Falling for the Pirate (18 page)

Chapter Nineteen

Juliana hid upstairs while the guard came and took her father away. She couldn’t face what had become of him. Or perhaps he always been this way, unflinchingly cruel and morally bankrupt, and she’d simply been blind to it? All she remembered was the small gifts he’d have tucked in his pockets for her, and his belly laugh when she told one of her stories. He may have been a good father.

But he wasn’t a good person.

A knock came at the door. She did not move from her seat at the window. The drops of rain were somehow a comfort. This much, at least, was the same. Her fortunes had fallen, her hopes had been crushed, but raindrops still formed little patterns as they meandered down a pane of glass. The world continued to thrive and pulse and live, even if it felt like she never would.

Nate stepped inside the room. She felt him more than saw him.

“Are you sure you’re unharmed?” he asked.

He’d already asked her that before, and had run his hands down her arms and legs to confirm the bullet hadn’t pierced her flesh. He’d even sent Dr. Richards up in the interim, but she had refused to see him. “I’m sure.”

He came to stand beside her, and then there were two of them, both staring at an opaque grey window, unable to see past it. That was how she felt about him—blind and blocked in. How much of what he’d told her had been a lie? Had
any
of it been the truth?

And maybe the most pressing question of all—did it even matter? He was again a stranger to her. And she certainly owed him no allegiance, despite whatever mercy he’d shown her father this night. The love she’d felt for him seemed like a dream, hazy around the edges now that she’d woken up.

“Juliana,” he said in a low voice. “Don’t shut me out.”

She smiled slightly, though she found nothing humorous in the situation. “Out of what?”

“Out of your heart,” he said, and that very organ skipped a beat inside her. Even though it should feel nothing. It should lie still and dormant after the thrashing it had taken today. It shouldn’t be able to
hurt
anymore.

But it did, and that made her angry. How dare he? How dare all of them? “You are not in a position to make demands of me, pirate.”

His expression was sober. “You’re right. I can only beg your forgiveness.”

“Why?”

“For lying to you. For using you to punish your father. For treating you cruelly.”

“Well, thank you for that,” she said dryly. “I meant, for what reason? Why does it matter to you whether I forgive you or not?”

“Because I love you, Juliana. With every wretched bone of my body, with every wicked thought in my head. With whatever this pirate’s heart is worth, I love you.”

Her throat felt unbearably tight. His declaration was more heartfelt and generous than she’d ever anticipated. Not from him, nor from any highbrow suitor in her previous life. Her arms ached to throw themselves around him. Her legs too. Her lips wanted to kiss him. She wanted to accept all he offered her, and give back more, more, but…she could not.

“How can I trust you?” she whispered. “My father—”

“I am
not
Stephen Hargate.”

She smiled sadly. “No, but you made your best attempt. Wasn’t that the point? To repay him in the same manner he did to you? An eye for an eye. Ruin for ruin.”

Nate shut his eyes, looking pained. “At first, you weren’t any part of it. I only sought to ruin him financially. Socially.”

“And his daughter be damned.”

“Yes,” he said softly. “I didn’t care who was hurt in the process. I didn’t want to know.”

“So you framed him?”

“
No.
Maybe it doesn’t make a difference to you. I’d understand if you still hated me. But I need you to understand. He committed the frauds he was accused of. All I did was encourage an investigation.”

“By encourage, you mean bribe.”

“It’s how things get done.” He held her gaze, daring her to denounce him.

“How did you know he was stealing from his company?”

Nate shrugged. “Once a dishonest man…”

“Always a dishonest man,” she finished grimly.

He nodded. “I am sorry.”

“Why would you care? You despise him, and with good reason.”

“Because I care about you,” he murmured, echoing her words in the study below just hours earlier.

She wished she could believe him. In fact, she feared she already did. Deep in her heart, in the part of her that moved by instinct and acted on love alone, she already belonged to him. But that didn’t mean she was safe. Any position in London, even as mistress to some other man, might be safer than with him, this man who made her believe too much.

He made her hurt too much.

“I have never been a man of honor,” he said. “Your father was right about that. I only wanted to have things, more and more things, to fill my ship and my shelves. But I don’t want to have you, not like that. Not own you.”

“What do you want, then?”

He searched her eyes. “I want you to choose me.”

But what choice would she truly have?

All the love she felt for him, all the desperate hope. Versus the cold uncertainty of a hostile city.

“It is a devil’s bargain you offer me.”

“Not this time.” He held out his hand and unfurled it. Her locket sat in the middle of his palm.

She stared at the pendant as if it were a poisonous snake. Why did she feel nervous about taking what was rightfully hers? Perhaps because it felt like a farewell.

“What happens then?” she asked.

“Tomorrow, news will break that your father has been apprehended. Additionally, his solicitor will discover money in trust to you, which will be untouchable by the authorities in relation to your father’s debts. You will be independently wealthy.”

Her eyes narrowed. “My father doesn’t have any money.”

“Not exactly true. He has several foreign accounts where he’s been secreting his profits.”

She felt stunned, as if something had landed in her chest. Like a knife. “God. He said there was nothing. He left me to starve.”

Nate’s eyes burned with anger, but his voice was surprisingly gentle. “I’m sorry.”

It was too much. “Stop apologizing for him.”

“I’m not. I’m apologizing for
you
. I never want to see you in pain.” His voice was hoarse. “If you would allow me, I would support and protect you for the rest of your life.”

“Is that what this trust is for? Payment for services rendered? Another one of your bribes?” She used the words like a knife, meant to cut him—but the blade went both ways. She was cut, too, thinking of exactly what services she had rendered him. Services that hadn’t felt at all businesslike at the time. She’d given of her body, her soul, her heart, and he was offering her a damned pension.

“No,” he said urgently, impatiently. “The trust is your father’s money, not mine.”

“Money he stole. Money which should rightly go back to the company and its new owners. You think I don’t know I would never see a shilling if you hadn’t intervened on my behalf? As I said, payment for—”

“For my own damned undoing. Can’t you see? You are free of me now. Do you think I
want
to give you a way out? Do you think I
want
to let you go? But this is the only way I can be sure. When you come back to me, if you come back to me, you’ll be truly mine.”

She softened. Just slightly, but it was enough, like a crack in the ice. “And you are willing to take that chance? To wait for a reunion which may never happen?”

He nodded, then seemed to withdraw. “But before you go, there is something else I must tell you. So you know the whole truth.”

At last
. “Oh?”

“I am not only a ship’s captain. I am also a partner in the investment firm.”

She didn’t know whether to be glad for the confession, or angry at the deception. And yet, he had never actually lied to her. She had just never asked the right questions. “I was the fool who assumed otherwise when I first saw you in the shipping office.”

“Not a fool. Just…trusting. It’s true I once saw that as a weakness, but no longer. I need more of that in my life—trust.”

For a moment, bitterness twisted her insides. “I trusted that the documents in those files would redeem my father, but they wouldn’t, would they?”

He looked at her grimly. Part of her had probably known the truth on that night, but she had refused to believe it. Trusting. Foolish. A little bit of both. The question became, then, where to go from here. Her father had betrayed her, proving that all the gifts and attention would not matter when love was absent.

Was Nate the same way, wooing her with trust funds and empty promises? The concern in his eyes was more appealing than money ever could be.

He was a scoundrel, in most senses of the word. And proud of it, most of the time. Of all the men to put her trust in, she had fallen for one that was by all accounts a rogue, a threat. Someone who eschewed respectability whenever possible. A pirate in a captain’s coat. Was she a fool for believing in him?

But he was also a good man. And a man she loved. Though he may have done some bad things in his life, both before her and with her, he deserved love.

“I accept,” she said.

“You do?”

“I’ll take the trust.”

He struggled to mask his disappointment. “I see.”

“You’ve given me an idea, I must admit.”

“Should I be glad?” He didn’t look glad.

“Indeed. I was very much impressed to find a ship such as yours, where displaced and orphaned boys can find shelter and food, can earn their keep and learn a trade. That was your idea, wasn’t it?”

“I— Yes…?” Now he looked confused. Adorable man.

“Well, I don’t see why it should be restricted to the male gender. If I had, say, oh, a large trust available to me, I could open one for girls, as well. On land, of course, as it would be difficult for them afterward to acquire positions on ships. However, with the proper training, these girls could go on to be dressmakers, or go into service.” She paused, and considered him. “And not end up like Bennett’s mother.”

His eyebrows rose. “He told you about her?”

“He told me about you pulling him from the whorehouse. I put it together with the story you had told me, of the woman who died in childbed. I just have one question. Is Bennett your son?”

His eyes widened. “
What?
”

Heat rose to her cheeks. “I do not mean to judge you, of course. But you worked in that house. You might have—”

“Used her services? Well, I did not. And I assure you, if I had, I would not have left my son behind for
any
length of time.” He muttered, “And I will forever feel guilty for leaving him as long as I did.”

Her heart swelled. “You cannot save everyone, Nate. But…if you would not mind, perhaps we could raise him. Together. I care about him, too, and—”

“Juliana.” The word was guttural, pained. His next words came out broken, tumbling piece by piece. “I always— I wanted a family. And you— You’ve given me… I can’t describe…”

“Yes.” Her eyes filled with warm tears. “I feel the same way.”

Chapter Twenty

Nate watched Juliana from a few yards back, loathe to disturb her. Wind whipped her hair, tossing and tangling the strands, imbuing them with the scent of the sea. He loved to bury his face in her hair and breathe deeply, taking sustenance from both earth and water, grounded in her and touched by the tides.

But not yet.

He had always liked things that fit, and nothing had ever done so as well as this. Blazing bands of orange and purple created a vibrant backdrop for her slender shape, a tapestry that would not be complete without her. She wore a shirt and trousers that had been tailored for her. They clung to the lines of her body, so deliciously feminine he wasn’t sure how he’d ever thought otherwise. She might be wearing the clothes of a man, but her allure was purely feminine—power and grace and a body made for sin.

He had spent the last few years of his life collecting, hoarding, certain it would all be snatched away at any moment. Only to find that what he most wanted could not be procured—only wooed and kissed and…well, other things.

As if she heard his silent admiration, she turned to him, a slight smile on her face. “Took you long enough.”

Yes, it had taken him a very long time to see what was important—years, a lifetime. So long he’d almost lost her. But she was referring to the Fortune Investments shareholder meeting. A fancy term for four old friends drinking scotch. “Sinclair likes to hear himself speak.”

“I noticed,” she said dryly.

Adrian had performed his usual elegant introduction upon meeting her, but Juliana had been more amused than impressed. As if Nate needed another reason to love her.

“Did you find a location for the girls’ home?” he asked.

“More than perfect. It’s an old orphanage. Well, more like a workhouse than an orphanage. The owners died five years ago and their son no longer lives in London. We’re going to renovate the living quarters and install classrooms.”

He loved seeing the light in her eyes, the one that said she was passionate and empowered. “Speaking of which, the home will need someone to run it.”

“About that. I’ve already asked Mrs. Wheaton to do it. And she said yes!”

“You might’ve checked with me first,” he grumbled.

“But then you might have said no.”

He was already accustomed to how headstrong she was. And damn but he loved that, too. “It sounds as though you have it all figured out.”

“Of course, I will still be involved. But as I will need to be gone for long stretches of time—”

“Not necessarily.”

Hurt passed over her features. “You don’t want me to come with you?”

“I certainly do. And Sinclair was quite adamant that we leave as soon as possible. This week. Tomorrow, even.”

She looked stricken. “And me?”

“You’ll be coming with me. So, we’ll definitely need Mrs. Wheaton, and probably Santiago, to oversee any renovations. But this will be
Nightingale
’s final voyage.”

“No! You love this ship.”

“Don’t worry, she won’t be dismantled for parts anytime soon. The way I see it, her new role will be even more valuable. I want her to function as a training vessel all of the time. We can turn some of the cargo holds into living quarters. Perhaps we’ll still make small runs along the coast to better train the boys, but the ship won’t be carrying tea or rugs or spices anymore. With the company’s recent expansion, we need more trained sailors. What better way to get them?”

Her eyes narrowed. “And you?”

“And I will continue to be
Nightingale’s
captain. As you said, I love this ship. I have no desire for a different one.”

She grew pensive. She turned to face the sunset again, but without the peace she’d felt before. He wrapped his arms around her from behind. Her discomfort vibrated through the air around them, unsettling him.

“Did you have your heart set on trips around the world?” he murmured. “We still have this last trip. And if you wanted to travel more—”

“No, that’s not it.”

The tension in her voice caused his heart to speed up. From behind, he held her hands and squeezed gently. “Then what’s wrong?”

She turned to face him again. They were face to face, heart to heart.

Her eyes implored him, faintly guilty. “I never meant to tame you, Nate. You’re a pirate. My pirate. And you’re meant to be sailing the seas.”

“Ah, Juliana. I love being on the water. And I love you. But I don’t have to choose between them. This way, I have everything I’ve ever wanted. Not jewels or money. Not even revenge. Just you.”

He put her hand on his chest so she could feel his heart beating, a touch too rapidly, as if that could somehow convey how much all this meant to him—being near her, loving her. Knowing she loved him back.

Jesus. He’d been married for three weeks, but he still woke up in the middle of the night with an ache, a longing, only to realize she was right beside him. When he had slept on the banks of the docks, there were men who had cried out at night, reliving some traumatic event. That was how he felt, but the time he remembered with fear wasn’t prison or beatings or starvation. It was every second he’d been forced to live before he met her, wanting her, barely knowing someone like her existed. He had been scarred by the absence of her, and it would be a long time before he took her presence for granted—never.

Her lower lip trembled. She looked down, but not before he saw the tears in her eyes. Her finger traced the ring on his finger. No gold or jewel adorned his hand, but a band of ink. A piece of jewelry could be removed. But nothing would change the way he felt about her, and so the tattoo had been the only choice for him.

On his right hand were the three inked circles that marked his time in prison. On his left hand was the ring etched in ink signifying his love for Juliana. His past and his future, written on his skin.

And her skin, too. That had been the hardest part to accept. The pricks of the needle had been nothing to him. But she had insisted on the same tattoo around her own finger, in lieu of a piece of gold. And he could refuse her nothing, even if it caused her pain, even if the pain she couldn’t hide made his heart ache.

“I love you, too, pirate,” she whispered.

He had no choice but to press his lips to her forehead. Not a proper kiss. He could only close his eyes and breathe her in. It steadied him, so that he could say with a small amount of teasing severity, “There is one problem.”

Her eyes widened, and a shadow of alarm crossed her face. “Oh?”

He let her see his utter disgust. “
Tame?
You called me
tame
? Why would you insult your new husband?”

Her lips twitched, almost smiling. “Is something the matter? I think most women would like a tame husband.”

“Prepare yourself for disappointment, madam.”

“I didn’t say that
I
liked a tame husband. Other women might, but I fell in love with a rogue.”

He grunted, unappeased. “Pretty words, but I’m afraid this insult cannot stand.”

“No?”

“Indeed, there is only one way I can prove my measure. A demonstration is in order.”

Heat flared in her sparkling eyes. “Right here? On deck?”

“Of course not. What I have in mind isn’t precisely legal. And the first rule of being a rogue is never get caught.”

He led her down to the cabin to show her exactly what he meant. The cabin had once been his escape from the demons of his past. Even running, he had found no peace. Only endless distraction and a pile of pricey trinkets.

He’d found a better purpose than revenge, something more worthy than hunting for treasure. He’d found her. Juliana was his compass, charting his way. She was his anchor—wherever she would go, he’d find home. She was everything around him, the sea, the sky, a steady current, and space to fly.