Extra Time (56 page)

‘Maybe you and her… maybe you and Amber have history, too, mate.’

Ryan couldn’t help smiling slightly, keeping his head down. ‘I love her, Cal. I love her so fucking much, and when we… when I was with her it felt so right. It felt like I had her back; she was where I wanted her to be, with me. With
me
. Where she should be right now.’ He looked at Callum, trying to ignore the thumping headache that had started banging away behind his eyes. ‘I’m here to forget her, Cal. I came here to try and forget her, but it’s a waste of time. It isn’t going to work because I can’t stop thinking about her. Every second of every fucking day she’s there, in my fucking head, reminding me of what I threw away because I couldn’t fucking grow up in time to realise she was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I lost her.’

‘Jesus, mate, you’ve got it bad.’

‘This isn’t some stupid crush, Callum. She isn’t just some older woman who came into my life and showed me things I’d never experienced before. I fell in love with her, but I just couldn’t cope with those feelings. I’d never felt anything like it before, that need to be with just one woman, and it scared the shit out of me. It wasn’t what I did, I couldn’t be with just one woman, and that’s what I kept telling myself. Even when I was with her I’d pretend that everything I was feeling was only because I wanted to sleep with her, and once the sex was finished those feelings would be gone. But they weren’t, and that’s when I got scared. That’s when I started to push her away by going back to being a grade-A prick.’

‘Have you told
her
this?’

‘I tried to explain it to her, before I went into rehab. We talked, you know? But I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to tell her how I really felt. She was about to marry Jim Allen, and what was I supposed to do? I was in a state, Callum. I’d hit rock bottom and I couldn’t expect her to deal with that.’ He sighed again, pushing both hands through his dark hair. ‘All I know is, I thought coming out here would ease those feelings, make me finally realise she isn’t coming back to me, but the day her and Jim separated, that was the day my world changed. The day I let hope back in; the day I knew I was still in love with her. And I can’t shake that. Being here, it isn’t going to get rid of those feelings.’

Callum let out a low whistle, handing Ryan his water bottle. ‘Jesus, mate. I had no idea you felt that way about her.’

Ryan took a long, much-needed sip of water, throwing his head back again. ‘I’ve got to talk to Ellen. It isn’t fair to lead her on, to let her think there’s even the tiniest chance that I’m going back to her. I just wish I’d been strong enough to tell her that last night.’

‘We all make mistakes, Ryan,’ Callum said, gently squeezing his shoulder. ‘But, yeah. You do need to talk to her. She needs to know how you feel – about her, anyway.’

‘How do I manage to make my life so frigging complicated? Huh?’ Ryan sighed.

Callum smiled at him, taking his water bottle back. ‘You’re Ryan Fisher, mate. You don’t do anything by halves.’

And wasn’t
that
the truth?

Chapter Twenty-Eight

‘You’re very quiet,’ Debbie said, sipping her coffee before looking at it with an expression of pure hatred. ‘I’m beginning to really dislike this stuff. I’d kill for a long, cold glass of champagne, wouldn’t you?’

‘Hmm? Sorry?’ Amber asked, dragging herself back to the here and now.

‘I said, you’re very quiet. You got something on your mind?’

‘No. No, I’m fine. I’m fine. Anyway, how are
you
doing? Not long now until Baby Blandford makes an appearance. You must be really excited.’

Debbie couldn’t help smiling, placing both hands over her now quite large baby bump. ‘Do you know what? I fought so hard against becoming a mum. I mean, it wasn’t something I’d ever intended to do – have kids, I mean. Especially being married to someone like Gary. But impending parenthood really does seem to have changed him. I’m even getting used to being fussed over continuously. However…’ She shifted slightly in her seat as she tried to make herself more comfortable, ‘… I can’t say I won’t be sorry when this little one finally makes his or her appearance. I’m getting just a tiny bit tired of lugging this bump around with me everywhere. It can really interfere with shopping sometimes.’ She smiled a wide, beaming smile, and Amber couldn’t help but smile back. ‘But, yeah. We’re both so excited to see him or her, Amber. This baby. We can’t wait.’

‘You’re gonna be a fabulous mum.’ Amber returned Debbie’s smile, reaching out to take her friend’s hand. ‘That’s one very lucky baby in there.’

‘Well, we’ll see. I hope so. But I’m actually quite terrified if the truth be told, chick. I’m even thinking of asking my mum to come and stay with us for a few months to help out, so that shows you how terrified I am… Anyway, enough about me. How are things with you? And why are you still down here instead of back up north where you belong? We miss you.’

Debbie was in London with Gary and the rest of the Red Star squad for their match against one of the big north London clubs. And Amber was so glad she’d decided to fly down and see her, because she’d missed her, too. Missed that shoulder to lean on, that person to confide in. She had a lot to tell her. And she’d tell her it all – soon. But not yet. There were others who needed to know first.

‘Work’s really busy now,’ Amber said, taking a sip of her own coffee, more as a distraction, really. Something to stop her from having to talk too much.

‘Yeah. I know work’s really busy. You’re never off the TV, and me and the girls are sick of seeing your face splashed all over the front of magazines.’

She’d said that with a glint in her eye and a big smile on her face, which really was quite infectious because Amber couldn’t stop herself from smiling, too. Despite the way she was really feeling inside.

‘Are you not taking on more than you need to, though?’ Debbie asked, her tone a little more serious now.

Amber shrugged, her eyes going back to her still-present wedding ring. ‘I
want
to do it all. Nobody’s making me work that hard. It keeps me busy, and I need that.’

‘Keeps you distracted, you mean.’

‘You’re beginning to sound like Ronnie now.’

‘You seen Jim since he’s been down here?’

‘No. Why would I have done?’

‘He was on
Scoreline
last night. I know you weren’t presenting it, but I thought you might have been around at the time. You know, in the studio or something.’

Amber shook her head. She’d deliberately stayed away, taking on another photo shoot just so she could avoid him. Seeing him right now wasn’t something she felt strong enough to do, under the circumstances.

‘And what about the match tomorrow? You covering that?’

She shook her head again. ‘No. I’m in the studio with Ronnie.’

‘Was that deliberate?’

Amber looked at Debbie. ‘It’s over, Debs. Me and Jim. It’s over, okay?’

‘Really?’

‘Look, I don’t want to get into this right now. I’m meeting Max in a few minutes and the last thing I need is to be distracted by anything to do with Jim Allen.’

‘He’s not seeing anyone you know.’

Amber looked at Debbie again, narrowing her eyes. ‘So? What business is it of mine whether he is or he isn’t seeing anyone?’ But just the thought of it made her feel sick.

‘Because you still love him?’

‘Leave it, Debbie. Please. Things are so complicated right now they’d…’

She quickly shut up, realising that if she said much more then Debbie was going to start asking questions she really didn’t want to answer just yet.

‘They’d what, Amber? Come on, chick. Things are so complicated right now they’d what?’

‘They’d make your head spin, believe me.’ She was saved from saying anything else by the arrival of a text message. ‘That’s Max. I’d better get going. He hasn’t got long, he’s flying out to see Ryan this afternoon.’ Just saying Ryan’s name made her stomach flip over in a way she wasn’t entirely sure she understood. So she tried to ignore it.

‘Everything all right with Ryan?’ Debbie asked, fixing Amber with a look that told her she knew she was hiding something. And she’d get it out of her one day – soon.

‘Ryan’s fine, as I’m sure you’re well aware, him being Gary’s best friend. In fact, you probably know how he’s getting on better than I do. I only know the stuff that’s being reported from Tenerife.’

‘Ellen’s flown over to see him, did you know that?’

Amber felt her heart almost stop dead. For another reason she couldn’t quite understand. ‘Ellen? But I… I thought it was all over between those two?’

‘So did Ryan,’ Debbie sighed, running a hand along the small of her back. ‘Jesus, this baby can kick!’

‘So why is she out there with him?’ Amber was confused now. Ryan had all but told her that he didn’t love Ellen – that he never had done. So why would he encourage her to go and see him?

‘It wasn’t his idea,’ Debbie said, pulling her phone out of her bag. ‘She just turned up, out of the blue, apparently. Told Ryan she wanted him back, that she could be good for him, all that kind of crap.’

‘And… I mean…
are
they back together?’

Debbie fixed Amber with another one of her looks. ‘Do you care?’

Amber rummaged round in her bag for nothing in particular just so she could avoid Debbie’s eyes. ‘Just curious, that’s all. I had a run-in with her – with Ellen – after the derby game, and…’

‘A run-in? Really? You never told me. Did she have a go at you?’

Amber nodded. ‘You could say that. Blamed me for the fact Ryan’s out on loan…’

‘Well, she’s right, really, isn’t she?’

‘Jesus… thanks for that, Debs.’

‘I’m sorry, chick. I didn’t mean it like that, but… Look, from what I can gather from Gary – and you know how crap he is at conveying any kind of gossip – Ryan is trying to let her down gently. Again.’ She rolled her eyes, and Amber smiled. She loved Debbie, she really did. ‘Hey, you know he’s become all pally with Callum Henderson, don’t you?’ Debbie went on. ‘And, although he isn’t saying anything, I think Gary’s just a tiny bit jealous.’

Amber couldn’t help laughing. ‘Does it feel like his best friend’s cheating on him?’

‘Something like that, yeah.’ Debbie smiled, briefly, before another baby-kick made her wince slightly. ‘I swear this baby’s a boy. He’s already kicking like a frigging footballer.’

‘They’re quite similar, really, I suppose,’ Amber went on, quickly banging out a text to Max before throwing her phone back into her bag. ‘Ryan and Callum, I mean… Look, I’ve really got to go.’ She leaned over and kissed Debbie on the cheek. ‘You take care of yourself, and baby. And I’ll see you soon, okay?’

‘Do you want me to pass a message on to Jim for you?’

‘Stop it, Debbie.’ Amber half-smiled at her, throwing her a look over her shoulder before she ran out of the café, quickly hailing a cab to take her to Max’s offices in Covent Garden.

It took a while to get there, thanks to the Friday afternoon London traffic, but it was a meeting she needed to have. To help her decide just what it was she was supposed to do next. Max needed to know what was going on – Max needed to help her.

‘You look a bit flustered,’ Max said, kissing her lightly on the cheek as he closed his office door behind her.

‘Well, you can thank London on a Friday afternoon for that,’ Amber sighed, taking a look around a room that couldn’t really be described as an office – it was more like a suite, it was so big. Painted almost entirely in white, bar one wall that was a deep, dark red, floor-to-ceiling plate-glass windows lined one entire wall, making the room feel incredibly bright and airy. A TV the size of a small cinema screen took over another wall directly opposite Max’s ridiculously over-sized desk, and two huge black leather sofas were placed at opposite ends of the room, amidst an array of furniture that seemed to be a mixture of classic retro and Ikea’s finest. Pictures of a multitude of famous footballers, past and present, took pride of place on the dark red wall behind one of the sofas, all of which had been, or still were, clients of Max’s, and Amber couldn’t help but notice the picture of Ryan, her eyes going straight to it. He was in his Newcastle Red Star kit, all handsome and hot with his tattoos and his stubble, down on his haunches in front of a football bearing the name of one of his biggest sponsors, those dark blue eyes of his staring right back at her. She felt her stomach take another dive into nowhere, making her swallow hard before she took a deep breath and turned away, walking over to the chair in front of Max’s desk.

‘Everything all right?’ Max asked, frowning slightly as he leaned back against the front of his desk, folding his arms as he looked at Amber.

‘I’m pregnant.’ There was no point in beating about the bush. Max didn’t have long, and she couldn’t be bothered to skirt around the issue. It had to be dealt with.

‘I’m… I’m sorry. You’re
what
?’

She’d never seen Max lost for words before, and it was actually quite amusing, for a few seconds.

‘Now who’s flustered?’ she smirked, crossing her legs and clasping her hands together, her eyes never leaving Max’s.

‘But, I thought…? I thought you couldn’t…?’

‘Well, I’m not going to go over my entire appointment with Dr. Lowry, suffice to say, I’m what you might call extremely lucky. I beat the odds.’ She shrugged. ‘I beat them.’

Max frowned again. ‘You don’t sound too happy about it, if you don’t mind me saying.’

‘It isn’t Jim’s.’ Her voice had wavered way more than she’d wanted it to when she’d said those words. But Max needed to know the truth.

‘Jesus, Amber…’ Max pushed a hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath. Before realisation took over. ‘It’s Ryan’s. Am I right?’

She looked down at her clasped hands, a strange kind of relief washing over her – relief that she’d taken that first step towards sorting this whole mess out. Although they were a long way off making any kind of sense out of it. ‘You’re right.’ She looked back up at Max. ‘There’s no doubt, Max. This baby was conceived at a time when Jim and I hadn’t slept together for weeks, so there’s absolutely no chance it could be his.’ She closed her eyes for a second, silently willing the tears to stay away. She should be experiencing the happiest time of her life, yet all she felt was overwhelming confusion and a pain so deep it hurt in a way she couldn’t explain. ‘The dates, they…’ She swallowed hard before exhaling deep, desperately trying to keep her composure. ‘It’s Ryan’s.’