Expecting a Christmas Miracle (12 page)

“Alyssa, I’ve been trying to reach you. I won’t be able to take you home today.”

A warning chill snaked down her spine. “Why not? Where are you?”

There was a slight pause, as if he was trying to figure out exactly what to say. “I had to leave early this morning for another family crisis. You were sleeping, so I didn’t want to wake you. I should be back later tonight. Traffic is awful so I can’t get into it now. I promise I’ll explain later.”

She sank onto the edge of her bed, staring out her window at the snow-covered trees surrounding Cedar Bluff Hospital. Looking at the wintry landscape, it made her all the more aware of the coldness she felt inside. “You left town,” she said dully.

“Yes. But not for long. I’ll be back soon.”

Now it was soon, when earlier he’d claimed he’d be home later that night. So which was it?

She had a bad feeling he didn’t know.

“So what am I supposed to do? Go back to my apartment and sleep on my couch?” Her bedroom set just happened to be set up at Jadon’s house.

“I left a key to my place with Simon. He’s working second shift tonight, and he’s going to stop by the hospital to give you the key. If you want him to give you a lift to my place, I’m sure he will, but if you’re going to sit and visit with the girls anyway, you may as well wait there for me. It’s your choice.”

Her choice? What if she wanted option number three—none of the above? What if she wanted Jadon to forget about his family crisis because they were having their own family crisis here?

There wasn’t any choice. Jadon had already made it by leaving.

“Fine,” she said woodenly, unable to hide the depth of her disappointment and discouragement. She wasn’t sure she could stand going back to Jadon’s house under these circumstances, although the idea of going to her small apartment wasn’t much better. “Call me when you get back into town.”

“I will.” There was another pause, as if he wanted to say something more, but he only added, “Take care.”

She closed her eyes and whispered, “You, too,” before hanging up the phone.

The bitter taste of resentment nearly choked her. She buried her face in her hands to stave off the threat of tears burning the back of her throat. She should be glad he’d called her this time, instead of simply taking off without a word, but she wasn’t.

Because Jadon hadn’t mentioned anything about either of his daughters.

He’d been to the nursery earlier that morning but had left without knowing Gretchen had taken a turn for the better. From the way Dr. Downer had found her to give her the update on Gretchen, she knew he hadn’t already talked to Jadon over the phone.

For all Jadon knew, his tiny daughter could still be fighting for her life.

And she couldn’t believe his family crisis could be more important than his own daughter.

J
ADON
closed his cell phone, feeling sick to his stomach. Could his brother’s timing be any worse? Alyssa was upset, not that he could blame her. He should have discussed everything with her sooner.

Although reliving the past hadn’t been much of a priority, not with everything going on in the present.

He’d gotten up early and had gone to the nursery to check on Gretchen, but then his mother had called. He didn’t want his mother to be hurt by Jack’s outbursts like she had in the past, so he’d promised to come, even though he’d wanted to stay with Alyssa and Gretchen. But what choice did he have?

Jack needed him. He’d wanted to refuse to rush to the rescue, but he couldn’t ignore Jack’s problems.

Not when they were inadvertently at least partially his fault.

His mother lived in the same small house they’d grown up in, located in the rural part of Madison, Wisconsin. She’d stayed after she and his father had divorced. The trip took a couple of hours by car. When he finally pulled into his mother’s driveway, he was
shocked to discover there were several cars there. Jack’s for one. But what about the others?

When he strode up to his house, he was even more surprised to recognize his father standing beside his mother. From the way they were talking, his father had just arrived, too.

His parents had split up when he and Jack had been teenagers, the strain of Jack’s illness having been too much to hold their marriage together. Jadon hadn’t seen his father in years, especially after he’d remarried. His new stepmother hadn’t liked dealing with Jack’s illness either.

So why was he back? He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t have time to sort it all out now. His mother stood in the kitchen, obviously upset, wringing her hands.

“Where is he?” he asked, barely glancing at his father.

“Upstairs. He’s locked himself in your old bedroom.”

He raked her with a gaze, searching for any sign of injury. “Are you all right? Did he hurt you?”

“I’m fine.” His mother’s strain was evident in her falsely positive tone. “But I’m worried about him, Jadon. He seemed to be doing so well, and now this.”

“I know. I’ll go up there to try talking to him, but you’ll have to call the police, just in case.”

Clearly his mother didn’t like that idea. He’d told her to call the police earlier, too, when she’d first called him, but she hadn’t listened.

“I don’t want him to be arrested again,” she protested in a low voice.

He suppressed a sigh. “Neither do I, but we may need them to help control him.” Last time Jack had almost killed himself, which was bad enough. But his
unpredictable behavior was also a threat to those around him. Jadon wasn’t taking any chances.

His father was surprisingly silent during their brief conversation, but now he stood and headed for the phone. “I’ll call the police.”

Grateful, Jadon gave him a brief nod and then headed upstairs, hearing thuds coming from their old bedroom as Jack paced. His brother always paced when he was upset. Jadon heard Jack talking to himself, sounding agitated and making threats.

A wave of helplessness washed over him. None of this was Jack’s fault, not really. His brother was sick with a mental illness. It just didn’t seem fair that some people struggled with so much inner turmoil while others didn’t.

There was a crash as something hit the floor. Oh, boy. He drew a deep breath and knocked at the door. “Jack? It’s me, Jadon. I’m here to help. Unlock the door and let me in.”

Jack’s voice got louder. “No. Leave me alone. Just leave me the hell alone.”

Jadon pressed his palm flat against the door, knowing he could break through the flimsy frame with a solid kick if he had to. But that would only rile his brother, putting him on the defensive. He maintained his calm approach. “Jack, please. I want to help. Let me in.”

There was no answer, but then the door swung open and his identical twin stood there regarding him with bloodshot eyes. Jack looked awful. He obviously hadn’t shaved in days, and his wrinkled clothes looked as if he’d slept in them. Yet there was enough of a resemblance that it was like looking at himself in the mirror,
except for the tortured expression branded deep in his brother’s eyes.

“You can’t help. You’re never here to help.”

Bull’s-eye. The barb hit deep. Guilt clogged his throat. Jack was right. He did keep leaving, returning to Cedar Bluff because he wanted a normal life. At his brother’s expense. “I’m sorry, Jack. I’m here now. I can help you.” Jadon kept his tone calm and reassuring. “Everything is going to be fine.”

“It’s not fine.” Jack spun away, his movements jerky and agitated. “It’s bad, Jadon. The voices are bad. Telling me to do bad things.”

His heart sank. The voices were back. The same voices that had told Jack to set his apartment building on fire four months ago. He couldn’t imagine how awful it must be for Jack to be tormented like this. What had happened to the new medication regime that had been working so well?

“You’re not a bad person, Jack. You’re tired and scared. I’m here to keep you safe. Come with me so we can go back to the hospital and get some help.”

“No!” Jack swept his arm across the top of the dresser, sending various picture frames and sports memorabilia crashing to the floor. “You don’t understand what it’s like. I’m not going back to the hospital.”

Once the police arrived his brother would have no choice. It was a pattern that had repeated itself too many times to count. He tried to hang on to his patience, knowing he’d pushed too hard, too fast, because he’d wanted this to be over so he could head back to Cedar Bluff.

To Alyssa and his daughters.

“I thought you liked Dr. Cranberg?” Jadon asked, keeping his tone casual, nonthreatening. “I thought things were going better with her?”

“I do like Dr. Liz. She’s nice.” For a moment uncertainty shone in Jack’s eyes. “She doesn’t think I’m crazy.”

“You’re not crazy, Jack.” Man, he hated that term. “Let’s go see Dr. Liz. I’ll go with you.” Jadon kept his voice calm even as he inched closer, knowing he’d take his brother down by force if he had to. One reason he always told his mother to stay out of the way, calling him instead.

Jack clutched his hair with both hands, his face twisting into a mask of anguish. “Make them stop, Jadon,” he pleaded in a low, tortured tone. “Make the voices stop.”

“I will, Jack.” He reached his brother, sighing in relief. He took Jack’s arm, giving his brother a sideways hug, knowing the worst of the confrontation was over. “I will. Come with me.”

Jack’s shoulders drooped and he followed Jadon down the stairs to the main floor of the house. When Jadon saw the police had arrived, he warned them back with a shake of his head, leading Jack to his own car instead.

He’d drive Jack to the hospital. The cops could follow if they wanted to. He wanted to discuss Jack’s care with Dr. Cranberg. For now this was the best he could do for his brother.

For himself.

How selfish was he, to want a normal life with Alyssa and their daughters when it was clear Jack would never have anything close to that kind of future?

Bleakly, he watched as Jack muttered to himself, curled in the corner of his passenger seat. Maybe Jack was right. Maybe him leaving to go back to Cedar Bluff wasn’t helping.

But what could he do? Move to Madison? He’d considered that option before, but not now. Not with having Alyssa and the girls to consider. Gretchen was doing better the last time he’d called in, but they still needed him.

Yet so did Jack.

Thankfully, this episode had ended without violence. But they hadn’t all ended this peacefully. Even so, the situation had been stressful, which was exactly why he still hadn’t told Alyssa the truth.

There was a small, selfish part of him that didn’t want her to meet Jack. To see what his life with his twin brother was really like. She didn’t need any more stress. If he had his way, he’d keep Grace, Gretchen and even Alyssa in a protective cocoon, safe from the harsh realities of life.

Jack moaned and mumbled something under his breath and Jadon prayed his brother would stay calm until they’d been able to see Dr. Liz.

At the hospital, the staff quickly admitted Jack for an inpatient psychiatric stay. The police had followed with his parents, doing the necessary paperwork to keep Jack under strict observation for his own safety.

“The new medication was working,” his mother said in a low voice a while later, once they’d finished and were waiting in the lobby. “For a while he was doing better. I don’t know what happens to him, why he suddenly stops taking his pills.”

He didn’t know either. Just more proof that his mother and his brother needed him. “Jack needs to stay in the inpatient program where they regulate his medication closely,” he said, drawing in a deep, heavy sigh. “But he has to stay voluntarily, we can’t force him. At least this episode wasn’t as bad as the last one. Has he been staying away from those useless friends he’d been tangled up with?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I think so,” his mother said. “He seemed to be doing everything that Dr. Liz asked of him.”

Jadon hoped so. His brother had gotten mixed up with a bad crowd, and under their negative influence Jack had become much worse. In fact, his brother had owed some of them a lot of money, which Jadon had figured out after he’d been jumped and robbed the last time he’d come home.

He’d suspected at the time they’d thought he was Jack. Just like when they’d been kids, Jack’s troubles had often rubbed off on him. Because people couldn’t tell them apart.

He’d suffered more than once for Jack’s sins. Yet he couldn’t hold his brother responsible for being sick either.

“He’ll stay an inpatient now for a while, won’t he?” his mother asked, drawing Jadon out of his reverie.

“Yes, he’ll be an inpatient for a while.” Probably not long enough. Psychiatric programs were losing money and government funding, making the inpatient programs few and far between. And in most cases the patient had to agree to stay.

“Will you stay for a few days and talk to his doctor?” his mother asked. She glanced at his father, and he
wondered why there were together. Had his father officially divorced his second wife? Were his parents thinking of getting back together again?

“I can’t. I have to get back to Cedar Bluff.”

His mother’s eyes widened in surprised dismay. “You can’t! What if something happens?”

The old familiar guilt made him waver. Should he stay? His mother deserved to have a normal life, too. Heaven knew, she’d given up a lot. Didn’t he owe Jack and his mother at least some of his precious time?

Yes, but so did Alyssa. He had other responsibilities now and the two were tearing him apart. He’d wanted to keep them separate but maybe he was deluding himself.

Thinking of Alyssa, Grace and Gretchen waiting for him at the hospital made him shake his head. “I can’t. Mom, there’s something you need to know. You’re a grandmother, grandparents,” he amended, including his father in the announcement. “I have twin daughters, Grace Aubrey and Gretchen Louise. They were born just a few days ago.”

“Twins?” his mother repeated in stunned surprise. She couldn’t have looked more shocked if he’d announced he’d been kidnapped by wild monkeys. “My goodness, you’re married?”

“No,” he said grimly. Marriage was not an option. Convincing Alyssa to stay with him on a temporary basis was hard enough. And what more could he ask? Jack’s difficulties weren’t easy to handle. Some families weren’t meant to stay together. “The babies were born prematurely and the smaller one, Gretchen, has had some complications. We haven’t had time to really think about the future.”

“I see.” His mother fell silent and he knew she was upset and hurt that he hadn’t brought Alyssa over to meet her. Or that he hadn’t invited her to Cedar Bluff to meet Alyssa.

How could he explain a relationship he wasn’t sure he had?

“Look, a lot has happened. Alyssa is being discharged today from the hospital. I need to get back. I’m sure you’ll meet Alyssa soon, maybe at Christmas.” His voice lacked conviction, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t really want Alyssa to be a part of his problems with Jack.

“All right.” His mother looked a bit forlorn, but he noticed his father stepped closer, adding his support. Seeing his parents together again after so many years made him wonder what would be different the second time around. Did his parents have what it took to stick together this time if things went bad with Jack again? Love couldn’t solve everything.

“Dad, it was good to see you again.” He made an effort to mend the rift of the past, thinking about how he’d feel if his daughters remained angry at him for years on end. Not good. He forced a smile. “I’ll be in touch with both of you about our plans for the holiday.”

“Bye, Jadon.” As he turned to leave, he heard his mother exclaim, “Grandparents! Can you believe we’re actually grandparents, Josh?”

“Good news,” his father agreed. “And about time.”

Jadon felt bad, knowing he should have asked them right then and there to come back with him to meet their grandchildren.

But first he needed some time alone with Alyssa.

Outside, it had started snowing again. Good thing his parents hadn’t come with him to meet Alyssa after all. The roads were slick, forcing him to drive much more slowly than he wanted to. At one point a woman spun out in front of him, hitting the median of the interstate and coming to a jarring stop. He’d gone over to help her, to confirm she wasn’t badly hurt, and had waited with her for the police to arrive before going back out on the highway again.

He headed to the hospital first, even though it was late, nearly eight o’clock at night by the time he made it back to Cedar Bluff. He’d called Alyssa’s cell phone, but it had gone immediately to voice mail, indicating she didn’t have her phone turned on. He pulled into the hospital parking lot and shut off the engine.

The hospital wasn’t a white building, like so many of them were, but had been structured with a dark brown cedar wood which made it stand out starkly against the snow-covered trees. In the summer the building meshed with the wooded landscape, but not now. A brightly lit Christmas wreath hung over the front door, a welcoming beacon through the swirling snow.