Exhibit (9 page)

“Very much”, Bain says. “I hope you've got time to put it all back.”

The waiter smiles and disappears again.

“I've got to call Vicki”, I say, suddenly worried she'll be concerned where I've got to.

“You want to go back there?”

I don’t know whether there means my real life.

“Maybe I should.”

I can feel the guilt of what I’ve just done, burning into me again. Pulsing at me like the waves of an orgasm. I don’t know how many people just watched me fuck a stranger. I’m suddenly worried I’ve let myself go too much.

“Maybe you want to come back to mine instead?” Bain asks.

“Haven't we just been there?” I point out, really wanting to be somewhere else entirely.

“Yours?”

“Another time maybe”, I say, my hand on his chest to show him there is nothing wrong, when really I feel like there should be. “I don't want to get bored of you so quickly.”

Bain smiles at me. White teeth, razor sharp eyes, I can still feel him inside me even though he no longer is. Maybe he’s been penetrating me all night and I just didn’t realize it. “That's impossible.”

“Will your driver take me back?” I ask, suddenly a little overwhelmed.

I’ve got to process what’s happened and here, with Bain, isn’t the right place to do that.

“You ask him nicely he will”, he says. “Come on, I'll come with you.”

W
e leave Kings quickly, pat the lions on the head on the way out while the card is scanned and the appropriate amount deducted, walk untroubled back through the Chinese restaurant, and get back into the car where the driver has been waiting for us.

Violet calls her friend and we tell the driver where to drop her off.

The journey back is categorized by a thoughtful silence, punctuated by soft caresses Violet gives me across my inner thigh. I don’t want her to leave, but I have no way of stopping her. The game I’ve played is over, and I’ve won as much as I set out to.

“You got somewhere you can go?” she asks, when we get to where she needs to be.

“I've always got somewhere I can go”, I say.

“It's just, this won't be your style.”

I can still taste her. It’s just about stopping the darkness from creeping in.

“I know”, I say.

“It was fun”, she says. “More than that.”

“Merry Christmas”, I say.

“And a happy new year.”

Silence hits us again. It’s in her eyes, the way she holds her body, the gentle space between her lips. It’s written all over her. She wants more.

“I'm going to be sore tomorrow”, she says.

“You deserve that”, I say, playing with her while I can. “You worked hard for it.”

She leans over to kiss me, and I take the opportunity to slide my business card into her jacket pocket. She’s given me her number, and I know I can find her easily enough anyway, but I want to wait until she comes back to me. I don't trust myself enough with her unless she insists and I need to know she wants it.

“Call me”, she says, and then after one last look, she's gone.

I watch her walk across the snow towards a girl I presume must be Vicki, her hands stuffed into her pockets. When she stops momentarily but doesn’t look back, I know she’s found the business card I’ve left for her. More than that, I know in that moment that she’s the one.

I give her three days before she calls me.

“Take me to wherever anyone is”, I tell the driver, “and then take me the fuck back home. I want to see if my bedroom’s still there.”

O
ne year later...

I
hate to admit it, but Bain was right. After that whirlwind night we spent together, I found myself absolutely unable to resist him. After Christmas Eve and Boxing Day and forty eight hours to think about that insane night at Kings, and, more than anything, the way he showed me what he was capable of, I had to call him and see just what else was possible.

The business card in my jacket pocket was such a bull-shit move, but it completely worked. There was no reason for him to call me, so I’m glad he did it as well.

Vicki couldn’t believe it when I told her. Half of that shit I swear she thought I’d made up. I had no way to prove it either, until Bain corroborated my story, at least the bits up to and after the red room, the rest we kept for ourselves.

One thing led to another and Bain and I started seeing much more of each other in the new year. I wasn’t sure where it would lead, and after such a string of bad experiences with dickhead men, I didn’t want to get my hopes up too soon. Daniel had kind of left me crushed and lacking confidence in relationships, and Bain, at first appearances, didn’t seem like he even came from the same world as me.

It worked though, and today we are as strong as we could ever be. I love him. He’s far from perfect, and he’s full of more demons that he likes to admit, but he’s definitely the one for me. Cocky, cock-sure, arrogant, full of himself, whatever you want to call it, Bain delivers. He’s the real deal and he shows it too. He loves me, he treats me well, he fucks like a king and we understand each other. We have fun together and we balance each other out.

I’m not working with that bitch Stephanie anymore, so it’s looking up for me in other areas too. In fact, I’m about to get a book published.

Bain and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight. We decided, after much consultation, to get for the black room. We’ve realized both of us have a kinky side to our sexual makeup, and apparently black is as dark as it gets in Kings.

They’ve moved it this year too. We’re up in Harlem believe it or not, underneath a hairdressers. Vicki still doesn’t believe me, but that’s only because I think she’s jealous. She told me to go and find a multimillionaire, I guess she just thought I wouldn’t actually go and do it.

Who would have thought on a shitty, snowy, winter’s day in New York, I’d actually find my king? There’s a fucking fairy story for you.

I
knew she’d come back to me. She doesn’t like to admit it, but she knows she finds me irresistible. The money helps, but it isn’t everything. Violet is here because of the way I make her feel. It’s not only that either, I’m here too, because I’ve never met anyone like her.

I’m a difficult man to be with, and I’ll be the first to admit it. I’ve got demons fighting each other to fuck up my life, and I’ve always had to work hard to keep the darkness out, but Violet balances me, she makes everything seem so easy.

I love her, and it didn’t take me all that long to realize it either. Violet is an incredible girl to be around, she’s fun, adventurous, experimental, dynamite in the sack and absolutely, insanely gorgeous.

After that night at Kings, and she called me, we decided to take it slowly, just to see where it would end up. In practise, that meant getting to know each other by spending most of the time fucking like horny rabbits. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and eventually, which was what it always was in nothing else but name, we decided to make it official.

Violet is a girl of many talents, and I don’t just mean in the bedroom. She’s an incredible writer, a talented photographer and knowledgable about all kinds of things I would never have guessed by just looking at her.

It gives us balance in our lives. We do all the crazy shit we can afford on my salary, but we do all the normal shit too, like pub quizzes, and comedy shows and going to a cinema that’s full of real people. I never thought that would ever have been possible after what happened.

Jack and Carter still get a kick out of the fact that I’m dating someone that isn’t a celebrity. They reckon with my money and influence I could get anyone I want. They’re not wrong, but they just don’t get it. The only person I want is Violet.

She looks incredible tonight. The floor length black dress that she has chosen shows off the curves of her hips and the fragility of her shoulders perfectly. The color is nothing but appropriate too.

Kings is even more exuberant than it was last year, and behind the black is where we are destined to come face to face with our darkest desires.

A year ago I found my angel, staring up at the sky from a Manhattan sidewalk. Six years before that I lost the two people that meant the world to me when a drunk driver span off the road and ploughed into them. It took me a long time to come to terms with that, and Violet is the first person I've ever told about it.

I hope nothing takes her away from me too.

###

Copyright
©
2016 by Stella Noir & Aria Frost

T
he morning light crept in through the make-shift curtains, illuminating the dust that hung in the air. Jess had watched the night disappear and the morning come, and was well awake by the time her alarm sounded. It had been like that for as long as she could remember. Carl rolled over in bed and groaned.

“Can't you turn that fucking thing off?” he complained.

“I've got to work.”

She got up, dressed in the half light in clothes that still carried the stink of smoke from the night before, and tried to make herself look like she'd slept. The truth was, she looked like shit and she knew it.

Denny was already up. He'd got himself ready for school and was eating breakfast. Jess sat next to him and played with his hair. Six years old and more grown-up than any of the men that had come and gone over the last few years.

“Your hair's getting long sweetheart”, she said, as much to herself as her boy. “You sleep alright?”

“When's he leaving Mom?” Denny said.

Jess didn't answer straight away. She lit a cigarette and blew the smoke up to the ceiling instead.

“Just try and get along with him, will you. He aint all that bad.”

The look Denny gave her could have melted lead, and the more she defended her boyfriend, the less convinced she felt of her argument.

Carl had been out of work for over two months now, and drinking more and more everyday. He wasn't paying his way, he wasn't cleaning up after himself, he wasn't looking after Denny. What exactly was it that he offered her?

When she kissed Denny goodbye at the school gate, she noticed the new hole in his sweater. He was growing quickly, and the cheap uniform she'd bought him last year had all but fallen apart. He'd need a whole new set soon, and new shoes as well. It was yet another thing to worry about.

She was late for work as usual. No matter how quickly she ran, she could never get there on time. She blustered through the door with a string of apologies, and immediately set to work.

It was busy all morning, and just after eleven she welcomed the break. She stepped out the back with Rose, and the two women lit up and drank coffee. Rose had a lump on her face that she'd badly concealed with make-up, and a bruise closing the eye a little, which was reddening in the corner. Jess brushed back her hair to take a closer look. Rose winced as she touched it.

“I miss anything?”

“Nothing you want to know about.”

“Why do you go on with him?”

“Who else I got to go on with? You tell me that.”

They smoked for a while in silence. Rose had problems, but Jess had a mountain of them too.

When they'd finished their cigarettes they both went back inside.

“You tell me if you need me”, Jess said. “What he's doing to you aint right.”

Rose smiled, but she didn't answer. It wasn't Jess's place and she knew it. She shouldn't have said a thing.

The day dragged on. People came and went. The regulars dropped by and chatted a while, and then carried on with their lives.

The work was hard, dull, and badly paid, but Jess needed it. In fact, it wasn't nearly enough, but it was better than nothing. Waitressing was all she had. She'd never finished college, and didn't know how to do anything else. She couldn't get by without it.

Denny was waiting for her at the school gates. All the other kids had been picked up already, and he was sat there alone, reading a book, looking after himself. He was a smart kid, and she had no idea where it came from. God knows he'd had a difficult life already.

At home, the house was in the same state it had been in when she left it. Empty beer bottles and unwashed plates all over the kitchen, mess all over the living room. Denny sat down on his bed, a make-shift bundle of pillows and cushions in one corner of the living room, while Jess washed up and made some lunch. The fridge was all but empty, and it was going to stay that way until the end of the month. They had butter sandwiches made of old bread that she had to cut the mold off, as Carl had eaten the rest of the ham and cheese.

She didn't know how long this could go on for. She was two months behind on the rent, the electricity company was threatening to cut her off, she was working two jobs and still couldn't afford to feed and clothe her son. And to top it all off, her piece of shit boyfriend was spending half of what she was earning on alcohol.

Denny was such a good kid, but there was a limit to what he could take. Hell, there was a limit to what she could put him through. Something had to change and she knew it. Maybe it was time to kick Carl out. The problem was, the last time she tried to do that, he gave her a black eye that would have made even Rose wince. Denny saw that happen too.

Jess finished half her sandwich and gave the rest to Denny.

“I'll get something at work later”, she said, but they both knew she was lying.

“There's a trip coming up at school”, Denny said. He'd finished his sandwich and was half way through the rest of Jess's.

“Oh, yeah, where's it to this time? You all heading off to the big apple?”

“Camp”, Denny said. “Everyone's going.”

Jess smoked her cigarette. Silence was a better way of dealing with bad news than actually giving it straight. Denny knew there was no way he could go. His Mom couldn't even afford to buy him food, let alone send him on a camp. It didn't stop him wanting it though. Nothing could stop him dreaming.

She hated to leave him alone at night time, but there was nothing else she could do. Her shift started at seven, and ran all the way until two, and there was no where else for him to go. Carl was sometimes about, but that didn't necessarily make her feel better. One night she came back home, and Carl and his buddies were drinking and playing poker, while Denny was crashed out on her bed. It wasn't the proper environment for him, and she knew it, but she had no choice.