more sense
than randomly being dropped right by Jason.

All this time, I thought Fate was pushing me along. 
But I was wrong.  Not Fate.  Lily.

She was willing to give up
who she was
just for the
vague possibility of finding him, being with him.  How much must she have
loved him?  And where does that leave me?  Didn’t I just spend the
last few months trying to convince myself that Jason and Lily are dead? 
Even if they are, can I blatantly disregard the enormous sacrifice that Lily
made?  Essentially, her last wish?  These questions could so easily
overwhelm me.  Consume me.  But there is one other thought swirling
on the surface of the river, a wild hope stirring within me: I did it.  I
found Jonas and brought him back.  And if I did it for him, I can do it for
Oscar.

The End

Both friends
and enemies are keen to get their hands on the information inside Eden’s
head—information that could take down the Sentries and change the world. But
there are costs that no one realized, and Eden’s not so sure she’s willing to
pay them. Refusing to do so could create dangerous problems within the tribe
she’s only just come back to.
Eden has her own agenda for learning Lily’s secrets. With hope refusing to die,
she’s spurred forward by memories of Oscar and thoughts of finding him again.
But Lily’s hold on her is greater than she knows, compelling her to chase after
strange clues and confusing visions. With love and longing weighing on her,
Eden must determine the reality of her fractured identity in order to decide
which path to take. The choices she makes could tear her away from Jonas and
Apollon, from everything she’s ever known.
Eden’s future will not be determined solely by choices. Fate has her own cards
to play, and they just might take the game.

This time around is a whole new story.  When I
published
E
, I had a small handful of people to thank.  Those same
people still deserve a lot of credit and a lot of love.  But there are a
lot more people added to the roll call this time.

Pol:  Husband, editor, BFF, love of my life….  At
some point there is just nothing left that words can say that will do any kind
of justice to the things that are beyond words, beyond understanding, beyond
here
and
now
and
how
and
why
and
is that even possible?
 
All I can say is I wouldn’t be me without you.  This book wouldn’t be this
book.  Everything would just be so much
less
.

To Jordan: so many thanks, so many hugs, and hey, “It’s
CHRISTMAS!”  And yes, I like your hair (though I’m not sure I count).

Mom, thanks for everything.  For believing in me. 
For always being the first one to jump in and help out.  For all the
million things you do without ever expecting anything in return.

To Kae, for being my biggest fan and buying all my books,
even though you can’t read yet and you don’t have any money.

Alicia:  I never expected all the help and support that
you gave me.  You’re the best, and I’m deeply grateful for everything
you’ve done.

Nicola, my author pal, fellow Rock the Book chick, and beta
reader:  It’s been so fun to go on this journey together.  I always
know you’re there to understand a bad day or celebrate a good one.  Many,
many thanks.

Anka, grammar goddess and friend:  Thank you so much
for your help, even though I set crazy, unreasonable deadlines.  I’m so
glad our paths have crossed.  Hopefully, when we’re both old ladies,
you’ll still be pointing out misplaced participles and I’ll be begrudgingly
deleting excessive tagging (though you’d hope I would have learned by then).

Jane:  You’ve been a mentor and friend, as well as a
fabulous beta reader.  You gave me so much excellent feedback.  (And
it’s truly awesome being friends with one of my favorite authors!)  Thank
you for everything.

To all the many, many bloggers who have featured
E
,
tweeted, interviewed, blogged, YouTubed, and shared book recommendations, THANK
YOU.  You are all absolute godsends to Indie authors like me who are just
trying to get our books out there.  I appreciate every single one of
you.  Special thanks to Rae and Laquesha, who have both gone above and
beyond (and are just plain Awesome with a capital A).

And of course, for you.  Yes, you.  My readers
have been amazing, and if anyone deserves thanks, it is definitely the people
who have bitten the bullet and read a book that is admittedly unknown. 
For all of you who have taken the time to write/post reviews, I am deeply
grateful.  Reviews make a HUGE difference— more than you might
realize.  But beyond that, I read every single review, and honestly there
is hardly anything better than knowing that someone out there has connected
with your work.  Every new review feels like (let’s say it again)
CHRISTMAS!  On this subject, a special thanks to Michael aka. mrwolf, for
being the first person to review “E, a book with a letter for a title and not
one review”.  Made my day!

I wish I had time and space to list all the names of all the
people who have made a difference.  Suffice it to say you are all in my
thoughts.  I truly appreciate everyone who has been a big or small part of
my book-writing journey, and I look forward to knowing all of you who will be
part of it in the future! 
J