Excavated (9 page)

“I
have no true confessions to make.”

“Yes,
you do. You never told me what happened with your mom.”

His
body definitely tensed up at those words. “Nothing really happened.”

“Well,
something happened. You stopped working for her. You evidently never go visit
her anymore. What happened?”

He
didn’t answer immediately. For a minute, she thought he wasn’t going to answer
at all. Then he murmured thickly, “She couldn’t understand.”

“That
you wanted to do something else with your life?”

“Yeah.
She thought it was a betrayal, since we’d made all these plans with me as part
of her political career. By that point, she’d been elected, so she didn’t need
me as much. At least, I didn’t think she did. I thought she’d understand when I
said I wanted to go to grad school, but…” He ran his hand down the length of
her hair again.

Her
own hand had grown still on his chest, spanning the curve of his ribs. “She
didn’t understand.”

“No.
It was the worst kind of betrayal, and she couldn’t forgive me for it.” He
sighed so deeply she could feel it through his body. “Maybe it was.”

“No,
it wasn’t.” Lucy felt urgent and arched her spine to lift her head higher. “It
wasn’t a betrayal. She should have cared enough about you to know you needed to
do something else. It wasn’t your fault, Philip. You’d done more than most sons
would have done to help her. You’d already sacrificed a lot more than most sons
would have done. What the hell did she expect of you?”

“She
expected me to stick with her, and I didn’t.”

Their
eyes met for a long moment, and she saw him, understood him,
knew
him.

Then
she said, “She betrayed you. You didn’t betray her.”

“Either
way, she was the last family I had.”

She
settled back down beside him and nestled against him, wrapping one arm around
him in half hug. “Do you talk to her at all now?”

“I
call on her birthday every year. We exchange Christmas presents. I keep her
updated on any new developments—marriages and such. She does the same for me.
Maybe a lot of kids have similar relationships with their parents. Maybe it’s
not such a big deal.”

Despite
his words, Lucy knew it felt like a big deal to Philip. Even now, his broken
relationship with his mother had shaped him, as much as his two ex-wives.

Women
hurt him. That was what they did. No wonder he’d buried himself in his work.

For
some reason, it felt wrong to her. She didn’t want him to feel that. So she
slid higher up his body until she could reach his lips with hers. She kissed
him slowly, tenderly, her heart softening as she felt him respond.

They
kissed for a long time, not speaking any further. Then he rolled her over onto
her back and sank inside her. They made love in slow, needy rhythm, and she
clung to him with her arms, her legs, her lips, everything.

Until
finally the pressure of an orgasm broke inside her and she arched up, crying
out softly with the pleasure. He came then too, shortly after her, and they
fell back to sleep, still tangled in each other.

When
she woke up the next morning, that intimate interlude felt like it could have
been a dream.

“Okay,” Lucy said,
leaning back in her chair and looking at the page full of her scrawls. “I think
it’s going to work.”

She
and Dana had just roughed out the bare bones of the episode to ensure they had
enough footage to work with.

“We’ve
got everything we need,” she concluded, feeling a strange twisting of her gut
that she tried studiously to ignore.

Dana
gave her a weird look. “Are you sure? We can probably use some more night
scenes, just in case.”

“Just
in case what? Sawyer said we had more than enough.”

Dana
shrugged. “But can we ever really have enough?”

Lucy
stared at her assistant, wondering what had gotten into her. Dana was usually
as organized and efficient as anyone could ask for, always ready to move on to
the next project.

Dana’s
mouth quirked up. “I mean, if you wanted to stay here a little longer, we could
always film some more.”

Lucy
suddenly understood what the other woman was referring to, and it made her want
to shift in her seat.

They’d
been on the island now for ten days, more than enough time to complete the job,
but the truth was Lucy did want to stretch the trip out a little longer. She
wasn’t excited about leaving.

There
was no justification for remaining, however. The sex with Philip was great, but
both of them knew it was just temporary. Lucy wasn’t going to be so foolish as
to try to stretch this out, just because she was feeling inappropriately
attached to him.

“Why
would I want to stay longer?” she asked coolly, wondering if Dana would come
out and admit it.

“Well,”
Dana replied in her soft Southern drawl, “you might want to stay longer if you
were having a particularly good time here.”

Lucy
felt her cheeks warm slightly, and she gave Dana a narrow-eyed look.

“Everyone
knows you and that hot archaeologist have been having a very good time.”

Lucy’s
cheeks grew even warmer, but she wasn’t surprised. The island was very small,
and there was virtually no privacy. Everyone must know that she and Philip had
been sleeping together. “What’s your point?”

“I
thought maybe you wanted to spend some more time with him. Or, if you really
can't, I guess you could come back later to visit again.”

“Dana,
it’s just a fling. The point of a fling is that it’s just temporary.”

“But
why does it have to be? You two make a great couple. Everyone thinks so. The
others keep saying he’s like a new man this last week.”

Lucy
shifted restlessly in her chair again, wishing she’d shut down this
conversation before it had really started, “You all shouldn’t be gossiping and
indulging in silly delusions.”

“They’re
not delusions. He’s good for you too. You seem different…I don’t know…happier
or something.”

Lucy
could see that it had taken a certain amount of courage for Dana to speak those
last words, so she didn’t snap her head off the way she was tempted. “It’s just
great sex, Dana. That could relax anyone and put them in a good mood.”

“It’s
not just that. I really think there’s something there. Maybe you should at
least consider—“

“Dana,
please. Even if the logistics between us would ever work out—and that’s enough
to make a relationship implausible—we both know it’s just a fling. That's why
we did it at all. It would be crazy to pursue a relationship that has no
future. Philip is not potential-husband material. He’s not even
serious-boyfriend material.”

“Why
not?”

Lucy’s
stomach was twisting so much she felt vaguely sick. “Enough. You’re not going
to take me down that particular rabbit-trail. Just tell Sawyer we’ll leave
tomorrow morning.”

***

Philip lay on his back
naked in bed and stared up at Lucy moving above him.

She
was just as naked as he was, and she was riding him with shameless abandon, her
breasts bouncing with her wild motion and her hair flying all over her flushed face.

He
was mesmerized, blown away by her. He’d never been with a woman who gave
herself over so completely, who held nothing back the way she did.

Philip
wanted it. Needed it. Couldn’t seem to get enough of her. Of the way she was
with him.

Lucy
came then, her body shuddering and her head falling back with a silent scream
of pleasure. The tightening of her intimate muscles around him and her naked
pleasure pulled him into climax as well.

He’d
never known he could let himself go so completely. But she did. So he could
too.

And
it always left him wanting more.

She
collapsed on him afterwards, and he didn’t even want to pull away from her
clinging. He wrapped his arms around her and felt something soften in his
chest.

She’d
been strangely quiet tonight. No witty banter or engaged conversation like all
the other nights they’d spent together. She’d just silently pulled him into
bed.

She
felt fragile in his arms, somehow. He didn’t know why. But he held her even
tighter because of it.

She
was going to leave soon. He knew her filming must be wrapping up and, when it
had, she would have no more reasons for staying here.

He’d
been trying not to think about it—and just enjoy the time they had together—but
it was going to happen any day now.

Part
of him wanted to suggest various alternatives that would allow them to see each
other again after her shoot on the island was over. He knew it wasn’t a good
idea, though.

This
had always been just a fling. He never would have had sex with her the first
time if either of them had dreamed of it going any farther.

It
was just that he didn’t like the way his days and nights would look after she
was gone.

Very
soon, Lucy got up and off him, taking care of the condom. When she came back to
bed, he pulled her back into his arms.

She
still didn’t say anything.

“You
okay?” he asked at last, since her quietness was definitely not characteristic
and so it troubled him.

“Yeah,”
she murmured, “Just tired.”

She
sounded tired. He should have been tired too, since they’d gotten very little
sleep for the last week. But he wasn’t tired at all.

“How’s
the filming progressing?”

“Good.
We’re done. We can leave tomorrow.”

Philip
froze, the words hitting him like a blow. After a long stretch of silence, he
asked slowly, “You weren’t going to tell me?”

“I
was. I just did. We only just decided we had enough to go with late this
afternoon.” Her cheek was pressed against the side of his chest, and she wasn’t
meeting his eyes.

So
this was his last night with Lucy. He didn’t like that idea. At all.

He
hadn’t had enough. He wanted more of her.

He
cleared his throat. “Maybe we can keep in touch after you leave.”

She
lifted her head to look down on him, meeting his eyes for the first time. “What
do you mean?”

He
gave a half-shrug, trying to sound casual, although he didn’t feel that way at
all. “It wouldn’t be that hard for us to get together now and then.”

She
made a strange, twisting face. “We live on different continents. It’s going to
awfully complicated to maneuver times together just for a little bit of sex.”

“Is
that all we have?”

Lucy
stared, her eyes widening.

“I’m
not saying we’re in some fated love affair,” Philip hurried on, when he saw her
expression. “I’m just saying we’re good together. There’s…I don’t
know…potential.”

He
felt incredibly awkward as he added with another half-shrug, “Why give it up?”

At
least Lucy’s shocked expression had moderated. She lay back down in the crook
of his arm. “How do you imagine something like that working?”

“I
don’t know exactly. But we both have resources and flexible work schedules. I
can only dig for a couple of months in the summer. The rest of the year, I can
get away pretty easily. You travel a lot as it is. I don’t think it would be
that hard.”

Lucy
was silent for a long time, and Philip was sure she was thinking, considering.
As he waited, he realized he was holding his breath.

“I
don’t think so,” she said at last.

He
released his breath, trying to keep his body relaxed. She would be able to tell
if he tensed up too much, since she was pressed up against him. “Why not?”

“It
just doesn’t seem worth it. I mean, if there was a possible future for us,
maybe…but I just don’t see that happening.”

Philip
would never have even thought, much less spoken, of a long-term future with Lucy
at this stage of their relationship had the conversation not pushed him into
it.

But
there was a point to be made here—a point he cared about—and he wasn’t going to
just give it up for no good reason. “Why not?” he asked. “We have as much
chance as anyone else. We’re good together.”

Lucy
snorted. “In bed.”

And
it hurt. It actually hurt Philip to hear her dismiss the last week so lightly.

It
had meant something to him. Meant more than just sex.

“We’re
good together out of bed too,” he said slowly. “Don’t try to deny it.”

She
just shrugged, and her voice sounded strange when she concluded, “I just don’t
think it would be worth it.”

There
wasn’t any argument to make to that. If she didn’t think what they had was
worth some complicated logistics, then that was the way it was.

He
wasn’t going to beg her to stay with him. He had a perfectly good life as it
was. He had fulfilling work, purpose, goals, and responsibilities.

He
had the life he’d had ten days ago—one he was fully satisfied with.

And,
if right now it seemed like the rest of his days would all be a little empty
without Lucy in them, he would get over that soon.

He’d
learned not to let women hurt him, and he wasn’t going to make himself
vulnerable to another emotional assault now.

One
week of sex with an incredible woman wasn’t going to destroy everything he’d
built for himself in the last decade.

He
wouldn't let it.

Neither
one of them spoke for the rest of the night.

***

The next morning, Philip
was up, dressed, and outside before Lucy woke up.

She
felt a sick heaviness in her chest and her stomach as she showered, dressed,
and packed to leave.

She’d
felt something similar when she’d broken off her engagements, which only showed
how foolishly attached to Philip she’d allowed herself to be.

She
shouldn’t feel the same way about ending a week’s fling as she felt about
ending an engagement.

She
did.

To
her utter shock, he'd given her another choice last night, one she'd never
dreamed he'd offer. But that particular future was too tenuous, too terrifying,
and she wasn’t going to let her heart rest in Philip’s hands.

He
hadn’t been a man she could rely on back in college, and he wasn’t a man she
could rely on now.

It
would be too easy for her to fall for him completely, and that would only crush
her in the end.

When
he’d asked for them to keep seeing each other last night, she’d actually felt a
flare of hope—but a flare she’d immediately snuffed out.

Part
of her might like the idea, but she wasn’t going to do that to herself. She
just wasn't.

When
she left the trailer, giving a last look at the little bed in which she’d had
so many incredible nights, the island felt strangely quiet.

Dana
and Sawyer were saying goodbye to the grad students, so Lucy went over to join
them.

Philip
was over at the dig site.

She
was tempted to get on the waiting ferry without going over to him. If he’d
really wanted to say goodbye, he would be waiting to see her off.

But
leaving without any sort of goodbye just felt petty, so she walked over to
where Philip was crouching.

He
was apparently inspecting a hole, but the hole appeared to be empty—at least to
her.

“We’re
taking off,” she said lightly.

He
stood up and brushed off his trousers. “Have a good trip.”

“I
had a good time,” she said, the sick heaviness getting even worse.

“Me
too.” He looked casual—almost disinterested—not anything like the earnest
hesitance of last night.

She
opened her mouth, wanting to say something, wanting to ease the tension between
them so they could part on a better note.

She
couldn’t say anything.

Philip
stared at her, his blue eyes strangely speaking.