Faith Hope and Love (A Homespun Romance) (12 page)

"It was in Bangladesh, just before I left.  The floods had wrecked most of the villages and we were in this tiny village giving cholera shots.  I was working alone with the children and Tom was attending a breech birth, when a whole river bank slipped away in front of our eyes."  Rachel swallowed, her eyes filming at the memory.  "A woman had been washing clothes near the edge and she slipped right into the swirling muddy water, screaming.  I found her clinging to a root and managed to get a grip on her wrists.  I didn't know if I could hold on long enough, but suddenly Tom was there and some other men.  They pulled her out just in time."

The nightmare.  This explained it.

"What was the best thing that happened to you?" prompted Luke. 

Rachel's brow wrinkled in thought,
and then she smiled.  "In the middle of my second year abroad, we were working in a village trying to teach the people about nutrition and disease prevention.  There were just the two of us then, Tom and me, because it was considered an easy assignment."  She chuckled over her memories and the sound gladdened Luke's heart.  "Anyway, after we'd been there a week, the headman wanted to know if Tom and I were going to be married soon.  When Tom told him we weren't, there was a great deal of head shaking and whispering.  The next morning Tom came out of his hut to find two oxen, one goat and five chickens outside. 

"This is the dowry for the woman," the headman told him.  "She is skinny, but soft spoken and will bear you many sons.  Will you have her now?"  Rachel laughed at the memory of Tom's face. 

"How did Dr. Atwell get out of that one?" 

"He said something about not being able to marry me because he was already betrothed to another woman, but he had taken it on himself to find a husband for me among the other workers.  The headman wasn't too happy but he had to accept that.  When we left he reminded Tom that the dowry would be there any time it was needed.  A year later we were at a neighboring village, and he sent a man over to find out if I was still unmarried and to remind us of the waiting dowry."

The woman who heard him mention the price of his stallions without flicking an eyelash had eyes filled with tears over the memory of plain, honest caring.

Her sandwich was gone, Ray noticed.  Talking seemed to have given her an appetite. 

Rachel took the plate Luke held out to her.  The generous portion of fruit cake he had cut her looked tempting.  The first bite proved it.  "Mmm.  This is heavenly.  Hannah could market it and make a fortune."

"She and her sister do."  Luke named the brand it was marketed under.  "Hannah has quite a bit of her own money.  What I give her is nothing compared to what she does for us.  It's the same with the Rodriguez' but after the accident nothing would do except Theresa should come up to the house every day and help Hannah.  I protested but Juan told me to let her be.  It was the only way she could come to terms with her grief
he said."

"Chris and Rob were well loved weren't they?"

Luke nodded.  "Yes.  There are people here who've seen Rob and I grow up, been part of our lives forever.  Juan was Rob's godfather.  Chris' found her own place in their hearts with her warm nature, her capacity for caring about everyone she met."  His eyes darkened reflectively.  "She was so much fun, always teasing me about getting married and making her an aunt, giving Gordie some cousins to play with."

"Does your father like Arizona?"  It was time to change the subject; to dispel the returning shadow of sadness in his eyes.

"My mother died three years ago and after that he lost interest in the farm.  Dr. Kenton suggested a change would help his arthritis and help him stop grieving for my mother.  He's made a few friends in Arizona, has a small stable, and rides every day.  He visits us twice a year."

"He isn't in a home
then?"

Luke looked surprised.  "Oh no.  He has a small hou
se in what is called a retirement community but he's very independent."

Life
, Rachel knew, followed a pattern of regeneration, woven by human emotions.  Birth, death, suffering, joy, were all part of the pattern.  When Luke brought his bride to the Diamond Bar, happiness would reign again.  Rachel wondered about the kind of woman he would choose.  Someone like his mother who had grown up in these hills or someone like Chris, warm, wonderful, who would bring sunshine into his life and Gordie's.  Rachel blinked.  For some reason her mind refused to supply her with a composite sketch of Luke's future wife.

Luke took off his jacket bundled it under his head and stretched out.  His eyes closed and she looked at the fan-sweep of his dark lashes against his bronzed cheeks.  He looked strangely vulnerable like that. 

"You aren't going to fall asleep now after that big meal, are you?" she asked.

He opened one lazy eye, "I can't cut down a tree right this minute.  Why don't you lie down as well?"

Rachel looked at the arm extended to pillow her head, at the length of Luke's hard frame.  Preposterous ideas flooded her brain.  Willful, insistent, demanding.  She jumped up as if she'd just seen a rattlesnake. "I'm going for a small walk."

"Okay," he said comfortably, "but remember we have to walk back too.  I have to manage the tree...I won't be able to carry you."

Rachel didn't go far.  Out of sight of Luke she stopped and looked around.  From here she had a clear view of the ocean, could even see the waves as they flung themselves on shore.  If she closed her eyes, she could recall the sensation of being carried by Luke.  His arms had cradled her to his strength.  In her present picture he didn't leave her on the bed.  She held her hand out to him and his eyes changed as he looked down at her, the look in them promising her the happiness she had never let herself dream about. 

Rachel's eyes flew open raising a hand to her head.  The brandy in that cake must be affecting her.  It was the only explanation for her hallucinations.

Luke was fast asleep when she got back.  Stretching out beside him without touching him, Rachel told herself she would get up in a minute and closed her eyes.

Gordie was patting her cheek with one arm as she gave him his bottle, saying softly, "Rachel."  She frowned.  There was something wrong with her dream.  Gordie couldn't say her name yet.  Opening one eye she saw Luke's face directly over hers, suffused with an incredible tenderness.  He didn't belong in her dream.

"Go 'way," she said indistinctly, "ate too much.  Having bad dreams."

"Thanks a lot," Luke's laugh vibrated through her.  "I've been called a lot of things but never a bad dream."

Watching her sleep he remembered her first night on the Diamond Bar.  She had burrowed into his arms seeking warmth then.  The need to hold her again spiraled into an ache within Luke. 

Rachel's hands reached up and rubbed her eyes.  She opened them and said, "This isn't a dream?"

"No."  Just to prove it he leaned over her, intending merely to brush his lips against hers.  She held him with her quick response.  Her lips parted eagerly.  A moment later his chest rested against the softness of her breasts and he was trailing kisses down the side of her face returning again and again to drink of the sweetness of her mouth.  She whimpered whenever he pulled away from her lips, the little mews igniting a fierce hunger in Luke.  When they broke for air he rolled onto his side, keeping her within the circle of his arms.  He had to maintain control.  If he took her now, he would lose her completely. 

Her eyes were still closed so he couldn't tell what she was thinking.  Her flushed face and the trembling softness of her lips held the stamp of passion and Luke stroked her head, marveling at the silky softness of her hair.  Her scent infiltrated his nostrils reminding him of scented, summer roses. 

"Rae....," he said at last his voice slightly husky with emotion.  "I don't want you to leave yet."

Her immediate stillness warned of his mistake.  Easing herself out of his arms she sat up and put her arms around herself, keeping her back to him.

"Rachel?" Idiot. He’d scared her.

"Shouldn't we get our tree?  It's going to be dark pretty soon."  She stood up and dusted her jeans, the hoarseness in her voice the only sign of her tension.

That was it?  He had as good as told her he loved her and all she could think of was getting back?  He wasn't about to let her ignore real honest emotion. 

He got to his feet in a lithe movement and stood facing her.

Rachel's heart sank.  He wasn't going to let it go.  When had she fallen in love with Luke?  That first day in the courtroom?  When he had carried her to the bathroom?  When she had seen the way he was with Gordie?  She couldn't separate knowing him from loving him.

“I want you to think of the Diamond Bar as your home, Rae.”

"I...I don't know what to say."

"Try
...I want to stay, Luke," he suggested.

Rachel cleared her throat painfully, "It wouldn't be any use.  I've never been any good at personal relations.  I don't want to hurt either you or Gordie."

"How could you do that?"  Luke asked reasonably.

"I don't know,
” Rae shook her head feeling helpless.  Feeling trapped.  How did one translate into words the fear that no one who had known her had ever loved her?  The fear that if she let it, it would happen again.

Her parents were proof of that.  Her mother had left one day while Rachel was at school.  And only that morning she had made her pancakes for breakfast and talked about a visit to the zoo.  She hadn't even left a note.  All her father had told her was that her mother wasn't coming back, ever.  Life had never been the same again.  Day
, after empty day, her father's changed attitude towards her had cemented the belief that it was all her fault.  It had taken Dr. Atwell’s special brand of counseling to dispel that idea but nothing had altered the well of insecurity deep inside.

Rachel's hands clenched around tufts of grass on either side of her. 

"Rae."  Flinching from the hand Luke put on her shoulder she didn't see the pain in his eyes darken them to the color of sapphires.  "I won't rush you.  Let's get used to the idea of being friends first before we explore our feelings for each other."

"My feelings aren't involved," her lips seemed to have swollen to twice their size, making the lie all the more difficult to utter.  "I'm sorry Luke."

That was it?  She had decided it wouldn't work and nothing else mattered?  Anger blazed a trail through Luke and he acted on impulse.

"What's this then?"  He placed his hands on her shoulders intending to shake the truth out of her.  Or to kiss her till she admitted it. 

The flash flood of apprehension in her eyes changed his course.  Hauling her to his chest he rocked her slightly, saying nothing.  The spark of anger that had almost fanned itself into something ugly wasn't like him.  Neither was losing control.  Luke called himself every name he could think of.  And then he repeated them all.

He didn't want to force anything out of her.  Not even the truth about her feelings.  When she cared enough, admitting it would come naturally.  A gift, even the gift of love, didn't mean a thing unless it was given freely.

The pounding of her heart reminded him of waves crashing on a rocky shore.  He held her for his sake more than her own, till they were both calmer.

Rachel's eyes flooded.  She would never be able to fool Luke.  Her kisses had been a dead giveaway.  They hadn't changed a thing though.  The gap between her feelings and her thoughts still yawned like a chasm.  One without a bridge.

She stirred in his arms and he released her immediately.

The sight of her face made Luke feel like kicking himself.  Her shuttered expression reminded him of the first time he had seen her.  He watched her gnaw her lower lip for a few seconds but she didn't say anything. 

Raising one hand he brushed the wisp of hair off her forehead and then traced his knuckles down the side of her face and watched the color return.

"Things will work out.  Don't worry," he said gruffly.

Why was he talking to her as if the rest of their lives was a foregone conclusion?  Rachel knew one thing for certain.  She had to be strong.  Neither he nor Gordie needed someone in their lives who had always earned a failing grade in relations of the human kind. 

She looked into Luke's eyes and was lost.  She hated being cause for the concern in his eyes, the muscle throbbing in his jaw.

Luke hesitated a minute longer, then held a hand out to her.  "Right now, we have a tree to get, remember?"  he said cheerfully.  "We have to hurry unless you want to walk back in the dark."

Bewildered Rachel put her hand in his.  How could he switch back so quickly into the role of undemanding friend?  Why wasn't he angry with her?  Men she'd barely known had sulked for days when she'd refused to meet them after work.

Following him through the rows of orderly evergreens, Rachel stopped when he did.

"This one?" 

Luke pointed to one barely three feet high.  It looked too small to Rachel.  Somehow she had imagined a larger tree, one that would do justice to the cathedral ceiling in the living room.  Her gaze veered to the right to one that stood eight feet tall.

"That one?"  Luke walked over to it, examined the branches and lifted the axe.