Fallen Angel (20 page)

“Yoko Ono, huh? You know what that means though, don’t you?”

“Yeah, it means I could cost him everything he cares about.” A pretty grim prospect for the future success of our relationship and it’s seriously disrupting the giddy high I was so thoroughly enjoying before this phone call.

“Sort of. You could only cost him what he cares about if he’s willing to give it up because what he cares about most, is you.”

“Oh.” Well, that can’t be right. Can it? Holy shit.

“Good night, Addy.” And suddenly I can sense the wink and the smirk and the entire conversation that goes with it.

“Good night, Hudson.” Only there’s no night on cloud nine and after that little chat, I’m not coming down anytime soon.

The next few weeks pass in a blissful blur. Even though work is keeping all of us crazy busy and there’s never more than a few stolen minutes to be had, somehow we’re finding ways to make the most of them. Of course, it’s not helping matters any that neither Angel nor I have a place where we can entertain the all too elusive concept of privacy. Never the less, we manage to hide what little interaction we share from everyone. Not counting Brett, who makes no bones about calling us out for spending too much time in the bathroom, or the hallway or the maintenance closet...every chance he gets, even if no one else ever seems to know what he’s talking about. Well, not no one. Hudson and Royce are definitely hip to our shenanigans and judging by the suspicious glares Derek shoots me every so often, he’s got some ideas of his own, but without proof, they’re nothing more than irrational thoughts he can’t do anything with.

For the most part, our dates include a variety of food trucks and take out menus, nothing that requires hanging around out in the open to eat and possibly being seen. But I’m not complaining. I get enough paparazzi exposure as it is these days. And frankly, I prefer to not have to hold back for a change or worry about who might walk in at the most inopportune moment, so private outings, even when they do take place in his car and involve cartons for plates, are definitely working for me.

“Did you try these? They’re fantastic.” He holds a half-eaten southwestern eggroll in my direction. Tonight’s dinner was compliments of our newest food truck discovery – That’s Apps. And we loaded up without thinking twice. I think we might have ordered one of every appetizer they had on the menu.

I lean over the console to take a bite, then nod in an extra exaggerated agreement.

He looks down at the nub of fried dough still in between his fingers. “I need to stop sharing with you. Your mouth is too damn big.”

I smirk. “Funny. That’s not a complaint I’ve heard from you before now.”

He gives me the look he always gives me when I say something he didn’t see coming. “It’s not that I don’t know you’re not eleven anymore. Obviously, I know you’re not eleven anymore. But damn...must every last bit of the sweetness die with adulthood?”

“I’m still sweet.” I dip my finger in the ranch dip from the hot wings and swipe it over the tip of his nose. “See?”

“Oh, it’s like that. What, you think I’m too old to play games?”

I’m still busy licking the dressing from my finger and I’m not paying attention when his thumbs come up to rosy both my cheeks with ketchup.

“I can’t believe you just did that!”

He pulls his head back with indignation. “You can’t believe? You started it!”

“Truce?” I hold my hand out to him.

He takes it, leans in and licks my cheek. “Truce.”

After we finish gorging ourselves on every appetizer known to man, we cruise up and down the coastline until the sun switches places with the moon and there’s no more scenery left to enjoy.

“My place?” Angel offers.

“What about Derek?” He still hasn’t moved back into his house. I’m starting to think he’s never going to. If we hadn’t just spent a ton of time and money on getting Angel completely settled there, I’d suggest he get a new place.

“Fuck Derek. He never comes out of his damn room anyway. Besides, I’ve been keeping his stupid secret, so he’s in no position to have an opinion about this.”

I take a second to think about what he’s really saying here. He wants to go to his place. Where he has a bedroom. With an actual bed. Maybe our month-long make out session is about to move to the next level. It shouldn’t be a big deal. We’ve already had sex. But somehow. It is. Things are different now. It’s not just some impulsive physical need we’re satisfying. There are feelings involved. Hearts. Well, my heart anyway. If I sleep with him now, it won’t just be my silly childhood crush at risk...It would be my very grown up, very battered soul I’m offering up for him to take.

“Okay.” And just like that, my heart is within his grasp and he doesn’t even know it yet.

***

I
’m holding her hand. Tightly. She probably thinks I’m worried that she’s scared and she’ll make a run for it, but really, I’m the one who’s scared. I screwed this up the first time around, I’m not making that mistake a second time. Too much is at stake now.

But this is uncharted territory for me. Most women I’ve been with in the past weren’t looking for special or meaningful. They were just out to fuck Finding Nolan’s drummer. And I was good with that. I didn’t want it to be more. I didn’t want to be anyone other than the drummer. An illusion. An idea of a man who never really existed. I can’t play that part with Addison. She’s never seen me as anyone other than myself. And that’s all she’s ever wanted from me.

We’re barely in the house and I’m so fucking nervous I nearly trip and knock over the lamp in the hall. In my defense, I’m still getting used to having the thing.

“Shhhh! What is wrong with you?” she hisses, struggling not to giggle.

“Who puts a fucking lamp there?” I point back at the near wreckage as we keep moving toward the stairs.

“Um, every normal human being. Most people have a thing about not wanting to walk around in the dark,” she informs me at a stern whisper. I haven’t heard one of those since Memomma used to drag me to church on Sunday mornings. I really don’t want to be thinking about Memomma though. Or church.

Then it’s her turn to collide with the three foot vase she insisted I needed at the corner where the hall meets the living room. I don’t need it. I do need to see her smile though, so I have it.

“Shit.” She’s hopping around on one foot, wagging the other around from the pain of stubbing her pinky toe. “I’m starting to think someone doesn’t want us getting to your bedroom,” she whines quietly.

“Oh, hell no.” I slide my arms around her legs and swing her over my shoulder. “We’re getting up to that bedroom. I’ve waited over a month to do be with you. No fucking way is anyone stopping me tonight.”

She’s still giggling and her feet are wiggling around like she’s trying to dance on the ceiling or something. “A man on a mission. I like it.”

“Could you like it a little quieter, please? We’re about to pass Derek’s room.” I smack her ass as if I’m scolding her, but mostly I’m just looking for any excuse to touch it. Touch her. A variety of my body parts start to twitch with anticipation. Just a few more steps and she’s all mine.

I
spend all night with him. And it’s nothing like it was the first time. It’s still intense and mind blowing, but this time on a completely different level. We know each other now. Not the old us. The new us. And we are an
us
. So this time, there will be no panic or regrets come morning.

***

“M
aking breakfast, huh?” Derek nods at the stove while he heads straight for the fridge. “I know you’re not making any for me. That mean you actually let a girl stay over for once?”

I don’t say anything. I just flip my pancakes like it’s the only thing that matters. It is the only thing. Right now. Derek’s snide comments mean nothing.

“Anyone I know? I know Mariska’s not in town. What? Is it Chelsea?” It’s like this is actually entertaining him.

“No, it’s not Chelsea.” I reach for a plate. I don’t want this pancake to burn. Because that matters. Derek thinking I’m banging Chelsea, when he knows damn well I’ve been spending all of my time with Addison, doesn’t. But he wouldn’t connect the two. He doesn’t see any reason I should take offense to what he’s saying. And I get that. But it still pisses me the fuck off.

“Come on, man. Why you holding out on me? You know living vicariously through you is all I’ve got now.”

I move my pan from the heat and face him. “Sorry, bro. You’re going to have to get back out there if you want any kind of action.”

And that’s when it sinks in for him. I can see his eyes searching the kitchen for some sort of proof. Only there isn’t any. Then he practically runs from the kitchen only to come tearing back in here. This time, with her purse. That giant ass hobo bag only she would lug around with her everywhere she goes. She must have dropped it last night when she bumped into the vase.

He doesn’t even say her name. Doesn’t have to. We both know whose purse it is.

“Are you trying to destroy the band?” He charges at me, using the fucking bag like a weapon or some shit. “What the fuck, Angel?”

“You don’t get it. That’s not what this is.” I throw the spatula across the counter. I’m so fucking over this secret. “I’m not just screwing around with Addison. I’m fucking in love with her.”

Derek looks temporarily stumped. I know it won’t last. And I know he won’t buy it. He’s done with love. And even if he wasn’t, he’s never believed I was capable of it.

“So why haven’t you told them then. Huh? Why haven’t you let Ava know you’re banging her little sister?”

I haven’t wanted to hit anyone this badly since my run in with Moe. But I keep myself in check. Because losing my shit with him will only prove his point, that I can’t see past the moment. Long term results of hitting my best friend would be irreparable.

And he is. One of my best friends. So, I level with him. “Because I needed more time to prove myself. To prove that I can do this. That I won’t fuck it up.”

Except Derek’s still too fucked up from his own shit and he can’t hear me. He just throws Addison’s purse on the counter and glares at me. “If you’re fucking little Addy Jennison, I’m pretty sure you
already
fucked up.”

Then he walks out while I stand here, waiting for the front door to slam. And, just like that, he’s gone and the moment I’ve been dreading since this whole thing started is here.

And so is Addison. And with her, it doesn’t seem to matter near as much as I thought it would. And then choosing her over everything else when it made no sense at all, isn’t the stupidest thing I ever did anymore. It may turn out to be smartest fucking decision I ever made.

“Did I just hear Derek?” She still looks half asleep, a sweet smile resting amid her otherwise dazed expression.

“Yeah. He’s gone now though, so everything’s all good.” I just lied to her. Even to protect her it feels wrong.

“Hm. Think we could have those pancakes in bed, after staying up all night, I wouldn’t mind getting a little more sleep.” She grins at me.

“That was my plan.”

Content with my answer, she heads out of the kitchen and back toward the stairs while I finish collecting everything we need for breakfast.

Two seconds later, she comes rushing back in, this time looking wide awake.

“That’s my purse.” She points at her bag still sitting on the counter.

“It is.”

“I didn’t leave it there last night.” Panic is starting to spread over her face and I know that she knows.

“You didn’t.”

“Derek saw it.” She’s not asking.

“Derek saw it.”

“What did he say?” Now she’s asking. But there’s no fucking way I’m going to answer that.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh my God.” She covers her face with her hands and starts storming through my kitchen.

“Where are you going?” I try to catch her elbow as she zooms by, but she’s too fast.

“To make coffee.” She’s already yanking the coffee grounds from the top shelf of my pantry.

“I thought you were going back to bed to get some sleep.” But I hand her a mug anyway.

“No, I’m a homewrecker. Homewreckers don’t deserve sleep. I’m not even sure they deserve coffee. But I’m afraid of the damage I might do without it, so I have to have coffee. For the sake of everyone else’s safety.”

I’m not sure if it’s the lack of sleep or the lack of coffee, but either way, she’s not making any fucking sense.

“What the hell are you talking about? You’re not a fucking homewrecker.”

She stops what she’s doing, her lips pressed together tightly because she’s stubborn as fuck. “You know he’s running over to see Eda and Blaise as we speak. And then there’s going to be a bigass blow up and then you can Yoko Ono me for sure.”

I laugh. “You’re crazy. And, fine, Blaise and Ava are going to have some things to say about this. So what? We’ll listen. We’ll nod politely. And then we’ll tell them to go fuck themselves. Because this isn’t about them. This is about us.”

Her eyes narrow. “I feel like I missed a step here. When did we decide that we were cool with everyone finding out about us?”

I lean in and kiss her, softly stroking her sweet lips with mine, teasing her with my tongue until she opens up to me and I deepen our connection until her arms tighten around my neck and I know my body is already telling her everything I’m about to say out loud.

“When I realized I was in love with you. That’s when we decided.”

H
oly hell. Angel’s in love with me. I mean, I’d kinda already thought that. But hearing the words out loud, it’s like a new kind of high I’ve never experienced. He’s right. It doesn’t matter what Ava has to say about this. She can lecture me until next Sunday and I’ll still be smiling replaying those perfect words in my mind over and over again.
When I realized I was in love with you.
No better words have ever been uttered and I don’t care what words follow or who they come from, because those words, Angel’s words, can’t be unsaid. It’s done. He loves me. And I love him. And everyone else is just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. Later. For now I’m just enjoying sitting curled up on his bed, drinking what’s left of my second cup of coffee.