Faith, Honor & Freedom (9 page)

Why do I care what he thinks anyway? I have no idea what’s happened lately, but I just want it all to go back to normal—back to when he was my best friend, and I wasn’t questioning everything we did and said to each other.

Hoss drops me off at home, and I get ready once again. I pull on a pair of faded jeans and a white blouse and then call Café Italia before jumping into my old red jeep. Sure, it may not be the flashiest car in the world, but it’s dependable.

I pick up our lunch and meet Vi in the hospital cafeteria.

“How’s my favorite little man today?” I ask, settling down into my chair in the cafeteria.

“He’s doing better. The IV antibiotics really seem to be helping. They say a few more days until he’s able to come home,” Vi says with a yawn. Her hair is thrown back in a ponytail, and she has dark purple bags under her eyes.

“And how is my best friend?” I ask.

“She’s tired.”

“I noticed.”

“Oh, come off it, I don’t look that bad, do I?” Vi says defensively. She drops her pizza back on the plate and begins dabbing under her eyes.

“You couldn’t look terrible if you tried, Violet, but you do look tired. Have you been getting any rest?” I ask, taking a bite of my pasta.

“Some, but not much. Between breastfeeding and the nurses coming in to check on Gavin, there’s not much time for rest,” she says with a tired laugh.

“Have you been pumping?”

“Yeah, I have a ton in the freezer here. Jack took a bunch home yesterday, but it just keeps coming. I’m a freaking cow.”

“Good, that’s good! You and Jack take a night off, go home and sleep in your own beds tonight, wake up every four hours to pump, but other than that, sleep.”

“I can’t do that. The nurse told me to do that, too, but I just can’t leave him here alone. It’s their job and I’m sure he would be safe, but they don’t love him like I do. I’m too paranoid,” she says, finishing up her pizza.

“Anyone who looks at that boy loves him, Vi. They’d be crazy not to. I didn’t mean leaving him with the nurses, though; I meant I’d stay here with him. I can promise you Aunt Lana loves him with all her heart. I may not have any of my own, but I’m pretty good with babies,” I offer.

“Lana, you don’t have to do that. I’m fine, just a little tired.”

“Oh come on. We both know how much fun I’m going to have with him. I’m going to be busy soon anyway, so take advantage of me while you still have the chance.”

She closes her eyes and breathes in a sigh of relief. For a brief moment, I’m able to see how completely exhausted she is, mentally and physically.

“Thank you Lana, that means a lot to me,” she says, fighting back tears.

“Look who’s being sappy now,” I joke.

She kicks me under the table, hard. That’s the Violet I know.

“So how was Hoss last night?” she asks. I can’t help the blush that spreads across my face. “Oh my God, Lana, you slept with him!” she shrieks.

I look around the cafeteria, completely mortified. There are a few people who have turned in our direction, but luckily not the whole cafeteria.

“I did
not
sleep with Hoss,” I hiss quietly.

“What’s with the blush then?” she asks. I knew nothing would escape her so I was hoping she wouldn’t ask me. I can’t lie to her, even if I try. I still haven’t sorted out what I’ve been feeling toward him. All I know is that the thought of him seeing me naked makes me blush even deeper. Damn it!

“I’m seeing Alec,” I reply, telling the truth, and hopefully effectively changing the subject.

“You are not! Lana, he’s
weird.
Incredibly sexy, but weird.”

“He’s not weird; you just don’t know him like I do,” I say, feeling the need to defend him.

“You mean, not at all? Because aside from how he is in bed, what
do
you know about him?” Vi asks.

I blow off the question, probably because I don’t want to know the answer to it. I’m embarrassed that I slept with him the second time I met him, but I’m working on getting to know him now. That’s what counts, isn’t it?

“Anyway, I’m looking forward to a cuddle with Gavin tonight. I’m going to supper at Mom and Dad’s, but then I’ll be by. Do you need anything?”

“I’m sorry Lana, I love you, I do. I just worry about you, too. You deserve the best guy there is.”

“Sadly, he’s taken,” I say with a wink. She knows how much I think of her husband, and to be honest, I probably played a big part in why she finally married and settled down. When I saw how good he was to her, I kept pushing the two of them closer and closer together.

Violet gives me a genuine smile, and I know she’s thinking about Jack. I feel something tug at my heartstrings, as I long for a love like that.

“He’s out there, Lana, just don’t settle,” she says a little sadly.

We finish up our lunch date, and I promise to return after supper. I take the long way home since I still have a few hours to kill before supper. When I pull onto my street, I notice the craziness has died down some. I drive past Jenny’s house and feel a pang of loss. Her house still boasts a police car in the driveway and crime scene tape all around. It’s staring me right in the face, but I can’t believe she’s actually gone. As I near my house, I notice Alec’s silver car parked in my driveway.

What the hell?

I pull in beside his car and look inside. He’s not there so I jump out of my jeep and scan my yard. I can’t see him, but I can hear the rumble of the lawn mower in the backyard. I walk around to the back of my house, wondering what the hell he’s doing here. When I reach the back of my house I catch sight of him. His shirtless back is facing me, sweat rolling down his rippling muscles as he pushes the mower through my yard. He turns back my way, and breaks out into a grin. He releases the handle, and the rumble comes to a halt.

“Hey,” I say, making my way toward him curiously. “What are you doing here?”

“I know you’re busy, but I noticed your lawn needed to be mowed the last time I was here. I figured I’d drop by and do it while I had the chance,” Alec says kindly. I give him an awkward smile. While it’s really sweet of him, I still get a weird feeling about him touching my brother’s things.

He bends down and kisses me gently, keeping his sweaty chest away from my clothes. I can either be rude for no reason, other than for touching my dead brother’s things, who he knows nothing about, or I can be thankful. I decide to go for the latter.

“Thanks, I appreciate it. My friend Hoss usually does it, but he’s been busy with a tough case lately,” I say, feeling slightly guilty for hiding last night from him. Nothing happened between Hoss and I, though, and I’m not even sure if Alec and I are actually dating. We have had interrupted sex and an interrupted date. Does that scream healthy relationship? Probably not, but I can’t be sure. I don’t have enough personal data to go off.

“Yeah, I’m really sorry about your friend and for last night. I was an ass. Have you heard anything yet?” he asks.

“No, not yet, but he was sloppy, so hopefully they’ll find something. Poor Jenny, her family needs answers. All of those poor kids,” I say sadly, thinking about her nieces and nephews who are now without their favorite aunt.

Alec starts to say something again, but is interrupted when my phone rings. “Excuse me a minute.” I turn and take a few steps away from him, answering a call from a number I don’t recognize.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Lana Carter?” I hear from a small, female voice on the phone.

“This is she.”

“Hi, this is Jade Comeau, I’m a friend of Marnie Evers. You delivered her daughter a few months ago,” she says nervously. I remember Marnie’s birth. She was another one of Sadie’s clients. Her little one was born with a cord around her neck, but did just fine.

“Yes, I remember Marnie. I hope she and Amelia are doing well.”

“They’re doing great. Look, I know this is last minute but I was wondering if you’d like to be my doula. I’m thirty-nine weeks pregnant, and my husband just left me. I thought I would have him there as my support person, but it just doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. Marnie sung your praises and I feel like you’re what I need to get through this,” she says, and I can tell she’s upset. My heart instantly breaks for her.

“Of course, I’d be honored. Are you having any contractions at the moment?”

“No, she’s still nestled in there, and I’m not sure she ever wants to come out. She’s my first, and I have heard they’re usually late.”

“You heard right. Do you have any plans for tomorrow? We can meet up and discuss what type of birth you’d like to have, and how I can help you achieve that.”

“Thank you; that would be great. How about tomorrow at two? I can meet you at the coffee shop on LeMarchant Street,” she says shyly.

“That sounds great. I’ll see you there.”

“Thank you, this means a lot to me.”

We exchange goodbyes, and I hang up the phone, pleased that I’ll be able to help another woman, but sad about the reason why. I really hate that men can be such assholes.

“Who was that?” I hear from behind me, and I spin around remembering Alec is here.

“Sorry,” I apologize. “It was a new client.”

“Oh, what do you do?” he asks, and Vi’s earlier statement that we don’t know each other at all starts ringing true in the back of my mind.

“I’m a doula.”

“A whatta?” he asks.

“A birth coach, for women in labor.” He looks confused, but nods his head.

“Anyway,” I start, wanting to get out of the heat and clear my head for a moment. “I should get inside—I have a lot to do today,” I lie. “Would you like something to drink?”

“I’d love that.” I nod, and enter the house from the back door, using my key.

Once I’m inside, I breathe a sigh of relief. As much as I like Alec, I’ve never particularly been good at dating. I’m awkward, insecure, and I question everything. I grab him a glass of lemonade and set it on my patio table outside, as he continues mowing the lawn. I slip back inside and start busying myself around the house.

When I come into my bedroom I notice the spot where Hoss punched the wall is now smooth and painted, almost as though it never happened. He must have used his key and done it while I was gone. My heart flutters, and I have to wonder why. I haven’t felt this way about him in over a decade, so why now? He hasn’t changed, not in the slightest. If anything, he’s been more of an asshat lately.

Maybe I’m just projecting my insecurities about my relationship with Alec onto Hoss. He’s familiar, and I want familiar, but I don’t want Hoss. I just need to work on things with Alec.

I’m cleaning the toilet in my master bath, listening to some Spice Girls blaring from my bedroom when two arms wrap around my waist. I let out a shrill scream and whip around, effectively knocking Alec in the side of the head with my dirty toilet brush.

“What the fuck!” he screams, and I see the rage in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, but you scared the shit out of me!” I say with a nervous laugh. My phone, which is sitting on the bathroom counter, starts to ring, and I see Hoss’s name light up the screen. I break the awkward silence.

“Sorry, I need to get that.”

I grab the phone and pull it to my ear; all the while Alec is still glaring at me, dirty toilet water running down the side of his face.

“Hey,” I say into the phone. I grab a washcloth and hand it to Alec.

“Hey, your mom called, said you’re coming for supper.”

“I am,” I answer as I watch Alec wet his washcloth and start scrubbing at his face with soap and water.

“I’ll be there to pick you up in five—I need your help with something,” Hoss says.

I look over at Alec, still standing in my bathroom, and I know it would be a huge fight between them.

“That’s not going to work for me, I’ll just meet you there.” I hang up the phone, because Alec is staring at me, and for some reason I don’t want him to know I was just talking to Hoss. I wonder what Alec is thinking about. To be honest, I would probably be pissed, too, if he attacked me with a toilet brush.

“Do you have a toothbrush?” he asks, his face scrubbed raw.

“Sure.” I pull out an extra from the drawer under my sink. I really don’t think I got any in his mouth, though.

“Thanks,” he says.

I realize I’m still grasping the dirty toilet brush, so I drop it into its cup beside the toilet bowl and flush. I grab the soap and scrub my hands as he stands behind me and brushes his teeth. He’s still shirtless, and watching him brush his teeth, his muscles flexing involuntarily, instantly turns me on. I’m such a sucker for a shirtless guy. It’s pathetic. He’s being an asshole, and I’m getting all riled up. Go figure.

I dry my hands on the hand towel and walk out of the bathroom to my still blaring Spice Girls
.
I start humming along to the song “Stop,” while I start to clean my room.

I feel Alec’s back press up against mine, and his lips trail down the side of my neck. I freeze up momentarily before giving in and tilting my head to the side to give him better access. His hand travels up my blouse, and into the cup of my bra. God, that feels good.

I tilt my head to the side to give him access to my mouth, and he takes it, eagerly. I moan into it as he pinches my nipple hard.

I just want to feel loved, and at this point, I’m not being choosy about who’s showing it to me.

Chapter 7

Hoss

For fuck’s sake,
I think, pulling into Lana’s driveway. I recognize the douchebag’s car from the other night, and I have to wonder why he’s here. Why does Lana have to date such assholes? If she could actually manage to find a guy worthy of her love and time, then maybe I could get the fuck over her. Until that happens, I’m stuck in limbo.

I fight the urge to key his car, like some jealous teenager. Instead, I make my way inside her house where my ears are assaulted with the vicious screaming I’ve come to learn is the Spice Girls. Lana must be
trying
to scare this prick off. I smile to myself before searching her living room and kitchen. She’s not in either. I place my hand on the butt of my gun as I near her bedroom.