Fairplay, Denver Cereal Volume 6 (37 page)

Not sure what she was saying, Charlie
nodded. Tink hugged him.

“
Come in,” Charlie said.
“We’re harvesting some stuff – vegetables, fruit and whatever –
this afternoon.”

“
Sounds really
good.”

Katy laughed and the teenagers turned to
look at her.

“
Come on,” Charlie said.
“I’ll introduce you.”

“
Cool,” Tink
nodded.

She followed Charlie into the garden. They
were almost to the garden bed when she stopped.

“
I can’t stay with you,”
Tink said. “I’m going into the Urban Peak shelter. They made that
plan for me at the hospital. With my seizures, I need treatment and
stuff. The doc said I could even go to school.”

“
That’s probably best,”
Charlie said.

“
I put you down as my
family,” Tink said. “My only family.”

“
Of course,” Charlie
hugged her. “I’m really glad you came by.”

Blushing, Tink followed him over to meet
Delphie.

~~~~~~~~

Thursday morning – 1:15 A.M.

Tanesha slipped out of bed. She crept
through the early morning quiet of the penthouse to the kitchen.
Before she had left this morning, Jill had asked her if she’d ever
listened to Jeraine’s music. It was a simple question, but with
Jill’s new found ‘abilities’ nothing was simple. She shook her
head. Outside of the two seconds it took her to change the radio
station, she’d never listened to his music. Jill had pressed an
iPod full of his songs into her hand. The last thing Jill said was
maybe Jeraine could better serve people by making music. Excited
about the house, Tanesha hadn’t thought much about what Jill had
said. A half hour ago, Jill’s words woke her from a sound
sleep.

“
Maybe Jeraine could
better serve people by making music.”

“
How would I know Jill?”
Tanesha whispered and flicked on the electric kettle.

“
Listen to his music,” the
Jill in her mind said.

“
Hrmph.”

Tanesha scowled but went to her purse. Her
hand found the iPod while her heart and mind waged a battle. When
he’d left the first time, she’d promised herself she’d never listen
to his music. The more famous he became, the more determined she
became. She was not going to fall prey to some stupid idolization
of the person who ripped her heart out of her chest.

It wasn’t easy, especially when he sold out
and they used his songs in Coca Cola ads. But her friends had
helped by not listening to him either. They were probably the only
people in the world who didn’t know even one of his songs. Hearing
the kettle click off, she went into the kitchen.

She made her tea and went to sit in her
favorite chair next to the fireplace. She had a view of the entire
city and the mountains. Setting her tea down, she couldn’t have
been more surprised to find the iPod in her hand.

“
Jill,” Tanesha said
softly as if her friend had in some way made the iPod
appear.

Giving up her struggle, Tanesha put in the
ear buds. She picked up her tea and turned on the iPod.

And time passed.

Tanesha cried, smiled, and boogied in her
comfy chair. His music was good, really good. She could see why he
was so popular.

And the love songs? She felt what she was
sure every girl felt while listening to these songs – handsome Mr.
It was singing directly to her. She’d listened and re-listened to a
few love songs before she realized why Jennifer, Valerie’s
publicist, was so excited to meet her. In every love song, Jeraine
whispered something to Miss T.

Jennifer had asked her if she was Misty.
Tanesha had no idea what she was talking about. After the third or
fourth love song, Tanesha looked up ‘Mr. It and Misty’ on the
Internet. Unbeknownst to Tanesha, there was a big controversy about
‘Misty.’ The gossip columnists speculated that Misty was short for
Melissa or Millicent or Marissa. Every gossip magazine had a
favorite girl who they believed was Misty. A bunch of girls had
come forward saying they were Jeraine’s beloved Misty. You could
even buy tight skank T-shirts with a picture of Jeraine on one side
and ‘I am Misty’ on the back.

Yet, every time and in every language
someone asked him who was Misty, Jeraine said there is no
Misty.

Because there wasn’t a Misty.

There was a Miss T.

All of his love songs were for her.

Just as he’d always said, he’d done all of
this for her. She’d always thought he was just talking his usual
bull. His music whispered something else.

He loved her, all of her. He’d truly done
all of this for her. Still listening, she watched dawn’s light
creep into the city and wondered what she was going to do.

She was startled when he touched her
shoulder. She pulled the iPod ear buds out of her ears and hid the
device under her.

“
Hey,” Jeraine said. He
turned on a floor lamp. “What are you doing out here?”

“
Nothing.”

His finger touched her cheek where a
renegade tear lingered. His eyes took in her face.

“
What are you doing out
here?”

“
Listening to your music,”
Tanesha said.

“
I thought you were never,
ever going to listen to that crap ever,” he said.

“
I figured if you were
willing to look at my house, I should be willing to listen to your
music.”

“
And?”

“
You wrote all of this for
me?”

“
I’ve
told
you over and over again,” he
said. “You never believed me.”

“
You screwed a billion
women!”

“
I’m an addict!” Jeraine
said. “One drop of booze or blow or pot or any mind altering
substance and I want all ‘dem bitches. I have a problem! I’m
working on my problem! Are you going to work on your
problem?”

“
My problem? Oh, since you
have a problem, I have to have a problem?”

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED
& SEVENTY-NINE

Perfect

“
No matter what I do, no
matter how hard I try, it’s not good enough,” Jeraine said. “No
matter how much I love you, you always find a reason to push me
away. I screwed up when we were teenagers and you can’t forgive
me.”

“
Have you been
trustworthy?”

“
I have a problem. I’m
working on my addiction. And no, I haven’t been trustworthy. But
you…”

Frustrated, he stopped talking. They stood
inches from each other yet each saw only the depth of their own
pain and the deep well of the other person’s problem. Desperate to
not lose her again, Jeraine asked:

“
Why did you listen to my
music this morning?”

“
I don’t really know,”
Tanesha said. “Something Jill said, I guess.”

“
And?”

“
You have an incredible
talent. Your music is good.”

“
And?”

“
I was wrong for not
listening. You’ve been trying to communicate with me this whole
time,” she said. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t imagine that you needed me,
my help. I just couldn’t fathom it. I still can’t.”

“
You’re everything to me,
Miss T,” he said.

“
I hear what you’re
saying,” she said. “I can’t believe that it’s the truth because
your actions don’t say ‘Tanesha is my everything.’”

“
What do they
say?”

“
They say: I’m a playa,
I’m a gansta, I’m a rich black man who can have anything and anyone
I want,” she said. “That’s not ‘I love my girl more than
anything.’”

For the first time in all the years they’d
had this conversation and others like it, Jeraine heard what she
was saying. His love for her didn’t come across because his actions
spoke another language. The truth of her words hit him like fists.
His silent understanding encouraged her to say more.

“
I remember feeling so
loved by you,” Tanesha said. He smiled. “I felt like I was dancing
on the petals of a sunflower. Our love was the center. I went out
into the world and came back to the warmth of our love. Then
you…”

Tanesha’s primal pain welled up so fiercely
that she clamped her mouth closed to keep from letting it out into
the world.

“
I got drunk and fucked a
cheerleader,” he said. “And then another girl. And then I did the
same thing the next weekend and the one after that. Finally, I did
it on the football bus on the way back from a game so that everyone
knew.”

“
And my center was gone,”
she said.

“
Do you remember what you
told me?”

“
I don’t remember much of
that time,” Tanesha said. “You got caught. You took a record
contract. You left. I know those facts but memory? Nothing. It’s
like a festering sore. I wouldn’t have survived without Jill and
Sandy and Heather. Jill filled out my application to Howard.
Heather forged my signature and pretended to be me with the
admissions people. Sandy paid the fees and worked out my financial
aid. I didn’t really wake up until a year or so later. I don’t even
remember how I got to college. I’ll have to ask
Heather.”

Jeraine watched the memory work its way
across her face. When she looked up at him, he gave her a soft
smile. Their eyes connected. He could say he was sorry again, but
he knew words meant almost nothing to her. Instead, he took her
hand and gently lifted it to his lips. She nodded as if she’d heard
his regret.

“
When everything happened,
you told me: ‘You just lost the best thing you will ever have in
your life.’ You were right,” he said. “I knew it when you said it
and I’ve lived it every single day since then.”

“
You were my everything,
my center,” she said. “I didn’t have a mother or a father or a
sister. I had you and my girls. And then, I didn’t have you; and
worse, I found out I never had you. It was all a lie.”

He swallowed hard at her pain.

“
It wasn’t a lie,” he
said. “You were my center.”

“
How can you say I’m your
everything and… and… do all of that?” she asked.

“
I don’t know. I destroyed
the only thing that ever mattered to me,” Jeraine said. “I could
tell you I have an addiction, which is true. I could tell you how
hard it is to recover from the addiction, which is also true. But
what’s more true is that I could have stopped and I didn’t. I don’t
care about alcohol or drugs or any of that. I don’t lust for it.
And I don’t want the girls without it. I could have stopped. I
didn’t.”

Tanesha nodded when he admitted one of her
main arguments.

“
And I don’t know why I
didn’t stop. I can make up stuff about us being so young or
whatever, but the truth is that I don’t know,” he said. “Do
you?”

In all these years of knowing him, he’d
never asked her the question. As if to shake the words out, she
shook her head.

“
You know me better than
anyone in this world,” he said. “You have to have some
idea.”

Tanesha closed her eyes to gather her
thoughts. She gave a slow nod.

“
What?”

“
Your Dad is an amazing
musician,” Tanesha said. “Seth is truly incredible, a one of a kind
musical genius that people will still be talking about a hundred
years from now. I think it’s hard for you to feel like you’re
anything when true greatness is the norm.”

“
You were the only good
thing I ever did,” he said.

“
You didn’t ‘do’ me. I…,
um, care about you because of something that’s right here.” Tanesha
put her hand on his chest. Gaining her courage, she added, “I love
you for you. I think you wanted me to see how awful you were so
that I wouldn’t care about you.”

They stood staring at each other for a few
moments until he nodded.

“
And now?” Tanesha asked.
“Are you going to destroy everything again?”

“
I don’t know,” he said.
“Are you going to let me?”

Tanesha’s rage pulsed through her veins. His
main point of contention was that she could have stopped the train
wreck and she didn’t. Her fists balled and she felt fire shoot from
her eyes. They stared at each other for a moment. Then, out of no
where, Tanesha heard Jeraine’s mother, Mrs. Wilson say: ‘Are you
ready to fight for his soul?’ Her rage slipped away.

“
What can I do to stop
you?” Tanesha asked. “It’s your addiction.”

“
You can know that I love
you,” Jeraine said. “You can know that if something happens, I
didn’t want it to happen; I didn’t make it happen. You can fight
this thing with me, on my side, instead of against me.”

“
What would have happened
if I’d fought on your side when we were in high school?”

“
Nothing. I wouldn’t have
listened to you,” he said. “You had lost so much, experienced so
much; you were so much more mature than me. I had to grow up, a
lot, experience things, like prison, before I could even come close
to experiencing the things you’d experienced by the time we met. I
wouldn’t have gotten it then, but I will now.”

“
Why would things be
different?”

“
Because I’m different,”
he said. “Because I’ve been in treatment; hell, I’m still in
treatment. Because I know in my mind, heart, body and soul what I
want and that’s you.”