Fall Apart (7 page)

God help me,
he thought. He wanted to kiss them. How was he supposed to make this situation work?

This was the awkward part. Damon wanted to do a lot of things he didn’t have the courage to do. If he were like Luke, he’d ask Alarik point blank what his plans were for the rest of the weekend, and if he could be a part of them. If he were Franco, he’d pull Alarik to the side, say something endearing and end up making out for three hours. If he were Todd, he wouldn’t give a shit one way or the other. Damon was ambivalent about the best approach.

The only man he’d been with since the gut-wrenching breakup with Kenny was that asshole Andrew. He’d gone to college with Kenny and a study group session led to their first kiss. There wasn’t much effort involved—it was an almost natural progression. Damon went to a family event with Luke and Andrew sought him out. Once again, his general discomfort with romantic beginnings was overshadowed by a stronger personality. Andrew was persistent, aggressive.

Luke, Todd and Franco had often asked why he didn’t go out and play the field. Experiment. Have one-night stands. That wasn’t Damon’s way. He didn’t subscribe to the belief that just because he was a young, gay man he had to be a stereotype. He’d been to one gay bar. It was an incredibly awkward experience for him. He hadn’t danced, he’d been so out of his element that he actually fled the bar and ended the night with a medium pizza and
Seinfeld
reruns. The men who’d approached him had made him feel like…a fraud. Like he wasn’t gay enough. It was weird and he’d realized immediately that it wasn’t going to be the way he met available men. He couldn’t handle it.

Damon didn’t understand how he left his house this morning, certain that dating wasn’t a good idea for him, then wound up trying to poke holes in that decision by the evening. His attraction to Mandy’s friend was inconvenient. Even as he enjoyed Alarik’s powerful confidence and sharp wit, he found it disconcerting to imagine being on the receiving end of it. He’d noticed the scorn in Alarik’s face as he spoke to Andrew and while Damon knew he wasn’t the target of that stinging tongue, it wasn’t inconceivable to think he might one day be. Damon was the simple, easygoing type. Could he be a suitable contender in the give and take of interaction with Alarik? The thought that he probably wasn’t irritated him.

As much as he pretended not to listen to Mandy go on an on about Alarik at the rehearsal dinner, he’d paid attention. When he lined up their respective stats side by side, he didn’t know what to make of it. Alarik was a widely known and sought after photographer. His dad, or maybe it was his uncle, was a diplomat or worked for a diplomat… Damon was simply a cog in the family business, peddling sporting equipment and dispensing athletic advice. Alarik traveled the world on exotic photo shoots. Damon went on local hikes and mountain climbing trips. Alarik rubbed elbows with famous models, actors, and actresses. Damon babysat his nephew, shared beers on the front porch while arguing with his sister, and ate barbecue with his parents on Sunday nights.

He was mostly happy with his life, but glamorous, it was not. Obligations were the order of the day. If Alarik was looking for polished, genteel company, Damon wasn’t going to meet those expectations. And if Alarik was the type who needed that company, than he didn’t meet Damon’s expectations, either. The first man he introduced to his parents was going to be worth the effort; he’d decided that long ago. For some reason, meeting Alarik made him think of what it would be like when that day finally arrived.

Jostled to the side by one of The Law Turds fighting to catch the garter, Damon slipped off of the dance floor when no one was watching. He needed a minute to himself to catch his breath. He strode down the richly appointed hall and noticed one of Mandy’s bridesmaids involved in a game of Capture-The-Flag with another wedding guest—her flag was apparently hidden beneath her dress. She was losing.

Damon took a sharp left before the pair noticed him and it got even more awkward. As he turned the corner, he caught the eye of the desk clerk, shrugging one shoulder as he passed her. She blushed and went back to pretending she was unaware of the spirited wrestling match going on only steps away.

On his way to the exit, a member of the serving staff dressed in bow tie and black vest appeared from behind a door that said “Staff Only” in unobtrusive lettering. Damon remembered the cake he promised Davey and hailed the server. He ended up following him through the staff door and down a hallway that was stark in its simplicity, to a stock room that was brimming with takeout containers of all sizes. Damon grabbed one and tried to offer a tip that the server waved off. The guy didn’t appear inclined to talk beyond gestures, so after he led Damon back out to the lobby, they parted with a simple nod.

Alarik was standing in front of the main entrance doors and though Damon knew it was cowardly, he raced back to the ballroom, staying out of sight. He still needed that minute to figure himself out and he didn’t trust his mouth to say the right thing if Alarik discovered him and chose that moment to approach.

There was a lot of cake left on the table and Damon shoved two slices into the takeout box. Jess probably wouldn’t appreciate the largesse. Out of habit, he glanced at his watch and saw that it was after ten. Mandy and Luke were supposed to be taking a limo to a hotel in L.A. so they could catch an early morning flight to Jamaica. If Thackerey thought that they could drive themselves in the brand new BMW, he didn’t understand how trashed his daughter and son-in-law had planned to get at their wedding reception.

Luke and Mandy had already abandoned the crowd to change into “traveling clothes” and as much fun as it was blowing off life to celebrate with them, Damon was relieved it was nearly time to leave. His introversion was fighting to reassert itself. He wanted to get away from all of these people, even the ones he loved deeply, and soak in the calm of solitude; recharging worked best when he did it on his own. He’d take standing behind the counter at the store by himself over the lag created by a solid week of wedding events. If he ever got married, it would be in a small ceremony in his backyard.

Damon caught sight of Todd and Valerie across the ballroom locked in some sort of staring contest. His friend was glowering down into Valerie’s upturned face. She looked as though she was silently pleading with him and Damon knew this wasn’t about a stolen car key. Todd’s scowl softened, but he shook his head and left Valerie there to watch him walk away.

The two of them didn’t make any sense to Damon. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know how they managed to hook up the night before, but he was surprised over the tug of war he saw going on between the two of them.
Valerie?
Getting under
Todd’s
skin?

Todd walked tiredly to Damon’s side, running a hand over his forehead impatiently. Damon knew to keep quiet.

“I’m going to find Luke and Mandy, say goodnight, and get the hell out of here. You bugging out?”

Damon nodded wearily. “Did Franco leave?”

Todd nodded toward the dance floor and Damon followed the look to see Franco and Sandra holding each other tightly, eyes closed and swaying to the last song. Another odd couple, but they worked.

“Thought you were getting something started with the British boy.”

Damon gave him a look of warning. “Thought you were getting something started with Val.”

“Touché.” Todd sighed and mumbled to himself. “Let’s go find the happy couple.”

Damon didn’t have to tell Todd that he was pulling his classic avoidance techniques as they snuck out of the ballroom. Todd chose the hall less traveled and they actually came upon Mandy and Luke making out like fiends, hands everywhere, hips grinding. What was it with all the exhibitionism at this wedding? The two of them had somehow made it out of their regalia and into comfortable clothes without having sex and yet, they chose to dry hump in the open for anyone to find them.

Straight people. He didn’t get it.

Damon and Todd coughed and the happy couple barely noticed, smoochy-kissing half a dozen times before the grope session ended. They didn’t seem embarrassed as they loosened their hold on one another, probably because of the booze.

“We’re sneaking out,” Todd informed them, looking a little green. “You guys have a good honeymoon, alright?”

Luke and Mandy hugged them sloppily one last time and when Mandy tried to bring up Alarik, Damon stopped her.

“Not tonight,” he said as kindly as he could. “Have fun in Jamaica. Congrats again.”

“We love you, Day,” Mandy whispered in her sweet, intoxicated voice. When she kissed him on the cheek he smelled flowers and rum.

“You too,” he flushed at her kind words. “I’m outta here…”

He and Todd walked together to the parking lot and gave one another tired waves when they had to separate to get to their cars. Damon didn’t see Alarik anywhere. He was relieved and disappointed at the same time, then he was pissed because it was his inexperience that made him pull stupid stunts like hiding from a guy he really didn’t want to hide from. Times like these, he felt like such a bastard.

“La Jolla Canyon next Saturday?” Todd called out, turning to walk backward as he asked.

Damon waved again. “Gotta check the schedule with dad and Jess, but yeah. For now.”

Todd nodded and turned away, head down as he ambled to his car. Damon wondered if his friend was thinking about Val and whatever was happening there, because
Val
was clearly thinking about it. Damon was thinking about Alarik. Was Alarik returning the favor?

He pictured ash blond hair and those dimples as Alarik laughed. His eyes were gray. Light gray.

A combination of gentle kisses along his shoulder, a light breeze fluttering the curtains, and the sun on his back woke Mark. He grunted in sleepy pleasure and realized his throat didn’t hurt as badly as it had the day before. No fever, either, thank God.

“Hi, baby,” Zane murmured against his skin.

Mark mumbled something unintelligible, keeping his eyes closed and simply soaking in the sensation of his husband’s body heat at his side.

“I’m sorry to wake you, but you’re supposed to work today and if you don’t think you can go in, I should call for you.” Another kiss fell on the nape of his neck. “I also brought your medicine.”

Mark took a weary inventory of his aches and pains. He was dehydrated; he still didn’t have to pee. His joints were stiff and sore, and when he tried to push up off the mattress, his head pounded a violent
Oh no you didn’t!
He dropped back down to the mattress and groaned.

Zane gave a sympathetic laugh. “I’ll call now. Be right back.”

Mark was vaguely aware of the bed shifting as Zane went into the hall to call in sick for him. His husband’s words sounded like they were filtering through cotton wadding and a couple pillows. It was possible that Mark dozed off again in the few minutes Zane was gone because the next thing he knew was a soft touch to his forehead and fingers in his hair.

“Hey,” Zane whispered. “Can you sit up?”

“Mmphh,” Mark answered, taking the journey to upright twice as slowly this time around. “Ffffuuuck.” His voice sounded terrible and his mouth felt like it was coated in powder.

Zane made a noise like he was in pain, too, and pulled Mark close until his head was resting on his shoulder. He dropped a kiss on Mark’s temple. “You don’t seem feverish.”

Mark shook his head in response and got another kiss for the effort. He didn’t want to say anything else until he brushed his teeth, not when he was this close. He patted Zane’s knee and stood up like he was made of glass, gesturing toward the master bath. Toothpaste and body wash, that’s what he needed.

As he leaned over the sink, his head still protesting, he heard the shower turn on behind him. When he finished brushing, Zane helped him from his clothes and escorted him into the spray with hands on his shoulders. Under normal circumstances, he’d figure out a way to get his husband to stay and shower with him, but he barely had the energy to blink much less proposition a man. His dick had all but hung up a
Do Not Disturb
sign on his balls the minute his lymph nodes declared war on the worst case of flu he’d ever had. Even when he gave his groin a scrubbing, it barely registered the company, proof positive that this was the sickest he’d been in years.

The cool air was nice on his body and when he grabbed his towel, it was toasty warm from the heated towel rack. Zane had left a pair of his own cotton workout pants, a t-shirt, and briefs on the counter for him and after Mark dragged his body into the clothes, he shuffled into the bedroom to find Zane changing the sheets. His heart jumped weakly.

“I’m so sorry about this—”

Zane shushed him. “Don’t even think about apologizing for getting the flu. I’m just glad I’m not out of town right now and I can be here for you.” He straightened the pillows and duvet, pulling them back and motioning for Mark to climb in. “Come on. It’s always nicer to sleep on fresh sheets when you’re sick.”

“You’re so good to me,” Mark croaked, sighing as the crisp cotton was draped over him. He smelled the detergent on the linens and almost smiled. “Thanks for the clothes and everything.”

“Medicine,” Zane ordered kindly. “And you need to drink this water.”

Mark nodded pathetically, succumbing to Zane without protest. He drank a glass of water, swallowed another round of Tylenol and sank deeper into the pillows. Zane made it halfway to the door by the time Mark noticed and called out.

“Where are you going?”

Zane patiently looked over his shoulder. “I’m getting your breakfast and I have to make a few calls.”

“My mom?”

“She called yesterday and I told her you were sick, but we need to hammer out some of the travel details for the party.” Mark raised his eyebrows in question and Zane chuckled. “You really want to know about this right now?”

Mark nodded weakly, milking it, and his husband’s laughing eyes told him he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“My mom’s been talking to your mom and they’ve got all these ideas they want to try, but they’re not going to be able to get it done if Patty’s in Bakersfield and my mom is here that week. I think we should just open up the house to the family the entire time my mom’s in town. It’ll be convenient, and nobody should have to travel back and forth to Bakersfield over and over again.”