Existence (10 page)

Existence

lips against mine. This was safe. Leif was healthy for me.

He broke the kiss and pulled back only a little and his breathing, I realized, was ragged, unlike mine. He appeared dazed. “That was even better than I’d imagined,” he said breathlessly. The familiar twinge of guilt I’d been dealing with since Dank had gotten under my skin reminded me this was the right choice.

“Okay, you two either need to get a freakin’ room or come up for air so we can go get some food. I’m starving.” Wyatt’s teasing voice broke into the little world we’d been lost in among the throngs of people.

Leif winked at me and slipped his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s eat,” he said, grinning like a little boy who’d just been given candy. I’d clung to him because of what he represented in my life not because I desired him, but I pushed it out of my mind. Thinking about it just made the guilt worse.

* * * *

“After tonight’s game I don’t see how the scouts can keep away,” Wyatt said, grinning across the booth from Leif and me.

Leif chuckled. “One game won’t bring down the college scouts, you know that.”

Wyatt lifted a French fry to his mouth. “A couple more like that one and they will descend,” he said, sure of himself.

Leif’s thumb rubbed my hand. He’d started holding my hand whenever we were together. It was sweet.

“Oh, gag, did they have to come here? I mean, really, why doesn’t he just take octopus-girl to a hotel and let us eat in peace?” Miranda said in an annoyed voice as she flashed a knowing look my way. I glanced over to see Dank walk in the door with a very clingy Kendra at his side. I reached for my soda and decided to study the business cards placed under the Plexiglas on top of the table.

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“I think the only way she can get any closer to him is if she wraps her legs around him and he is forced to carry her.” Miranda said in a disgusted tone.

Wyatt chuckled. “Alright, Miranda, leave the poor girl alone. It looks like the rock star has his hands full with keeping her from mauling him. He doesn’t need you making snide comments.” Miranda giggled and leaned over and laid her head on Wyatt’s shoulder.

“Mauling? I like that one. Wish I’d thought of it.” Wyatt shook his head as he crammed another fry into his grinning mouth.

Leif sighed. “She has issues that make her act like she does.” I stared up at him and realized he seemed concerned rather than amused.

Miranda rolled her eyes. “You would know. You dated her for like three years.”

Leif gazed down at me. “Yes, I did, but only because the one girl I wanted seemed to dislike me so completely.” I smiled and squeezed his hand. “I was stupid.” It was true. Getting to know Leif had taught me that judging others wasn’t only wrong but it caused you to miss out on friendships with special people.

His eyes got serious and he leaned down and stopped right before his lips touched mine. “You’re brilliant. Maybe a little slow on the uptake, but brilliant nonetheless.” His lips touched mine gently. Again, I felt safe. A deep growl startled me and I pulled back, staring up at Leif to see if he’d been growling. The confused frown on his face told me it hadn’t been him. His thumb brushed across my bottom lip and the growling started up again. It definitely wasn’t Leif making the animal noises. “You okay?” he asked softly.

“Sorry, I thought you said something.” I explained, forcing a smile. He grinned and dropped his hand from my face. The growling subsided and I glanced around the room.

Dank sat in a corner booth beside Kendra, who appeared to 69

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be talking excitedly to another cheerleader beside them. His dark eyes watched me with a possessive gleam. It’d been him. He’d growled. How was he doing that? I could feel Miranda watching me and I didn’t want her asking me any more questions. I turned back to my food and forced a French fry into my mouth. Leif and Wyatt had resumed talking about the game, so I had time to get my focus back on my friends and off Dank. Leif leaned back against the booth and released my hand, slipping his behind my shoulders and then gently pulled me against him.

Miranda smiled. “So, when are we going to go pick out our dresses for the Homecoming Dance?” she asked me. I frowned at her. Leif and I hadn’t talked about the Homecoming Dance. We were dating exclusively but he hadn’t said anything about taking me to the dance. I’d already decided to stay home and watch old movies and eat popcorn that night. Miranda flicked her eyes from me to Leif a few times as if assessing the situation.

“You’ve asked her right?” she asked with an annoyed tone. Leif turned his head and gazed down at me.

“I just assumed that it was understood. Was I supposed to ask?” The concerned frown on his face was adorable. I smiled up at him, hoping to reassure him. I didn’t like to upset him. He seemed so emotionally tender.

“Leif, you’re always supposed to ask a girl to a dance.

Assuming is a bad thing.” Miranda’s corrective tone made me laugh. Leif’s frown eased and he slid his finger under my chin and gently caressed my jaw line with the pad of his thumb.

“Pagan, will you do me the honor of being my date for the Homecoming Dance? The prospect of not being able to hold you in my arms all night is heartbreaking.” Miranda sighed from across the table. “Okay, that was beautiful. Why didn’t you ask me like that?” She asked Wyatt.

Wyatt shot Leif an annoyed frown. “Thanks, buddy. Next 70

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time you decide to break out your romantic side, could you do it alone?”

I laughed and Leif continued gazing down at me. I nodded and he leaned down to kiss me. I mentally prepared myself for the growl and the moment I heard it, low and angry in my ears, I smiled.

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The moment I tried to open the front door and found it locked, I knew I was in trouble. The note on the bar from my mother telling me she and Roger had gone out to a late movie sent a shiver of fear through me. I didn’t want to be home alone. I hadn’t asked Miranda to come stay the night with me because I’d planned on sleeping in bed with my mom tonight. I walked into my bedroom and scanned every inch of it for long blond hair. No sign of the freaky soul. I glanced back at the bathroom and thought of the shower I really wanted. Going in there and turning on the shower and closing the curtain scared me. I kept getting visions of horror movies I’d seen, where bad things happened when someone took a shower. I’d never be able to take a shower without Mom home. Maybe not even then. Oh crap! I was going to become the incredible stinking girl! If I tried to convince my mom to come into the bathroom with me so I could shower she’d think I’d lost it. I plopped down on my bed and let out a defeated sigh.

“What’s wrong?” a voice asked from my doorway. I shot straight up screaming. However, it died almost immediately when I saw Dank leaning against the door frame watching me.

“Dank.” I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were so wound up about this,” he said, frowning and walking into the room. I sat back down on my bed and let out a shallow laugh.

“Well excuse me if strange souls showing up in my house, talking to me and touching me freak me out a little.” I shot him an accusatory look. “Then, I ask you about it and you curse into the darkness and get all angry.” He walked over and sat down at the end of my bed. “I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have scared you that way.” There was no mistaking the concerned tone of his voice.

“Well, can you tell me what is happening, who she is?” I 72

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asked. He shook his head and immediately turned his gaze away from me.

“No, that’s the only thing I can’t do for you. Ask me anything else in the world, Pagan, and I’ll make sure it’s yours but that I cannot do.” his voice sounded intense and pained at the same time. It disappointed me but I knew pushing the subject was pointless.

“Why are you here, then?” I asked remembering how less than an hour ago I’d left him in a corner booth with Kendra curled up against his side. He stood up and walked over to the window and stared outside.

“Until I know everything is fine…until I take care of what must be done, I’ll be spending the nights here in your room.” He turned back to me with a determined expression. “I have to protect you.” He motioned toward the door. “If you want to take that shower, I’ll make sure you’re completely safe while you do so.”

Heck yes, I wanted that shower. I started to get up and then sat back down, glaring at him. “Can you read my mind?” This wasn’t the first time he’d known what I was thinking.

He grinned wickedly at me. “Not exactly. It’s more like I can feel your fears so strongly I can hear them.” I nodded and thought of the time he’d chuckled where only I could hear him, as if he’d heard me in the cafeteria thinking about him and Kendra.

I stared back at him. “You heard me in the cafeteria when you were with Kendra, I wasn’t scared then.” He raised his eyebrows slightly. “You weren’t?” My face grew warm and I turned and left the room before he could see me blush.

I started to close the bathroom door when I turned and looked at the walls knowing a soul could come in at any time.

I stared back down the hall where Dank lay lounging on my bed. He couldn’t see the soul if she came into the bathroom.

His head turned immediately toward me. A slow wicked 73

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smile formed on his mouth.

“I would love to accompany you into the bathroom while you shower and if I were truly as wicked as you think I am, I would do just that. However, I can feel any soul intent on entering this house before they even come inside. I would be there before any other entered. You’re safe with me right here,” he finished with a wink. I closed the door quickly before he said anything else to embarrass me.

* * * *

I slipped on a pair of cut-off sweat pants and a tank top instead of my usual night gown. If I was going to have company while I slept, I needed to wear clothes. My heart raced at the thought of Dank being in my bedroom, on my bed and I took several deep breaths to calm my thoughts and emotions.

“Pagan, honey, are you in the bathroom?” Mom called from the hallway. I opened the door and glanced past her to the bed where Dank still lay lounging.

“She can’t see or hear me. Calm down.” I looked back to my mother, who stood, smiling in the doorway. “Did you have a good time with Leif?”

“Yes, we won the game and went out with Miranda and Wyatt afterwards to the Grill. It was nice.” I said thinking of his kissing me and once again my mind went back to the incredibly sexy nonhuman male in my room, who I couldn’t seem to keep out of my head.

Mom laughed. “Nice, huh? Poor kid, he hasn’t got a clue you’re one hard nut to crack. Ah, well, that’s good for now.

One day, the right guy will come along and you’ll be so swept away, you won’t be able to see straight. Enjoy the others until then.” She kissed my cheek and headed toward her room.

As I stepped into my room, I stared down at what appeared to be a sleeping Dank. I closed my bedroom door softly, not wanting to wake him. He opened his eyes and 74

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stared up at me, smiling.

“There is no chance you would let me sleep on the bed too?”

I shook my head and laughed. “No, there isn’t.” He sighed and sat up, “I’d already guessed as much but I was hoping for a moment of pity from the ‘hard nut’.” I frowned, hating that he’d heard my mother. I really didn’t want Dank to know I wasn’t completely in love with Leif. It was better that way. I went to my closet in search of the sleeping bag I’d bought to go camping last summer.

“I don’t sleep Pagan, I was teasing you.” I turned around and frowned. “Okay, I guess that makes sense...for normal souls. They don’t have bodies but you do, then you don’t. It’s like you can just choose if you want to be human or soul. That isn’t normal, is it?” I asked, not sure exactly how any of this worked. The one thing I knew was that it did not work the way I’d always been taught. Sunday School had it all wrong.

He chuckled and sat down on the love seat beside my window. “I’m not a soul, per se. That’s all you can know.” He reached for the guitar I hadn’t noticed standing in the corner behind the chair.

“Go to sleep, Pagan. You’re safe and you need rest.” He began strumming on the guitar and I turned to my bed and pulled back the covers before slipping inside. The lights went out and I glanced over at Dank.

“No need to sleep with the lights on. I can see either way,” he explained. I nodded and forced myself to close my eyes. I wanted to ask more questions but I knew he wasn’t going to answer them tonight. The sound of the music began to soothe me. Dank’s low voice joined the guitar and I got lost in the sound and the safety of his presence...

“You weren’t meant for the ice, you weren’t made for the
pain.

The world that lives inside of me was not the world you
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were meant to contain.

You were meant for castles and living in the sun. The
cold running through me should have made you run.

Yet you stay. Holding onto me, yet you stay, reaching
out a hand that I push away. The cold is not meant for you
yet you stay, you stay, you stay. When I know it’s not right
for you.