Ex and the Single Girl (38 page)

“
Yeah. I
’
m looking f
or Mags Fallon.”

“
Oh, Mags!”
Big Red laughed. “
Isn
’
t she a wonder?”

“
Yes, she is. Might I speak with her?”

Big Red walked over to a schedule tacked on the wall that read “
Little Bears Summer Day Camp
—
August.”
Her finger trailed through the calendar and lan
ded on today.

“
She should be out on the playground doing the imagination workshop with the seven-to-nines,”
she said. “
Do you have a child in the class?”

“
No,”
I said, holding out my hand. “
I
’
m her daughter, Portia.”

Big Red laughed and pushed my hand away
, going for a hug. “
Oh, I should have known. You look just like her.”
She released me and pointed out the office and down a hallway. “
Follow that hall to the end, and it
’
ll open out to the playground. You
’
ll find her in the back with twenty or so children
just adoring her to pieces.”

I thanked Big Red, waved to poor Cecilia, and headed out to the playground. I spotted Mags immediately. She stood in front of the kids, circling around in an exaggerated stomp. The children were laughing and doing the same. I w
alked around the edge of the playground until I got to the swing sets, which were off to the side a bit where Mags didn
’
t notice me, but close enough for me to hear what she was saying.

“
Now, imagine,”
she said, her voice sweeping in broad, sweet strokes,
a voice made to talk to children, “
that you are a big,
ugly
bear. I mean, you are the
ugliest
bear that ever did walk the planet.”

The kids giggled. I smiled.

“
I mean it. Make your
ugly
face.”

The kids all contorted their faces int
o horrendous expressions. Tongues lolling out of mouths, hands pulling down cheeks until the under eyelids showed.

“
Oh, that
’
s good,”
she said, walking among the children, checking out their faces. “
Oh, Sarah, for such a pretty girl you sure can be one
ugl
y
bear.”

She patted a little blond girl on the shoulder and resumed her place in front of the children.

“
Now,”
she said, “
you are all terrifyingly ugly bears, and I
’
m so proud of you. But
—
now quiet
—
I need to tell you something.”

All the children quieted do
wn and moved closer to Mags. Their faces, while some were still contorted, were wrapped up in her every word.

“
You are an
ugly
bear, but imagine now that you love one thing.”
She held up an index finger. “
Just one thing. It could be a flower. It could be y
our mama. It could be the person standing next to you. I want y
’
all to close your eyes and think about the one thing you love more than anything else.”

Mags closed her eyes, then peeked out and pointed at Sarah.

“
I said close
’
em. I wasn
’
t kidding.”
Sarah
giggled and closed her eyes. When Mags seemed assured all the kids had their eyes closed, she closed hers again.

I did the same.

“
Now,”
Mags said, “
keep that picture of that one thing you love more than anything else in your mind, and open your eyes.”

I op
ened my eyes. Mags was looking right at me. She smiled and turned her attention back to the kids.

“
Now, look at everything and everyone around you.”
Mags said. “
Go on. Look around at all you ugly bears. Did any of you notice how y
’
all are beautiful again?”

The kids, faces all smiles and not a contorted one in the bunch,
oohed
and
aahed
at each other, at the magnitude of their glorious transformation. Mags watched them, her face alight. I caught her eye again and she blew me a kiss. I grabbed it in the air a
nd touched it to my face.

A man about my age walked up and called the kids over, informing them it was time for arts and crafts. Mags spoke to him briefly, hugged a few of the stragglers, and sent them on their way, then walked over and sat down in a swing
next to me.

“
I was wondering what was taking you so long,”
she said. “
I can
’
t believe any daughter of mine would take this long to hunt me down.”

I laughed. “
What can I say? I
’
m slow.”

A group of children, slightly older than the group Mags just had, were
assembling in the kickball field. We watched the kids settle in to the game, and then I spoke.

“
I saw Jack last night.”

Mags kept her eyes on the game, but I saw her grip on the swing chains tighten.

“
Really?”
she said, her voice almost too light. “
How is
he?”

“
He
’
s fine. Good, actually.”

Mags gave me a fleeting smile, then turned her attention back to the kids. “
I
’
m glad to hear it. He told you, then. What happened with us?”

“
Not really,”
I said. “
All I know is that you threw him out.”
She nodded. “
Yes. I
did that.”

“
Okay,”
I said. “
I don
’
t care.”

She turned her head, and brought her eyes up to meet mine. “
You
’
re not mad?”

“
What
’
s the point?”
I sighed, kicking dust clouds up with my feet. “
I
’
ve been mad at you for so long and it never gets me anywhere. Jus
t because I have a right to be mad...”

“
...doesn
’
t mean you should be.”
Mags laughed. “
You
have
been talking to Jack.”

“
I won
’
t lie and say I
’
m not curious, but I didn
’
t come here today to beat it out of you.”

“
Well, that begs the question .. she said.

“
Why
did
I come out here? I don
’
t know. I just know I don
’
t want to fight you anymore.”
I reached out and grabbed her hand. “
I want my mom.”

She smiled at me and squeezed my hand, and I was amazed at how easy it was to sit there with Mags. For the first tim
e in my life, I wasn
’
t expecting her to disappoint me. I wasn
’
t expecting anything.

Who knew it could be that simple?

“
I loved him,”
she said after a moment, her eyes returning to the kickball game. “
I always have. I still do.”

I sucked in a deep breath, t
rying not to sound too shocked by her openness about Jack. “
Then why did you kick him out?”

“
Because I loved him.”

I waited, saying nothing, just holding her hand in mine. Finally, she spoke again.

“
Bev and your grandpa were married. Did you know that?”
I
shook my head. Fallon had been Bev
’
s maiden name, and she
’
d passed it down to all of us. It had never occurred to me that she
’
d ever been married. Then again, I
’
d never asked.

“
Vera was too young to remember when he left, but I remember. I still don
’
t know
why. Just one day, he was gone. Bev was devastated. She stayed in her room for a year and didn
’
t come out until Gladys Cheever dragged Reverend Billy to the house to minister to her.”

I felt my mouth drop open. “
Bev? Bev stayed in her room for a year? Ove
r a
man}
”
I couldn
’
t picture it, although it sure did explain a lot.

“
Well, I don
’
t know what it was all about, exactly. I was only six and Bev
’
s never talked about it. She broke out of it, mortgaged the house, and opened the Page. And we
’
ve been together,
the three Miz Fallons, ever since.”
She squeezed my hand. “
Until you came along. Then there were four.”

I smiled at her. After a short silence, Mags continued. “
Anyway, I didn
’
t want that to happen to me. I didn
’
t want it to be a surprise. So, I told Jack
to leave and he left.”
She let go of my hand and curled her fingers around the metal chains, swinging a bit as she talked. “
I didn
’
t know anything about the letters you mentioned, but I don
’
t think he
’
d He about something like that. I half suspect Bev mi
g
ht have been the one to send them back. I don
’
t remember looking at the mail or doing much of anything for a long time after I sent him away. It
’
s all a big blur for me.”
She looked at me, her eyes anxious. “
So, you really went to see him?”

I nodded. “
Yes.
”

“
And he
’
s doing well?”

“
Yes.”

She smiled and looked out at the kickball game.

“
That
’
s good. Jack
’
s a good man.”
She took a deep breath. “
I was okay for a long time, but things started to change after you left for college. It was like, I didn
’
t have any p
art of Jack left to love and I just felt...empty. I started getting...I don
’
t know. Mopey, I guess. Vera and Bev sat me down last winter and told me to go find whatever was gonna make me happy.”

“
You always seemed happy to me,”
I said. “
Absurdly happy.”
Ma
gs smiled. “
When you were around, I was. You always filled my heart. But when you were gone...”

I couldn
’
t believe what I was hearing. I filled Mags
’
s heart? The possibility had never occurred to me. “
I
’
m sorry, Mags. I had no idea.”

“
Of course not,”
she s
aid. “
A child isn
’
t supposed to know that sort of thing.”
She gave me another weak smile before going on. “
Anyway, Bev and Vera told me to go do something that made me happy. I tried everything. I made cakes and bagels with Sue Ann at the bakery. I was a
c
ashier at the Wal-Mart in Fort Oglethorpe for a very short while. Finally, I found this place.”
She motioned toward the kids playing. “
How can your heart not be full
with
these precious things to stare at all day?”

I thought of Mags
’
s big, ugly bears, whic
h led me to another train of thought. “
I don
’
t understand what that has to do with freeing all the cows on Carl Raimi
’
s farm.”