Faith Wish (11 page)

“Praise Jesus, Sister,” said Jacob. “You can call on us anytime you feel the need. Here's my card.” He handed her a calling card with his name, address, and phone number.

“Put all your faith in the Lord,” advised Gloria as they were leaving, “and He will fulfill your every need.” Then they left.

Put your faith in the Lord, and He will fulfill your every need
, she repeated to herself as she showered down her tears in a good, cleansing cry.
If my faith was stronger
,
I would have known sooner
.

June 9

When Anne-Marie decided, it was Richard she called on for help. Not that she wanted to, but who else was there? Brooke would only try to talk her out of it. Chris Weems would probably take her, but he was really stressed, if the stories Brooke was telling were true. Which they probably were; Brooke could be a self-centered prima donna, but she wasn't a liar. Besides, how could she talk to Chris Weems? As strung out as she herself was, how could she listen to his problems? She would pray for him.

Sara Curtis would probably be willing to take her, but Anne-Marie wouldn't know how to talk to her about being pregnant. Besides, Sara would probably be so scandalized she would drive off the road into a ditch.

So it was Richard or nobody, as far as Anne-Marie could see. She called him to ask him to drive her to Crawfordsville, Indiana.

“Cool.”

“It's not what you think,” she said quickly.

“What do I think?”

“This is not like a date or anything, I just need a ride to Crawfordsville. I want you to drop me off and then come back.”

“Why?”

It took a few seconds to gather herself. It was hard enough just taking off like this, without the added strain of trying to come up with explanations. Anne-Marie finally said, “I'm pregnant.”

“You're pregnant?”

“That's what I said. I'm going to have a baby.”

“Jesus.”

“It's not your baby, Richard. Don't worry.”

“Be still my heart.”

“I said you're not the father. Don't worry. All I'm asking you to do is give me the ride and drop me off.”

“Why do you want to go to Crawfordsville?”

“Because that's where the father is. I've got to see him.”

There was a brief silence on the other end before Richard said, “Does the guy know?”

Anne-Marie took a deep breath, followed by another. “No. He doesn't know. Now please stop asking me so many questions. Don't you know how hard this is for me?”

“Hey. You want me to do you this favor, which is pretty weird by the way, so you might have to deal with some questions. Okay?”

“Okay. What else do you want to know?”

“What about your folks?”

“They're not here. They're at a wedding reception in Rockford. They won't be back home until like midnight or something.”

“All those cars at your house, and you want me to give you a ride? What's up with that?”

“I couldn't do that. I might not be coming back, and I just couldn't do that to my dad. I couldn't just take one of his cars and abandon it somewhere.”

“You might not be comin' back? This gets better and better. But you want to go right away, that's what you're sayin', isn't it?”

As crazy as it sounded, she could only answer, “Yes. Within the next half hour maybe. I've got a bag packed.”

“This is so nuts I almost have to like it. You're sure I'm not the father.”

“Totally. Don't even think about it.”

She could tell Richard was lighting up. Even over the phone, she could hear the click of his lighter.

Quickly, she relented on the car issue. “Okay, we'll drive one of my dad's cars. But if you end up dropping me off, you have to promise to bring it straight back home.”

Apparently, Richard had heard enough. “What are we drivin', Anne-Marie?”

“We can take the Beamer.”

“Cool. I'll be there.”

The black BMW purred like a kitten. Richard said so. Anne-Marie couldn't care less what sound it made. The uncertainty of her future roiled in her stomach like a whirlpool.

Richard was driving south on Highway 1, a secondary two-lane that went right through a succession of small towns. Anne-Marie wondered why he didn't want to take the interstate.

“Too many cops,” was Richard's answer. “We need to open this baby up from time to time. There are lots of curves on this road, and some of them are fairly tight. BMWs are famous for cornering.”

“Whatever. Just have it back by eight o'clock, or nine at the latest.”

“No problem. Plenty of time.”

“You have to promise.”

Richard lit a cigarette before he answered. “I think I just did. Where d'you want me to put the keys?”

“Just lock the car and leave the keys in the mailbox. That's probably the best way.” She had this urge to tell him her father didn't allow smoking in this car—or any of his cars for that matter—but it didn't seem very important right now.

“You're losing weight, you know that?”

“Not you, too,” she said. She reminded herself that she wasn't running
away
, she was running
to
. By going to Brother Jackson, she was seeking the shelter which only the Lord could provide.

“How come you're losing weight? If you're pregnant, you should be gaining weight, right?”

“You sound like my mother. It's just my sick stomach and no appetite. It's called morning sickness.”

“Have you told your folks you're pregnant?”

“Oh please, Richard. How could I do that? I'm on a contract, I didn't even get to graduate with the class. I should like add this into the mix?”

Richard didn't answer right away. “I hate to say it, Anne-Marie, but wouldn't you be better off getting your diploma in summer school than running off with this guy?”

“He's not a
guy
. And you're the last person I know who should be giving lectures on responsible behavior. And I'm not even sure I'll be running off with him, as you put it.”

“Okay, sorry.”

“And I really wish you wouldn't make me talk to you this way.”

“I can't make you do anything, Anne-Marie.”

She got the point. “Just lighten up, okay? This is all hard enough without the second-guessing. Besides, I thought if you got to drive this car it would keep you occupied.”

They were reaching speeds of up to 100 miles per hour between the little villages.

There would be reconciliations, she kept reminding herself. With her parents, with her friends, with Eleanor. Most of all, with her Lord and Savior. Withdrawing to Brother Jackson didn't mean she was closing all the doors in her life.

She said to Richard, “Let me have one of your cigarettes?”

Richard fished one out of his pocket and gave it to her. He helped her light it before he said, “You wanna be careful now; you're smoking for two, remember?”

This was as adult as Richard Bone could be. Anne-Marie suddenly appreciated him. If she had to be chauffeured to this uncertain destiny, she was glad he was the driver.

She inhaled deeply two times before she felt the intoxicating rush in her brain. Maybe it was just not having one for so long. It was euphoric, though. “You didn't put anything in this, did you?”

“Put anything in?”

“You know, like weed or something? You didn't crumble up a little grass in here like you used to do?”

“Would I do a thing like that?”

“Remember who you're talking to. I've seen you do it before.” Then she didn't want to talk anymore. She closed her eyes.

They were in Crawfordsville in a little over two hours. Richard said his only regret was that the road was straighter than he'd hoped. “I think I'll go back a different way.”

“It's up to you. Just make sure you leave the car the way I told you.”

“We've covered that, huh? You're sure you want me to leave you here? That's your final answer?”

She ignored the humor. “Yes, I've made up my mind. I either have the courage to go with my convictions or I don't.”

“And you're sure you'll find this guy?”

“I'm sure. And don't be late getting the car back.” Then she added, “Please.”

“Like I said.” They were parked in a city park with a large gazebo and several small picnic shelters. It wasn't hard to know where the tabernacle meetings were being held. The signs were everywhere. The fairgrounds were visible from the park, even though at quite a distance.

She plopped her bag on one of the tables in a shelter. “You travel light,” said Richard.

“Yes.”

“Traveling light is always best.”

“I'm glad you think so.” Anne-Marie felt light in the head, too, but her nerves were calmer.

“You're sure you know what you're doing.”

“As sure as I can be, Richard.”

“I hope you're gonna be okay, huh?”

“Please go now. I'll be better than okay. I'm not alone.” She almost said,
You can pray for me if you want
, but she knew it wouldn't work with him.

He didn't answer right away. She guessed he was avoiding any negative remarks about her new religious beliefs. “I'll tell you what,” he finally said. “If you run into any problems, you can call me, okay?”

Anne-Marie didn't look up at him. She did have her cell phone with her. She was running her thumbnail along a soft groove in the surface of the picnic table. “Thanks. And thanks for bringing me. But just go now, okay?”

She watched him go. She watched the Beamer all the way down the street until it passed some downtown stores, went through a traffic signal, and then disappeared. Even though it was just Richard, she felt alone.

It was after dark when she finally got to speak to Brother Jackson. She'd waited more than an hour by a fence near an open fairground building which served as the site for the praise meeting. When the final amens were concluded, and the last people finished speaking to him in private, Anne-Marie approached him. They spoke alone next to a livestock building that had lots of goats and a few sheep.

Anne-Marie couldn't help seeing it as a sign: the first fellowship message she'd ever heard him deliver was the one about keeping company with the sheep. She was bold by seeking company with the sheep, not the goats like Planned Parenthood and school counselors who drafted prison-sentence contracts. She found herself inhaling deeply; the agricultural smell was deep and rich.

The surprise on Brother Jackson's face was genuine, but so was the pleasure. Her heart leaped up.

Naturally, he was caught off guard when she told him she was pregnant.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes. I'm sure.”

“Are you sure it's mine?” he wanted to know.

It was a question which hurt, but she simply answered yes again. The lighting where they stood was dim, dim enough she hoped he wouldn't be able to see the disappointment in her eyes.

“What should we do?” he asked her. “What d'you want to do?”

“I don't know,” Anne-Marie answered truthfully. “I was hoping you might know.”

“We would need the Lord's guidance, but I don't have the time right now. I'm on my way to Oklahoma for a crusade not far from Stillwater.”

“When are you going?”

“Right away.” Brother Jackson was looking at the large tote bag resting on the ground beside her feet. “Do you have things packed?”

“A few things.”

“But why, Sister?”

“I'm not exactly sure.” How embarrassing was this? “I knew you were leaving Crawfordsville to go someplace else. Maybe I thought you might take me with you. Maybe some part of me was hoping it could happen that way.”

“To Oklahoma? Oh, Sister Anne-Marie, I'm not in a position to take anyone with me, not starting out on a new crusade.”

But I'm not just anyone
, she wanted to say. “This is our baby, though.”

“Praise God for the miracle of it, but we need His help to find our way out of the darkness. We don't know what to do.”

“I can't go home, though, I just can't.”

“You can't go home?”

“Not to my parents. They don't understand anything of the new person I am. They can't understand.”

“I'm with you,” said Brother Jackson. He bit his lip before pushing some hair out of his eyes. “I could take you to Camp Shaddai,” he finally said.

What's that
? she asked herself. But she did feel a flicker of hope because it sounded like he had a plan. “What's Camp Shaddai?”

“It's a spiritual retreat center where I've worked from time to time. It's down in southern Illinois.”

Southern Illinois seemed awfully far away. Maybe as far as 300 miles or more. “Is it a Spirit-filled place?”

For the first time, Brother Jackson smiled his glorious smile. “The Holy Spirit dwells there as surely as the cotton-wood trees grow and the frogs twang along the shore. It's a place to be alone with the Lord and wait upon His guidance. I can even introduce you to Sister Abigail.”

“Who's Sister Abigail?”

“You can trust her to help you search for direction. You couldn't be in better hands.”

“Let's go then,” she beseeched him. She had never seen the place, nor met Sister Abigail, but it felt like hope; she needed to grab it.

“I can't think of a better plan,” he said. “Both of us will be alone to think. Both of us will be in a place where we can wait upon the Lord without outside distractions.”

“Will you be there, too?” Anne-Marie asked hopefully.

“No, I'll be in Oklahoma. For only a couple of weeks, though.”

“Only for two weeks?”

“Three at the most. Can you trust me?”

“And then we'll be together and we'll know what we should do?”