Falling for Autumn (4 page)

Chapter 3

O
f all the workouts her sister had decided to try before the wedding, hot yoga was by far Autumn's favorite.

“That's it, ladies and gentleman. Take a deep breath and exhale.”

Autumn maintained her tree pose as she concentrated on her breathing and listened to the instructor. As usual, she had to ignore the grunts from Danni and Winter, who didn't enjoy hot yoga nearly as much as she did. She wasn't sure if it was the fact that the temperature in the room was currently set to ninety degrees, or if it was because both the women liked to chat when they worked out, and yoga definitely did not allow that. Regardless, Autumn knew they continued to go only because she had fallen in love with it.

As they moved into another pose and she heard another groan from the ladies, she inwardly laughed as she reflected on the time she'd convinced them to try Bikram yoga. Bikram yoga was slightly different from hot yoga because the poses were more complex and the room had to be at 105 degrees at all times. After one class, Danni and Winter hadn't been able to walk without wobbling for a few days.

“Now let's move into our cooldown.”

This was her favorite part of the entire class. She did some of her best thinking during the end of class when her body was in full-relaxation mode. She wished that she'd discovered yoga when she was in high school and college. She'd heard about it, but never tried it before. Had she known she would feel so much more content after an hour of turning her body in poses she never thought possible, she would have possibly entertained a career as an instructor.

There weren't too many things in her life that made her feel normal. It wasn't that she wanted to be like everyone else, but sometimes she tired of being the oddball. The opinionated woman who didn't like weddings, who used to hide just how smart she was for fear of not being accepted. Social gatherings weren't her thing. She enjoyed talking to people, but sometimes it just felt as if people didn't enjoy talking to her. She was awkward. She knew it. She embraced it. But every now and then she wondered what it would be like to not feel more different than everybody else.

“That's all, folks. See you next week.”

Just like always at the end of their hot yoga classes, she already missed the freeing feeling she exhibited for that hour. Luckily, she had enough DVDs to do yoga in the comfort of her home.

“I'm starving,” Winter said as she stretched out her body. “You ladies down for some lunch?”

Autumn and Danni both nodded their head in agreement. Sunday was the only day that Bare Sophistication was closed, which meant it was the only day the three of them could have lunch together. They had a great staff, but usually one of the three of them would be in the store at all times.

They ordered sandwiches and salads at a nearby café and grabbed a table outside to enjoy the weather.

“I really am sorry about Friday night,” Winter said before taking a bite of her salad.

“It's okay,” Autumn replied. “Jaleen was really hospitable.”

“I bet he was.” Winter glanced at Danni and they shared a knowing smile.

“You both know he flirts with any woman he meets.”

“That's not what our look was about, but yes, Jaleen is a flirt,” Danni said with a laugh. “I still don't see how he thinks any woman would take him seriously.”

“Probably because women don't make him work for it,” Winter added. “Not like I made Taheim work for it.”

“Girl, please,” Autumn said. “You didn't make him work
that
hard.”

Winter turned up an eyebrow at her statement. “I guess you're right if you're comparing it with the way that you are making Ajay work.”

“I'd have to be interested to make him work for anything.” She ignored Danni's giggle.

“Who are you kidding?” Winter gave her a look of disbelief. “We already know you're attracted to him, so I don't know why you'd think we'd believe that.”

“Yeah, he may be attractive, but he's not my type.”

“Since when is tall, dark and handsome not your type?”

“Or muscular and successful with a deep powerful voice?” Danni added. “I'm missing what's not attractive...”

“Then, why don't you date him?” she said defensively.

“Sweetie, I don't date men that my friends like or who like my friends.”

“You guys are leaving out important facts.”

“Like what?”

Autumn sighed before continuing. “Like the fact that we don't really get along.”

“Just like Taheim and I didn't get along? Look how that turned out.”

“That's different. You guys started off with that terrible blind date, otherwise, things might have been different between you initially. With Ajay, he may be attracted to me, but we don't understand each other. I'm a bit of a loner sometimes and he doesn't know the meaning of
loner
. He owns so many lounges, bars and nightclubs in Chicago that he's always around people. And I'm not a health nut, but I eat nutritious foods. Have y'all seen the menu for his venues?”

“Can you lay off the menu issue?” Danni said, shaking her head. “Seriously, you've been on his case about that since last year.”

“That's not all. He has this bad-boy attitude about him.”

“Bad boys were always your type.”

“Maybe when I was young and naive,” she said, looking to Winter. “Now I'm older. Wiser. I've dated so many different types of men and they all have the same thing in common.”

“And what might that be?” Danni asked.

She began moving the lettuce around on her plate, not really wanting to answer the question. She didn't like sharing her insecurities despite the fact that the women sitting at the table knew her well enough not to judge her.

“What do they have in common?” Winter asked when she didn't respond.

“Well, for starters, they don't understand me. I'm too intimidating for a lot of men. Too opinionated for others. Too complicated for many. Too reserved for a few. And definitely too intelligent for some to find any common ground.”

“Or, you've dated so many frogs that you've convinced yourself it's you, not them.”

“In some cases it may be them, but the common denominator in every situation is me. And let's not forget about
him
.” She didn't dare say his name out loud. It hurt too much. Made her feel
too
much.

The table went quiet for a couple of minutes until Winter spoke. “Sis, sometimes we let decisions or people from our past affect the outcome of our future. What happened when you were in high school was unfortunate, but you can't let that define your view on relationships. I don't know why you think that you won't find a man who understands you. But what I do know is if you aren't willing to give a man a chance to try, then you may never know if what you think about yourself is true.”

A couple of hours later, Autumn was still thinking about her sister's words. She was usually the one giving the ladies advice, so it felt strange to be on the receiving end. She'd spent so long analyzing past relationships and wondering what went wrong. For a while, she blamed the fact that her parents' relationship was so broken she was bound to mess up. But that really wasn't fair. She adored her father, who was now back living in his home country of France. Yet she despised her mother, who was incapable of loving anyone but herself. Even so, Autumn knew deep down the problem she had when it came to the opposite sex was a result of what she'd gone through in the past.

Her first serious boyfriend had left her emotionally damaged, and even now she couldn't talk about him. Other men she dated after him had claimed to break up with her because she seemed detached. Indifferent. Impassive. Every relationship would start off going well, until things went sour and she still had no idea why.

“Or you just don't want to face the facts,” she said aloud to herself after she'd arrived home. Fact: most men were interesting, until they weren't. It never failed that she eventually got bored or they got bored with her. Fact: a woman who claimed to feel butterflies when a man kissed her deeply should explain to the female population that the sparks lasted only for a short while. Eventually the sparks disappeared. Fact: a woman could go her entire life without experiencing a real orgasm as a result of sexual intercourse with a man. A fact that she wished weren't true, but understood all too well.

She went to her bathroom and turned on her shower. Her town house was only a few blocks from Bare Sophistication, and she'd fallen in love with the place when she'd visited Chicago before moving there. Before Winter had moved in with Taheim, she had stayed one block away, and Danni was still only a few blocks away.

She briefly reflected on how many women went from living independently to living with a man once they entered a serious relationship. It was understandable why that would be the next step, and she supposed men had to go through the same thing when they decided to hang up their bachelor jacket and trade it in for a nice durable family coat.

She scrolled through the music on her iPhone in search for her playlist filled with relaxing music. Once she found it, she connected her phone to the waterproof Bluetooth speaker she kept in the shower. As soon as the water rushed across her body, she immediately grabbed her plush purple loofah and dabbed it with her favorite honey-and-vanilla shower gel infused with coconut.

She was just beginning to allow the music to control her body when an incoming text message interrupted her tunes. She never responded to a message while she was in the shower or taking a bath, but as she peered closer to the screen and read the name of the person intruding on her alone time, she froze.

Oh, goodness, what could he be texting me for?
They'd exchanged numbers last year when Taheim and Winter had gotten engaged, but not once had Ajay sent her a message. She dried one hand on the towel hanging outside her shower and unlocked her phone so she could read the text.

Hey, what are you doing?

Hmm.
It was a little out the blue, but she was too curious as to what he really wanted not to respond.

Just relaxing. What about you?

She watched the three dots appear on her screen to indicate he was composing his text.

I'm relaxing, too. Just got done playing basketball with the guys.

Great, now I'm imagining him all hot and sweaty.
Even as the thought entered her mind, she shook her head to try to get rid of it. She wasn't the type to swoon over a sweaty man, and she definitely wasn't going to start now.

I just finished a yoga class with the ladies.

She had barely hit Send before he responded.

Yoga, huh? A man can do a lot with that type of information.

She smiled despite herself. Ajay barely flirted with her in person, yet was flirting with her via text message.
Maybe he's just horny.
Or maybe he was just warming her up before getting to the real reason he texted her. The water continued to hit her body, and the combination of the rhythm of the water and rereading what Ajay had written her was sparking her boldness. She wanted to entertain his flirtatiousness...just a little.

You know, they say yoga doesn't just increase your strength, balance and flexibility. It also helps your endurance...

Not exactly flirty, but good enough.
He wasn't really flirting with her heavily, so she couldn't lay it all out there. The dots didn't appear for a short while, and she wondered if he was trying to think of a response.

Endurance. One of my favorite words. The ability to remain active for an extended period of time. What other extracurricular activities do you enjoy?

She laughed at the ridiculousness of their conversation.
Ridiculous or not, you're enjoying it.

I also love Zumba. Any excuse to lose myself in a dance, let my thoughts float around and get a workout at the same time.

Once again, his response was quick.

So you enjoy activities that allow you to lose yourself and get lost in your thoughts?

She starting typing a general response, but decided to be more honest.

I tend to enjoy anything that lets me escape harsh realities and find solace in not overthinking everything I say or everything I do. Even in a roomful of people, I sometimes feel like the sole individual. Alone in my relaxation. Just the way I like it.

There. She did it. She'd told him something that she hadn't really told anyone before. Further making her wonder why in the world he affected her and made her want to open up.
Probably because you're secretly hoping that he will try to understand you.
But that wouldn't happen. Couldn't happen. She wouldn't let it, and she wasn't an open book. Getting her hopes up meant she was leaving room for disappointment.

She placed her phone back in a safe place away from the water. A couple of minutes later, it dinged again.
Don't read his message
,
she warned herself.
You've already let him take over half your shower.
Deep down, she knew it was no point heeding her own warning. She dried one hand again and read his message.

A sea full of people and no one who understands you... I know the feeling all too well. Sometimes it's better to be alone because it gives you a chance to find yourself. To be yourself and answer any unresolved questions.

She read the message a second time, surprised that he'd related to her message and even read between the lines and interpreted things that she hadn't even written. Before she got a chance to write a response, another message popped up.

And then other times, you may be in a roomful of people and lock eyes with someone who notices you. Someone you don't have to explain anything to. Someone who sees past what you're trying to hide from others. All of a sudden it doesn't matter if thousands of people don't understand the type of person you are as long as you find one person who does... Or one person who's willing to try.