Fall Into You (26 page)

She nodded and her eyes went shiny. She swiped at the tears with the back of her hand.
“I’m sorry. I have no idea why I’m crying. I feel ridiculous.”

“Don’t apologize.” He brushed a thumb over her cheek, then backed off when he saw
his hands were still shaking. “Sometimes coming back down can do that. The whole thing
can be overwhelming for a sub.”

And the dom,
he thought, anxiety rising in him like high tide. He lowered his hand to his side.

She tucked her arms into the sleeves of the robe and pulled it more tightly around
herself, her entire posture closing to him. “That makes sense.” She gave him a tight
smile. “And a shower sounds great. That was a…thorough lesson.”

Right, a lesson, that’s what this was supposed to be. But if that were truly the case,
he wouldn’t feel so damn gutted right now. This had been a mistake. He should’ve known
better than to take a chance with Charli. From the start, something about her had
tested his control, had made him lose sight of his rules.

He’d fucking
kissed
her. He hadn’t kissed anyone in over a decade. His throat felt like it had a fist
closing around it. “I’ll be right back.”

He left her side, forcing himself to walk normally and not rush into the bathroom
like he wanted to. When he reached it, he shut the door, pressed his back against
it, and dragged his hands over his face. Sweat slicked his palms and his heart refused
to slow down.
Calm the fuck down. It was just a kiss.

He closed his eyes, expecting to see Rachel’s face waiting there. But for the first
time in as long as he could remember, he couldn’t conjure up her image. Charli’s worried
expression dominated his vision instead. And that made him feel shittier than anything
else could’ve. He’d screwed up everything tonight—breaking the vow he’d made to Rachel’s
memory and failing to provide Charli with the best experience she could have.

He needed to fix this. Now. He went to the sink, splashed some water on his face and
got his breathing back to normal. Remembering what he was supposed to be doing in
here, he turned on the shower to warm it up for Charli.

When he made his way back to the bed, Charli looked like she wanted to be anywhere
but there. “You sure everything’s okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, of course not.” He sat on the edge of the bed with a heavy sigh. “It was me who
did something wrong. I’m sorry I kissed you, Charli.”

He didn’t miss the wince she tried to hide. “Why are you sorry?” She attempted a smile.
“Am I that horrible of a kisser?”

“No, of course not.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s just, I got carried away.
I shouldn’t have done something…confusing.”

She stared at him, her smile sinking, and the room seeming to chill around them.

“Confusing?” she asked, the word like a dagger. “Because what? I might get romantic
notions?” She shook her head and scooted off the bed. “Don’t worry, Grant. I’m far
from confused. And I’m not stupid.” She held her arms out to her sides. “I’m in a
room you built
specifically to fuck women. I’m not deluding myself into thinking that I’m special
or that you have feelings for me or something. We had sex. We kissed. Big deal. Now,
is the shower ready?”

Her speech had part of him wanting to grab her and tie her back down to the bed, show
her that she wasn’t some notch on his bedpost. But having her think that was better
than her knowing about all the riotous emotions she kicked up in him, all the ugly
stuff that kiss had brought to the surface. He needed to get through this night and
find his bearings again. “Towels are in the bottom cabinet.”

“Great.” She turned on her heel and headed to the bathroom, closing the door none-too-gently
behind her. The sound of the lock turning echoed through the barn.

She’d shut him out.

God, he was an asshole.

Charli walked outside through the main door of the barn, freshly showered and wearing
the jeans and T-shirt she’d packed in her bag. She’d never been more ready in her
life to be alone. The overwhelming sex had been enough to process, but Grant’s kiss
and subsequent retreat had her gray matter scrambled. She had so many clashing emotions
going through her that her chest hurt more than the welts on her back.

She spied Grant sitting on a tree stump, staring out over the grounds, his forearms
braced on his thighs. He somehow looked lost and right at home all at the same time—like
being lost was his status quo. She took a deep breath, determined not to have another
ridiculous emotional outburst in front of him, and headed his way.

He looked over at her when her shoe snapped a twig, his expression somber. “Hey.”

She stuck her hands in her pockets, awkwardness filling the air around them. “Hey.”

He turned his head, staring back out into the night. “I’m sorry I screwed things up
tonight. I don’t want you thinking that you’re just another body to warm my bed. It’s
not like that.”

She forced a casual shrug. “You told me upfront what this was. I wasn’t expecting
a fairy tale.”

“Still doesn’t excuse how I acted. It had nothing to do with you. Tonight was the
best night I’ve had in a really long time.”

She rolled a pebble under her shoe, contemplating his words. There was so much he
wasn’t telling her. She could feel whatever it was like a thick fog between them.
When he’d pulled away from their kiss, he’d looked horrified. She should probably
let it lie, but too many questions hung in the air. How was she supposed to go on
with this ignoring that? “Grant, I need to know what happened in there.”

He didn’t look at her. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

She pressed her lips together, counting to three before she spoke. “So all that shit
about trust only applies to me? I’m supposed to trust you to tie me up, hit me, and
put myself in your hands, but you can’t even tell me why you freaked out over a simple
kiss?”

He rubbed his palms on his jeans, staying quiet for a few long moments, then his shoulders
dipped in resignation. “Have you ever made a promise to someone, Charli? Not something
offhanded, but a real promise?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” She’d promised her dad before he died that she’d go after her
dream and not let anything stop her. That was going swimmingly. “Why?”

She thought he may have not heard her, but after a few moments, Grant finally looked
at her, pain etching his features. “Well, that kiss broke a promise I’ve kept for
a really long time.”

The simple statement sucked all the wind out of her anger.

She knew then, recognized the grief, had seen it on her brothers’ faces and in her
own reflection when their dad has passed away. “You lost someone.”

He stood, giving her a sad smile. “No, freckles, I lost everything. The wife I loved,
an unborn son, and the life I thought I’d live.”

Her heart fissured in her chest, the rawness in his admission making tears burn in
her throat. A hundred questions popped into her head. What had happened? When had
it happened? How? But those answers were inconsequential. All that mattered was the
anguish she could see weighing down Grant’s every limb. She stepped forward, wanting
to touch him, wanting to do
something
to make it better, but unsure if he’d welcome her sympathy. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t
have pried.”

He sighed as he reached out to grab her waist, tucking her against his chest and sitting
his chin on top of her head. “It’s okay. You deserved an explanation after I acted
like a jackass tonight. Now you know.”

I’m broken
. He didn’t say the words, but she heard them just the same.

“We don’t have to continue this if it’s bringing up bad stuff for you,” she said,
even though the thought of walking away from him already had regret strumming through
her.

He angled back, looking down at her, a little smile trying to form on his lips even
though the sadness still lingered in his eyes. “Oh, you’re not getting off the hook
that easily. You’ve got too much to learn. I’ll be fine. I’ve lived with this a long
time. Training will recommence tomorrow. I promise my past won’t interfere again.”

She returned his smile, but a gnawing worry settled in her stomach. She was going
to have to get a hold of her emotions ASAP, because if she had any more nights like
tonight, she was in deep shit. Grant was already seeping under her guards, and even
if she was discovering she could appreciate a little physical pain, she wasn’t up
for emotional annihilation.

She could hold her own in a lot of competitions, but she’d never win against the dead
love of his life.

Grant leaned against the doorframe of Charli’s cabin, fighting a chuckle as she teetered
out from the bedroom on a pair of black heels. She looked smoking hot in the outfit
he’d brought over. The snug gray pencil skirt hugged her hips just right and the tissue-thin
silk blouse gave him a delicious glimpse of the lacy white bra she wore underneath.
But the shoes, once again, were getting the best of her.

“Kelsey said those heels are an inch lower than the ones from last night,” he offered,
unable to hide his amusement.

“Praise God for that. The fall to the floor will be shorter.”

He grinned. “You look fucking edible, though. So there’s that.”

She smirked, but he caught the flash of pleasure in her eyes at the compliment. She
put a hand on the back of the couch to steady herself. “Thanks.”

“Well, look at that, I gave you a compliment and you didn’t shoot it down.” He pushed
off the doorframe. “You’re learning. Two points to the pretty lady with no panties.”

She rolled her eyes, and he made a mental note to pay her
back for that little nod of disrespect later. “So why am I dressed like this? I didn’t
see anyone else wearing this kind of thing at The Ranch.”

He grabbed his Stetson, which he’d set on the entryway table when he’d come in, and
secured it on his head. Then he put out a hand to her. “Oh, I never said we were going
to The Ranch. Today I have an important business meeting with some distributors for
the winery. And you, sweet Charlotte, are going to be my assistant.”

Her eyes widened as she took a hesitant step forward and placed her hand in his. “What?”

“I gave my admin the day off, so I’ll need someone to serve us the wine samples and
cheese plates, to set up the slide projector, to take notes. That kind of thing.”
He drew her against him. “I’ll need someone to dazzle them with hospitality.”

“But—”

He slid his hands over her ass, loving the fact that she was bare underneath that
tight little skirt. It took all he had not to lift it up and bend her right over the
sofa. “You’re going to do fine. And if you don’t, you’ll pay later. If you’re rude
to anyone, embarrass me in any way, or talk back to me in front of them, there will
be a punishment.”

She shuddered against him and he smiled inwardly. Charli would never admit it, but
that little kernel of fear fed her. He could see it in the ways her pupils dilated
the instant he mentioned possible punishment.