Exquisite Betrayal (37 page)

“
Yeah. Pretty influential critic,
mainstream publishing. Why?”

“
They’re looking for two reviewers.
They want me and wanted to know if I knew anyone else. It’s a
work-from-home job. They’re all online stuff, Fallon. No commute.
No office crap. No boss to report to every day.”

“
Seriously?”

“
Uh-huh. Sound like something you’re
interested in?”

“
Um, let me think about it… Hell,
yeah!”

Everyone laughs. “That’s what I thought
you’d say. It’ll get you out of the romance genre, too. That’s, if
you want that. I think they need people to do all kinds of reviews,
even non-fiction.”

“
Sounds great.”

“
I’ll submit your name along with a
glowing recommendation.”

“
Um, what about the stuff at Critics
Abound?”

“
Oh, they know it all. I was perfectly
clear about it. I told them I was above board on everything and
wouldn’t agree to anything unethical. When they asked why I said
that, I told them what happened.”

“
Interesting. What did they
say?”

“
You really want to know?”

“
Yeah.”

“
Well, I was gonna tell you this
later, too, but they want to do a story on it with me interviewing
you. You know… a your-side-of-the-story thing. I told them I didn’t
think…”

“
I’ll do it!”

“
What?”

“
You heard me. I’ve hidden the truth
for too long. I actually wrote an article about it, but never did
anything with it.”

Kristie’s grinning. “Awesome. This is the
old Fallon I’m seeing now.”

“
Maybe so.”

I look at Brandy and say, “So when does that
apartment open up?”

“
It’s open.”

“
Perfect. I need your landlord’s
name.”

They all fist bump me and I grin. Now I’m
super excited for the concert.

“
Oh my gosh. We’re really seeing She
Said Fire tonight! Do you all know their drummer’s a
girl?”

“
Cool. Chicks rock, right?” Brandy
says.

“
Hells yeah we do!”

***

We’re at the Jam Bocks having a great time.
We’re toasting each other and I’m actually throwing back some
shooters. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done that and I
refuse to even try.

Kelly’s jumping up and down, screaming
out, “I’m taking drum lessons. I wanna be a drummer!” She Said Fire
just finishes playing ‘Funhouse’
and Kelly is playing
the air drums. I’m worried she’s going to tear a rotator cuff with
the way she’s throwing her arms around.

We all crack up. I can see it now. Her
husband, Kirk, I’m sure will be happy to get that piece of news,
especially since they have a nine-month-old.

I start laughing so hard I’m holding my
sides.

“
What’s so funny?”

“
I just had this vision of Kelly, Kirk
and little Micah forming their own band. I’m sure their neighbors
are gonna love it when Kelly practices her drums.”

“
I don’t give a shit. I’m gonna be a
rocker chick drummer. Or maybe it’s a rocker drummer chick.” Her
words are slurred from all the shooters and we laugh. It’s a good
thing she’s not breast-feeding anymore. Little Micah would be drunk
tonight if she were.

She Said Fire starts playing ‘Better Ways’
and the room quiets down. It’s one of their slower songs, but the
words trigger all sorts of memories of Ryland Thomas. The lyrics
ring true for us; it’s almost like it was written for us. I’m sorry
to see that song is the end of their set.

While the other band sets up, some recorded
stuff starts playing that has a pretty good beat. We all end up on
the crowded dance floor, shaking it up pretty good. I work up a
tremendous thirst, so I tell Kristie that I’m heading to the bar
for some water. I get a full glass, down it and get a second. I
decide I need a trip to the bathroom. On my way I send Kristie a
text, just so she’ll know why I disappeared. I’m not paying
attention to where I’m walking and I crash right into someone.

“
Aw, hell, I’m so sorry.” I look up
and about fall flat on my ass because I’m staring into those
emerald eyes I’ve missed so much, but have tried hard to
forget.

“
Fallon.” One word from his lips and I
feel like I’m spinning out of control again. Everything good about
this night has just turned to shit.

“
Er, yeah. It’s me all
right.”

“
How are you?”

“
I don’t think you want me to answer
that.” I try to brush past him, but he grabs my wrist.

“
Let me go.” I jerk free of him and he
drops his arm.

“
I’m sorry.”

“
Right. I gotta go.” I brush past him
and go to the restroom. I’m shaking by the time I get there. How
can I let him do this to me? I take several deep breaths and count
to ten, getting control back. I look at myself in the mirror,
satisfied that I don’t look like the quivering fool that I feel I
am. I use the facilities and head back out, prepared to fight if I
see him. I don’t, so I’m relieved.

Kristie notices the change. “You okay?”

“
Yeah. I just ran in to
You-Know-Who.”

“
Here? Tonight?”

“
Yep.”

“
Did he talk to you?”

“
Yeah, but I didn’t stay to find out
what he wanted. I pushed around him and went to the
bathroom.”

I give her the details and she says,
“Nice!”

I simply shake my head.

“
Hey, you’re doing great.”

“
Tell that to my guts. They’re a mess
right now.”

“
You don’t look a mess. In fact, you
look damn good. Let’s get back out there and shake it up some more.
The next set will be starting in a few. What do you
say?”

We dance some more and I feel better after a
bit, although a part of me wonders if Ryland Thomas is still here.
I’m asked by several guys to dance, yet I refuse them all. I have
no interest in them. Maybe someday, but not right now. I still feel
like I’m tethered to Ryland Thomas, or what’s left of me does
anyway.

By the time the second band ends their set,
it’s almost two in the morning. We exit the club and it’s a fight
for a taxi.

“
I think I’m gonna walk.”

The others look at me, protesting, “No way.
You can’t walk. It’s not safe.”

“
I live ten blocks from here and it’s
safe. I walk around here all the time.”

“
Not at two in the
morning.”

“
I’ll be fine,” I argue.

“
Fallon, you’re taking an unnecessary
risk. Wait for a taxi with us.”

“
I’ll be home by the time it gets
here.”

Brandy says, “Damn, you’re stubborn. Then
keep your phone in your hand the whole time.”

“
Yes, dear,” I say and then head off
in the direction of my apartment.

After I get a couple of blocks away, and the
noise fades, the streets are frighteningly empty. I know I only
have a few blocks to go, but it is a bit scary out here by myself;
especially when I get the sense someone is behind me. Against my
better judgment, I turn to look and there is someone there, however
it’s someone I know won’t physically harm me.

“
You shouldn’t be out here alone,
Fallon,” he calls to me.

“
You scared me.” My tone is harsh and
accusatory.

“
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, but when
I saw you take off by yourself, I wasn’t gonna let you walk home
alone. You can tell me to leave, go to hell, sod off, or whatever
you want, however I won’t do it until I see you’re safe at
home.”

I start to say something, yet there isn’t
really anything to say. He’s right. I shouldn’t be out here alone,
so I start walking again, heading for home.

As I walk, I throw the words over my
shoulder, “You may as well walk next to me if you’re gonna walk me
home.” Why did I say that? Who the hell knows? I quit trying to
figure things out anymore.

He’s by my side in an instant. I glance at
him and see he’s looking at me.

“
You looked perfect tonight,
Fallon.”

“
I said you could walk with me. I
didn’t say you could talk to me.”

I hear a slight chuckle come out of him.

“
You find that funny, do
you?”

“
Not at all. Nothing about any of this
is funny, Fallon.”

“
You got that right.”

“
Glad to see your ankle is
better.”

“
Thank you. That constitutes as
talking, though.”

“
I guess it does. I’m
sorry.”

“
Stop saying you’re sorry.” He
exasperates me.

“
I won’t ever be able to do that. I’ll
be sorry for the rest of my life all because of a few short minutes
I didn’t grant you. Sorry doesn’t come close to what I
feel.”

“
That’s good, I suppose, because sorry
doesn’t come close to repairing the tiny pieces of Fallon that were
left behind by all of that.”

He’s stopped walking, but I haven’t. I
continue to move with urgency down the street, getting closer to my
home. When I’m finally there, I think I’m alone. I turn to walk up
the steps, but I’m wrong. He’s right there, next to me.

“
What will come close, Fallon? What
will actually make you work again?”

“
Huh?” I’m confused by his
question.

“
You know… what will repair the tiny
pieces of Fallon and make her whole again? Because I’ll dedicate
everything I have, everything I know to making it happen. Not for
me, but for you. I want you to have a life full of joy again, and
if it takes sacrificing mine, then I’ll gladly do it.”

He stands in front of me, waiting for an
answer, but I don’t have one to give.

My mouth presses together for a moment
before I answer. “I honestly don’t have an answer for you. I think
I may be damaged forever.”

“
Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.
I’ll find a way to fix you. I swear I will.” His emerald eyes are
filled with such agony; in the dim streetlight they look like
they’re about to bleed. Then he turns and walks away.

That meeting with Fallon rattled me to the
core, so I know I can’t wait any longer. Things need to move
forward. My pieces are written and now it’s time for a flawless
execution. My agent called last week to confirm everything and I
leave tomorrow for New York. I start the first of my TV appearances
with early morning television then I make my way to the round of
afternoon shows and finally to late night. By the time I’m
finished, Fallon will have hopefully heard everything I have to
say. It’ll all be airing the week before Thanksgiving, which is
supposed to be a good time for viewers. All her friends will be
recording each segment I’m on, so even if she misses them, they’ll
be sure she sees them.

As part of my negotiations for this, each
interviewer is aware of my intentions and how it’s going to work.
They’ll ask some questions and then I’ll have my say. It all should
go relatively smoothly; that is, if I can maintain my
composure.

***

Five shows later and I’m exhausted. I want
to crawl in my bed and stay there for a week. My agent and
publicist have set my phone on fire with all the calls. They’re
getting requests for more appearances and interviews—phone, radio
or whatever I’ll grant—by the dozens. I refuse them all. There’s
only one thing I want and that is quiet.

Sleep calls to me and I need some down time
to digest it all. Fallon’s friends haven’t called, so I’m assuming
either she doesn’t give a shit, or they couldn’t get her to listen.
Ironically, I’m okay with that. My main intent all along was to
publicly clear her name. I didn’t want her to be held responsible
for any of it.

Twelve hours later, I wake up at six in the
morning and I can’t believe I’ve slept that long. I pack my bag and
head to the airport. The only thing I want to do now is get out of
this town and go home to Lake Tahoe. A few hours later that’s where
I’m headed.

***

“
Where the hell are you, Ryland
Thomas?” Tilly screams in the phone. “I’ve been looking for
you.”

“
In Tahoe.”

“
Tahoe?”

“
Yes, you know that place where I used
to live all the time… before I moved to the city?”

“
I know where Tahoe is, dammit. But
why there?”

“
I needed the solitude.”

“
You were brilliant. I almost fell in
love with you.”

“
Thanks. That wasn’t my intention,
though.”

“
I know. If she doesn’t at least bend
a little, she’s not human.”

“
Tilly, my goal was to clear her
name.”

“
Ryland Thomas, you professed your
undying love for her to millions of people.
That
was romantic.”

“
She’ll see it as
exploitation.”

“
Whatever. I still say you did the
right thing.”

“
I know I did. At least everyone knows
she has rock solid integrity now and that I’m the fuck
up.”