Exiled (23 page)

She almost didn’t see Xander, so off balance was she from the entire bizarre turn of events. He was standing to the far side, hands shoved into his pockets. He looked haggard, like he’d gone too many nights without sleep. Well, that made two of them.

He looked…relieved. And a little overwhelmed. He looked like it was taking all his restraint not to run over to her.

What the hell was going on here?

This felt like yet another bizarre chapter in a story that had begun months ago when she’d been sent that mysterious summons and her life had proceeded to change forever.

“Talia,” Xander said, almost as if he were testing her name on his lips, or perhaps he was checking to make sure she was real.

Perplexed by his behavior, she couldn’t quite summon the fury that had come so easily when Garon, Sebastien and Nico had shown up at her cottage in Italy.

“I’m here,” she said. “You made it sound important, Xander. What’s going on? You had them drag my mother along and we were on holiday.”

He took a step forward. And then another. Before long he was right in front of her and she could see his hands shaking at his sides. She also realized that she and Xander were alone in the room. The others had disappeared and the door had been closed, affording them complete privacy.

“Important?” he echoed. “Bloody hell, yes, it was important. You’re the most important thing in the world to me and I couldn’t damn well find you! Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”

Her mouth popped open. “Of all the unmitigated nerve! You self-centered son of a bitch.”

Before she could get truly involved in her diatribe, he grasped her shoulders and yanked her to him, closing his mouth over hers in a forceful kiss that left her gasping.

“Oh God, Talia,” he said, his voice cracking under the strain of emotion. “I thought I’d lost you. I thought I wouldn’t be able to find you. You have no idea the hell I’ve gone through not knowing where you were and if you were all right.”

For a moment she was lost, and oh God, it felt so good to be back in his arms, his mouth on hers and all that dominant power rippling through his body.

Then reality smacked her hard and she jerked away, stumbling back to put distance between them.

“Are you crazy?” she croaked out. “My God, are you married? Because I’ll tell you now, Xander, I will not be your mistress.”

He looked as though she’d slapped him. “Why the hell would you think I’d be married?”

She shrugged. “I assumed once you became king, you’d find a nice princess to marry.”

He bit out a curse and grasped the back of his neck in his palm. “Is that why you left Paris? Because you were upset by something you saw or heard on the news?”

She shoved her fingertips into the pockets of her jeans. Her mother had been horrified that she was wearing something so casual to meet the king, but Talia wasn’t impressed, nor was she making special concessions for this man.

“I left Paris because it was time to get on with my life. I wanted to spend time with my mother and celebrate the fact that she’s beaten a disease that takes so many lives.”

Xander nodded. He lowered his hand from his nape, his expression more haunted than ever.

“There are things I need to explain to you, Talia. And then I have an apology to make. I hope when I’m done that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Forgiveness? He wanted absolution? Wouldn’t a phone call have been sufficient?

He looked as though he wanted to touch her again, like it was a compulsion he couldn’t control. Confusion weighed heavily on her because she understood none of this.

“The things I told you on the island. All of them were true. What I hesitated to say was that…I love you. Have loved you from that very first moment when I came upon you here in this office.”

Hurt crowded in, squeezing the breath from her lungs. Her chest ached and tightened and tears stung her eyelids, drew up her nose until it burned and twitched.

“You have a very funny way of showing your love,” she said shakily.

“You’re right. I hide behind the others. I use them as a shield sometimes. It’s wrong. It was unfair to you. You should have known how I felt about you. You should have never been left to question or to wonder.”

She took a deep, steadying breath. “Xander, as much as I appreciate this speech, the fact is, you tossed me out of your villa like a used-up whore. No good-byes. No ‘have a nice life.’ Nothing. You couldn’t get me off that island fast enough. I…”

She broke off and swallowed back the sob that threatened because damn it, she was not going to break down. She lifted her tearful gaze back to him. “I felt cheap. I felt used. I felt degraded. For the entire time I was there, I felt pampered and cherished. And all of that was gone in a matter of minutes the day you told me to leave.”

This time he couldn’t seem to control himself any longer. He pulled her into his arms and held her so tightly she could barely breathe. He buried his face in her hair, the sounds of his breaths harsh in the silence.

“I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry, my love. I never wanted you to feel that way. I handled it all wrong. I was so angry and resentful. I was in a no-win situation and all I could see was you slipping away. Of me being denied the one thing I wanted above all else. You.”

She pried herself away. “I don’t understand, Xander. What happened?”

“I had to return immediately to Cristofino, and I would give the rebels nothing with which they could hurt me. You, Talia. If they had known, if they had even guessed that I had any sort of feelings for you. If they knew of your existence, that you were with me. They would have used you against me, and it would have worked because I would have done anything at all for them not to have hurt you.

“I could not place myself in such a weak position. I could not return to my country a weak man. And you are my greatest weakness,” he finished in a whisper.

She stared at him, unable to formulate a response. What was there to say? Her pulse was pounding painfully at her temples.

He ran a hand raggedly through his hair almost as if he did so in an effort not to touch her again.

“I didn’t want you associated with me in any possible manner. Didn’t want you traced back to me. I wanted it so that I didn’t exist in your life and you didn’t exist in mine. It was the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done in my life but I knew it was necessary because I couldn’t live knowing something had happened to you. I’ve lost so much already. Cristofino has lost so much. I don’t want to lose any more.”

“Then why…Why am I here 
now
?” she asked hoarsely.

He touched her face, cupped her jaw, ran his fingers through her hair, smoothed his fingertips over her brows. He seemed obsessed with touching her.

“Because I can’t live without you,” he whispered. “I won’t give you up. I want you here. With me. Standing beside me. Always.”

Her brows knitted together and she was honest to God starting to get the mother of all headaches. She closed her eyes, so confused she wanted to scream.

He brushed his mouth against her forehead and pulled her close into his embrace once more. Her body was cupped intimately to his. To anyone looking, there was no mistaking that they were lovers. Their embrace was too tender. Too knowing and familiar.

“Marry me, Talia. Be the princess I’ve always considered you. Be my princess. Be my queen.”

Chapter 27

Talia went still in his arms, afraid to move or breathe. Then she shook her head, sure she hadn’t heard correctly. Carefully, she pushed away and looked up at him, but his eyes were serious and grave.

“Xander, I’m nobody,” she whispered. “I used to work for your groundskeeper. I can’t marry you.”

“As king I can damn well marry whoever I want,” he said calmly. “And you aren’t nobody. You’re everything to me. That makes you the most important woman in all of Cristofino.

“I love you, Talia. I’ve loved you for a long time. I’ve botched and bungled my opportunity with you at every turn, but I want the chance to make it right. To make our relationship permanent. I know that the uncertainty you experienced on the island hurt you, but at the time I couldn’t offer you anything more than the vague vow that I’d never let you go.”

She touched her fingertips to her forehead as the ache intensified. “Xander, you know I have feelings for Garon, Sebastien and Nico. How could you want to marry me knowing this?”

He kissed her forehead, soothing away some of the tension. “That’s the other point we have to discuss.”

She frowned but he kissed away the frown until her lips relaxed.

“You’ve known from the beginning that I had, shall we say, different tastes and expectations. I trust Bastien, Garon and Nico with my life. Now I’m trusting them with yours. From this moment forward, they are assigned as your personal guard detail. Our wedding will be public, but our marriage will very much remain behind closed doors. And what goes on behind those closed doors is solely at our discretion. They don’t want to lose you either. I thought they might kick my ass over the way I left things.”

“Just what are you saying, Xander? You want to marry me, but you want things to continue as they were before?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“Whoa,” she breathed.

“You care for them. They care for you. I know that they’ll guard you and protect you with their lives. In the privacy of our own home, we will continue to enjoy a lifestyle that we embraced on the island. You are my wife, but you will be pampered, adored and cherished above all others by the four of us.”

She didn’t have words. She was completely and utterly overwhelmed by all of it. She was torn from the very real anguish she’d gone through and the sudden surge of excitement—and wonder—of such a scenario.

“They…They’re okay with this?” she whispered.

“The question is whether you’re okay with it,” he said gently. “It’s a lot to take in and I wish that it could have all been handled differently. My plan was to get you to the island by whatever means necessary even if it meant coercion. It makes me a bastard, but I would have done anything to make you come to me. And then my intent was to seduce you with words and actions, make you fall in love with me—with the situation as it stood with Bastien and Garon and Nico—and then make my commitment known to 
you that no matter what happened with Cristofino, that you would always remain by my side.”

“Oh,” she murmured.

“And then I was blindsided by the sudden capitulation by the insurgents. I hadn’t anticipated matters being resolved anytime soon—if ever. And I absolutely would not expose you to a potentially hostile environment. So I sent you away, but in my heart, I knew I would do anything to bring you home to me, even if meant relinquishing the throne and any part of Cristofino’s future as ruler.”

Tears brimmed in her eyes and spilled over onto her cheeks. She simply couldn’t fathom all he was telling her.

“You love me that much?” she whispered in a choked voice.

“I love you more. More than you can possibly imagine.”

“But why?”

He smiled. A tender, loving smile that melted her from the inside out. “From the very first day I saw you, I was enchanted. And the more I learned of you, of your unerring devotion to your mother, how you were so selfless and yet still had such a kind and gentle spirit, I knew that not only were you perfect for me, but you were perfect for Cristofino. I was so convinced of this fact that I only agreed to retake the throne if I was allowed to marry a very specific Cristofino girl. Thankfully, I was not forced to abdicate my throne before I ever regained it.”

She stared at him in absolute wonder, unable to process all he was saying. These things didn’t happen in real life. They were reserved for fairy tales. Stories told to little girls that inspired dreams of love and happily ever after.

And now it was happening to her. Dreams really did come true!

“Oh my God, Xander. I can’t be a king’s wife!”

He chuckled then and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly in his embrace. “You will be the most perfect queen this country will ever have. I love you and so will our people.”

“Oh, Xander, I love you too,” she said against his neck. “So much. I was so devastated when I left the island. I left my heart and soul there and I never thought I would get it back.”

He pulled away from her and stroked her cheek, wiping the tears away. “You will never know how sorry I am for the way I hurt you. I handled it badly, but more than anything I wanted to get back here so that I could settle the future. Our future. There was never a question of me coming for you, Talia. You were mine from the moment I saw you and that hasn’t changed. Not even for a minute.”

She smiled and nuzzled into his palm and then she shot him a more mischievous grin. “Now about this submissiveness…”

He laughed and it was a beautiful sound, almost as if it had been since the last time they were together that he’d found joy.

“In public, I want you to be the independent, fierce, kick-ass woman I know you to be. You will be a credit to our country and will be a role model for many young women. Behind closed doors, you’ll offer me your submissiveness. Only me. Only I will receive that precious gift and no other.”

“I think I can live with that,” she said, her smile so big that her cheeks ached from the strain.

He took her hands in both of his, raising first one and then the other to his mouth. “As much as I want to keep you all to myself, the others are very anxious to see you and make amends for the hurt we’ve all caused you.”

He rose from the couch, leaving her sitting there and he walked to the door, opened it and then moments later, Garon, Sebastien and Nico filed solemnly through the door.

Her heartbeat accelerated as she nervously found their gazes. She slid her palms along her pants legs and inched closer to the edge of the couch.

Then they surrounded her, making the first move. Garon went 
to one knee in front of her while Nico and Sebastien crowded in beside her on the couch.

Sebastien pressed a kiss to her hair while Nico reached for one hand. Garon took the other and then they just kind of folded around her, hugging her to them, pressing in close so she was enveloped by their warmth—and their love.