Expecting to Fly (6 page)

Three kisses. Three. XXX. Yahey. Excellent. I went back to MSN.

But she had a point. Not about picking noses but about seeing each other. Some days when I spoke on the phone or MSN or whatever, I didn’t care what I looked like because
no one could see me but, with a webcam, I would have to be more careful. Especially if Joe ever got a camera! I wasn’t sure he would like the bag-lady look that I favoured most weekend
mornings.

After I’d finished on the computer, I sat down to do my homework. I wasn’t any closer to knowing what I wanted to do in the future, so I decided to try and focus on the present and
the great stacks of books and projects awaiting my attention. I could see the appeal of saying to hell with it all, I’m following my heart – it was a great excuse not to do any real
work and turn on the telly instead.

My head won. I opened my books and began work.

‘Hey India Jane,’ said a male voice, as I was sitting in Starbucks reading a book for history while waiting for Joe on Saturday morning. I was early for our meeting
and had just been thinking about how happy I was with him and how great it was being in a couple. I turned to see a tall black boy looking down at me. It was Tyler, the boy who had rescued me the
term before from muggers. He was looking as handsome as ever and I felt myself blush as I felt a tug of chemistry. It was there, no doubt about it.
But it’s there with Joe too,
I told
myself, and you chose him. Behave!

‘Hi, how are you?’

‘Good,’ he said and he looked around.‘You on your own?’

I nodded.‘Meeting someone later.’

Why didn’t you tell him it was Joe that you’re meeting?
asked a voice in my head.

I don’t know and please shut up,
said another one. I really am a typical Gemini, sign of the twins, always two voices in my head. Sometimes they have long conversations or
arguments.

‘Can I join you, then?’ asked Tyler.

‘Sure.’

We got some drinks, banana smoothie for me, hot chocolate with marshmallows for him, then we sat and caught up on the last few weeks. It felt good to spend some time with him again because, as
well as the kudos of being with the best-looking boy in the café (until Joe arrived of course), I admired him. He’d told me about his future plans when I first met him and was someone
who clearly got things done. He wanted to be a journalist, to make a difference and he reckoned that a good way to reach people was with words.

‘Must be so nice to be sure about what you want to do,’ I said after he’d told me more about his plans to study.

‘Yeah, it is. Remember I told you that my uncle in New York got me some work experience on the paper he works on?’

I nodded. It was just after Tyler had helped me that he had disappeared off to the States.

‘Well, that only confirmed that writing is what I want to do,’ Tyler continued. ‘But what about you? What do you want to do?’

‘Just get through the next few months,’ I replied. ‘Does that make me a bad person? Because I don’t know what I want to do in life. I don’t have any burning
ambition. I wish I did, things would be easier. I felt like I was going mad last week with everyone giving me their opinion, feeling like a light-weight around people like you and my mates,
especially Zahrah. Now I’ve decided to be Zen about it and take it day by day.’

Tyler laughed. ‘Isn’t taking it day by day the Alcoholics Anonymous philosophy for life?’

I laughed with him.‘Is it? Oops. Maybe I’ll be an alcoholic if I think like one already.’

Tyler reached out and took my hand.‘Nah. Not just them. It’s a good philosophy; I think it’s great that you think that way. I mean, we can miss so much of our lives by not
being in the present, you know? Living for the future, planning our life away and missing what’s really happening now.’

Handsome, clever and wise,
I thought, as I gazed into his big brown eyes and wondered if he meant missing what’s happening with us.
Have I been mad to let him go?

‘My Sensei said something like that too,’ I said.

‘Sensei?’

I nodded. It was my chance to show Tyler that I wasn’t a total light-weight. I had deep thoughts too, sometimes. ‘Yeah. When I was in Greece last summer, I did some meditation
classes with a man called Sensei. He talked a lot about how true happiness lies in the present moment but, like you just said, most of us have got caught up in thinking happiness lies anywhere else
but now – like, happiness lies on Friday when school is finished. Happiness lies when I meet the perfect boy. Happiness lies when I get that dress I saw in a shop window. He said we are
missing a lot of our life by being caught up in what he called the cycle of desire.’

Tyler looked impressed and I noticed that he was still holding my hand. His eyes dropped to my mouth and I felt another rush of chemistry. I remembered kissing him. It had felt good. Really
good. It was after our first date and he had kissed me not far from Aunt Sarah’s house and Dylan had come out and done a number, telling us off for snogging in public.

‘How’s that bossy little brother of yours?’ asked Tyler, who was clearly having the same kind of thoughts as I was.

I laughed.‘Dylan. Oh, still telling everyone what to do. He’s twelve going on forty.’

At that moment, I became aware that someone was watching us. I glanced at the window and my heart almost stopped. There was Joe looking in at us, at my hand in Tyler’s. I pulled my hand
away and waved to Joe. He gave a short wave back, then headed for the door.
How long had he been there?
I wondered as I glanced at my watch.

I put on my cheeriest face when he appeared beside us a few moments later. ‘Joe, this is Tyler,Tyler, Joe.’

‘Ah, so this is Joe,’ said Tyler.‘Your brother said that you were out with him one time when I called.’

I nodded. I remembered, I’d wanted to kill Dylan at the time. Joe gave me a quizzical look, as if to say, Who is this boy and what’s he doing calling you? Joe nodded in reply to
Tyler. Not unfriendly but not friendly either. ‘Yeah. I’m Joe. Have we met before? You look familiar?’

Tyler shook his head.‘Not met, but I have seen you. I came to your school show with India Jane just before Christmas. I saw you there.’

This wasn’t going well. I remember that Joe had clocked Tyler and Tyler had clocked Joe after the show.‘Oh yes, Joe and I were on the scenery painting team, weren’t we,
Joe?’ I babbled, then continued to rabbit on for the next few minutes about who was on the team and how I’d been landed the job even though I was new in school. Blabber, blabber,
blabber – even the twins in my head were in agreement saying,
Shut up, India Jane,
and
Shut up now
. Why hadn’t I introduced Joe as my boyfriend? What was the matter with
me?

Tyler stood up. ‘OK, I got to go. India J, lovely to see you. Give me a bell, hey? Maybe we can talk some more about what you want to do, but my advice would be, don’t fret it. Try
some different work experience if you can and see how you get on. Worked for me.’

Talk about it some more? Not if Joe can help it,
I thought when I saw the expression on Joe’s face at Tyler’s suggestion.

‘Yeah. Really good to see you.’ I stood up and Tyler gave me a hug and a light kiss on the cheek.

Joe gave him an indifferent wave and sat down on the sofa. I sat next to him and Tyler disappeared out of the door and out on to the street.

‘What a tosser,’ Joe commented.

‘Tosser? What do you mean, tosser?’

Joe rolled his eyes. ‘So silky smooth. I mean, just look at the way he was dressed. All in black. Not a stitch out of place. Obviously gay.’

I burst out laughing.‘Tyler is so not gay,’ I blurted.

‘Oh and you know that for a fact, do you?’

‘As a matter of fact —’ I started then bit my lip. What was I going to say? I know because I snogged him? ‘I just know he’s not. OK?’

Joe wasn’t going to let it go. ‘How? How long have you been seeing him?’

‘Not at all. We just bumped into each other that’s all. He’s the boy who came to my rescue when I got mugged that time. Remember? I told you.’

‘Oh yeah, your knight in shining armour.’

‘Kind of. He’s really nice and I think that was sound advice to give things a try if I can, you know, work experience.’

‘Maybe.’ All of Joe’s body language was closed. His arms crossed over his stomach. His legs crossed. I had never seen him like this. I squidged over so that I was closer to him
and tried to link my arm through his. He immediately got up and jerked his chin towards the counter. ‘Going to get something. Do you want anything or did lover boy get you something
already?’

‘I’m good,’ I said and indicated my empty glass.

As he went off towards the counter, I felt angry. Nothing had happened with Tyler. It was totally innocent. How dare Joe act like I’d been cheating on him when I hadn’t? Part of me
felt like getting up and walking out.

Our first row. Maybe being in a couple wasn’t so great after all.

On Sunday, I woke when my alarm went off at eight o’clock. I had set it so that I could get up early and put in a full day’s studying. I had made a promise to
myself. All day. No distractions. No phone calls. No looking at Facebook, emails or MSN.

I woke again at nine. Oh God, I’d gone straight back to sleep.

‘Why didn’t you wake me?’ I asked Posh who was curled up at the end of my bed. I made myself get up, staggered into the bathroom, showered, then downstairs for a cup of coffee,
muffin and honey and then up to work. No putting it off. The house felt quiet as I went back up the stairs.
Everyone is having a lie in,
I thought.
Maybe I could just have another
half-hour kip?

No,
I told myself.
You must work. Must. Must. Must.

I got my books out and opened them on the pages I wanted to study. The scene the day before with Joe was still bugging me though, I kept replaying it in my mind and found it hard to concentrate.
When he had come back with his drink, things hadn’t improved and the atmosphere between us had felt strained. I had been cross with him and he had gone into a sulk, and after a while
he’d made an excuse about having to meet up with Sam and Chris. I’d said,‘Whatever,’ like I couldn’t care less in order to show him that I wasn’t buying into his
jealous act and, when we’d parted, he kissed my cheek like I was some aged aunt. Our first row and it had felt bad.
Maybe I should have a chat with Zahrah before I start work,
I
thought as I checked my watch. She was bound to be up and was the only one of my mates to have a steady boyfriend. She had been going out with a boy called Ryan for a while, so maybe she had some
experience of how to deal with rows, though I had never heard her talk about having them. She and Ryan seemed blissfully in tune.

I picked up the phone and dialled her number.

‘Hi, is Zahrah there?’ I asked, when one of her sisters picked up.

‘No, she’s out.’

‘Do you know when she’ll be back?’

‘No.’

‘Do you know where she’s gone?’

‘Nope.’

I tried her mobile but it went to voicemail.
OK, work, work,
I told myself.
It’s a sign I am meant to work
. Another voice suggested,
Maybe call Leela first
. I resisted
for half an hour but was still finding it hard to concentrate. I needed to talk to someone. I dialled her number.