Falling for Grace (Four Winds) (9 page)

Chapter Eleven

Rain was pelting the roof in sheets, and even if the windows hadn't been covered, Rafe was sure they wouldn't be able to see anything out of them.  He could hear the wind howling outside.  The power had gone out, and Rafe was walking around the living room, lighting candles when Grace emerged from her room.  He managed to retain his air of nonchalance despite her appearance.

She was wearing what was left of a pair of blue jeans, faded with holes everywhere, and a ragged sweatshirt that somebody had cut the collar off, so it hung off one shoulder.  He could see that she wore nothing underneath it.  He had seen her in bathing suits, a short skirt, and shorts, but nothing compared to this outfit.  The tightness in his groin came back, and he turned away, unable to make it stop.  She looked so sexy, it was unnerving.

Towel in hand, she sat on the futon and leaned over to rub her hair with it.  Rafe lit the last candle and went to sit next to her on the futon.  He could see the graceful curve of her smooth neck and the top of her back and resisted the urge to lean over and lay a kiss on it.

Of all the women he had known, had helped, and had contact with, for The Boss to choose this one for him left Rafe breathless with anticipation. 

"Where did you come from, Rafe?"  The voice emerging from under the mane of wet hair was soft, like silk caressing his skin.

"
Houston."  Rafe didn't recognize the voice that rose from his mouth.  It sounded ragged, but he answered her question the best he could.  He didn't think that was what she was asking, as he'd already told her that's where he'd moved from.

"I mean…"  He turned to look at her, and her eyes held questions that he knew he should answer, but now wasn't the time.  It was too soon.  "…Never mind.  Forget it."  She dropped her gaze.

Trying to sound casual he said, “Was I the reason you broke up with Brad?”  Realizing that didn’t come out right, he amended the statement.  “Did you break up with him because of what he said about me?”

She shrugged, eyes downcast.  Rafe wondered why she wasn't looking at him.  "He's gotten a little too…clingy.  I guess.  We started out as friends with benefits, just having fun, you know?  The other night at the party, he was a complete ass.  I think he's getting a little too attached."

"You don't like attachments?"

"No.  Not really."

She was opening up to him, and Rafe seized the opportunity.  "Is there someone else? That you'd like to have fun with?"

She looked up at him, and the desire in her eyes was obvious, but she said, "No.  Not really."

"What about me?"

"What about you?"  Her gaze dropped again, and Rafe resisted the urge to hop inside her head and find out what she was thinking.

"We could have fun."  He was hopeful for an opening.  He wasn't sure he wanted to start with sex, but if that's what it took, he would give it a shot.

"I don't think so, Rafe.  We're roommates.  It would be awkward."

Something on her face told him she wasn't being entirely truthful.  Sure, it would probably get awkward with Nicole and Bree around, but it wasn't like nobody in this house had sex.  He had gathered that much, just from the week he'd lived here.  Instead of pushing further for the truth, he simply agreed.

"Yeah, you're probably right."  He leaned back on the couch.  "So what do you look for in a boyfriend, if you don't like attachments?"

Shrugging again, "I just want to have fun.  I don't want to be used, or get tied down to anything I can't get out of."  Her words didn't make sense to Rafe.  She was saying one thing, but the way she was looking at him told Rafe to
make
her want something more.  Unless he was reading too much into her.  Again, he resisted the urge to jump inside her head to figure her out.  "I mean, I want a guy that's into me.  Who treats me like I'm the most important thing in his life.  But I don't want to have to sacrifice myself for that, you know?"

"Have you ever been in love, Grace?"  He asked her, quietly.

She shook her head, much to his relief.  "No.  Definitely not.  Have you?"  She looked at him, her blue eyes so wide Rafe felt like he could fall into them and drown.

"No.  I haven't."  He couldn't tell her how hard he'd tried, how badly he wanted to, how much he wanted her to be the one.  "Have you ever wanted to be in love?"  He was quiet, prodding her for the truth.

She leaned back on the futon, sighing and closed her eyes.  Her eyelashes on her cheek were long, and Rafe wanted to touch the smooth skin they rested on.  "Sure.  Who doesn't?  But I don't want to love somebody so much that I have to sacrifice myself to make them happy.  I want the fairy tale.  And those don't exist."  Her voice dropped with the finality of her last statement, and she sat back up to look at Rafe, a blush rising on her cheeks.  Changing the subject, she asked  "Do you…date much?"

He smiled to himself.  "A little."  If he averaged out the number of women he'd courted over the millennia, it would probably be less than one every fifty years or so. 

She turned to look at him.  "Can I ask you a personal question?"

He shrugged as if he didn't care, but he would answer anything she asked.  He watched her take a deep breath before she asked the question, rain and wind howling in the background.

"What do men want, Rafe?"

The question surprised him.  Was she actually asking him for relationship advice?  Without thinking, his gaze rested on her bare shoulder, and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Sex and sandwiches."  He grinned through the sudden discomfort he was feeling.  "That's it."

Grace burst into gales of riotous belly laughs, an incongruously deep laugh, that made him want to take her into his arms and carry her off to a bedroom.  Any bedroom would do.  He shifted on the futon, uncomfortable with the sudden twinge in his pants.

After her laughter subsided and his goosebumps faded, he said, "No, seriously…Guys just want the same thing women do: someone to connect with.  Don't you think?"

She scrunched up her brow, concentrating.  "Sometimes, I think that's true.  But don't guys want more of the physical stuff?  I mean Dave Chappell pretty much said guys want sex, food, and quiet.  In that order.  I've seen the stand-up routine."

Rafe was quiet for a minute.  He thought about it.  It did seem like sex was a major factor in guys' thinking, but it was the same for women, too.  Just maybe not as much.  He had to admit to himself that when he was around Grace, his physical form had reacted in ways that he hadn't known were possible.  "It isn't that way for women?"

She shook her head.  "Not me.  I mean, sex is fun and all, but it's not the end all, be all, to intimacy."

"Is that what women want?  Intimacy?"  If so, this would put a different spin on things.  He'd have to think about it for a while.  He didn't have much of a concept of intimacy…

Grace nodded,
biting her lip.  His gaze focused on her teeth turning that piece of her bottom lip pale. "I think so, yes."

"So, you want to be able to connect with a man on a level that's more than sexual?  Is that it?"

She nodded again, looking unsure of herself.  Hesitantly, she explained herself, "I mean, I don't really care for the intimacy stuff.  Really."  It seemed to Rafe that she was trying to convince herself.  "But most girls do.  They want to be able to talk to their guys like this, about important stuff."  She tossed her hair over her shoulder.  "I just want to have fun, you know?"

"Why can't you do both?"  He could see the confusion in her eyes, and he felt like he was getting closer. 

She blushed.  "It's just that Brad and I never just talk about ourselves.  We talk about work, about movies, music and stuff like that. But we don't talk about anything personal.  I think he wants more intimacy from our relationship, but I'm just not ready for that.  In the week that I've known you, I've done more things with you that I think Brad wished we did together."

"Like what?"

"Well, like this."  She gestured between the two of them.  "Talking, and the stuff we talked about at the party."  She looked down.  "But the truth is, I don't think Brad really cares about what I want to do after I graduate or that I don't want any emotional attachments.  He just wants what he can get, and doesn't ask for more."

"Do you want more?  With Brad?"

"Not really.  I don't care about him that way.  I just wanted something fun with him."

"This isn't fun?"  He was trying to understand, but it was difficult.  He thought he was getting close.  Then she would say something else, and he was confused again.

"Yes, it is, it's just that…"  Her eyes lowered and she watched herself twist her hands in her lap.  Rafe felt like he was getting so close.  The rain pelted against the boards on the windows, and the candle light flickered in the darkness.  He could hear the wind kicking up as it howled across the island.  Gently, he used his index finger to lift her chin and look into her eyes.  Deep fathomless pools of blue that turned his stomach over.  He couldn't tell if it was ozone in the air or the electricity that seemed to constantly spark between them, but the hair on his arm was standing at attention.

"What, Grace?"

"I don't want to lose myself."   She lowered her eyes again, biting her lip and Rafe felt a tightness in his chest.  Feeling triumphant, he raised her chin once more, daring her to look at him.

"Why do you look like that?"  He lowered his voice, so that she had to lean closer to hear him over the wind outside.  "Not that I'm complaining, I like when you bite your lip.  But it goes back to the whole sex thing, I'm thinking.  You are doing something to me here, Grace."

She stared at him, and he realized he'd rendered her speechless. 

"I've enjoyed getting to know you, Grace."  Her eyes were wide and scared looking.  The candles that Rafe had lit after they'd changed clothes gave the room a romantic ambience.  The rain pelting against the roof soothed him, helped him deal with his jittery nerves.

"This is what I’m talking about.  I do want this” she gestured back and forth between the two of them, “in a relationship.  I just don’t know how to get it without sacrificing myself."  She hurried along before he could respond.  "Not that I want you, or anything.  It's just..."

“Just what, Grace?”

“It’s just you’re too much for me.”

“Too much what?”

“Not casual enough.”  She let out an exasperated sigh, dropping her head in her hands.

Her scent wafted up to his nose, smells of the sun and the sea, and his heart pounded in response.  The tightness in his chest hadn't faded, nor had the heat in his belly.  His gut stirred again at the memory of her skin under his fingers at the dance club. 

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“I couldn’t just do a casual thing with you…You would need more from me than I’m willing to give you.”  Her voice had dropped to a whisper, and he breathed in her exhalations, trying to taste her.  His finger was still on her chin, but it snaked around to caress her jaw, then her neck, going around to the back of it, pulling her closer.

"How can you tell that?  We’re just talking."

"It's not the talking; it's what we've been talking about.  Intimacy and all that."  He could barely hear her, her voice barely above a whisper.  “Nobody’s made any declarations, but I can just tell…”

"It does feel intimate, doesn't it?"  Rafe leaned closer, until their breaths were commingling. 

Concentrating on the rain and the candle light, instead of his nerves, he steeled himself.  Rafe had no idea this would be so hard.  "You said nobody had made any declarations.  Well, I'm declaring that we're not going to be just friends.  Just so we're clear on that."  He lowered his mouth to hers, just for a little taste.  He couldn't stop himself.

As soon as their lips touched, her hands went to his chest, clutching handfuls of his tee shirt.  Her lips were warm and smooth under his, and a raw need consumed Rafe.    A roaring filled his ears, and he raised his other hand to caress the smooth skin of her shoulder.  The tumult of emotions inside Rafe came to a fever pitch, drowning out everything but the touch of Grace, the scent of Grace, the taste of Grace.

Her lips were moving against his mouth, and he succumbed to the ripples of desire shuddering through his body.  Her skin on her shoulder was so soft, and he caressed it, feeling her tremble under his touch.

The roaring got louder, more intense, and Grace mumbled something against his mouth.  He groaned in response, pulling her soft little body tighter against him, as she pushed him away.

"Tornado, Rafe," she gasped.

His eyes snapped open, and he realized the roaring he'd heard was indeed a tornado.  Jumping up, he grabbed her hand and pushed her toward the bathroom. 

"Get into the bathtub, Grace.  Now!"  She ran, as he grabbed the cushion off the futon and followed her.

She was lying in the bathtub, shaking.  He lowered himself on top of her, dragging the enormous cushion over both of them.  The roaring continued, getting impossibly louder.  Rafe could feel Grace trembling beneath him, and his arms went around her body, pulling her close.  He brought her head to his chest and held it, clutching her hair.  He was consumed with an undeniable need to protect this woman, at all costs.  He shielded her with his body from the storm.