Fairytale of Headley Cross (7 page)

The church was already more than half full when he arrived. How many had come because of his ‘accident’, wanting to hear firsthand what he’d done? At least the swelling had gone down and the bruises were fading, largely thanks to Maggie’s arnica cream. He kept the beard as he’d gotten used to it over the years.

Nate walked up to him. “Morning. How are you doing?”

“Fine, how are you?”

“Busy at work. Christmas seems to bring all the idiots out.” Nate frowned. “That eye still looks bruised. He really must have hit you hard.”

Carson shrugged. “I’ve had worse, as well you know. And the bloke could have been armed.” He turned and smiled at the elderly lady approaching him. “Hello, Mrs. Taylor. How’s that new grandson of yours?”

He managed to keep smiling as a steady stream of people asked the same questions over and over. By the time he reached the pulpit he’d resolved to start the service by telling the congregation that rumors of his death had been greatly exaggerated. He dropped his rucksack onto the chair and pulled his Bible and sermon notes from it. The notes went onto the lectern and he picked up the mic and battery pack. He clipped the lapel mic to his tie and slid the battery case into his trouser pocket.

Grabbing his Bible, he made his way down from the pulpit and into the vestry for prayer with the elders before the service began. He sat and crossed his legs to wait for upwards of three others to join him. Somehow he wasn’t surprised when the entire eldership came in and sat on the chairs. “Morning.”

Frank Diamond looked at him. “Nate said it was an accident, but I heard differently.”

“Oh?” So that was how they were going to play it. Straight in for the kill.

“My niece works in the restaurant you were in last Sunday. She said it was a fight.”

Carson sucked in a deep, steadying breath. “A one sided fight. I didn’t raise a hand to him. He walked up to the lady I was having lunch with and grabbed hold of her. I asked him to stop. He didn’t. So I asked him again and he hit me.”

“That was no lady. That was Maggie Turner. See, I knew your past would be a problem. That’s why I spoke against your appointment in the first place.”

“My past has nothing to do with this.” He wasn’t surprised by that either. Frank had made no attempt to hide his dislike. And his hackles rose at the comment about Maggie, but this wasn’t the time or place to mention it.

Frank turned to Nate. “You’re a cop. You must have known the truth. What do you think?”

Nate didn’t flinch. “You know I can’t possibly comment on that, Frank. It’s not my case. And if it was, I wouldn’t be allowed to say anything.”

Carson narrowed his eyes. “I’m not pressing charges anyway, so that’s an end of it.”

“Until next time,” Frank muttered.

“There won’t be a next—”

“You can’t guarantee that, Pastor,” Frank cut in. “An ex-con leading the church is a mistake. Pastor Jack should never have gone away.”

Carson’s hands shook as they tightened on his Bible. What could he do? What should he say?

Nate cleared his throat. “Now is not the time for this discussion, Frank. We have a few minutes before the service starts. Time that should be spent in prayer, not in arguing or debating a decision the whole church made.”

Frank shook his head and pushed to his feet. “Fine, if that’s the way you want to play this.” He flew out of the vestry, letting the door slam behind him.

Carson closed his eyes.
Oh, God, what do I do if the elders don’t trust me?

Nate began reading. “
For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God…
”

Carson’s eyes burned. He stood and left by the side door. Thoughts and conflicting emotions raged rampant through him, waging a battle he was ill-equipped to fight. He stood in the corridor between the church and the hall, his chest heaving and stomach churning. He shouldn’t be here.

Maggie came through from the classrooms and crèche and stopped by his side. “Carson?” Her voice echoed as if coming from a great distance. “Carson?”

He fought to focus his eyes on her.

“What’s wrong?” Concern filled her gaze and voice. Concern he didn’t deserve.

“I can’t do this.” He looked down at his shoes.

“Do what?”

“Even the elders are…” He broke off as Nate ran into the hallway. He was obviously searching for him in the hope of getting him to stay and preach. Well, that wasn’t about to happen. Not under any circumstances.

“Not all the elders,” Nate told him. “I’m going to lead, but I need you to preach.”

Carson shook his head. “And if everyone else feels the same? I should go, now.”

Maggie took his hand and squeezed it. “You can’t leave. Otherwise Nate will have to be the donkey and he won’t like that.” She paused. “Not funny?”

“There’s only one donkey around here. Although right now the American term would fit better. What am I doing here?” He pulled off the mic and shoved it and the battery pack at Nate. “Find someone to preach. My notes are in the pulpit. I quit.”

7

Maggie stood, stunned, as Carson left the chapel by the side door, not even going back for his coat or bag. “I should go after him.”

Nate shook his head. “Leave him for now. Give him chance to calm down.”

“What happened?”

“There was a slight disagreement in the vestry.” Nate looked at his watch. “I’ve got five minutes to find someone to preach, unless I just read his notes again like I did last week.”

“Or do something different. Find a couple of volunteers and do a testimony service instead.”

“I don’t suppose you would…?”

She held up a hand. “YPS, sorry. It’s our first nativity practice today.”

“Of course. It’s OK. I’ll find someone.”

Maggie headed into the chapel and found a seat on the end of a row. The organ played quietly, and she struggled to center her thoughts on her reason for being there. All she could think of was Carson.

Lord, I don’t know what kind of trouble he’s in, but it must be bad or really worrying him for him to have just left like that. I don’t understand what he said about the elders not trusting him. Surely they have to for him to have been offered the pastorate here. Be with him, protect him, comfort him, and restore him to us. We need him. I need him.

****

As soon as YPS was over and the children collected, Maggie slid into the pulpit and collected Carson’s bag and coat. She had no idea where he’d have gone, but assumed he went home. That would be the best place to start. Of course, if he’d ridden off on his bike, he could be anywhere.

She rang the manse doorbell and waited for an answer. She was on the point of leaving, when the door opened.

“Oh, it’s you.” Carson left the door open and headed inside.

Maggie took that as an invitation and followed him. “I brought your things from church.”

“Thank you. Just put them anywhere.” His voice echoed from the kitchen.

She hung his coat on the bannisters and put the bag on the floor. “Something smells good. How’s it going?”

Carson shrugged, a mug of coffee in his hand. “Fine, I guess.”

“OK.” Well, she wasn’t going to stay where she wasn’t wanted and there was a definite
leave me alone
vibe emanating from him. “I needed to make sure you were all right. Are you going to be in church tonight?”

“No.” He picked up an envelope from the counter and held it out to her. “Can you give this to Nate for me, please?”

“What is it?”

“My resignation. I put it in writing. I did tell him earlier that I quit.”

Maggie refused to take it, sliding her hands into her coat pockets. “Why? Because an elder took a dislike to something you said?”

“Just take it.”

“No. Deliver it yourself.” She turned her back on him and studied the lit Christmas tree through the hatch. “The kids asked after you this morning. They are so excited about this nativity. I think they’re inviting just about everyone they know. The church should be packed on Christmas Eve.”

He didn’t respond.

“Carson, you can’t quit.”

“I have no choice.”

She resisted the urge to stamp her foot. “There is always a choice.”

He moved and stood in front of her. “Not this time. I shouldn’t be here.”

“God put you here, Carson.”

“Did He? Maybe my arrogance did. I assumed I was called to this ministry, but maybe I wasn’t. My sister was—” He broke off.

“Your sister was what?”

“Right. She said leopards can’t change their spots. Just like I can’t change my record or my past. You should leave before I paint you with the same brush. Kissing you, going out with you was a mistake. I should never have done it. I want you to leave now and never come back.”

Shock resonated through her. He had a bad morning so he dumped her? “OK.” She turned and left.

Back at her place, she clipped on Gypsy’s lead and headed out for a walk. Why did she feel like this? Like her heart was breaking. Why did him telling her to go away hurt so much? She’d let him into her heart, completely and utterly. He’d shown her what love was—what it was like to be treated considerately and tenderly by a man. They’d gotten close, yes, but at the end of the day, he was a pastor, not a man. She was out of his league.

He was her own Christmas miracle, her fairytale of Headley Cross. And now it was over.

Her stomach growled, but she ignored it. She wasn’t going home to eat just yet and besides, she’d eaten more in the last week than she had in a long time. Skipping a meal wouldn’t kill her. The phone in her bag rang. Maybe it was Carson. She pulled it out and her heart sank as she read the screen. “Hello, Jan.”

“Maggie, I’m not interrupting dinner, am I?”

“No, I’m walking Gypsy.”

“Oh, I thought you’d be busy. But anyway, did you hear about Pastor Carson?”

“What about him?”

“Of course, you were in YPS. Well, he walked out before the service even began. Nate had to fill in for him again.”

Maggie looked down at her feet for a moment, and bent to pick up a stick. She hurled it as far as she could. Gypsy bounded after it. “I’m sure he had his reasons.”

“According to Frank, he wasn’t in an accident at all last week. He was in a fight. Frank says he’s not fit to be pastor after all and wants him removed. I really hope you haven’t fallen for him. I know you’ve been seeing him.”

Maggie took the stick from Gypsy and threw it again. She stifled her instant response and kept her tone level. “How did you know that?”

“An elder’s wife has her sources. So it’s true? You are dating him?”

“Can I call you back later?”

“Sure.”

Maggie hung up and turned off her phone. Gypsy brought the stick back and she dropped to her knees to stroke him. “This is all my fault. I have to put it right. I just wish I knew how.”

****

Carson sat in the lounge. Tree lights twinkled in the darkness, and the gas fire blazed in the hearth. Pilot’s head lay in his lap and he absently stroked the dog’s ears. Then he looked at him. “You’re on the sofa. You know that’s not allowed.”

Pilot’s mournful eyes stared at him, the dog’s body sprawled over the couch beside him. His tail lazily thumped against the arm. He yawned slowly.

“That’s called taking advantage of someone when they’re down, you know that.” Carson sighed heavily, and moved his hand over Pilot’s head. “Thing is, I don’t want to leave Headley Cross. I like it here. I like the ministry and the people and I feel at home here. But if the elders don’t trust me, what else can I do?”

The phone rang, and he let the answerphone pick up.

“
Carson, it’s Maggie. I just wanted to check in and make sure you were OK. Give me a call.”

He closed his eyes. “Oh, Maggie…I can’t drag you down with me, no matter how much it hurts to let you go.”

The phone rang again.

“
Carson, it’s Nate. Are you there? OK, ummm, Frank Diamond has called an emergency church meeting for Tuesday. A vote of no confidence. I’m sorry. You need to be there for the first twenty minutes or so. Are you sure you’re not there? OK, well, give me a ring as soon as you can. I’ll try and pop over tomorrow.
”

Carson’s eyes burned and he swallowed hard. They were going to sack him. They’d rather have no pastor over Christmas, than one with a prison record. His gaze fell on the Bible on the coffee table. He picked it up and hefted it in his left hand.

Then he hurled it across the room and into the mirror as hard as he could. The mirror shattered.

“Why?” he yelled. “Is this some sick joke? Some Divine sense of humor that I don’t get? I graduate Bible College and get ordained, only to fail? Am I not good enough for You? Even now? Am I not worthy of Your love and forgiveness? Why is Your grace extended to everyone bar me?”

Pilot sat up, looking at him. He nudged him.

Carson stood. “Let’s go for a walk. Preferably a long walk off a very short pier.”

****

Maggie didn’t see Carson in church that evening. But when Nate announced the emergency church members meeting for Tuesday, she wasn’t surprised. Her heart ached for the man she’d come to love over the past ten days. Why had the elders suddenly turned on him like this? They knew who he was before recommending him to the church in the first place. And Pastor Jack must trust Carson and feel he could work with him or he’d never have gotten as far as the elders, never mind a church vote.

Once the service was over, Maggie headed for the door where Nate stood, shaking hands. “You spoke to Carson, then? He asked me to give you the letter, but I refused. Told him it should come from him, not via a third person.”

Nate frowned. “What letter?”

“His resignation.”

“What?” Nate pulled her to one side, letting people pass them. “When was this?”

“Lunchtime. I called into the manse on my way home to make sure he was all right. He was pretty upset, didn’t say much. When you announced the meeting, I assumed—”