Fallen Angel (The List #3) (27 page)

For the first time, my pussy is swimming in a
blend of our pleasures, milking every drop from him.

I bask in our orgasms, laid out and spent. Unhooking
my arms from around his neck, he pulls out carefully and lays down beside me,
holding me to his chest. He undoes the tie and although I’m excited to see him,
my energy has been zapped so I keep my head on his chest.

I feel his come trickling out of me and onto my
thighs. It’s a new feeling. I love everything new that happens between us as we
grow together every day.

I realise his bedroom light is on now but the
candles are still lit. After a few blinks to clear my vision, the first thing I
focus on is his semi-hard cock, lying in wait, deviously daring me to get him rock
hard and ready again. There’s no doubt in my mind of Jax’s capabilities. If I
wanted it, he would supply it with pleasure.

My arms are clenched together along the side of
his body so I just stroke the skin within my reach. Once our breathing has
plateaued to a resting rhythm, he crooks his finger to my chin and nudges my
face up to finally meet his.

“Hey, beautiful.”

“Hey, handsome.”

We kiss and I feel a little shy, suddenly aware
of everything that’s happened tonight but yet I’m only just looking into his
eyes now.

Jax breaks away and reaches over to take a small
silver key from the bedside table. I spot the bullet resting on a tissue there
too. He unlocks one side of the handcuffs, freeing my right hand and I stretch
out my arms, moaning in appreciation.

“No more Sir, Sir?”

“For now, no more Sir.” He brings my right
wrist to his lips and kisses all around the red marks, then gently rubs it all
over with his masseuse’s expert touch. “I’ve never done that before—you know,
bareback.”

Wow, I definitely did not know that. I remember
he mentioned it in his sexting ages ago but I thought that was just said in the
moment.

“Neither have I.”

Come to think of it, Mike would’ve probably
worn two at a time if he could’ve.

We both smile goofy grins that would tell the
world we’re absolutely smitten with each other. It’s heart-warming.

“Well in that case, are you ready to take it
slow this time, Angel?”

He rolls onto his right side, looking down at
me with wanting eyes that make me feel treasured. Distracted by the moment,
when he throws the key back on the side table, I realise he’s cuffed his own
wrist now. I watch as he laces the fingers of our cuffed hands together.

It’s an awesome and poetic gesture that
represents a visual for that invisible connection we feel between us. We’re
fixed together, secure in our perfect bubble, where nothing else matters except
each other. It’s not about our pasts or even our futures. Only the present is
relevant.

“You are my saviour, Bethany Taylor.”

“And you are mine… Jax, I know you’ve never
loved before but—I don’t want you to fuck me, or have sex with me—I want you to
have me believe that we’re making love. After everything that we’ve been
through, even though it’d only be more role play, I want to know what it feels
like to be loved and cherished in the way that I’ve craved for my whole life.
Please.”

Mike loved me, I know he did. But not it the
way he should’ve. Not that passionate, raw, insatiable, craving kind of love
where you can’t keep your hands off each other. Not that
novel kind of love
that drives you to the edge of sanity because you’re so consumed that you can’t
think straight.

I may sound pathetic and maybe even desperate
but this is the way tonight has to end for me. I’m not scared that I’ll push
him away anymore. If he freaks out, it’d only show me that we don’t have a real
future together and I’ll never be ready to accept that, so why delay the
inevitable. Tonight’s as good as any night to have my heart broken.

Jax searches my face for a vulnerability he
won’t find. I am in a fragile position but the strength of my love for him
leaves me standing strong in my convictions. Make or break.

Without a word he caresses my face, deep in
thought then furrows his brow and leans down to capture my lips in a kiss that
holds a turmoil of emotion. It’s not just a kiss, it’s a conversation between
lovers. But he flits so quickly from one angle to another with each lash of his
tongue, he renders translation impossible.

After a few moments, he settles on the emotion
I pleaded for; love. It’s leisurely and authentic. He raises our cuffed hands
and places his palm over my heart. I mirror him.

We smile against each other’s mouths and he
directs himself between my legs. Wrapping my thighs around him, he glides into
me with painstaking precision, ensuring he marries his pace with my need.

He overlaps our joined hands and uses mine to
caress my breasts, reminding me of our time in the shower at the gym. That was
the night when I first admitted to myself about my true feelings for Jax.

Our very beings fuse together in a bond that’s
so beautiful, I have to focus on the music to keep my emotions in check.

Raising our linked hands to the side of my
head, he bears his weight on both of his hands to allow him to ride me deeper.
Sliding back and forth hypnotically, we feed the tranquil ambience surrounding
us, with our powerful energy.

Tonight, he restrained my hands and took my
sight but he may as well of lowered the blindfold to my mouth and gagged me right
now because I am awestruck and speechless.

My tears soak into the bed sheets. I love him
so much it’s almost painful. Not least because, although I said this was role
play, his actions tell me he feels it too or at least he feels my true love pouring
out of me—surely he must. There’s so much love for him that, try as I might,
there’s no way I could keep it all from him. I’m dying to say the words and say
it with pride. I don’t want to feel like I need to whisper it as though it’s a
dirty little secret that I should be ashamed of.

But I won’t. I won’t pour my heart out to him
until the void of darkness between us has been exposed and buried into the
past.

Jax sees my tears but turns his face away. He
is breathing heavily and where he’d usually be cursing and talking dirty, he
bites his chain and doesn’t say a word. I reach up and turn his face back to
me, pulling his chain from his mouth. I kiss him passionately, reassuring him
that we’re okay and it’s okay to enjoy this for what it is. Maybe he’s
concerned that by pandering to my request he is encouraging my flight to
disappointment.

He kisses me until my swollen lips feel
bruised. Whatever inner battle he’s having with himself, he can kiss me like
this all night long. I sporadically break away as my climax builds, panting
into each other’s mouths. His teeth capture my bottom lip. Only then does my
lost voice return to cry out to him in a jumbled mash of half sentences.

Jax starts to come and the sensation of him
filling me again sends me to new dizzying heights, where I happily jump off the
edge into an abyss of pleasure, even knowing that at the bottom there lies a
whole world of uncertainty. A world that belongs to Jax. This time the bungee
rope is still attached, saving me from the unknown.

One day though, I will freefall towards that
uncertainty.

“Will you catch me?”

I whisper, reknitting our fingers together and
squeezing, holding on to him for dear life. He dips down and presses our
foreheads together, breathing heavily but controlled.

“Always, Angel—if you’ll let me.”

Tuesday 28
^th
April 2015

7:05am

Jax

A
fter a
blissful night’s sleep with my girl wrapped in my arms, I decide to wake her
with an orgasm, which had a rejuvenating effect on both of us. We showered and
dressed together and are now sitting on the patio chairs, overlooking the
fields, eating breakfast, whilst sipping coffee. Perfection.

Beth
says that I make her coffee perfect, which I suspect is her cunning ploy to
rope me into always making our coffee but I find satisfaction by satisfying
her, however I possibly can.

Last
night we talked about our childhoods, hers more so than mine but it did get us
on to speaking about my aptitude for technology and how it all began. I shared
stories about my early hacking days and my thirst to right wrongs, to make
people pay. Her reaction was one of bewilderment initially, asking why I’m now wasting
my technological skills when it’s clearly been the backbone of my business
success.

We
talked some more and she asked me to help her with the computing side of her
business. I offered to be a sounding board for any part of her business, it’d
be a pleasure to help her if that’s what she wants. She’s an intelligent girl
with an untamed ambition. Once she sets her mind on where she truly wants to
take her career, she’ll be an unstoppable force to be reckoned with—I don’t
doubt that for a minute.

“Okay,
okay sweet B, let’s see here.”

Beth
shuffles closer into me, peering over my arm to see what I’m typing into the
search engine on my phone.

SEARCH: What the fuck is tantric sex?

She
elbows me in the ribs.

“I
hope you’re taking this seriously, Mr Carter.”

“I
am, I am. Look, I’m taking forty million results seriously. We best get reading.”

We
search for some kosher websites in a language we can both relate to as complete
novices. I bat away the voices asking me what the fuck I’m doing. Truth be
known, I haven’t a clue what I’m doing but if it’s something Beth wants then
I’ll try for her. Plus it involves Beth and sex; two particular favourites of
mine!

Beth
suggests, against my will, that we don’t touch each other for the rest of the
day. That basically means we need to stay apart because there’s no way we can
be in the same building without being drawn to each other.

I’m
meeting the CEO in the city later this morning and Beth’s going into Next
Chapter for most of the day so we’re going to meet back here for an evening
meal.

I’m
still procrastinating. I’ve been playing out the conversations in my head and
none of them end well. I have never spoken to anybody about what happened that
night in London but as difficult as it’s going to be, Beth needs to know. We
have no relationship if I can’t lay my past out before her. It’s got to be all
or nothing because we can’t move forwards until I take her back in time.

The
only thing holding me back is me because the longer I leave it, the harder it
becomes.

9:04pm

Today
has been hard—literally hard—all fucking day. I don’t know if it’s because I
kept thinking about her or if it’s the anticipation about tonight.

We
exchanged a few text messages but that merely catered to my craving for her,
especially when we switched to sending photos that naturally grew more and more
explicit. I gave in by this afternoon and relieved the strain. My kinky girl
asked me to film it when I told her I couldn’t wait. She said it was probably a
good idea that I masturbated because I’ll last longer tonight—I’m not so sure.

We
had a quick workout in the gym when she got home to energise ourselves for the
night ahead. We hardly spoke during dinner, watching her eat was tempting enough,
without adding anything else into the equation. We just went over the basics of
what we’re going to try out.

Now
here we stand, naked, facing each other with our toes sinking into the black
rug in my bedroom. Beth’s dimmed the lights and taken the batteries out of my ticking
wall clock so that we’re in complete and utter silence, shutting the rest of
the world out.

After
a few subtle smirks we manage to shake them away, composing ourselves. I have
to remind myself to take this shit completely seriously because it’s important
to Beth.

First
we start by closing the gap so we’re toe to toe and tune ourselves into each
other. She places her hand over my heart and I overlap it. We stare into each
other’s eyes whilst we synchronize our breathing. After a few minutes we move
into breath exchange. When she exhales, I inhale.

I’m
amazed at how easily I’ve slipped into this. It feels natural and almost therapeutic.
It reminds me of some of the massage courses I’ve taken, relaxing into the
moment and putting trust in your body.

Beth
was adamant about us abstaining from thinking about the conclusion. That’s the
part I’m struggling with. Beth’s in front of me, beautifully butt naked, and
I’m supposed to concentrate on ‘
us’
without imagining her riding the
fuck out of cock with sweat trickling between her breasts. Yeah, I need to work
on that part.

My
heart rate feels like its increasing rather than calming and joining forces
with Beth’s. My cock is on its way to Boner City and her peripheral vision must
be just as aware of that fact as I am.

Eventually,
with the help of the twinkle in Beth’s eye and her controlled steady breathing,
I regain composure. After a few more moments, she moves closer and we wrap our
arms around one another. Pressing ourselves together tightly, we start to move
our hands over each other’s bodies.

I’m
deliberately cautious at first, concerned that if I peak too soon I won’t be
about to handle prolonging things further. We’ve never had to hold back before.
In fact, all we’ve ever done is encourage each other to let go and give in to
the moment.

My
cock isn’t trying as hard as I am, promptly becoming rock hard and nudging into
her stomach like an irritating pet, trying to get her undivided attention.

Feeling
my fingers stroke across her smooth skin has me appreciating every, single,
inch of her magnificent body.

We
pull away enough to weave our hands between us. I know her favourite spots and
the ways to take her breath away. I massage her shoulders and neck, letting her
subtle moans fill my head with visions of my angel coming undone beneath me. Yeah,
I really do need to work on this part.

Moving
down her arms, she mirrors me and then we take hold of each other’s faces. I
pull her back into me until we’re nose to nose with our eyes locked in.

I
realise how arousing it is just to hear her breathing.

Who
fucking knew? I don’t even know if that’s normal—getting turned on by listening
to somebody else breathe. What the fuck?

As
her breaths become unsteady, evidencing her growing need, I nudge her to open her
mouth wider. She flutters her warm minty breath into my mouth. My cock rubs
harder up against her and she pushes her hips forward. Our breathing becomes
more erratic.

I
bite onto her lip softly to stem any further agitation but Beth’s knees wobble.
I take her weight and bend us both slowly to the floor. We kneel at first but
then she negotiates me to a sitting position with my back against the bed and
my legs outstretched. She immediately straddles me, planting my cock beneath
her and circling her thick thighs around my waist.

Finally
we kiss and it’s everlasting. I haven’t kissed her for over thirteen goddam hours
but it may as well be days. Her lips are soft and welcoming. They’ve also missed
being kissed, longing for their soul mate.

We
take it deliberately gentle and sensual. She sucks my tongue as though she’s
slowly fucking it and my cock twitches with approval, desperate to be wrapped
up inside her far-too-patient wet pussy.

I
grasp her hips and she begins to roll them. Her subtle movements grow stronger
and I start to pull my hips back so that gradually, inch by inch, the end of my
cock gets closer and closer.

After
a few long moments I slide fluently inside her. She’s so fucking wet it
challenges me to maintain our measured strokes. We don’t need to speak, our
eyes are saying it all and she’s finding this increasingly more difficult
stroke after stroke.

Her
climax begins but she keeps her breathing slow. Showing the upmost discipline,
she brings us to a stop just before she comes and I stay completely still, not
wanting to ruin this for her.

Shortly
after, it’s my turn to be disciplined but she’s there with me, helping me to
behave and bring myself back down before it’s too late. This happens three times
more, each time equally as satisfying. The more the sensations peak and trough,
the more intense they become. It starts to feel like holding onto an umbrella
in a storm or eating the tastiest fucking doughnut without licking your lips.

Beth
nods to signal that she’s ready, whilst I thank fucking God. I let her hips
ride me with long, paced thrusts that swallow me whole before retreating each
time. It’s exquisite and ultimately what this was always about, feeling a profound
sexual and emotional merging.

This
time we allow our climaxes to peak higher than before, just when I think we’ve
reached the top, we climb further and create a heightened state of rapturous
pleasure.

The
passionate fire in her eyes glows brightly into my darkened soul.

“Breathe,
Angel, breathe.”

Instead
of crying out or cursing or moaning, which is what our bodies are fighting to
do, we remain focused on taking in slow deep breaths as our research suggested.
Whoever wrote that shit deserves a medal.

The
intensity is indescribable. We shatter together into an explosive, long-lasting
orgasm that threatens to bring us both to tears. I release myself into her over
and over, feeling airborne, floating on her whimpering clouds of sexual
satisfaction at its finest.

Euphoria
does exist, but only with her. She is my beacon guiding me.

Beth
is my power source, when I plug myself into her physically, mentally or
spiritually, she absolutely completes my life. That powerful position she has,
means that without her I’ll be drained, leaving a huge void in her wake. It’s
sickening to think, but that emptiness would probably be filled by reverting to
past behaviour’s; fucking up pricks and fucking chicks.

On
the flipside, progressing a relationship that may already be doomed means that Beth
would be hurt. I will have fucked around with her life, her head and her heart.
She doesn’t deserve that and I don’t deserve her—I never have.

Deep
down, when I’m honest with myself, I don’t believe she’ll accept the things
I’ve done in the name of survival and revenge. Her beautiful mind is too pure
to be tainted with my ugly truth. She is too perfect to take on the reign of
pain I will bring her way.

Beth
is more than I deserve.

I
was wrong to believe I could ever break free. I was wrong to hope that this
Angel was sent for me.

I
fucked up.

Beth

“I
can’t do this anymore.”

“I
think it’s too late for that, G. That was—that was incredible. Beyond words—”

“—No,
I can’t do
this
anymore.”

He
gestures between us and his whole expression has changed.

“What
are you talking about?” I climb off him and stand up with post-orgasm shaky
legs. “Us? You can’t do ‘us’ anymore?”