Extra Time (31 page)

Ronnie frowned slightly, sticking his hands in his pockets. ‘You trying to get rid of me? I mean, it’s not unusual for Jim to come home and find me here with you, is it? I’m your friend…’

‘We’ve just had sex, Ronnie.’ She walked over to him, taking his hand and sliding it up underneath her t-shirt, placing it on her breast. ‘Wonderful, incredible sex.’ Her mouth was almost touching his as she spoke, her heart beating hard and fast again. How could she suddenly want to be so close to this man? So close his body was deep inside hers, and just thinking about that had started a tingle in her thighs she knew she’d have to sort out on her own once he was gone. ‘Sex I want to experience again, and again.’

‘Jesus-fucking-Christ, Amber…’ Ronnie groaned, unable to stop his erection from returning – how could he? He had his hand on her breast, her mouth was touching his, and he knew that if he could just feel between her legs she’d still be soaking wet. And he wanted her, in ways he just couldn’t explain. ‘This is crazy…’

‘I know. I know it’s crazy, but we’ve started something now, haven’t we? We’ve opened the floodgates and I can’t shut them, Ronnie. Not yet. I don’t want to.’

‘Are you sure?’ he whispered. ‘Really sure? Because…’

‘I’m as sure as I can be, given the circumstances.’

He took her hand, his fingers sliding between hers as their mouths touched, moving against the others in a slow, gentle rhythm, tongues touching, hearts racing. ‘That’ll do for me.’

‘Can I see you tomorrow?’

‘You’ve never bothered to ask permission before.’ He smiled, wanting so much to pull those shorts of hers down again and spend some more time inside her. He wanted to touch her, to taste her, to do things he’d never even thought of before. Because he’d never had the chance to? Whatever the reason, he hoped he was going to have that chance now. For however long it might last.

‘Well, I don’t just want to come round and help you organise your DVD collection, do I?’

‘So, I’ve lost you as my unpaid slave, is that it?’

She smiled, too, her heart still beating out of control, leaving her almost breathless. ‘I can still be your slave,’ she whispered. ‘If you want me to be.’

‘For fuck’s sake, Amber… Where the hell did you learn to talk like that? I’ll be lucky if this fucking hard-on goes down before bedtime.’

She smiled again, every inch of her just wanting to get naked with him and fuck to forget, because that’s what she was doing – what they were
both
doing. Fucking to forget the shit that was happening in their lives. His ex-wife was having another man’s baby, and she couldn’t have the baby she so desperately wanted with the man she loved. It was one huge, hot mess that was only going to get bigger.
She
knew that,
he
knew that. And it didn’t seem as though either of them were ready to do anything about it.

Chapter Fifteen

‘Do you fancy eating out tonight?’ Ellen watched Ryan as he tapped out yet another message on his mobile phone.

‘Hmm? Sorry? Did you say something?’ Ryan looked up, totally unaware that she’d been talking to him. He didn’t even know how long she’d been there. He’d thought she was in the bath.

‘I really can’t be bothered to cook anything, Ryan, so are we going out to eat? Or shall I just ring for a takeaway?’

Ryan frowned slightly, turning his attention back to his phone. The way she was talking you’d think she’d moved herself in. Mind you, he was almost sure that was her intention. If she hung around long enough would he finally get the message and ask her to live with him? Is that what she was trying to do? Was she trying to wear him down? That was never going to happen. Not just yet, anyway. Who knew how he’d feel after a few months away from the North East, because, despite what Max and Jim might think, he was serious about taking a break from Newcastle Red Star. But he might as well keep his options open as far as Ellen was concerned. She’d put up with everything he’d thrown at her up to now, all he needed to do was make sure he didn’t push her too far. He never knew when he might need her.

‘Ryan? Are you gonna answer me?’

‘Jesus, all right! Yes, okay, we’ll go out. Happy now?’ He threw his phone down on the sofa beside him and stood up, looking at her. ‘Well? Are you coming or not?’

She stared back at him, and he immediately changed tack. He could see how upset she was and he didn’t want to do that to her. She didn’t deserve that. Just because
he
wasn’t feeling on top of the world didn’t mean he had to drag her down with him.

He sat down next to her, taking her hand, leaning forward to quickly kiss her. She didn’t respond, so he tried again, kissing her a little harder and a little longer, running his fingers lightly up and down her arm until she couldn’t help but smile at him. ‘I’m sorry, babe. Okay? I’m just a bit… a bit stressed, that’s all.’

‘Anything I can help with?’ she asked, running her fingers through his unruly dark hair.

‘Oh, I’m sure you can help with plenty, gorgeous. But I thought you were hungry.’

‘I can wait.’ She smiled, starting to unfasten the belt on his jeans, sliding it off and throwing it down on the floor. ‘Why don’t we get the starters out of the way first, huh?’

He grinned, all thoughts of Amber, Max, and his surprise loan request suddenly fading into the background. He really should start treating Ellen a lot better, considering how good she was for him. Without her, he’d have gone crazy these past couple of months. ‘Ellen…’

‘Yes?’

Maybe he hadn’t been able to put everything to the back of his mind quite as easily as he’d thought he had, because now he had a ridiculous urge to tell her everything. ‘Nothing. It doesn’t matter,’ he said, shaking his head, pulling himself back from the brink of involving her in something she didn’t need to know anything about just yet. Why let her think he could be leaving her behind when he didn’t even know if it would happen? Wanting it to, and knowing it definitely was were two completely different things at the minute, so maybe it was best to leave her out of it until he knew what was going on.

‘You sure? You looked like you were going to tell me something there.’

He felt his heart sink as he caught the expression on her face – one of hope and excitement. Had she thought he’d been going to ask her to move in with him? Shit! He really wasn’t helping matters.

‘It can wait,’ he said, looking down at his hand holding hers, feeling her loosen her grip the second those words had come out of his mouth.

‘Come on, then.’ She let go of him, her mood turning almost business-like as she stood up, grabbing her handbag from the table beside the sofa. ‘Let’s go and get something to eat, before I lose my appetite.’

Ryan watched her walk out into the hall, throwing himself back against the sofa cushions, closing his eyes and sighing heavily. Yeah. He
really
had to get out of here for a while. There was way too much going on for him to even begin to get his head around any of it.

Reaching over to grab his phone, he sat up, leaning forward as he scrolled through his contact list, stopping at a number he’d called regularly over the past few weeks.

‘Ryan!’ Ellen shouted through from the hall, her voice carrying more than a hint of impatience now. Did he really need this shit?

‘Two minutes, babe! Just got to make a phone call!’ It made no sense to aggravate her any more tonight.

‘I’ll wait for you outside. Don’t be long.’

‘Yeah, okay…’ He’d be as long as it took. This needed sorting, soon, before he lost his chance. ‘Oh, hi. Can I speak to Bennie, please?’ He closed his eyes as he listened to the voice on the other end of the line. ‘Yeah… Tell him it’s Ryan – Ryan Fisher. I’m returning his call.’

The wheels were well and truly in motion now, and he had no intention of slowing them down.

Amber heard the front door shut downstairs and she tried to stop the feeling of nausea rising up in her, the guilt she felt still overwhelming her. Yet she wasn’t sorry it had happened. Every time she thought about Ronnie touching her, his body filling hers with a feeling she really couldn’t explain, she felt something inside her almost cut loose, relax. She felt a happiness she hadn’t felt in a while. Although she wasn’t stupid or naive to think it was anything other than actions undertook to mask everything else she was really feeling but didn’t have the strength to face up to just yet.

She sat up on the bed, crossing her legs underneath her as Jim ran up the stairs. It was late, far later than she’d expected him to be home and she wondered whether he was just as unwilling to open discussions on everything they needed to talk about as much as she was. Had he deliberately stayed out rather than come home to her?

Looking up as he finally walked into their bedroom, she couldn’t help but notice the slightly agitated expression on his face.

‘I see you’ve decided to do the photo shoot for Ice Magazine after all,’ he said, throwing his jacket over the chair by the door.

She continued to watch him as he moved around the room, taking his watch off and placing it down on the chest of drawers. She didn’t say anything.

‘And then I find out from the PR Department that the photo shoot is actually taking place inside Tynebridge.’ He turned to look at her. ‘My place of work, Amber. And you didn’t think to tell me any of this?’

Still she said nothing.

‘You know, it really would be nice if I could try and not be the last person to know what’s going on in your life.’

She stared at him, her eyes never wavering from his. ‘Ditto, Jim.’

He held her gaze for a few seconds longer before turning away, walking into the en-suite, closing the door behind him. Amber lay back on the bed, flinging her arms up above her head as she stared at the ceiling. There were so many things they needed to say to each other, but it didn’t look like any of them were going to be said tonight. It was late, he was obviously in a mood, and she had so many things on her mind she couldn’t think straight. Maybe it would be better just to close her eyes and let sleep take over, start a new day tomorrow and see what that might bring, although she knew it would bring her more time with Ronnie, which, in reality, wasn’t unusual. They always spent time together when they were in the same part of the country. But things had changed slightly. Their relationship had shifted somewhat, taken a wrong turn and ended up on the sexual side of the tracks, and even though she didn’t want to feel the things she was feeling now, they were there. Those feelings were there, and fighting them wasn’t something she was prepared to do just yet.

As her fingers gripped the pillows under her head, she smiled to herself, loving the tingling feeling that swept across her body as she remembered Ronnie’s touch; his fingers on her skin, his lips brushing over her neck, kissing her breasts. It was all she could do to stop the moans from escaping, so vivid were the memories.

‘I’m sorry.’

She quickly opened her eyes as the spell was broken, sitting up and hugging her knees to her chest as she looked at her husband – handsome and tired, and all of a sudden a whole new rush of feelings overtook her. All the guilt and the confusion and the emptiness she felt inside just overwhelmed her and this time it was tears that threatened to escape as the weak and needy Amber returned.

‘Me too,’ she whispered, allowing him to pull her against him, enveloping her in a hug she badly needed. ‘Things are just so crazy right now, Jim. I don’t even know where to start.’

He tilted her chin up so she had no choice but to look at him, kissing her quickly. A familiar kiss. A kiss that, in its own way, induced a feeling of calm.

‘I just wish you’d talk to me, Amber,’ Jim said, his thumb gently stroking her knuckles, his eyes watching as it did so. ‘When you walked out on me…’

‘I didn’t walk out on you, Jim.’

‘That’s what it felt like.’

She pulled free from him, getting up and walking over to the window, looking out, even though it was dark now. The window was slightly open, so she could still hear the sea, and that in itself proved to be yet another one of those necessary calming influences. ‘I guess I’m not as strong as I always thought I was,’ she said quietly, her eyes focusing on a light way off in the distance that probably belonged to a faraway ship out in the North Sea. It was somewhere she quite fancied being now – far away, from everything she was still too weak, too scared to face up to.

‘You’re still acting like this is something you have to go through alone.’ Jim walked up behind her, his arms circling her waist and she let herself fall back against him. ‘We’ll get through it together, baby. You and me.’

She closed her eyes, trying to block out those thoughts of Ronnie as Jim’s fingers gently stroked her hips in a slow, rhythmic motion. And all of a sudden that raw and burning pain of knowing she would never be a mum to this man’s child crept up out of that dark hiding place she’d put it in, all hopes that it would stay quiet and forgotten dashed as just feeling him this close to her in this situation tore into her heart like a jagged dagger. She knew they weren’t rational feelings, she knew that. She knew that she was making everything so much worse than it needed to be, but that was how she was feeling right now. Those were the feelings that had taken over and suddenly it felt as though she was back in that clinic, listening to those words all over again. Words that had changed her life and ended her perfect dream.

‘It hurts so bad, Jim,’ she whispered, turning round to face him, tears streaming down her face.

‘I know, honey.’ He reached out to gently stroke those tears away, his lips moving over her damp cheek until they finally reached her mouth. And what else could she do but lose herself in him? Lose herself in the moment. She just wanted to be held, that was all. She didn’t want him to make love to her, or touch her in any way that involved anything that could lead to sex. She didn’t want that, not tonight. He was her husband, and she just wanted him to hold her. But it seemed he had other ideas.

‘No, Jim. Not tonight.’ She pulled away from him, backing off towards the bed. ‘I’m really tired. It’s been a long day.’