Fading Away (Hardest Mistakes #1) (17 page)

We walk down the hall and into my room. She strides over to the cupboard and places the open the bag on the floor. “Grab some of your clothes to take back with us.” I nod and open the cupboard doors.

By the time I’ve stuffed the bag full of clothes; Sam has left my room and wandered down the hall. I zip up the bag and walk down the hall to find her, stopping in the doorway to my parents’ room. She’s sitting on the bed, running her fingers over the shattered glass of the picture I threw, my dad’s photo in her lap. She jumps and looks over at me in surprise when she realizes I’m there.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

I shake my head and walk over to her. “It’s fine.” I grab the picture frame from her hands and snatch the photo from her knees, throwing them both on the bed.

She frowns and glances at them. “Don’t you want to take a picture?” Pain swells in my chest; I shake my head and turn to leave the room. After a pause, I hear her footsteps following me down the stairs and toward the door. She snags the bag just as I start shivering violently. I was too distracted to feel the ache in my head that signals my time is up and now I’m too far past it.

Sam turns back to me. “Kai?” Another shudder and I’m on my knees, I can’t breathe. She drops the bag and walks back over to me, I glance up at her. Please, I don’t want to be like this anymore.

“I can’t…do this, Sammy…I can’t…Please…” I gasp between labored breaths, trying to get the words out so she can understand.

I don’t know if she heard me or not, she isn’t listening if she did. Would she care if I just gave up right now? I crash forward and curl around myself, trembling and clawing at the floor with my finger nails, it feels like I’m having a seizure. I’ve pushed my time limit too far. Sam kneels down in front of me, her dark eyes coming into view. Her face is full of anguish as she watches me.

“God, Kai. I don’t know what to do. Is it usually this bad? Please just tell me what to do?”

My vision blurs in and out, I focus on her, trying to stay human. I fight it and the pain intensifies until I can’t feel anything else.

***

Careful fingers stroke through the fur on my face and neck. Trying to fight off the change has made my whole body ache in protest. I open my eyes slowly, lying still for a moment longer to gather strength before lifting my head. Sam is lying on the carpet beside me in the scattered shards of glass, watching me, her eyes full of compassion and sadness.

She slowly stands up, grabbing her bag on the way out the door. She turns back at the last minute, silhouetted in the fading light from outside the doorway.

“Kai?”

I drag myself off the floor. The way she said my name, waiting for me to follow. I know now that I would do anything to stay with her.

CHAPTER 23

Sammy

Dylan picks us up from the park. I open the back door for Kai before jumping in the passenger seat.

“So how did it go?” Dylan asks as soon as I put my seatbelt on. Seeing Kai change like that was the single hardest and scariest thing I’ve ever seen, but I can’t tell Dylan that.

“It was hard. Kathy seems happy, though.” He smiles and pulls away from the curb. We stop off at a fast food restaurant for a takeout dinner before heading back to the cabin. Ashlee’s parents are away on holiday, so she spent her day out at the lake.

We pack up to leave after dinner. Ashlee sits in the back with Kai this time.

Kai

Sam came home late one night earlier this week with a box full of Christmas decorations, but she hasn’t had time to put them up yet. I can’t believe it’s Christmas already, how long have I been stuck like this? Has it really been that long? Thinking about it makes me depressed.

“I’m heading out for a few hours with Ashlee to go Christmas shopping. Then Ashlee’s going home to visit her parents. See you in a bit,” she calls out, closing the door behind her.

I duck into her room as soon as she leaves, pain explodes across my body almost instantly and I black out. When I open my eyes again, I dress and head back downstairs into the main room. I’ve never put Christmas decorations up before. It can’t be that hard.

The stupid plastic fir tree falls over twice while I’m trying to put it together, the tinsel gets twisted up in knots, and then I tangle the lights up so bad it takes me a full twenty minutes of cursing and struggling to untangle them. So I was wrong. Christmas decorating is hard. I’ll never take Serena’s decorating at my house for granted again. That woman is amazing.

I kind of miss my family—okay, I miss them a lot, especially their over the top celebrations. At least at Christmas time we were all at home like a proper family.

My time runs out and I’m back as a dog by the time Sam walks through the front door. She glances up, drops all the bags she’s holding, and looks around in wonder.

“You did this?” she asks, pulling her gaze away from the room to look at me. I nod my head once at her as she walks around the room. “It looks absolutely beautiful.” I glance at her then quickly look away…Yeah, beautiful.

Sammy

As soon as Riley sits down in his seat in Econ, I turn around and apologize to him. “I’m so sorry about last week. Where have you been? I’ve been trying to call you.”

He gives me a small smile and opens his notebook. “Its fine, Sammy. I’ve been busy with work and Christmas break.” I nod and twist back round to face Professor Zedic. She’s wearing a distractingly colorful outfit today.

Riley holds my hand as we exit the classroom. Dylan is three meters away talking to a pretty blonde girl; I tug on Riley’s hand and lead him over to Dylan.

“Hey,” I call out as I get closer. Dylan turns around and smiles.

“Hi yourself.” We stop in front of him just as the blonde girl waves and walks away. “How’s it going, Riley?”

Riley nods, distracted, and then his phone goes off. He pulls it out of his pocket, reads the screen, and then looks down at me.

“I have to go. I have somewhere I need to be. Talk to you later.” He kisses me on the cheek and walks away.

I shake my head and face Dylan again. “So, what’s going on? How was your Christmas?”

He glances after Riley curiously before answering. “I’m good, actually. Not looking forward to work on Saturday. My band has another gig on Friday, which, by the way, you and Ashlee are invited to. I’m going to be so tired.” He smiles.

I bite my lip, trying to stop my laugh. The way he talks you’d think he hates being in a band, but I can see the sparkle in his eyes when he talks about it. “That’s great, Dylan, I’ll let Ashlee know, but I’m sure we’ll be able to come.”

***

Dylan’s band is just being announced on stage to play when we arrive at Black Pike Pub. It’s nearly twice the crowd this time, so it’s really hard to find somewhere to sit. Ashlee gives up and pushes her way into the dancing masses in the middle of the dim room. I’m not really in the mood to dance so I head over to the bar. When I asked Riley to come with us tonight he said he was busy again.

Making my way to stand at the edge of the room, I sip my glass of Coke. Dylan’s band is crazy talented. Someone should call
American Idol
or something. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as I feel someone come up close behind me, I turn.

“Kai? What are you doing here? Someone might recognize you.” I rush to push him further into the shadowy corner. His face looks drawn and a little hollow; he’s still hurting for his family. Hold on a minute. “How did you get here?”

“I drove your car.” He smiles and holds up my car keys.

I frown. “That’s over a ten minute drive.”

“Exactly, so I don’t have much time.” He grabs my arms gently, his eyes glow different colors in the stage lights. “I just wanted to tell you that I heard you and I’m not giving up.”

I raise an eyebrow in confusion. “That’s good.”

“No, you don’t understand.” He lifts his hand and touches my cheek. His eyes search mine. “I know what I want.”

“Kai. I really like Riley, maybe even love him. I don’t want to keep hurting your feelings, especially with everything that’s going on, but it’s not going to happen.” He clenches his jaw, lips compressed into a thin line. He’s jealous. A guilty feeling washes over me when I realize I kind of want him to be jealous.

He shakes his head slowly, dark hair falling across his brow. “I don’t care. I won’t push you, but I won’t lose you to him, either.” I let out a heavy breath and Kai leans in, pressing his forehead to mine, his hands wrapping around my arms. I look up into his eyes through my eyelashes. He’s serious. When did everything change between us?

His eyes dart away for a second and quickly return. “That’s my cue,” he announces, pulling away from me. “I’ll see you at home.” He swings around and walks toward the front of the pub. I watch as he stops at the door and glances back at me.

“Was that Kai?” Ashlee asks, stopping beside me just as Dylan’s band finishes up on stage. I nod at her; I’m too stunned to speak. We wait for Dylan to make his way through the crowd to us.

“Sammy? Ashlee?” Dylan asks as he reaches us.

“Yes?” I answer forcing a smile on my face.

“I thought I just saw…” he trails off, looking toward the pub doors, unsure.

“Saw what?” Ashlee asks, incredulous, as if he’s being silly.

“Kai?” He looks confused. I glance at Ashlee quickly, not sure how to answer.

“That’s impossible, Dylan. Kai is dead.” I think she said it a little harshly, but it needed to be said, so I keep my mouth shut. Ashlee is handling this better than me.

Dylan shakes his head and smiles. “You’re right. Shall we get our freak on, on the dance floor? Not you, Ashlee…you’re already a freak out there.” I burst into laughter, Ashlee punches him in the arm, but smiles anyway and we follow him into the strobe lights.

***

I decide to drive over to Riley’s house the next morning before work. He’s been acting weird and I need to know what’s going on. His car is in the driveway when I pull up. I make my way down the footpath and knock on the front door. I hear shuffling from inside, then the door opens a few inches.

“Riley?” I ask, trying to peek through the crack.

The door opens wider and Riley appears wearing only pants. “Sammy? What are you doing here?” He looks around, confused.

“I came to see you. I thought you said you were busy?” I frown and take a step closer.

“I am busy. I was just taking a break.”

“Without your shirt on?” He has a gorgeous body, but suspicion takes over, so I can’t really appreciate it.

He scowls. “Are you accusing me of something? I thought you trusted me.”

That’s true. “I do trust you. I’m sorry. I just miss you.”

His face softens. “I miss you too, Sammy. How about I come over tonight for dinner?”

“That would be great.” I smile and lean up on my tippy toes to kiss him, he turns his head at the last minute and my lips land on his cheek.

He laughs it off. “Sorry, I’ll see you tonight.” And then the door shuts and I’m left standing like an idiot on his front step.

***

I run around the kitchen making sure everything is perfect. Ashlee is sitting at the table watching me with her eyebrow raised and Kai is sitting on the ground beside her with his head tilted to the side.

It has to be perfect for Riley, to make up for everything. The doorbell rings. I drop the mixing spoon and dash to the front door to answer it. Riley stands on the front step, looking down at the phone in his hand.

“Hi.” I grin and motion for him to come inside. He looks up from his phone and walks inside and through the living room to the dining table. Once he’s seated I prepare a plate for all of us, leaving Kai’s on the stove top for later. Ashlee keeps glancing at me with a weird look as I smile at Riley and spoon spaghetti into my mouth. He seems a little distracted, looking at his phone every five minutes, but I don’t mind. After we finish, I quickly wash up the dishes and sit down on the sofa beside Riley, turning on the TV.

Kai

“I’ll be in my room if you need me,” Ashlee declares, patting me on the head as she walks through the room to the stairs. I look over at Sam and Riley on the sofa.

She smiles at him. “What do you want to watch?”

He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

She seems disappointed by his answer, but brushes it off and chooses a movie on her own. I stroll over to the sofa and jump up between them with my head facing Sam. I know I decided I didn’t love her, maybe I was wrong. I think I’m falling for her…I don’t know…my head is a confusing place to be at the moment. Since my parents, it’s been getting harder to hold onto my own thoughts.

Sam looks down at me pointedly and frowns. “Get off the sofa.” Sorry, but no. I snort at her. She sighs and shakes her head before focusing back on the movie. I can’t concentrate, I keep thinking that maybe, if this hadn’t happened to me, my parents would still be here. Maybe they wouldn’t have gotten on the plane. Maybe I would be visiting them right now from Harvard, but then if this hadn’t happened, would I still have Sam? I doubt it.

My eyes begin to droop; I haven’t been able to sleep. The only time I catch a few hours is when I’m curled up on Sam’s bed with her, even if it’s only at her feet.

I jerk awake and look around. It’s dark. I’m lying on the sofa by myself. I start to panic. I’m afraid. I don’t want to be left alone. I jump down and freeze. I can’t move. I can’t breathe.

“Kai? Are you coming?” My eyes dart to Sam standing in the front entry. “What’s the matter?” Concern floods her voice when I don’t move. I’m breathing shallow and quick. She walks over to me and touches my face. I close my eyes and try to slow my heartbeat. “Come on.” She turns and takes a step, keeping her hand on my neck. I stay close to her side as we walk up the stairs to her room. She goes into the bathroom to get dressed and leaves the door open a crack so she can hear me. I take a deep breath to calm down and crawl onto the bed to wait.

Sammy

I should have woken Kai up before saying goodbye to Riley and turning the lights off. His panic attacks aren’t getting any better. It’s always when it’s dark and he thinks he’s alone. I don’t know how to help him.

I open the door and walk over to the bed. He’s already curled up at the bottom with his eyes open, watching me. I hop on and slide under the covers. I’m going to regret this tomorrow, everything is already too confusing between us, but he needs sleep.

“Come here.” I motion for him to lie on the bed beside me. He hesitates and then slowly crawls up the bed until he’s stretched out beside me. I settle under the covers facing him. We aren’t touching. His eyes glow dimly in the darkness. I fall asleep watching him.

***

After staying at home for a week watching movies, cleaning, and doing assignments, I’m bored out of my mind. I lie down on my bed and hold a book up above me. It looks interesting, but I can’t focus on it. I sigh in frustration and drop it back on my bed, pulling my glasses off and laying them beside it. Suddenly Kai’s face appears above me.

“Don’t you ever knock?” He grins crookedly and sits down beside me.

“Technically, this is my room too, so why would I need to knock on my own door?”

I turn my head and narrow my eyes at him. “Touché.”

“Kai? Is that you?” Ashlee pushes open my door and lets herself in. Doesn’t anyone know what personal space is anymore? Seriously. “Can I have your help?”