Face to Face (2 page)

Chapter One

“We’ve
known each other for around three years, right?” Jess
twisted her headset wire around her fingers as she watched Ash during their
video chat. His hair had grown. The dirty-blond tresses hung to his shoulder
blades now. After three or so years of watching him through a computer screen,
she longed to see if th
e strands were as silky as
they looked.

“Yeah,
but I think we’ve been talking more like four.” He chuckled, winking at his
camera.

His
laugh could curl her toes. He obviously had no idea of the power he held…or did
he?

She
grinned. “Anyway, don’t you think
it’s time I came
out there so we can meet
in person
?”

Her
computer screen turned black where, moments before, Ash’s face had filled the
screen.

They’d
talked every day
about
everything
for
the p
ast four years. She
certainly ha
dn’t
expect
him to disappear
when she asked him to meet her in person. The stunned
expression on her face, reflected in the blank computer monitor screen, said it
all.

Steven
Ashton James came into her life at a very dark time. Freshly divorced from a
controlling man and learning to l
ive alone again
wasn’t exactly fun, but Ash had made the whole thing bearable, even had her
laughing at herself on her most depressing days. His out-of-date long
hair—normally worn in a ponytail—and his bright blue eyes had her seeing life
in a completely
new light pretty fast.

She
jumped as her cell phone vibrated, and his ring tone broke the silence.

Do I take the risk and answer? Or do I
just let the phone ring and forget I ever asked? How much more rejection can I
take?

Unable
to ignore the ringing any
longer, she tapped the
green phone icon, accepting the call.

“Hello.”

He
wasted no time jumping right into the conversation. “Okay, so tell me. Why do
you want to meet me?”

“Because
we’ve known each other long enough and I’d like to be able to say I have a
ctually met you.”

“But why?
I’m just an old steelworker with nothing to offer anyone.”

“Stop!
You know I hate when you talk like that.”

“Yes,
I know, but it’s the truth, hon. I’ve worked my ass off all my life and the
only things I have to show for it are
three ex-wives,
who all bled me dry when they were done with me.”

“I
don’t care about any of that, and you damn well know it. I want to be clear
here. I love you, love who you are, not what you are or what you have or don’t
have.”

There
was a heavy silence on the line. The only sound was a soft buzz from her phone.
Had her phone dropped the call?
Is he going to tell me not to come?
I knew it was too good to be true. I
shouldn’t have pushed, but telling him how I feel is nothing I ha
ven’t said a dozen times before.

“Ash?”
She quietly waited for any sign he was still there.

“I’m
here.”

“Okay,
wasn’t sure if the call dropped or something else happened. If I’ve pushed, I’m
sorry, but this is something I need to know.”

“I
can’t believe yo
u’d take a chance on a relationship
with me when we live eighteen hundred miles apart.”

“Why?
For as long as we’ve known each other, with all the things we’ve talked about,
why wouldn’t you believe I’d feel we should take this step? And who is saying
I’ll
always be eighteen hundred miles away? Neither
of us is getting any younger. Frankly, I’m tired of not being truly happy, and
I think we can do that for each other. Because you know what you want and have
values. There is no one I have more in common with
than
you, unless you’ve been feeding me lines for the past several years.”

“No,
I’ve never given you anything but the straight truth. I can’t help thinking
you’ll get here only to be disappointed.”

“Whatever…if
anyone is disappointed
it
will probably be
you. I believe
you think more of me than I deserve.”
Her pen glided effortlessly over the page she nervously doodled on. The
scribbling said—
Stop pushing! Stop pushing! You’re
practically begging. Stop!
She had to get her emotions under control. She would
not beg a man to have her. Never again would she give
herself completely
to a man
. The pain would be too great when things went south if she
didn’t keep part of herself hidden away.

“Stop
right now. You’re a beautiful woman who makes my heart smile at leas
t twice a day. How can any man be disappointed in you?”

“Well,
I know a few.”

“Yeah,
well I know several women who will tell you I’m a big disappointment.”

“They
can say all they want. Other people’s opinions don’t mean a thing to me. Not my
fault they di
dn’t know what they had.” She would get
her point through to him one of these days. Just because other relationships
didn’t work didn’t mean he was an awful person unworthy of love.

“Woman,
you sure are good for a man’s ego. But—”

“You
know what, never
min
d
. There’s really no reason to fix something that isn’t
broken.
I get it.
I have to go. I need to make some calls
for work and get some plans drawn up.” She had to get off the phone. She’d made
a big enough fool of herself for the day.

“Uh
…sure.
Are you ok
ay?”

“I’m
fine. I just need to get this stuff done and out of the way.”

“Okay,
talk to you soon.”

“Bye,
Ash.”

Jess
slid her thumb over the red phone icon, ending the conversation.

Finding
a place to live, getti
ng
settled,
and adjusting to a
new job would take up most of her time
for a while anyway.
No sense in muddying the waters with a
relationship on top of the stress of a major life change.

If
she repeated everything enough, she’d eventually convince herself it was all
for the best. His i
nsecurities drove her crazy, but
she completely understood. Trust didn’t come easy to someone like Ash. Being
used by more than one partner wasn’t something easily forgotten.

*
* * *

Ash
started his day with a good morning text to Jess.

Good
morning, h
on. ;-)

They
had only missed a few mornings in four years, but made up for it with a
“
good afternoon
”
on those days. She was too funny with her apologies for being late, but she
probably found him funny with his apologies for forgetting his phone at home.

He
worried she wouldn’t return his
“
good
morning
”
today. He’d possibly screwed up the
best thing to happen to him in as long as he could remember. Meeting Jess
Thomas had been a gift from above that he’d probably thrown away
the day before
. So unprepared
for her offer to meet, he’d stumbled for things to say without revealing
he was a coward and didn’t want her to realize the truth. It’s not like he
didn’t want to hold her in his arms even for a day, but he couldn’t stand the
idea of holding her for only a
day or two. Letting
her go would be harder on him than living with just the phone calls, video
chats, and texting.

The
computer became his safety net. The invisible wall of the Internet kept things
uncomplicated, kept him safe from his feelings of inadequ
acy. He hoped his fear didn’t push her out of his life.
Even if they never met in person, he needed her, needed her in his life any way
he could have her.
God help me, I can’t lose her.

His
previous relationships had all been disasters. The women he’d fal
len for had all used him for what he could give them. When
he didn’t give them everything they wanted, they took all he had. The last
marriage had almost taken more than he could recover from, financially or
mentally.

Jess
had been the one to build him bac
k up to almost the
man he used to be. She was more than he expected when he had first messaged her
on the social networking site they’d been a part of a few years ago.

He
was glad he took the chance and talked to her. She bel
ieved in many of the same
principles and values he did and was
one of the smartest women he’d ever had the pleasure to talk to.

On
the tail of his thought came the chime for his text notification. Would she
send her normal good morning? Or would the message be from someone else en
tirely?

Almost
afraid to look, it took him a few seconds of staring at the screen before he
picked up the phone.

Good
morning, darlin’… ;-)

Relief
flooded his body. At least she continued their morning ritual. He’d have to see
if things were still the
same between them.

Are
you mad at me?

“Listen
to yourself, you sound like a little kid who had a fight with a friend. Man up
and apologize for being stupid,
ya
jerk.” Saying the words aloud made his
behavior during their last conversation even more embar
rassing.

His
notification chime sounded again.

Why
would I be mad at you?

He
knew she was downplaying
the mess he’d made of things. She always made an effort to
help him feel better, even when he only seemed to screw everything up.
God,
what is my probl
em? She has always been there for me,
always tells me the truth and not just what I think I need to hear.

Because I acted the fool yesterday.
You surprised me with the question about meeting.
Had no idea how to make my mouth work.
Sorry!

She
was the only
one who understood. She knew the trouble
with his past relationships and his difficulty in trusting people.

Can
I call?

Why does she want to call?
Could she be closing herself off from
him
, saying goodbye for
good
? He hoped he could
salvage what they
had.

Sure.

The phone rang immediately. She couldn’t have been waiting
for a
n answer to her text.
He didn’t care
.
She could call whenever she wanted or needed to.