Fallen Embers (14 page)

“I don't understand. When was this decided? I was only gone for a day!”

Damian stared at her in surprise. “Do you mean to say Armand did not even tell you he was going? Truly, the man is a fool. I begin to see Conrad's point; perhaps you
are
better off without him.”

“Stop it!” Julie snarled—shocking them both, for she
never
snarled at Damian. It was one thing for her to tell herself that she was better off without Armand, but she couldn't bear to hear it from anyone else. “Don't say things like that. Just tell me what's going on. Where is he? When's he coming back?”

Damian's expression softened. “I'm sorry,
niña
, I didn't mean to upset you, but I can't answer your questions, for I don't know. You might ask Conrad. It's possible he has more information than I do, but I pray you will not snap at
him
if he can't tell you what you wish to know. He's not likely to take it well.” His expression hardened. “And while we're on the subject,
chica
, I must tell you, I am not at all happy about some of the rumors I've been hearing lately. What is going on between you and Christian?”

“Not you too? Why is everyone asking me that? We're just friends.” Julie blew out a frustrated breath. “There's always some stupid rumor going around this place. Why would you even bother to listen?”

“It's not I who's listening to them, but Armand. As I understand it, that's partially why he left.”

“Oh, it is not,” Julie protested. “Now you're just making stuff up.” But in her mind, she could see it all again. Kissing Christian. Armand's anger. The words between them.
This isn't how friends behave.

Damian glared sternly at her. “I do not ‘make stuff up'.”

Julie sighed. “I know. I'm sorry. But…why are you doing this? Are you
trying
to make me feel bad? It's not my fault he left.” Not entirely.

“Listen,
chica
, all I want, all I've ever wanted, is for you to have whatever or whoever you desire. Including someone who will make you happy and keep you safe. That is
not
Christian.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” This was not exactly a newsflash. In fact, now that she thought about it, those were pretty much the same things Armand had said to her last night too, warning her away from Christian, promising he only had her best interests at heart—and then running out on her the first chance he got.

Julie got to her feet. She was done with this conversation. “You know what, D? I'm sorry I snapped at you, but no one gets to decide who's right for me except me. Maybe Christian's not the one, but maybe Armand isn't, either. You said it yourself, he's an idiot. And maybe I
am
better off without him.”

Julie spent most of the rest of the night avoiding people. She was not in the mood for gossip or small talk, especially not since she suspected Armand's absence was likely to be the hot topic
du jour
. Mindful of her promise to Damian, she did track down Conrad to tell him about her upcoming trip. The fact that he was reading in his private study suggested he didn't feel like discussing Armand any more than she did—which suited her fine.

He appeared grateful to hear about Marc and not overly concerned about their trip. Although he did seem mildly perplexed at Marc's suggestion that it would do them both good to get out of town. “So you wish to take a…vacation? Is that what you'd call it?” he asked doubtfully.

Julie nodded. “Yeah, sure. I guess you could call it that.”

“I see.” He shook his head. “Ah, well, if that's what you feel you need, then by all means you should have one. I hope you'll enjoy yourselves.”

“Thank you. I'm sure we will.” Julie glanced around the pleasant room. It was warm, comfortable, familiar—not unlike Conrad himself. “Grandfather, is it all right if I hang out here for a while with you? I don't much feel like going out tonight.”

“Of course,” Conrad replied, looking both pleased and surprised. “You're always welcome here; you know that.”

Julie picked out a book from the shelves that lined the walls, and then curled up on the couch beside Conrad. Already she felt calmer, safer, more relaxed—just like she had when she was a child. She'd always felt cared for and loved by both her guardians, and she'd loved them both in return—with all her heart. But there were differences between them.

She was closer to Damian in some ways. He'd always seemed more approachable. But there was an underlying tension within her that only ever eased its grip completely when she was in Conrad's presence.

Since she'd been living here in the mansion, surrounded by other vampires, she'd noticed the same thing held true for most of them. Unless Conrad purposely locked himself away—here in his study, for example, where very few of the family dared intrude—everyone who was not otherwise occupied seemed to gravitate to wherever he was. Which made Marc's recent behavior even harder to understand.

He and Conrad used to be so close. But ever since Marc's kidnapping, it seemed like the two men couldn't be in the same room for more than a few minutes without striking sparks off each other. If the two of them had been magnets, she would have guessed that Marc's poles had become reversed.

He was still the same person…only not. It worried her that anyone could change so much in so short a time; it didn't seem normal. She wondered what Conrad would have to say if she told him about her misgivings. Maybe he'd tell her it would all work out. Maybe he'd reassure her that all of this was simply part of a phase Marc was going through. Or maybe he'd be so concerned, he'd change his mind about letting her go away.

In the end she decided not to risk it. So she said nothing and the two of them passed a pleasant evening together in companionable silence.

Julie was not as lucky the following night. She'd packed her bags, grabbed a quick snack—even packed a cooler with bagged blood from the kitchen, in case her brother didn't want to stop to eat on the road, all without being waylaid by anyone wishing to talk to her. She was due to meet Marc in a little under half an hour and was just congratulating herself on having made a clean getaway, when Christian wandered into the hallway.

“What's all this?” he asked, hurrying toward her. “Julie? You're not leaving us, are you?”

“Just for a few days.” She held up the cooler. “Family picnic.”

“What?” The look on Christian's face—confused, way more alarmed than the situation seemed to warrant, and not even a little bit amused—did nothing to improve Julie's mood.

“Nothing. I'm kidding. That was supposed to be a joke.” One that almost nobody would get. How depressing was that? “I'm taking a little trip.”

“By yourself?”

Julie stared at him. Did he think she was running off to be with Armand? Would it be any of his business if she was? Maybe he was just surprised by how much freedom Conrad allowed her? If it was true what Armand had said, about Georgia keeping all of her family on a very short leash, maybe Christian had assumed Conrad did as well? “No, actually. I'm going with my brother. Why?”

“No reason. I…I was hoping we might go out again. Will you be back soon?”

“Like I said, in a few days, probably. This was all Marc's idea; I'm just his ride.” She still wasn't convinced that wasn't the case. Unfortunately for Christian, however, that wasn't the only thing she was annoyed about. “Look, Christian, when I do get back, I'm not sure how much we should see each other. Apparently, people have been getting concerned.”

“Concerned?” Christian scowled. “About what?”

“People keep warning me about Georgia. I know you say that's not the case, but I don't want to step on anyone's toes.”

Christian's eyes narrowed. “I see. And, by people, I assume you mean Armand?”

“It doesn't matter, does it? The thing is, I don't want to get in the middle of anything.”

“And what if you're not ‘getting in the middle'? What then?”

“I don't know.”

“My relationship with Georgia is of no concern to anyone else. Yes, there was a time when we were intimate with one another. And if you had asked either of us then, I'm sure we'd have told you that we could not imagine that ever changing. But things
do
change. Whether or not we choose to acknowledge that fact is immaterial. Am I to live like a monk for the rest of my days, mourning what we once had? And what of you? How long are you going to be content acting as though you're living in a cloister while you await Armand's return? Do you imagine he'll be abstaining from female companionship while he's away? Because I very much doubt that will be the case.”

Julie shook her head. “You don't understand. It's not like that between us, either.” But even to her own ears, her voice lacked conviction. His argument was more persuasive than she wanted to admit.

“Oh, but I think I do understand—more than you realize. It is an old story, you see. One I've witnessed many times over the years. So often people try to cling to the past, never realizing it's gone. They try to hold on to people who no longer want them, or to lives into which they no longer fit.” He stepped closer—close enough to touch.

Julie stood mesmerized, even as Christian reached for her. He rested one hand on her shoulder, and with the other, he lifted her chin. Reluctantly, she raised her gaze to his face.

“This life we lead is long and oftentimes it's lonely. Why should we not find what comfort we can along the way? Can't you and I simply enjoy being in each other's company? Must we make it more complicated than that?”

Julie shook her head. His words had struck home. It occurred to her that she'd already been doing exactly what he was suggesting—she'd been doing it all her life—seeking momentary enjoyment and comfort, not looking for anything beyond that moment's pleasure. She'd done it with Brennan and she could easily see herself making the same mistake with Kevin.

She'd never looked for anything more from the humans she'd dated because she knew they couldn't give it to her. She could take everything they had to give, and it still wouldn't be enough. And, in the end, they would die and she would be left with nothing but memories and regrets and the nagging suspicion that she'd done something wrong, that she'd been too greedy, that she'd cheated them out of the life they could have had if only she hadn't gotten in their way.

Her lips parted, but before she could get a word out, before she'd even decided what it was she wanted to say, the smallest of noises caught her attention. From the landing at the top of the stairs came the sharp intake of breath. She pulled away from Christian and looked toward the sound. As her gaze met Georgia's, Julie was shocked by the expression on the other woman's face. The anger she'd expected, even despite Christian's assurances, but the fear surprised her. In an instant, both were gone. In their place was a mask of perfect civility.

“Christian? What are you doing?” Georgia's voice held a note of warning as she made her way down the stairs. It was a very faint note, and Julie was pretty sure she would have missed it, if she hadn't seen that look.

“Ah, there you are, Mother.” Christian's smile seemed forced, his voice a tinge too hearty. “Come and say goodbye to Julie. She's leaving us for a few days.”

“Is she?” Georgia frowned. “How strange. It's a veritable exodus.”

“It's just a little vacation,” Julie explained once again.

“Of course.” For an instant Georgia appeared even more confused, and then she turned to Christian. “Darling, I have asked you not to address me in that vulgar fashion. It makes me feel quite old.”

Christian chuckled as he drew Georgia close. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss against her cheek. “Don't be silly, darling. You're not old.” He paused for a beat, then added, “You're ancient.”

“Oh, really!” Georgia glared furiously at Christian, calling to mind all of Armand's warnings about Christian playing games and Georgia being angry.

“You know, I often call Conrad ‘grandfather',” Julie said, hurrying into speech in an effort to avert any potential bloodshed. “It never occurred to me that he might not like it. Perhaps it bothers him as well?”

Georgia gave Julie a chilly smile. “I'm sure if it bothered him, he'd let you know. But isn't that the way of the world? Men are often so much less concerned about appearances than we women, wouldn't you agree?”

It occurred to Julie that she didn't know the answer to that. She'd never had much in the way of female role models. Under different circumstances, perhaps Georgia might have filled that void. “I'm sure you're right,” she replied politely.

“For someone who's only going to be gone for a few days, you seem to be taking an awful lot of luggage,” Christian said. He was staring at her suitcases in a way that made Julie very uncomfortable.

“I guess…” Besides her own overnight bag, she was also taking the suitcase that held her mother's belongings. She didn't much like the idea of taking it with her, but she liked the idea of leaving it here, unprotected, even less. “I'm taking a lot of books,” she said, as she picked the case up. It was a stupid excuse, but it was the best she could come up with. “I figured I'd catch up on my reading while I'm away, and I wasn't sure what I'd be in the mood for. I really ought to get going. Marc's probably already waiting for me.” She grabbed the rest of her things and quickly backed away toward the front door. “Maybe, when I get back, we can all go out—to some clubs, I mean. The three of us,” she said, with a smile for Georgia, just in case the older woman didn't share Christian's view of their relationship.