Fade to Red (17 page)

She laughed. “Seriously?”

“Well, I’m kinda tired, too. It was a great show though. I’m always a little wired after one like that, even though I’m exhausted.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I get like that too. Tonight everything was just working. You sounded amazing.”

He opened his mouth to say something and then stopped. “You really think so?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

“I wasn’t sure you liked what I do.”

“Are you kidding? I love your music.”

“You
do
?”

She nodded.

“I’m shocked. This day has been so enlightening.”

She frowned then choked back a laugh, all in a matter of seconds—her face a clear window of warring emotions.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” he asked.

“Water sounds good.”

“Are you always this easy?” He smirked.

She turned her head to the side. “I think you know the answer to that.”

He laughed, grabbed a water out of the fridge, and handed it to her. “I do like this new, improved side I’m seeing,” he teased.

All of a sudden, the bus lurched and they began moving. She held onto the counter and looked around.

“What are we doing? What about Sierra?”

“I hope you don’t mind. She said she’d hang out with the people on the other bus tonight.”

“
What?
”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. We can sleep. Or we can talk all night, if you want. Or whatever…”

“That was awfully presumptuous of you,” she yelled.

He pulled her to him and took her hand. “Don’t be mad. I’d like some time with you. We can watch movies … anything you want. Please? If it’s really that bad in here with me, I’ll stop the bus and you can get on yours. Deal?”

“You should have asked me.” She bit the inside of her lip.

He stroked the inside of her wrist; it felt like satin. She stilled and watched his fingers.

“Would you have said yes?”

“No.”

“Thought so.”

She huffed. “You’re not my type, Beckham. Let’s just get that clear right now.”

“Really? Didn’t seem that way earlier…” He grinned mischievously. “I’m not your type, huh?”

She waved an arm over his body and said,
“This
is not what I’m talking about…”

He winced and then forced a smile. “So I have a 50-50 chance, is what you’re saying.”

She gave him a small shove.

“Look, we can argue all my flaws another time. Will you stay?”

She nodded.

He exhaled. “Woohoo,” he muttered under his breath. “I hated the way we ended things this afternoon when…”

“Not gonna happen,” Roxie interrupted.

“Right. No. I didn’t mean that we’d-…” He pressed the palm of his hand on his eye and looked at her with the other. “Let’s watch a movie—here or the bigger TV in the back?”

“Well, your bus is incredible, by the way,” she said. “I don’t think I told you that earlier. I’d like to see the back, even if we don’t stay there.”

He turned around and led the way. On one side a twin bed fit into an alcove tucked behind curtains, and on the other wall was a bathroom and long vanity.

“Sierra’s space,” he said.

“It’s great. Looks like a fun, little hideaway.”

“Yeah, I’ve tried to give her my room, but she swears she loves this more.”

He opened the door to his room and Roxie gasped. She wouldn’t have believed a room like this existed on a bus. Cabinets and a flat screen TV were built-in on the left side. On the right side, a king-sized bed seemed to float out of the wall, with windows above the headboard. A section of glass ceiling over the bed gave a full view of the sky. There was still plenty of room to walk around on both sides of the bed. Another bathroom was to the right of the bed, at the end of the bus.

“What do you think? Back here?”

“No question!” She stared at the night sky moving above them. “I’ve never seen anything like this.”

“Get comfortable,” he said. “The bed is really the only place to sit back here, but it’s roomy and I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

She sat with her back against the headboard, tucking her legs under the covers. He did the same, making sure to keep some space between them, and flipped through the channels. Once she realized he wasn’t going to maul her, she relaxed and didn’t jerk away when his shoulder brushed hers.

“If you see something you wanna watch, tell me,” he said.

She surprised him by scooting closer and laying her head on his shoulder. He didn’t want to breathe, for fear of messing up the moment. But a few minutes later, he heard her breathing change and realized she’d fallen asleep. His heart kicked up a few beats with the thought that maybe she did trust him. He waited a few moments and then kissed her hair before closing his eyes too. She smelled like heaven.

An hour later he woke up with Roxie in his arms. They were completely under the covers now, both lying down, with Roxie’s leg wrapped over his. He brushed her hair back and kissed her head again. He’d never felt anything better than this. Whatever it took, he wanted to win the heart of
this
Roxie—the one whose body and eyes told him something very different than her words.

He was having the best dream when Roxie squeaked next to him. He forced his eyes open and she sat up. She turned and stared down at him, mouth gaping open.

“Hi,” he whispered, smiling.

She rubbed her hands down her face and muttered some nonsense back to him.

“Are you sleeping okay?” He pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. She looked so adorable. “It’s still the middle of the night. You should go back to sleep.”

She didn’t say anything for a long time and finally nodded. “I feel like I slept a long time.”

“Me too.”

Her voice sounded raspy and made everything inside him clench when she spoke.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep so early.”

“I love your voice.” He lightly tickled her back.

Her wide eyes didn’t blink. He was afraid he might have forced her silent with that comment.

“I slept better than I can ever remember sleeping,” he admitted.

“Me too.”

To his surprise, she laid down and nestled back into his shoulder. He thought she might have fallen back to sleep when she said, “I do think you’ve changed, Beckham.”

He swallowed hard and waited to see if she’d say anything else. When she didn’t, he said, “It means a lot to hear you say that. Thank you.”

They were quiet for a few minutes and then Roxie got up and left the room. He heard her shut the bathroom door and while she was in there, he went to his bathroom, brushed his teeth, and tried to calm his hair a little. He was wasting his time with that.

When she came back in the room, she sat on the end of the bed. “Wanna go back to sleep?”

“Not really. You?”

She shook her head.

“Roxie? Can we talk?”

She looked away. “You can’t make it right, Beckham. Okay?” She pulled on the sleeves of her shirt. “Can’t we leave it at this sort-of-a-friendship thing we’ve finally got going? Isn’t that enough?”

“I hope we’re friends. I know I’m pushing it when we’re … getting along,” he studied her reaction, “but I can’t help but think it won’t really be a friendship until I know our past.”

“I’ve never met a man who wanted to talk so much.” She scowled.

“I’ve had some therapy.” He tilted his head and made a crazy face.

She laughed and it took everything in him to not kiss her.

“Can we have coffee first?” She bit her lip and peeked through the shade. “Where are we?”

“Close to Chicago, I think. But yes, to coffee. It’ll make this day last longer. Are you hungry yet? I’ll feed you breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner, if you’d like.”

Her eyes glowed, but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. He wondered if he’d ever be able to.

“I like breakfast anytime.”

“Good answer.”

He went into the kitchen and started the coffee. He pulled out the eggs and bread and asked how she liked everything. The mood was light between them as they both worked to get breakfast on the table. As soon as it was ready, they sat down and ate quietly.

Her nerves picked up when she finished eating. He took her hand and waited.

She took a deep breath, and he reached out with his other hand and traced her jawline.

“Whatever you have to tell me, I’ll listen. You don’t need to be nervous with me. Okay?”

She began the free fall.

“I was—am—a huge fan of your music. Like, posters on my wall during high school kind of fan.”

Her cheeks tinged pink when she said it. She started tearing pieces of her napkin onto her plate and wouldn’t look at him.

“I was quiet, didn’t have many friends, didn’t really date at all … I spent all my free time dancing. I saved up my money for your show—made my sister so mad because our parents wouldn’t let her go. She’s four years younger than me,” she paused, her eyes skirting toward his. “I didn’t want anyone to go with me because I was on a mission. I was going to meet you.” She leaned back in her chair. “I got there and worked my way up to the front. It felt like you were singing to me the whole night. We were this close.” She held up her hands to show him. “When the show was over, your guard let a few of us backstage and we went with you and the band to a club. We started talking there and then we danced together.” She barely blinked. “It was good then too.”

Her lip trembled and he wanted to pull her in his arms and kiss her, not hear what she had to say. He’d thought he wanted to know, but he was afraid he really, really did not.

“It was an incredible rush to not only meet you, but to actually dance with you, to have your attention … I thought there was an instant tug between us so strong that even you felt it.”

Her eyes flickered to his and looked as blue as he’d ever seen them. His heart had started to pound back at ‘it was good then too’ and wasn’t slowing.

“I was naive. I thought magic was happening between us. When you kissed me, I imagined you felt it too. I thought every dream I’d ever had was coming true. We danced until the club closed. You did have more alcohol than anyone I’d ever seen, but like I said, I was naive and you didn’t seem drunk to me. You asked me to go to your hotel with you, and I didn’t even second guess my decision for one instant. I’d wished to be with you since I’d gotten hormones. Of course, I was going to lose my virginity with you, and hopefully be with you for the rest of my life too…”

Beckham dropped her hand and felt desolate instantly. He put his head in his hands. “Oh God…” Now he was the one who couldn’t look at her.

“I’d say my first time was probably better than most. The second time I felt like I’d gone to heaven and didn’t want to come back to earth.”

He glanced up and she gave him a small smile, but there were tears running down her cheeks now. He reached up to wipe them and she turned her face.

“We fell asleep then and a few hours later, a huge man came in the room, not Howie, someone else. He woke me up and told me I had to go. You were completely out of it, never woke up. There were tons of pill bottles on the nightstand, and I did wonder if you were okay, because I made a lot of noise while I got dressed, hoping you’d wake up and tell me to stay, but you never did. Your bodyguard or whoever he was didn’t give me any choice, he escorted me to a cab and sent me on my way. I knew you couldn’t possibly want that, so I followed you to the next show I could make a week later and spent every dime I had getting another ticket. I did the same thing as before, worked my way up to the front, dancing. But you were fixated on someone else that night. I just thought you didn’t see me and once you did, you’d be with me, so when I saw them doing the same thing as before, I ran back with the group going backstage. You had your arm around the petite brunette you’d watched during the show and I walked straight up to you. I said, ‘Hey, I didn’t get to tell you goodbye!’ You said ‘hey’ but looked confused. You started walking away and I ran after you, saying, ‘You don’t remember me? How can you not remember me? It was just a week ago!’ You pulled the girl tighter to you and said, ‘Sorry, babe … I meet a lot of people…’”

Roxie stood up and walked to the kitchen counter.

“It gutted me. I left that night and drove the three hours home in a fog, devastated. My sister found me crying in my bedroom. I told her we’d kissed the week before, but then you didn’t remember me. She couldn’t get past the fact that we’d kissed at all, she was so proud of me. I didn’t bother telling her the rest. I didn’t want her to know what a fool I’d been.”

Beckham came behind her. “Roxie.”

She stiffened and he stepped back. The silence grew until Beckham felt like he would explode.

“Roxie,” he said again and his voice broke. “I don’t even know what to say.” He took a staggered breath. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” he said. “About every single part of that.” He rubbed his eyes and her face slowly came into focus. “You’ve treated me much better than I deserve. I can’t believe you didn’t kill me when you saw me again.” He bit the inside of his cheek. “This doesn’t make it any better, but just know that I had to be high out of my mind to ever forget you. It doesn’t seem possible. The moment I saw you dancing on that stage in San Diego was like a high beam turning on in my chest. I’ve lived each moment since then wanting to be with you.” He reached his hand out to touch her cheek, but stopped and let it drop. “I despise who I was and I pray every day that I don’t get even
close
to being like that again.”

He closed his eyes and when he opened them and looked at her, the tears were falling down her face again. It killed him to see her pain.

“I have to believe I never really forgot,” he said quietly. “And that’s why I haven’t been able to let you go.”